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One man, two titles
It still doesn't matter!
Have some tunes on me. Hope you like Old School metal!

{The scene opens up outside the home of Shawn Michaels where we see the CWF crew van (it's a Toyota minivan with rust all over it) pull up in the driveway. WCF interviewer Micheal Cole, brings the shitbox to a halt and a cloud of blue smoke erupts from the tail pipe with a "bang" that sends birds fleeing from the trees. Cole swings his hands in front of his face in an effort to shoo some of the smoke away, but he is coughing at the same time. From inside the house Shawn watches as Cole kicks open the door and almost falls out of the van. cole steps out and walks over to the sliding door on the passenger side. He tries to open it, but he can't get it to budge. He kicks the door and tries again, but still nothing. Shawn chuckles a bit, but he cannot laugh outright for two reasons, he doesn't want cole to see him and ask for help, and the deep cut on Shawn's head is starting to heal enough so it does not bleed much, any sudden movements, according to the doctors, could open the would back up and cause more bleeding. Outside cole leans against the door and pulls with all his strength to get it open. Cole loses his grip on the handle and tumbles to the ground, cursing the whole way down.}

Cole: Shit! God damn fucking piece of shit! Cheap ass President Shane! Mother fucking faÖ.

{Finally Shawn decides to help out a bit. He opens the door and walks outside. As soon as Cole spots him walking towards him, he tries to crawl under the van to hide. When he does he burns his arm on the muffler and quickly rolls back out from under the van. He looks up to see Shawn Michaels holding what looks to me a remote control for a television, but it only has one button. Shawn raises the remote and presses the button.}


{Shawn ducks as he hears the explosion off in the distance. He turns around to see pieces of what used to be a guest house on the back of his property fall back to earth, still flaming. Shawn looks down at the remote in his hands and picks up his cell phone. He hits a speed dial # and connects directly with Psycho.}

Psycho: Yo

HBK: Hey, I have the wrong damn remote!

Psycho: What? Speak up, it's loud as shit here. We are still digging out in NYC bro. Did you say you lost your remote?

HBK: NO, I have the wrong remote. I just blew up the guest house by accident! I was trying to get Jake to come outside.

Psycho: What? Some chick was blowing you in the guest house and you came on Jake?

HBK: Damn it! Get somewhere quiet!

Psycho: Hold on, I gotta get somewhere quiet. Gimme a sec.

HBK: Ok great!

Psycho: What?

HBK: Nothing, just get someplace quiet!

Psycho: Hold on, I can't hear a fucking word you are saying. I'm gonna get into the truck.

HBK: Ha ha! Playing trucker huh?

(A door slams and the background noise on Psycho's end goes down a bit}

Psycho: Did you just call me a mother fucker?

HBK: What?

Psycho: That's my line.

HBK: That's cute, real fucking funny. I just blew up my guest house!

Psycho: Well, that was stupid. Why'd you do it?

HBK: I didn't do it on purpose you asshole! I was given the wrong damn remote control! I went to call Jake outside and the next thing I knew, BLAM, my guest house is raining down on me. What the fuck?

Psycho: You hit the panic button you idiot. We installed that feature a while ago for Money, he got some good use out of it, but he never blew shit up for no reason. You grabbed the wrong remote on the way out of the house.

HBK: Well, they oughta be color coded or something! I liked that guest house. Thankfully nobody was in it, that could have been bad.

{Shawn hears sirens and sees flashing red lights as the fire department pulls up into his yard. The firemen leap off the truck and start setting their equipment up. The chief steps out and spikes his fire hat to the ground}

Fire Chief: God damn terrorists! First the World Trade Center towers, then the Pentagon, and now Shawn Michaels' guest home! They truly have no honor!

{Shawn whispers to Psycho to hold on as he approaches the Fire Chief and makes up a story.}

HBK: Good morning Chief, the damn thing just blew up. Thank God that it was empty. Do you thing it was terrorism?

Fire Chief: Of course I do. Houses don't just blow up! Those bastards are gonna pay!

