10. SPF 30 sunscreen, for that annoying back of the neck burn.

9. For the significant other on your list, here's one that won't cost you a penny: After the game, you can "tend to his/her equipment", if you know what I mean.

8. Chia Pet (hey, everyone loves chia pets).

7. Ice packs, Ice packs, and more ice packs.

6. Patrick Roy's newest instructional video: "How to alienate a whole city in three easy steps" (endorsed by Mike Keenan)

5. Dominic Hasek's newest instructional video: "Ugly goaltending made easy."

4. Blaine Lacher's newest instructional video: "Riding the Pine with Style"

3. A contract with a real NHL team, instead of an AHL or a contract in hockey hell (Curtis Joesph only)

2. Clothing that brings out the color of bruises.

1. Gift certificate for mental health services.