By the middle of February, Steve had settled into a daily routine, which Rudy had memorized. Every morning at 10 AM sharp, Steve entered Jan's room and took a seat by her side. He stayed until mid-afternoon, when Josh was due home from school. Rudy would then drive Steve home, where he would spend the rest of the afternoon and evening with Josh.

Rudy felt Steve was becoming a zombie, showing little emotion, just following the routine. This morning would be different, however. Steve was scheduled in for x-rays to check on the progress of the healing bones. Rudy anticipated removing the casts shortly thereafter, then setting up a physical therapy routine to restore the muscle and range of motion in Steve's shoulder.

Shortly before 8 AM, Steve entered the exam room. "Let's get this over with, Rudy. I want this thing off."

Rudy sent him down to X-ray, having already called in the orders. Shortly before 9, Steve returned with x-rays in hand. He gave them to Rudy, and then took a seat on the examining table.

Rudy placed the films on the light box and flipped the switch. He stood there silently, scrutinizing the injury site. "The bones have mended well..." Rudy flipped off the box and turned to Steve. "The casts can come off today, but you will need to start therapy to complete the healing process."

Steve nodded. "Yeah, Doc, I know the routine. Can we get this thing off now?"

Rudy called in a nurse to aid in the removal. Steve sat patiently, allowing the two to complete the task. Once off, Rudy had Steve try out the arm, noting the muscle deterioration.

"You might be more comfortable wearing a sling for a few days as you regain your strength," Rudy suggested. While helping Steve with his shirt, the overhead speaker came to life.

"Code Blue, room 206, Code Blue, room 206."

The two men stared at each other for a millisecond. Rudy bolted out the door, racing to Jan's room with the rest of the staff.

Steve sat on the exam table, numb, terrified, and trying not to imagine a life without Jan.

An untrained observer might think the room was in utter chaos; Rudy knew differently. By the time he arrived, the attending physicians and staff nurses had already started resuscitation procedures, so he stepped into the corner to observe the scene. After shocking her three times, a heartbeat echoed through the room. Waiting for a second beat, the crew waited. Another beat and another were heard; a steady rhythm filled the room. The doctors stood by for a few minutes longer while the nurses attended to Jan and reassembled the crash cart.

Rudy waited a half hour before going in search of Steve. He doubted Steve would still be in the exam room, but after running out of places to look, he returned to the room.

Steve sat motionless on the table, not having moved since the announcement. He didn't notice Rudy's return.

"Steve?" Rudy waited for recognition, when he didn't get it he gently shook Steve's good shoulder. "STEVE."

Steve looked up at his friend.

"Steve, she's alive."

Steve, his nerves raw, emotions on edge, broke into tears. "Alive?" he sobbed.

"Yes, Jan is alive and stable." Rudy was deeply concerned for his friend, who had been on the rollercoaster ride from hell since the accident. Rudy didn't know how much more Steve could take. "Steve, come with me." Rudy helped Steve off the table and led him down to Jan's room. Rudy gently pushed him into a chair sleeper, forcing him to lie down. Steve didn't resist. "Don't move. I'll be right back."

Rudy retrieved a mild sedative and administered it to Steve. The nurse brought in a blanket, which Rudy placed over the sleeping form. He asked the nurse to stay in the room until he returned. Finding the closest phone, Rudy called Jim and updated him on the situation, promising to call with any changes, good or bad. He returned to Jan's room, relieving the nurse.

By mid-afternoon, Steve slowly returned from unconsciousness.

"Feel any better?" Rudy asked. Not comfortable with leaving Steve alone, Rudy stayed in the room, going over paperwork and medical journals.

"A little," Steve replied, stretching and rubbing his neck. "How's Jan?" He eyed his wife, looking for any apparent changes and finding none.

"She's sleeping comfortably," Rudy replied.

"Sleeping?" Steve asked, his mood brightening.

"Sleeping, yes. She's not in a coma, just unconscious. We don't know when she'll wake, but it's a step in the right direction," Rudy explained. He didn't want to give Steve too much hope, but the truth was that Jan was improving.

"I'm not leaving," Steve said firmly. He pulled a normal chair closer to Jan and took a seat. He reached out to hold her hand.

