The following days, although reluctant, Steve agreed to his daily therapy until he was deemed tolerably healthy to withstand the flight to Ojai. Rudy notified his parents of his arrival, stating the reason of exhaustion.

Steve needed to wallow in the wide-open spaces to revive his droopy spirits and replenish his energy. The moment he set foot on his native ground, he felt rejuvenated. A smile played on his face as the once discomposed heavy-laden man slought off his worries and petty annoyances to allow quiescence to invade his thoughts. His father, Jim, met him at the airport and drove him to the farm where Helen was waiting anxiously for her son to arrive.

In lieu of catching some Zs from the wearisome trip, Steve left his luggage in his room unpacked and dashed straight for the stables where he saddled is favorite horse and went galloping across the field.

He meandered in the woods, soaking up the atmosphere, spending quality time swayed by the soft murmur of rustling leaves before drifting along to the riverbank, his favorite place of medidation. Certain habits engrained in his nature he had deadened for so long resurfaced as he sat on the blue grass, legs outstretched, his back resting on the heel of his hands, taking cleansing breaths while he contemplated and listened reverently to the never idle workshop of Mother Nature. The sunlight rippled on the surface of the lake as he closed his eyes and regressed to his childhood. The sound of quacking ducks charmed him back to the present. How he wished he could bottle this enrapturing quietude. He had found an outlet for his energy.

Two hours crept by and still no sign of Steve. Helen was sick with dread. She constantly cast an eye out the window, hoping for a glimpse of her son riding up. Twenty minutes passed and finally Steve came into view. Helen rushed out of the house to meet him as he slid down his mount and petted the horse’s head.

" Steve, you had me worried. You were gone for so long I thought something had happened to you, " she chided, her eyes filled with concern as she gently stroke his cheek.

Steve smiled. He reached for her hand and kissed it. " I'm sorry mom but I completely lost track of time out there. I forgot how good it felt to ride the wind, " Steve enthused, going into transports of intense delight.

Helen returned his smile and cupped his chin. " Good to have you home, son."

He drapped his arms around her and clenched her into a heartfelt soul-stirring embrace. " I'm glad to be here. "

During the night, Steve was plunged into a fitful sleep. For days he had been hagridden by night terrors. He broke out in a cold sweat. He tossed and turned as he drifted back to his ordeal, strapped onto that operating table. As he felt a searing pain radiating through his arm, he jolted awake and shot into a sitting position. He dry heaved as he tried to catch his breath, burying his sweat-bathed face in his hands.

He plopped his head down in his pillow and focused on the moonlit ceiling to regulate his respiration. He roll onto his side and hugged his pillow.

Early morning, Steve and Jim rode out to the lake for some fishing. Helen had promised the one who caught the biggest trout would be released of dishes duty tonight. Although he let his mother believe he despised drying dishes, Steve actually looked forward to it. It allowed him the opportunity to spend some quality time with his mom, discussing various subjects that neither one would on other occasions. As luck would have it, Steve reeled in a smackeroo and proposed to switch his catch with Jim.

" Something on your mind son? " Jim queried.

" Kinda. How’d you know? "

" The only time you offer to switch your creel with me is when there’s a problem gnawing at you and you want to talk it over with your mom.

" I always catch the biggest fish. I thought I’d give you break, " Steve said facetiously.

" What's wrong son? "

Steve gave a weary sigh. " I'm thinking of tending my resignation, " Steve said as he cast his line into the water.

"From the OSI? "

"Yeah. " Steve slowly reeled in the line " Colonel Joe Gordon, he’s the director of the International Flight School at Edwards Air Force Base. He’s retiring in a few weeks and offered me his position. "

« That’s a great honor. »

" It is. "

" Edwards Base, well that’s right here in California. That means you’d be living nearby?

" Yes. Between you and me I’d like that very much. I miss the farm and you and mom. "

" We missed you too, son. Your mother deplores the fact that you don't come to visit more often. "

" I know and I’m sorry. Believe me it's not my choice. "

" We understand and we don't hold it against you. "

Steve tugged at his line distractedly " I’ll talk to mom tonight, see what she has to say about it. "

" You and I both already know the answer to that question. "

Steve and Jim looked each other and laughed. Both men quickly unfastened their stare as Steve’s line jerked and began to unwind sibilantly. « Hey son, you’ve got another one, » Jim shouted enthusiastically.

