Renae looked out her double-pane, kitchen window to the busy street beyond. She didn’t know why she looked, John would not be passing today. Nor any day since Hope would not be walking with him. It had happened a few months past. John had done a simple thing but that thing caused many more things to happen. He had joined an after school club. On that fateful day an announcement was made that a new club would be starting at Dilson Middle School. The Sci-Fi Club was something out of John’s dreams, he nearly sprinted to the sign- up sheet. Clutching the sunny, yellow pencil in his hand, he had to concentrate on how to even spell his name as he pressed the point to the paper. He couldn’t wait to tell his little sister. John ran to the meeting tree as soon as the blessed bell pealed through the drab, brick halls. Frantically he searched for Hope. He stood there tapping his sneaker-shod foot impatiently. Five minutes, and many dirt holes later, he saw Hope’s mousy, brown hair bobbing up and down through the tree branches. “Hope! Gee what took ya so long? Decide to take a detour to the moon?” “No, silly, I just had to stay and talk to Miss Brady for a second. What’s the big rush?” He stared at her in disbelief. She looked so calm. “Hope, I joined a club, a sci-fi club, it’s gonna be great!” he crowed. “We’ll talk about all the neat books we’ve read and what we want the...” “When does it meet?” Hope asked softly. “Well, right after school. It’s an after school club.” He answered, wondering what in the heck she was getting at. “Right after school, John? Who will walk me home?” Hope inquired in an even softer voice. “Oh shoot, I didn’t think about that, Hope. Can’t you just walk home alone for a bit.” Hope had a real sad look in her eyes when he said that. She shook her head slightly, fixing her large eyes on him. “Well, why not Hope? We’ve walked home together for how many years? I’d think you’d know your way home by now.” “I do know my way! It’s not that.” “Then what is it?” John asked in exasperation, his patience quickly evaporating. “It’s... Oh, never mind. Promise you’ll walk with me some days?” “Yes, I’ll still walk with you some days but don’t expect me to be here for you always.” With that they started walking home, John mumbling slightly under his breath. When they reached their house, John didn’t stop to tell his mother how his day went. He marched straight up the stairs to his room looking at the tan carpet all the way. The next day was the first meeting of the Sci-Fi Club. John’s excitement had returned and the last few minutes of school were spent fiddling his black pencil in his hand. He ran to Mr. Morris’s room where the meeting was being held. There was a small group already there. They had just gotten through all the introductions when the intercom buzzed on. "Would John Winston please come down to the office? Your little sister is here for you." John sat there wondering if there was another John Winston when it occurred to him that they were calling him down. There were a few snickers as he got up to leave and he caught something about a “Johnny’s widdle sister.” He was sure his face was turning a lovely shade of crimson as he opened the door. It was a short walk to the office. From outside the glass door he could see his sister sitting in a chair. He tried to cool himself off a little before he walked in. He stepped inside the office. “Hope, what are you doing here?” his voice sounded more like a whine than the anger he was going for. “You weren’t at the tree, I figured I would come and pick you up.” “I was in my club meeting, start on home without me.” “Oh. I’m sorry.” She slid off her chair and walked out, quietly shutting the door behind her. John felt a small stab of guilt but he shook it off and headed back to Mr. Morris’s room. The meeting wasn’t as great as he thought it would be, but he was sure it was only because he was still slightly embarrassed. When it was over, he walked home and wondered at how ... Good (it took him a while to identify the feeling) it felt to walk alone. He was whistling when he finally reached his house. The next day John went to his meeting. He went everyday and wasn’t bothered by his sister at all. Things were going wonderfully for him. He should have known it wouldn’t last. That night at home John was busy with his algebra homework in his room. He was contemplating the uses of quadratic equations when he heard his door squeak open. Hope’s small head peeked in. “What do you want?” John asked somewhat gruffly. “Will you walk with me on Monday?” Hope asked timidly. “No, I have a meeting.” “You have a meeting everyday! Does that mean you won’t walk with me ever?” “Hmm, it’s looking that way.” John didn’t like the way he was sounding but it wasn’t like he was her baby-sitter or anything. “John, why don’t you like me anymore?” Her voice was small. “Maybe because you keep