"There's no need to leave. I've called Jim and explained the situation. He'll bring an overnight bag for you later this afternoon," Rudy replied. "While you are here, though, I do expect you to attend the physical therapy sessions I'll schedule."

Steve nodded; not wanting to leave Jan's side for a moment but knew it was something he must do not only for himself but for Jan as well.

A busy week followed. Jan showed signs of progress every day. Rudy stepped up the therapy sessions for her, hoping the added stimulation may bring Jan closer to wakefulness. Steve attended his therapy sessions, regaining strength and motion in his arm and shoulder much faster than Rudy had anticipated. The highlight of the week was when an excited Josh had his leg casts removed. His pediatrician laid out a rehabilitation plan for Josh, including therapy at the hospital and at home.

"A family in therapy together, stays together," Steve said teasingly to Josh.

On Saturday afternoon, two weeks after Josh lost his casts, Steve planned a long overdue outing for his son. They went out to Josh's favorite restaurant, then out to a movie. Steve splurged on the soda and popcorn, making Josh promise not to mention it to his Mother. Jan did not approve of theater snacks.

Returning to the house, Steve spotted Helen coming out the door to the car. He rolled down the window. "Mom? What's wrong?"

Smiling from ear to ear, Helen replied. "Rudy called. He wants you both at the hospital. Jan's awake."

Steve and Josh looked at each other, wide-eyed, then let out a cheer. "Thanks Mom!"

Steve put the car in reverse and made it to the hospital in record time. They ran down the hall toward Jan's room, only to be intercepted by Rudy, coming out of Jan's room.

"Whoa. I want to talk to both of you before going in," Rudy ordered. He ushered them into the waiting room. "Yes, Jan is awake, but she hasn't spoken yet. She appears a little confused, which is not uncommon for her condition. Go easy and don't expect a lot at first." Rudy squatted down to Josh's height. "You, young man, may be the key to your Mother's recovery. Yes, she loves your Dad very much, but she's raised you since you were a little one. Understand?"

"Yes sir!" Josh beamed at the prospect of helping his Mother.

Rudy stood. "Any questions?" he said to Steve.

"None."

"Alright, go on in, quietly."

Steve pushed open the door, letting Josh in first, then himself. Rudy followed them into the room.

Jan lay awake, staring out the window.

Steve moved closer to her bed, while Josh lagged behind.

"Jan?" Steve said quietly.

Jan turned to face Steve, slightly befuddled. She didn't understand everything that had happened, and recognized the person in front of her but couldn't place a name to the face.

Steve smiled. "Hi, sweetie. I've missed you."

Jan looked to Josh, having the say feeling as before, knowing the face but not the name.

"Hi Mom. I love you," Josh said, trying not to cry.

"Munchkin," Jan whispered....

Josh flashed a brilliant smile at his Mother. "Yes Mom."

Turning her attention to the man standing beside the child, she stared intently at his face. The sharp, blue eyes, the blond hair, the curve of his nose, the lips; she recognized the face but couldn't place a name to it.

Rudy stepped forward, "Jan? Do you recognize him?"

Jan hesitated, searching her memory. "I... yes, I recognize him, but I can't tell you a name. I'm sorry."

Rudy looked to Steve, waiting for a reaction. Much to his surprise, Steve seemed to handle the answer well.

"It's okay, Jan," Steve said, smiling. "Take as much time as you need. You've been through a lot." Steve wanted to hold her hand, but didn't want to make her uncomfortable.

"I'm tired," announced Jan. She closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.

Rudy motioned Steve and Josh outside, following them to the waiting room. Josh plopped onto the couch, next to Steve. Rudy took a chair across from them. He noticed Steve's bravado failing.

"Steve, don't feel bad that she couldn't remember your name. The fact is that she recognized you from the moment she saw you, which is a good sign. Jan managed to match Josh with his nickname. She's just going to need time," Rudy reassured him.

Steve nodded. "I know, I know. It's just frustrating." He had hoped she would wake and be fine, but he knew it was wishful thinking. Josh leaned into his shoulder. Steve put his arm around him and drew Josh into a hug.