After an exquisite meal in addition to Steve’s favorite dessert, the good sport cleared the table and retreated to the kitchen where Helen was rinsing the dirty dishes before soaking them in the soap water. She was privy to her son’s qualms regarding his impending resignation. Jim had prepared her for the inevitable discussion. Steve began telling her about the job offer and his intention to resign from the OSI. Needless to say Helen was thrilled but clamped a bridle on the effusiveness of her praise that she feared might influence her son’s final decision. It was his, alone, to make. Although she tried her best at concealing it, Helen’s ecstasy was transparent to Steve. From the moment she discovered he was a gouvernment agent, she fret about his safety and he was wise to the fact that it was killing her slowly.

After careful consideration, Steve took the decision to quit. Helen hysterically flung her arms around his neck and kissed him on his flushing cheeks. " You don’t know how happy I am with your decision. "

" I think you just showed me. "

They hugged once more and resumed their work. As he dried a butcher knife, Steve inadvertently slashed his right index finger.

" Steve you cut yourself! " Helen remarked frantically as she reached for a kitchen cloth.

" It's nothing mom " he answered distractedly, staring catatonically at his bloodless finger.

Helen quickly wrapped the cloth around Steve’s finger. The haunted look in his eyes was disconcerting. " We’ll put proper bandage over it. Come with me. "

Helen grasped Steve’s left hand and led him into the bedroom where she reached for a band-aid inside the medicine chest. As she applied the plaster on the finger, an involuntary small gasp escaped her lips at the sight of the glinting metal. She swallowed dryly and dressed the cut. « There! Any pain? »

" No…no pain. " he replied despondently.

" You look drawn, Sweetheart. Why don’t you retire for the night. Jim and I will finish the dishes, " she suggested, chukling Steve under the chin.

" Yeah, yeah…I think I…I’ll do that, " he quavered. He leaned forward and kissed Helen on the cheek. " Goodnight mom. "

" Goodnight son. Sleep tight. "

Helen forced a smile as she watched her troubled son climb upstairs.

During the night, the nightmare grew worse. Tonight’s incident with the butcher knife revived the ghoulish neurotopsy he was appallingly subjected to at the hands of this crazed scientist. " No, make it stop, please! " he screamed, trashing about in his fitful sleep, entangling himself in the sheets.

Helen rushed to her son's room and sat on the bed. She took Steve by the shoulders and tried to joggle him awake." Steve… Steve honey, wake-up! "

Seconds later Jim breezed in to assist his wife in subdueing their agitated son. Steve squirmed frantically, arms flailing and balling fists. " No! " he yelled, hurling Helen against the dresser with a bionic force that caused her to collapse unconciousness on the floor.

Steve bolted to a sitting position, gulping for air. " Mom? " Goggling in horror at his senseless mother with Jim hunched down by her side, Steve snapped. He grabbed a pair of scissors on the night stand and began stabbing himself in the right arm.

Helen regained her senses to witness Jim lunge at Steve. Steve pushed him away and continued his self mutilation. Helen shrieked in horror, begging Steve to stop but he persisted in tearing the synthetic skin to shreds with an implacable rage sewn in his eyes. Jim had no choice but to jab his fist into Steve's jaw, knocking him senseless. He helped his wife to her feet and she slouched over to the bed, holding on to Jim’s arm. She put her hands to her mouth as her heart fluttered at the repulsive sight. Tears gushed to her eyes. Jim got on the phone to Rudy in Washington while Helen carefully pulled the knife still clenched in Steve's left hand. She sat on the edge of the bed and gazed at her son with a pained expression on her face, making great efforts to avoid looking at the mutilated arm.

The phone ring jolted Rudy out of his peaceful sleep. His hands fumbled for the receiver. " Hello, " he mumbled groggily.

" Dr. Wells! This is Jim Elgin. I realize what time it is but it's an emergency. It’s Steve.

"Rudy switched on the light on the night stand and sat in his bed. " What is it? "

Jim glanced at Steve. " He was having a nightmare and when my wife tried to calm him down, he pushed her aside and she hit her head on the dresser. She momentarily lost consciousness and out of the blue, Steve reached for a pair of scissors and began stabbing himself in the right arm. I had to smack him in the face. He’s unconscious at the moment."

" How many stab wounds? " Rudy asked, frowning in concern.