HBK: Just be thankful that nobody was in the house Chief, it could have been a lot worse. A house is only a house, it can be rebuilt in a matter of days, hours if you are REAL good.

Fire Chief: You're positive that the house was vacant?

HBK: No, but I know that nobody was in there.

Fire Chief: Ok, we'll put out the debris. Should I call the red cross? You look like you could use some blood, and we have TONS of it in stock, thanks to the generosity of the American people. Did you get that gash on your head in the explosion?

HBK: Oh, no. Some pussy attacked me in my match the other night. It's no big deal. He may have busted me open, but I will see to it that he bleeds more than me.

{The firefighters all look up to see a helicopter flying over head. The chopper hovers over the main house and starts to descend towards the roof. Shawn immediately brings the cell phone to his ear and yells over the sounds of the chopper.}

HBK: Yo, Psycho, that us in the air?

Psycho: Yeah, IRT.


Psycho: Instant Response Team, they respond when something happens at a member's house.

HBK: Ok cool. Hang on the Fire Chief is getting nervous.

{Shawn turns to the Fire Chief as the chopper sets down on the roof and people start to flow out in organized chaos.}

HBK: It's OK Chief, they're with me.

Fire Chief: Ok, great. We have the debris put out. We are gonna head out now, unless you need anything else.

HBK: Nope, all set. Thanks Chief. You guys do a great job, keep up the great work, and keep yourselves safe.

Fire Chief: Thank you Shawn, good luck on Sunday, I heard that you are facing Hogan and Warrior in a handicapped match for the tag team titles. That's not fair is it?

HBK: No, it's not fair. They need more people.

Fire Chief: Ha ha! Well, knock em dead kid.

HBK: Ah, quoting Motley Crue. Nice touch. Take it easy Chief, you don't want people thinking you're not an old fogey that only likes Lawrence Welk.

Fire Chief: Oh, good point. Have fun then.

HBK: Thanks again Chief. Thank your men for me. They all do a great job.

Fire Chief: Thanks Shawn

{The Chief rounds up the men and they head out and Shawn thanks them one last time as they pull out of the driveway and disappear down the street. He turns his attention to the cell phone and Psycho while cole still sits on the ground in shock.}

HBK: How are the efforts coming there man?

Psycho: Slow and depressing dawg. We just keep bringing up dead bodies. Little kids, women, and people of all shapes and sizes. Sometimes all we find is an arm or a finger. It's real bad. They say we are gonna get closer to where people may be alive soon, so we do have something to look forward to, it's just a long way off.

HBK: Well, you do what you need to do.

Psycho: I been meaning to talk to you about that. I think I want toÖ..

{In the background, outside the truck, a loud sound can be heard and Psycho pauses. We hear people yelling and screaming.}

Psycho: Shit! Minor collapse, I gotta go!

HBK: Ok man, be safe.

Psycho: I will, quit blowin your shit up man!

HBK: I'm gonna label this thing so it doesn't happen again. Later man.

Psycho: Peace

HBK: Someday maybe, someday.

{Shawn hangs up the phone and looks down at cole}

HBK: That's not what I was trying to do. Hold on a sec OK?

{Shawn turns his head and yells towards the house.}


{Within seconds a HUGE man that seems to be made of muscle emerges from the house and runs up to Shawn. The man, Jake, stands about 6'11" and looks to be in excess of 300 pounds, but there is VERY little body fat on him. He is truly a monster. He stands obediently in front of Shawn waiting for his orders.}

HBK: Jake, pull that door off the van please.

Jake: Ok, why didn't you use the call button?

HBK: Don't ask, just please pull that door off the van.

Jake: Ok.

{Jake walks up to the old minivan and gets a firm grip on the sliding door that colerips the door from it's tracks in a cloud of rust and dust. He sets the door on the ground next to the van and turns to Shawn for approval.}

HBK: Good job Jake, thank you.

{Jake finally notices the guest house has been blown up (Jake's about as smart as Sandman)}

Jake: Hey, what happened to the guest house?

HBK: It blew up Jake.