Breaking the hug, Josh looked up at Steve. "Mom will be okay, Dad. I know she will," Josh said. He knew his Dad was upset, and wanted to do whatever he could to help his Dad.

"Dr. Wells? Can I go sit with my Mom?" Josh wanted to be close to her, even if she was sleeping.

"Sure," Rudy said. "Just let her sleep." Rudy waited until Josh was out of earshot before turning back to Steve. "I meant what I said, Steve. She's going to need time."

"But will she regain her memory?" Steve asked.

Rudy hesitated, looking for the right words. "It is too early to tell, but I do believe she will regain most, if not all of her memory. I want to give her a couple of days before I start testing her. I'd prefer her memory to come back on its own, through conversation, so let's just wait and see. Since she recognizes you, spend time with her. Talk with her, but don't try to force her memory." He hoped to give Steve as much encouragement as possible without getting his hopes up to high.

Steve sighed. "I know. I'll let Josh stay with her for a while. I need to take a walk." He rose and left the room before Rudy could say a word.

By supper, Jan was wide-awake. Steve knocked on the open door, smiling.

"Hi," Jan said. "Come in. I hope you don't mind, but my supper will be here soon."

Steve took a seat close to the bed. "No problem. Rudy is sending in a meal for me as well."

"Where's Josh?" she asked. The name had come to her a couple of hours earlier, while she and the boy chatted.

"My Dad picked Josh up and took him home," Steve explained. Josh didn't want to go, but understood that it was Steve's turn to spend time with Jan.

A knock on the door caused the couple to look to the orderly pushing their meals in on a stainless steel cart. He placed one tray in front of Jan, and gave the other to Steve. He retreated without saying a word.

The couple ate in silence. Steve stopped in mid-bite when he noticed Jan staring at him, deep in concentration. He knew the look; she was trying to work out a problem. In this case, trying to figure out his name.

"Jan, don't push yourself," he urged. "Tomorrow is another day."

Jan shook her head, returning her attention to the meal. Shortly after dinner, Jan fell asleep. Steve sat by her side, watching her sleep.

Rudy entered the room a few minutes later, with a nurse close behind. The nurse administered medication to Jan's IV. Rudy took Steve by the elbow and led him from the room.

"I've ordered a sedative for her. She'll sleep for the rest of the night," Rudy explained. "I want you to go home and get some sleep."

"Okay, but I'll be back tomorrow morning," Steve replied.

"Not too early. 10 AM at the earliest. I want to talk with her in the morning," Rudy explained. He wanted to gently test her memory through normal conversation.

"Alright, 10 AM it is." Steve turned and walked away, slower than normal. His shoulders drooped slightly.

Rudy watched his friend go through the double doors. After finishing some paperwork, Rudy left for the evening.

The following morning, Rudy greeted Steve just outside Jan's door.

"Did you get any sleep?" Rudy questioned.

"Surprisingly enough, yes, I did." Steve didn't remember a thing after his head hit the pillow. The next sound he heard was the alarm clock beeping loudly at 8 AM. "How's Jan?" he asked.

"I think you'll be pleasantly surprised. She's made some progress this morning. The first thing she said is that although she can't remember your name, she does remember that you met in Florida. I guided the conversation from that point, looking for certain memories of your time together." Rudy was extremely pleased by her progress.

Steve smiled broadly. "That's great!"

"Yes it is. Take it easy with the conversation. Let her take the lead in your talk." Rudy didn't want Steve questioning her directly, but knew Steve wouldn't be able to hold back completely. He stepped aside, letting Steve enter the room.

Jan looked up from her book when her visitor entered the room. She closed the book and set it aside. "Hi."

"Morning," Steve said. He moved the chair next to the bed and seated himself. "I hear you've remembered some things this morning."

"Yes, I did. We met in Florida. I was there on vacation and went for a walk along the beach. I saw you walking toward me," Jan said.

"That's right. I saw you and stopped in my tracks. I thought I had seen an angel," Steve finished.

Jan blushed. She was attracted to this man, and hadn't a clue whether they were just friends or lovers. She hoped it was the latter. "You're an astronaut," she suddenly said. The fact suddenly popped into her memory. "Right?"

Steve nodded. "Was, actually. At the time we met, I was an astronaut."

"Not anymore?"