" I estimate close to a dozen if not more. "

" Where are they concentrated? Forearm, upper arm, hand? "

" One on the palm of the hand and the others mostly in the forearm. It's ripped to shreds. What do we do? " Jim asked, his addled mind whirling.

" The main thing is to remain calm. I don’t believe he’s in any immediate danger. It’s vital for his safety not to mention yours that he’d be kept unconscious. Whack him again if you need to. I’ll be there soon as I can. "

" OK. " Jim hung up and went over to his wife.

" What did Rudy say? "

" He's on his way. In the meantime we are to make sure he stays unconscious for he might try again. He suggested I smack him in the face again if I have to, " he said, putting his hand on Helen’s shoulder.

Helen reached for his hand and held it tight as the both gazed that their troubled son.

In Washington, Oscar made the medevac available to Rudy and he flew to Ojai in record time. Rudy arrived at the Elgins in the mid morning hours. Jim led him to Steve's room where Helen was sitting on the edge of the bed with her son’s left hand cradled in hers. He laid deathly still.

" Helen, " Rudy greeted as he hurried over to Steve’s bed.

She looked up, eyes gleaming with hope. " Rudy, thank God you're here! "

" Has he been unconscious since you called ? " he asked, checking Steve's eyes.

" Yes, he hasn’t moved. No stirring, no tossing, not even a moan, " Helen informed as she vacated her seat for Rudy to study Steve's pulse rate. He reached for the stethoscope inside his medical bag and listened to Steve’s heartbeat. Thereafter, he walked over to the right side of the bed to assess the injuries inflicted to the bionic arm. He silently recoiled in shock at the butchered limb. His main concern focused on the atomic power cells. Realizing they were intact, he shut his eyes and heaved an inaudible sigh of relief. Nevertheless, the damages were considerable and strongly doubted he was capable of mending them.

" I need to flying him back toWashington immediately. I came in a medevac. I ought to be able to treat some of his injuries on board to prevent him from sinking deeper."

" Can we come along with him? " Helen asked pleadingly.

" I wouldn’t have it any other way." Rudy assured the concerned mother.

" I’ll throw some items in a suitcase while you help Rudy," Helen told Jim, tapping him on the shoulder.

She scudded out of the room, leaving the two to tend to the harrowing task of prepping Steve for the journey back to Washington. She grabbed a suitcase out of the hall closet, opened it on the bed and routed through the dresser drawers for underwears and shirts that she tossed onto the bed next to the open suitcase.

" OK, that's fine, Jim, " Rudy told Steve's father who had mantled his arm in a bed sheet.

" Rudy, tell me honestly, " Jim stared expectantly at Rudy, " will Steve be all right?"

Rudy flashed a forlorn expression. " I hope so, Jim. But I won’t lie to you, it looks serious...very serious."

Jim hung his head despondently but wasn’t allowed to dwell on his emotions as Rudy urged him to help carry Steve to the Army ambulance waiting outside.

Throughout the flight, Steve's condition remained stable. All the while, Helen sat by his cot and talked to him, reminiscing over joyous times. Her whispers from the pasts were interlaced with silent prayers, invoking God’s indulgence to spare her son’s life. She turned to Rudy as he approached her. " Tell me Rudy, when… when he stabbed his arm… did the… did he feel any pain? " she asked stutteringly, her voice faltering between sobs.

" Most likely. He’s not completely desensitized to pain, " Rudy answered dejectedly.

Helen’s brow furrowed deeply, her eyes clamped shut as she felt her son’s pain plague her own body. Rudy wrapped a comforting hand around her shoulders. He bent down close to her ear. " Listen, your son's been through worse before and always managed to pull through. We have to nurture good thoughts. "

She nodded, biting her upper lip to refrain from crying, tightening her eyeligs together as a tear trickled down her cheeks. She reached for Rudy’s hand on her shoulder and tapped it lightly.

" I hadn’t realized it was this serious, " Rudy thought out loud.

A dubious expression crossed Helen’s face as she looked up at Rudy. " What are you talking about? "

" A few weeks ago, Steve was abducted and became the subject of a gruesome experiment that nearly killed him. It left him with deep-rooted emotional scars. He was slipping into a severe depression. To rise him out of his doldrums I suggested he spent some time with you and Jim on the farm, hoping the wounds would heal quicker. " He shook his head in despair. "His psychologist and I never anticipated his turning suicidal. "

" Why didn’t you tell us, Rudy? " Helen scowled

" We didn’t want to worry you. "

" Worry us? But now I’m frantic! "

During the exhaustive surgical procedure, Rudy mended the damages successfully but did not restore the bionic activity. A crucial decision taken in the spur of the moment to avoid a repetition and prevent Steve from tempting fate a second time. He was to keep him in restraints while he recuperated.