Jake: It blew up?

HBK: Yes Jake, it blew up.

Jake: Who blew it up?

HBK: Go back inside Jake, I think Barney is on isn't it?

Jake: Barney! Oh boy! BARNEY!

{Jake lumbers off into the house like a child running to the Ice Cream truck. He leaps up the steps and slams the door, shattering the glass window beside the door. Jake pokes his head out the void that used to be a window with an embarrassed look on his face.}

Jake: Sorry

HBK: Jake, that's the third one this week. You have to learn to be more careful

Jake: I will

HBK: Somehow I don't believe that

{Jake pulls his head back inside and runs off to watch PBS and Shawn helps Jason up off the ground.}

HBK: He's just a big dumb kid really, but he has a heart of gold. Sorry for the whole guest house thing, I was trying to call Jake outside to pull the door off. It would have been cool, trust me. But oh well.

cole: Well, blowing up the guest house was impressive. But kind of pointless.

HBK: Look, it was a mistake! Just grab your shit and come with me if you want your damn promo! Hey, where's Carl?

cole: Carl's on vacation this week. It seems that SOMEONE sent him a gift trip to the US Virgin Islands and about 40 thousand dollars in cash.

HBK: Hmmmmmm I wonder who that could have been

cole: I know it was you, now I have to do all my interviews in audio format and describe everything. It's a royal pain in the ass!

HBK: Stop bitching and grab your shit. I don't have all day to listen to you piss and moan, I have stuff to do today!

{cole reaches in and grabs his tape recorder and runs to catch up to Shawn just steps before the garage and slows to a walk, huffing and puffing. They walk to the 2003 Dodge Durango limited edition (Shawn's a Dodge freak)(Ok, I'm a Dodge freak, but DAMN IT they're AMERICAN!). Shawn hops up into the driver seat and hits the unlock button. Jason grabs the door handle and Shawn hits the lock button. Jason lifts the handle and the door does not open. Shawn chuckles and hits the unlock button. Once again cole lifts the door handle and just like poor Charlie Brown, he is denied by Shawn's quick fingers. A third time Shawn unlocks the door only to lock it again on poor cole. Finally Shawn unlocks the door and signals again to Jason to get in. Jason, fearing the dreaded lock out maneuver once more, refuses. Shawn raises both hands in the air and coledives for the door handle, only to miss it and land on the hard concrete with his face. His eyes well up with tears as he struggles to his feet. Shawn leans over and opens the door in a gesture of kindness, but.......WHACK the door connects with Jason's face, knocking him to the concrete one more time.}

HBK: Damn man, you are having some shitty luck huh?

cole: (starting to cry) Shawn, please don't do this to me. Not today, not this week. PLEASE

HBK: Ok, sorry, I'm just playing with ya. I didn't mean to hit you with the door man. I'm really sorry about that. Just get in.

cole: That really hurt

HBK: You don't know pain! You haven't been hit in the head with a lead pipe courtesy of Justine Dallas, that prick! In my moment of glory! I had just proven to the world that I was better, once again, than Ace, and I had made a fool out of Kyle Jr, after he decided to join that joke of a stable. Justin Dallas has to ruin it! He ruined the whole damn thing! But he will be paid back! I promise you that!

cole: You seem a little upset Shawn, maybe you shouldn't drive?

HBK: Shut up and get in.

{cole reluctantly gets in the Durango. No sooner does he shut the door, Shawn slams the transmission into reverse and floors the pedal. The rear tires smoke as they rocket out of the garage in a cloud of tire smoke and exhaust. Shawn clears the edge of the garage and cuts the wheel to the left. As the Durango spins around Shawn quickly shifts into drive and they speed away from the freshly made black marks on the pavement in the driveway. The bright red sports utility speeds down the highway passing cars as if they are standing still. About 10 minutes into the trip Shawn turns to his right and notices that Jason is as white as a sheet, and not one that Money and Angel used either, a clean one!}

HBK: What's wrong cole?

Jason: Ummmmm, how fast are we going?