"Nope. I'd like to go back into space, but it doesn't look like it's in the cards," Steve explained. With the space program winding down while the next generation of space craft was under construction, trips into space had become almost non-existent.

"Do you miss it?" From the look on his face, she felt he did.

"Very much," Steve admitted. "Standing on the moon, looking back... it's really hard to explain the feeling." Once again, Steve caught Jan staring at him, trying to remember something.

"A crash..." Jan said. She remembered a violent crash. "You were the pilot."

"Yes, that was a few years ago." Steve was dismayed that she would remember his crash at this time. With all the other memories that could surface, his crash came back first. "I don't like talking about it," he admitted.

"I understand," said Jan.

The couple continued talking until lunch, when Rudy called a halt. Jan needed to eat, and then attend her physical therapy session. Rudy sent Steve on his merry way until after dinner. Steve objected, but finally agreed. He said his goodbyes and headed out the door.

After Josh had been tucked into bed, Steve retired to the deck, sitting in the dark nursing his favorite beer. He was frustrated and hurt, knowing he could not vent his feelings toward Jan. He turns his thoughts to the truck driver. Did the driver know his rig had brake trouble far enough in advance that he could have avoided the down slope? Why didn't the driver use one of the emergency ramps? Steve shook his head, trying to shake the thoughts from his memory. After all, the trucker called in the accident before he died. If not for the last selfless act, Steve firmly believed that he, Jan and Josh would be dead.

The sliding glass door quietly opened, then closed. Jim sat in the chair next to Steve. "What's bothering you, Steve?"

"Nothing. Everything," Steve replied, emptying the last drops of beer. He crumbled the can, and then tossed it into a nearby trashcan. "Jan is doing her best. I can't fault her for that. I guess my patience is wearing thin. I can't even mention that we're married, nor can I even tell her my name. Rudy wants to wait and see if her memory comes back on its own." Steve was of two minds; logically, he knew Rudy was right. Emotionally, Steve wanted to take Jan and hold her tight, confess everything, force her memory to return.

"Son, I wish I could put everything back to normal. You've been through hell these past few months, and it doesn't look to be getting any better any time soon." Jim said. He's hated seeing Steve mope around the house in the evening.

"Thanks." Steve said. "Dad, if you don't mind, I'd just like to sit here alone for a while."

Jim stood, "Sure thing, Son. Don't stay out too long. Your Mother is really worried about you." Jim opened the sliding glass door and slipped inside the house.

Once Steve heard the door close behind him, he wept.

The following weeks were hell for Steve. He and Josh visited with Jan as often as possible. Physically, Jan had almost returned to normal. Spring had arrived, permitting Steve and Jan to sit outside on a bench. Jan's memory appears to have leveled off. She finally remembered Steve's name, but had yet to remember the wedding. Rudy finally allowed Steve to tell Jan the details.

At first, Jan was taken aback. Not at the prospect of being married to the handsome individual sitting beside her, but at the fact that she didn't remember the most important event in her life.

Steve urged Rudy to let Jan go home. Rudy hated seeing his friend in distress, but he didn't feel Jan was ready leave.

Every morning, prior to Steve's arrival, Rudy and Jan would talk for a couple of hours. She remembered their friendship from years past, and felt comfortable talking with him instead of a shrink. Rudy consulted with the resident psychologist when necessary. The sessions revealed many fears and insecurities still plagued Jan. Recently, she had been beset by nightmares. Rudy identified two types of dreams, Steve's crash and the car accident. The night shift reported that Jan would wake up screaming. The nurses had a hard time calming her so they could administer a sedative. Rudy felt that if Jan were to wake from a nightmare at home, Steve would be terrified by the reaction and Jan would be disoriented, possibly causing harm to Steve or herself.

By the end of May, he permitted day trips, feeling the familiar atmosphere might help trigger her memories. The first obstacle involved traveling in a car. Afraid Jan might develop a phobia, Rudy recommended taking Jan out of short drives around the base. Steve agreed, not wanting to put undue stress upon his wife.

Jan was hesitant at first, but finally settled into the front seat of the convertible. "I don't remember this car," she commented while putting on the seat belt.