pestering me all the time. I don’t want to walk home with you. It’s not natural for a guy my age to have his sister walking home with him.” “So you do hate me then. Okay, I’ll leave.” she said as she gently shut the door, her voice barely a whisper. “Good!” shouted John at the picture of a dragon tacked to his door. He felt kind of bad, he shouldn’t have talked to her that way. Oh well, he thought, what’s done is done. He shut his math book and laid down in his bed trying to ignore the feeling of sledge hammers hitting him with guilt. *~~~~*~~~~* The next day at his sci-fi meeting he couldn’t ignore the feeling anymore. He told Mr. Morris he had to leave early and ran to the meeting tree. Of course Hope wasn’t there, she had left ten minutes earlier. He ran along the sidewalk automatically counting the cracks between the slabs of concrete. 1....2...3......13... He was thinking that he should just be about caught up with Hope when he heard the squeal of tires and a little girl scream. He added speed to his run even as his legs felt like they were turning to lead. A sinking feeling in his stomach tried to slow him down but he wouldn’t yield, he wouldn’t stop for anything. That was his sister’s scream. He sped around the corner and saw that what he was trying to tell himself didn’t happen, had happened. Hope lay crumpled on the curb, velvety blood oozing rapidly out of numerous gaps in her head and face. “HOPE!!!!” John heard the agonized scream coming out of his mouth. He ran to her, the man who had hit her already at her side. “Oh, oh! I swear I didn’t... I mean she... Please be okay.” the man stuttered. John heard a door open somewhere behind him and then a woman gasp. A voice cried out that they would call an ambulance. John was holding his sisters hand in his, stroking her arm with his other. “Hope, please live Hope. I love you, don’t...don’t..” a sob racked his body making speech impossible. Just then he felt a hand on his own and saw a tear fall on Hope’s white sweater. “It’s okay John, the ambulance will be here soon. Keep holding her John, she needs you right now.” John looked up and saw a girl from his homeroom beside him. Renae spoke to him in a soothing voice, “ Let the paramedics help her.” John hadn’t even heard the sirens of the ambulance, Renae’s voice kept echoing in his head, keep holding her John, she needs you right now. John moved aside to let the paramedic lift her onto a stretcher. She needs you ... *~~~~*~~~~* John’s neck hurt. He sat up in the hospital chair and rubbed it. Hope was in intensive care with severe head trauma and back injury. It had been a day now and she still wasn’t conscious. The doctors said she might never wake up. He was numb, too many emotions had hit him all at once. Fear was dominate over them all. What would happen if Hope... didn’t get better? John couldn’t say died, Hope couldn’t die. He stood up to get a drink of water. He had slept in the waiting room with his parents. They were both slumped on the waiting room couch looking like crushed walnut shells on a cold sidewalk. His mom’s face was tear stained. “You can see her now, but only one at a time and only for a minute.” a breezy voice said. “Is she awake?” His father’s voice cracked. “I’m sorry, no. Please follow me.” Hope’s room was dark and silent, this surprised John who thought there would be monitors beeping and hospital staff swooping down on Hope’s small form. She lay flat on her back. Her head was heavily bandaged, her face almost the same color as the gauze. There were footsteps now on the hard floor and a doctor in a white lab coat came in. “I’m so sorry,” his voice sounded hollow, “Hope is dead.” His father turned to him, “Son, we’re going to be here a while, why don’t you start walking home.” A rush of cold air hit him as he walked out of the hospital’s clean interior into the stale world outside. He couldn’t think, thought brought back the image of Hope’s crumpled, bleeding form and now the sight of her still, small body lying on a white sheet. At least it hadn’t been over her head, the thought came unwillingly. Faster and faster thoughts came to him, thrashing around in his head. Hope’s eyes full of hurt and sadness when he wouldn’t walk with her returned to his mind over and over. He looked up and saw his box house in front of him. He opened the door and dragged himself to his room. The last words she had heard him say echoed off the walls. He put his aching head on his pillow. Thoughts kept tumbling around and soon his pillow was wet. I’m so sorry Hope, please, I want to walk with you too. At last he slept. *~~~~*~~~~* Renae shook herself back to the present. Ever since Hope died John had walked a different way home. She had only seen him once walk the old way since Hope died. He had been walking slowly, Renae hadn’t been sure, but what she thought were tears had been steadily falling from his face.