Jim and Helen had temporarily set up lodging at Steve’s house. Every day, they would take turn at keeping a vigil at Steve's bedside. Rudy was encouraging in his prognostic and predicted a full recovery within a few weeks.

Steve remained unconscious for over forty-eight hours. When one morning he opened his eyes, his haggard expression surveyed his surroundings as his mind wandered back to his deliberate act at his parents’ house. He slightly cocked his head to angle his leaden eyes with his right arm. His lips twitched and trembled as his face crinkled at the sight of the refashioned limb. He tried to raise his arm but realized it was strapped to the bed rail. He commanded all of his strength to break free but his heavily sedated body would not comply. He sank his head into his pillow and stared blankly at the ceiling, dangerously swaying between reality and nothingness.

Rudy entered the room to check his vitals." You’re awake! " he smiled broadly.

Steve didn’t bother acknowledging Rudy’s presence and kept staring into emptiness.

" Your parents will be here in a few minutes. You had them worried sick and I admit I was to. "

" My mother’s alright? " Steve asked feebly in a moment of lucidity.

" Of course she is! Just a slight bump on the head. She’ll be pleased to… "

" Why didn’t you let me die? " Steve curtly interjected, eyes still lost in a vacuum.

" Steve, it was just your arm that needed repairs and… "

" No, I meant the first time. After the plane crash, " he interrupted and paused. " Why didn't you let me die? "

The blunt question triggered flashbacks of the accident that played out in slow motion before Rudy’s eyes. Steve turned his hollow-eyed expression towards Rudy and repeated the question. Rudy shut his eyes and bowed his head. " I wanted to, " he confessed in a sigh. « The ordered me to keep you alive. »

" They used me as a guinea pig. "

" Right. "

" I want to resign, Rudy. I'm accepting a position at Andrews. "

" Have you discussed it with Oscar? "

" Not yet. "

" Listen Steve, you are obviously going through a crisis that moment. I’ve deactivated your bionic powers for the time being. If you want, we can make it permanent. "

" You don’t understand, » Steve signed in exasperation, slightly shaking his head with his eyes still lost in a haze. « It's not the strength, it's the wires, the nuts and the bolts. I can never go back to the way I was before the crash and working for the OSI will always be a constant reminder of what I've become, what they are compelling me to do. " He blinked heavily and inhaled deeply. " I can't do it anymore," he exhaled in a single breath.

A grim silence fell between them. Rudy placed his hand on Steve's shoulder. " I’ll talk to Oscar. "

" Thank-you, " Steve signed gratefully. A tear escaped the corner of his right eye and tricking down to his ear as he blinked in relief.

" No problem, " Rudy smiled, tapping Steve on the shoulder. He started for the door.

" Can you do me one more favor? " Steve asked.

" What? "

" Let me out of those restraints, please, " Steve pleaded.

Rudy threw Steve a despondent look and sighed with a heavy heart, " Sorry. Not yet. "

Rudy outlined a course of treatment that proved effective. For the next two months, Steve attended regular psychotherapy sessions that enabled him to purge his morbid thoughts and harness the emotions stirred by the haunting images that consistently plagued his conscience.

Meanwhile, Oscar bent over backwards, wangling Steve a discharge from the OSI with his solemn promise to remain on US ground.

One morning, Steve’s old flame, Barbara Tatcher, showed up at the OSI offices. Callahan was typing a letter when she noticed the woman walked up to her desk. She stopped and swung her chair around to face her.

" Can I help you? " Callahan asked.

" I’m Barbara Tatcher. I believe Mister Goldman is expecting me? "

"Of course. " Callhan pushed the button on the intercom. « Mister Goldman, Barbara Tatcher is here to see you. "

" Send her in. "

Callahan stood from her desk and ushered Barbara into Oscar’s office.

" Oscar! " Barbara smiled broadly.