Steve smiled. "As well you shouldn't. I bought it a few weeks ago."

"Thank goodness."

Steve drove leisurely around the base, trying to put Jan at ease. He suddenly had an inspiration. He drove out toward the Dry Lake Bed and parked. "Let's take a walk," he suggested.

Jan paused for a moment before climbing out of the care. "Okay," she replied. "Where are we going?"

Steve took Jan's hand, leading her out toward the middle of the lakebed. Occasionally, Jan would stop and pick up a rock. The memory of her hobby slowly returned. Steve was pleased, but remained quiet. They walked a little further, and then stopped.

Jan slowly turned in a circle, taking in the scenery. "I remember this place," she said. Steve didn't say a word. "It was night. The moon was full." Jan stood still, concentrating. Minutes passed when she turned to Steve. "You proposed to me here," she said, grinning. "Someone took care of Josh while we went out to dinner. You then brought me out here, and under the moonlight you proposed." Tears streamed down her face. "I said yes."

Steve folded her in his arms, comforting her. This was the first embrace since Jan woke. She didn't fight him. She leaned back, looking deep into his eyes. Steve met her halfway for a deep, passionate kiss. When they broke the embrace, Jan felt wonderful. "I want to go home."

"Are you sure?" Steve was excited at the prospect, but didn't want to force her.

"Yes, I want to go home. Not staying the night, but we don't need the night do we?" Jan asked with a wicked grin.

Steve's heart thumped. "No, we don't."

They returned to the car. Steve stopped at the first pay phone and called Rudy, informing him they were heading home. Rudy's protests fell on deaf ears as Steve hung up the phone.

Returning to the car, Steve leaned over and gave Jan a quick peck on the cheek, then put the car into gear.

Once home, Steve pulled his Mom aside and asked if they could take Josh out for a few hours. Helen looked to her son, puzzled, but only for a moment. She quickly agreed. Once she had gathered Jim and Josh, Helen announced they were going out to eat then to a movie.

Steve and Jan stood at the window, watching the car disappear down the road. They looked deep into each other's eyes. Steve picked up Jan and carried her to their bedroom.

They sat on the edge of the bed, involved in a deep, impassioned kiss. Pulling back, Steve searched her eyes. "Are you sure?"

Jan replied by pulling at Steve's belt. "I'm sure," she purred.

After several rounds and a shower, the relaxed couple wandered to the kitchen, looking for food. Steve prepared a light dinner, for which Jan was grateful.

"I am so tired of hospital food," she commented.

"I can't understand why," Steve replied with a sly grin.

Once finished with dinner, the couple shared dish duty and then settled on the couch to watch a little TV. About an hour later, Steve's parents returned with a wound up Josh.

Steve rose from the couch, taking his Mother into the kitchen. He kissed her lightly on the cheek. "Thank you, Mom."

Helen smiled. "I hope you enjoyed yourself in our absence?"

"Very much," Steve replied. "I owe you."

"What are mothers for?" Helen laughed.

They returned to the living room where Josh was reenacting his favorite scenes from the movie; laughter filled the room.

Soon Steve dragged Jan from the couch, announcing it was time to return to the hospital.

Josh groaned, "Do you have to go?"

Jan bent over and hugged him. "Yes, I do. Hopefully I'll be home for good soon."

The couple said their goodbyes and headed out the door. A short time later, they had arrived at the base hospital.

Approaching Jan's room, they found Rudy waiting impatiently. He wasn't happy they were gone as long as they had been, but when he saw their smiles, he forgave Steve for disobeying him.

"Welcome back," Rudy said, giving Jan a hug.

"Rudy, I want to go home," Jan announced.

"We'll discuss it in the morning, I promise." Rudy gently shoved her into the room while Steve stayed out. "How did it go?" he asked, unaware of the implications of his question.

Steve smiled, "Quite well. We had a good afternoon together. She remembered my proposing to her, including the details of the evening."

"That's good to hear," Rudy said. "Listen, the main reason I don't want her to leave right now is due to her nightmares."

"Rudy, I can..."

"No Steve, you couldn't handle it. When she wakes screaming, it takes several nurses to hold her down so they can give her a sedative. We've identified two dreams in particular. The first is your crash years ago, and the second is the car crash that put her here," Rudy explained.