HBK: I dunno.

cole: What do you mean you don't know?

HBK: The needle stops at 120.

Jason: WHAT???

HBK: I said the needle stops at 120, but if I had to guess I'd say we are doing about a buck thirty. Why do you ask?

Jason: I just want my tombstone to be accurate, that's all. Watch out!

{Shawn zigs to the left and cuts back right again around a Hyundai that is doing about 90 mph, full speed. They veer down the exit and speed across the intersection and into the parking lot of the local shopping mall. Shawn pulls the emergency brake and spins the Durango into a reserved parking space. Shawn hops out of the vehicle and starts towards the front door, but notices that Jason is not moving. Shawn wals back to the passenger side door and opens it, as Shawn opens the door Jason falls to the ground, frozen with fear. Shawn picks Jason up and leans him against the hood while he closes the door.}

HBK: Jason, you in there? It's ok, we are here, back on solid ground.

{no response}

HBK: YO, Jason!

{Still nothing}

HBK: Jason, cut the mellow dramatic bullshit! I can't be late for this, it's important!

{Still no response from Jason, he just leans against the hood, drooling.}

HBK: Damn it!

{Shawn reaches into his workout bag and pulls out a bottle of water. He pops the top and dumps some water on Jason. Jason falls to the ground again, gasping for breath, and soaking wet.}

HBK: Let's go! They're waiting!

cole: ::Cough:: ::Cough:: Who's waiting?

HBK: You'll see. Just get your ass up off the ground!

{Shawn helps Jason up again. They start towards the door and Jason is starting to get his bearings as Shawn dials his cell phone.}

HBK: (on phone) Yo, you got that situation taken care of at the house? Yeah, that's great. Well, bring it to the mall instead. Yeah, he totally froze, I doubt he could handle another ride like that. Ok, in about an hour? Great, good work as usual Jay Dawg. You guys are great! What? The guest house? Don't worry about it. Take your time. have a swim or something, I'll be here for a while. Ok man, lata.

{Shawn hangs up the phone as the enter the main doors.}

Jason: Who was that?

HBK: Don't worry about it, it's just business.

Jason: Business?

HBK: I said don't worry about it. You'll give yourself an ulcer.

Jason: Well, who are we going to see?

HBK: You sure do have a lot of questions don't you?

Jason: I'm an interviewer Shawn, it's my job to ask questions.

HBK: Take the day off, just sit back and learn. Oh, by the way, watch yourself in here.

Jason: What?

HBK: You'll see

{Shawn opens the second set of doors and they are immediately mobbed by screaming fans. On the walls Jason sees banners that have Shawn's picture on them, under the pictures the words "Past, present, and future. A tradition of championships". The security team rushes them through the crowd and to a stage that is set up against a wall in the north end of the mall. Shawn climbs the steps to the main stage area, but security stops Jason at the bottom step and informs him that he will have to wait offstage for Shawn. The announcer spots Shawn and introduces him to the crowd.}

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome San Antonio's most famous native son. BWF1 world champion, BWF2 tag and stable champion, and one of the most dominant wrestlers to step into the ring.....The Heart Break Kid.....Shawn Michaels!

{The crowd erupts as Shawn walks out onto the stage. he takes the mic and addresses the crowd.}

HBK: Thank you for the great welcome, in this MY HOME!

{The crowd erupts again}

HBK: Ok, ok, ok. I could stand up here all day in front of you and get those cheap pops from you by merely stating that this is my home town,

{Crowd cheers again}

HBK: Or that you are one hell of a crowd!

{Crowd cheers again}

HBK: Or that this is the GREATEST country in the world!