" Barbara Tatcher. " Oscar met her at the door and clenched her into a friendly embrace. He pulled back and beckoned her to take a seat on the sofa while he sat on the edge of his desk. " What brings you to Washington? "

"I want to talk to Steve "

"He’s in the hospital "

Barbara’s eyes widened. " Nothing serious I hope? "

" Unfortunately it’s a matter of national security. I’m not allowed to disclose the nature of his ailment. I can only tell you that he’s alright now. I’m sure he’ll be thrilled to see you. "

" Are you sure? I did break his heart twice. "

"True. I remembered he sulked for a good month after you left him to go back to your husband. He understood why you did it, but still. It hurt him. Why do you want to see him now? "

Barbara got up. She joined her clammy hands together, lacing her fingers, as she sauntered up to the bar. "Orin’s dead. "

" I'm sorry. How? "

" Heart attack. That night at the Embassy, when Steve and I went to meet with him, when I thought he was dead, " she began to explain as tears clouded her eyes. She looked upwards, seeking the courage to pour her heart out, " I wanted to…I wanted to go back with Steve so desperately but I just…I had to stay with Orin. He was my husband and I still loved him. "

Oscar edged up to her and placed his hands on her shoulders from behind as she rubbed her arms together to stop her shudders. "I understand and like I said, so did Steve. "

"Do you think he can ever forgive me? "

Oscar turned her around and flashed a significant smile ". There’s nothing to forgive, Barbara. "

"I love that man so much, " she cried, raising her hands to her mouth and flattening them together over her lips.

"Then come with me. I’m on my way to pick him up at the hospital. "

"He’s being released? "

" Yes! He’s fine. "

A fainting spell crept over Steve as he fumbled with his shirt buttons. He plonked down on the bed, his face wrinkling with fright of passing out. He shut his eyes and inhaled deeply. Steve’s morbidity of depression in the past weeks had reached such a degree that Rudy deemed necessary to prescribed strong antidepressants and keep him in maintenance therapy. The adverse effects were minor, though serious enough to cause dizziness and occasional tremors. The constant drowsiness left him zomboid.

Steve’s psychotic episodes were successfully held at bay by the medication. Nevertheless, Rudy expressed strong reservations about releasing his patient but yielded to Steve’s wishes once he assured that he’d be reporting to him morning and night.

The dizzy spell over, Steve finished buttoning up his shirt. He heard a knock at the door.

"Come in. "

Oscar pushed the door forward and ushered Barbara in.

Steve turned around. "Oscar, you… " he interrupted his thought, stunned at the sight of his lost love. She hazarded a longing smile, afraid it might be unrequited. " Hello Steve. "

"Barbara? " he breathed out, standing stockstill in shock.

"Well? What are you waiting for? " asked Oscar, prompting Steve to make a move.

Barbara turned to Oscar and placed her hand on his arm. "Could you leave us alone for a few minutes? "

Oscar quickly deciphered the message in her eyes and smiled his acquiescence. He traced his steps out of the room. Barbara turned to Steve and edged up up to him.

"Why did you come back? " Steve asked bluntly with a slight quaver in his voice.

" Orin died, " she informed, scanning his heavenly blue eyes for any sign of a reaction. His eyelids began batting nervously as he drew in a deep breath. She held a hand to his cheek and gazed amorously at him " I want to be with you. "

The medication had rendered Steve emotionally vulnerable. He was powerless at suppressing the flush of passion Barbara had sparkled within his heart and soul, burning him as it gushed to his throat. He closed his eyes and slowly reached for her hand, gently caressing his bedewed cheek. He folded his fingers around it and kissed the palm. He held her hand tight as his teary eyes gazed into hers.

" Steve, you’re crying. "

Out of the blue, he clasped her to his breast." I love you, Barbara, " he stuttered between sobs.

Barbara was caught off guard by Steve’s sudden outburst of emotions, unaware of his frail state of mind. She completely surrendered to the warmth of his touch. He pulled out of the embrace, traced the line of her jaw with his fingers, cupped her head in his hands and kissed her tenderly on the lips, rubbing his thumbs against her soft cheeks. Her kiss breathed new life into him.

Rudy entred the room with a wheelchair but quickly retreated as he saw the couple in a tight liplock.

Barbara’s constant presence and unconditional love proved valuable for the catalysis of Steve’s psychological recovery. The therapy sessions were no longer required and Rudy deemed safe to restitute his bionic powers. Barbara and Steve rekindled their romance as days streamed into weeks.