Steve sighed. "What are we going to do? She can't stay here forever." If Steve had his choice, he'd take his wife home this evening.

"Jan and I are working on it," Rudy replied.

Steve shuffled his feet, suddenly downcast. "Could some of the dreams be about the baby?"

Rudy shook his head. "No, I don't believe so. I don't even think she knew she was pregnant. You and I will discuss that issue later. Right now, I want you to go into that room, kiss your wife goodnight, and go home."

Steve saluted. "Yes sir!"

Following orders, the couple said goodnight. Jan snuggled into bed and drifted off to sleep. Upon arriving home, Steve retired to the bedroom, but sleep eluded him. His thoughts kept drifting to their unborn child. Shortly after 2 AM, he fell into a troubled sleep, dreaming of a daughter who would never grow to adulthood.

As he slept, tears streamed down his cheek.

Steve rose early, awakened by dreams of the crash. He showered, shaved, dressed, and then padded downstairs to the kitchen. He prepared the coffee. Waiting for it to brew, he sat at the kitchen table, staring out the window.

Jim entered the kitchen several minutes later. "Morning, Son," he said while preparing the freshly brewed coffee. He placed a cup in front of his son, and then seated himself across the table from Steve.

"Morning," Steve replied. "Hope I didn't wake you." Steve turned his attention to his father.

"No, you didn't. And if you don't mind my saying so, you look like hell." The dark circles under Steve's eyes concerned Jim. "Did you sleep?"

"Some," Steve replied. "I dreamt the baby was a girl." He stared down into his coffee, not trusting himself to say another word.

"I can't say that I know how you feel, but I do know that you and Jan will have plenty of chances to have another child," Jim said, trying to comfort Steve.

"I know, but I can't help feeling this way. A child of ours is gone, never to know our love, never to experience the ups and downs of childhood, never to grow up and marry." Steve stopped, fighting back the tears.

The sound of feet thumping down the stairs announced Josh's arrival before walking into the kitchen. "Morning!" he said, heading for the fridge. He grabbed the milk and poured himself a glass. Sitting at the table, next to Steve, he leaned in and gave Steve a hug. "I love you, Dad."

Steve returned the hug. "I love you too, Josh." Steve released him and stood. "What would you like for breakfast?"

"Whatever you want," Josh replied.

"Pancakes it is," Helen announced, entering the kitchen. "Steve, sit. I'll get breakfast for my three handsome men."

"Mom, I can do that," Steve argued.

"Sit," Helen ordered, pushing Steve into his chair.

"When is Mom coming home?" Josh asked. "I miss her."

"Soon, I hope. Rudy and I are going to talk about it today," Steve replied. "She wants to come home too."

Idle chatter filled the room for the rest of the breakfast. When the phone rang, Steve excused himself, getting the phone in the living room.

"Austin residence," Steve answered.

"Yes it is," Jan replied.

Steve plopped himself on the couch. "Hi sweetie. How are you this morning?" Steve smiled with the memories of the prior afternoon.

"I'm doing great," Jan replied. "Rudy and I had a very long talk this morning. He's willing to discharge me today after he talks to you." Jan could barely contain herself. "So, get your butt out here and talk to Rudy so we can go home."

"Yes ma'am! I'll be there shortly. Love you."

"Love you too. See you soon. Bye!"

Steve hung up the phone and bounded into the kitchen. "She's coming home!" he declared gleefully. Josh cheered, pushing away from the table and throwing himself at Steve. Steve picked Josh up and whirled him around. He then gave Josh a huge bear hug and put him down.

"I've got to leave soon," Steve announced.

"Can I go with you?" Josh asked excitedly.

"I'm afraid not, kiddo. Rudy wants to talk to me first before we leave. I don't know how long it will take," Steve replied.

"Oh, alright. I'll wait here," Josh said, slightly deflated.

"Josh, let's go out and fill the bird feeders," Jim suggested. "I saw a few out earlier waiting for the food." Jim ushered Josh out the room onto the back deck.

Helen walked over to her son and gave him a hug. "Go on, son. Bring your wife home."

Steve kissed her on the cheek. "Thanks, Mom."

...Continued