{Crowd starts a USA chant, which Shawn joins in with. After a few seconds of chanting and flag waving Shawn continues.}

HBK: but I am here to talk to you about two things. Tradition, and adversity. This nation, and this man is full of both! Right now this country is facing our greatest period of adversity. We have been attacked. But it wasn't just an attack on our military, like Pearl Harbor was. It was an attack on the PEOPLE, and PRINCIPLES of this great nation. It was a cowardly attack by men that hide in the shadows, and that are not willing to stand toe to toe and take us on like men. Instead they hijack planes and use innocent people as weapons to attack yet more innocent people. Those people are a lot like worms. I don't know how many of you fish, but the best way to catch worms is to head out at night after a nice rain, with a flashlight, and a shovel, and pluck em off the surface of the earth. Well, these worms are no different, and the tactics will be similar. Since there is little or no rain in that region of the world, we will have to make our own rain. It will rain bullets and bombs! Our flashlights will be from the Stealth bombers that soar proudly, like eagles, overhead! And our shovels will be the tanks that the brave men and women operate. Either way, catching worms takes a long time, but through perseverance it can be done, and this WILL BE DONE!

Much like Justin Dallas will be taken care of. You people have known me all my life. back in grade school when someone would attack me, I always paid them back. In high school if someone attacked me, I always paid them back. Last Wednesday night Justin Dallas attacked me from behind like a typical coward, a worm! Justin Dallas will be paid back, just as the worms that attacked our nation!

{The crowd chants USA again}

HBK: The second thing I am here about is adversity. This nation has faced adversity in the past, and we face it again. This time we have back up from the other nations of the world, and those that have not pledged assistance, or at least promised to stay out of the way, will be considered enemies. They will be dealt with accordingly.

Warrior and Hogan have tried to attack a man that has no back up. With Marty Jennety out of the picture, and Diesel having gone for greener pastures, they saw me standing alone, and figured that it would be the best time to attack. When I have my attention diverted by Shane, they thought they could sneak in, unnoticed, and take the tag team titles from me. They figure that two men can surely beat one. And if not they have that twisted "family" they call the Kaotic Krew to help out wherever they can. If you can't win two on one, try it with five on one right? WRONG! They are not dealing with a mere man. They are dealing with a legend! The REIGNING WCF world champion! The man that shook the world by returning to stand next to Marty Jennety and win those tag team titles in our first match. Now I stand alone defending them, with the honor they deserve. But I am not as alone as they might think! I have some surprises up my sleeve!

Shawn Michaels is always good for some surprises, and Sunday night will be no different! I promise each and every one of you that you will be in for one hell of a shock!

But don't think for one second that I am saying that I will need help to take out Nude and Rude, because it's just not so! On Sunday night I will stand and fight them, by myself, and I will beat them BY MYSELF! Yeah, they are bigger, thatís nothing new to me. I am used to facing bigger guys than me, in fact I am used to facing bigger guys than them too! I will prove to them, and the world that the ONLY place that size counts is in the bedroom!

Warrior has his issues about his sexual failures, and Hogan with those old ass balls, is just a freak. I think maybe they can solve each otherís trouble. The way I see it they can spend some quality time ďtunnelingĒ together! I really donít give a ratís ass what they do with their time, but they will NOT be holding the tag titles when they do it! With God as my witness, justice will be done! Both on Sunday, and in the world! The shock is coming, make sure you are ready!

{Shawn tosses the mic to the announcer and security rushes him and Cole out of the mall. Behind them they can hear the people still screaming and the announcer talking it up. They exit the mall and return to the virtual silence of the parking lot.}

Cole: Was that what I was supposed to learn? How to work a crowd?

HBK: No, itís called giving back. Those people all paid 200 dollars to the American red cross for the admission, and they are all giving blood in a little bit.

Cole: I see, but what does that have to do withÖ

HBK: Look, itís time for you to go. You see that red corvette over there?

Cole: The one with the CWF plates?

HBK: Yup, enjoy it, itís yours now.

Cole: What?

HBK: Call it a gift, and do what you want with it. Weíll see if you learned anything from me today. I gotta go.

Cole: Wait, where are you going?

HBK: Again with the questions?

Cole: Iím a reporter ShawnÖ

HBK: Iím going to give blood

Cole: Iím coming with you

HBK: What about the car?

Cole: Sell it and give the money to the Red Cross, they need it more.

HBK: Youíre learning kid, youíre learning.