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Hockey Humor
All I Really Need to Know I Learned From Hockey

Hockey stick! Don't get Checked!

* Respect your opponent.
* Show up every night.
* Play for more than your paycheck.
* Be loyal to your team.
* Practice.
* Be willing to make mistakes.
* Hate losing.
* Instigate, don't retaliate.
* Curse, but don't boast.
* It's good to be the underdog.
* Wrestle when you have to; find openings where you can.
* Do anything to win.
* Nothing is worth ending someone's career or their life.
* Life is much better with a Zamboni than without one.
* Learn to speak obscenities in a dozen languages.
* It matters where you're from, but it matters a lot more how you play.
* Never give up, never surrender.
* Never work for anyone named Bobby Clarke.
* Never try to teach a goon to skate-it won't work and it will only annoy the goon. Then, the goon will annoy you.
* Try to ignore the guys in suits with Penzoil on their heads.
* You can't win without the grinders.
* If you only get to play 20 games, be the best 20-game player you can be.
* Love something frivolous. Love it beyond all reason.
* Be willing to get hurt.
* No one is too good to score ugly goals.
* Shower.
* Speed is more important than size. Heart is more important than either.
* If you think you can do it, you can.
* Do not feed or tease the goalie.
* Spend two months a year clinically insane.
* After the fight, shake hands.
* Spaghetti has all the nutrients you'll ever need.
* Moaning about how badly you suck is pointless, and will only annoy your teammates.
* Just say `no' to the foil.
* Avoid anyone who has been hit by a Zamboni.
* The rules can always be changed.
* The rules are often changed, apparently at random.
* Rules? What rules?.
* Look for the play.
* You have to spend money to win.
* Spending money will never guarantee a win.
* Don't expect other Americans to understand. When you find some who do, treat them like long-lost friends.
* Two minutes, in the box, by yourself--you feel shame. Then you get free.
* Appreciate genius.
* Fly.

Hockey stick! Don't get Checked!


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