Welcome
aboard.... this is the flight to my world. They say (whoever it may
be) that achievements maketh the man. So let me put before you my achievements
so that you can judge the person. Some of these may not be
described exactly as they had happened. In fact, some of these may not
even have happened at all. But who cares.... so without any further
delay, Ladies and Gentlemen, I present,
Suchetana
Dutta,
( the Joker and the Devil, in a package deal...)
Let me start at
the beginning. But wait a minute... I dont have the wherewithal to do so.
Go to Stephen Hawking if you want to start at the beginning. But let me
start somewhere closer, like when I was born. It was a close shave. My
mother's misplaced optimism drove her on an expedition to Mount Everest
when she was nine months pregnant. Tenzing Norgay was shadowed by the mere pace
of reaching the summit, but there I was, bowling my oxygen-starved lungs
out.
Thank God... Miyaki(the
yeti escort) buried me deep in her fur. But not deep enough... otherwise
I would not have got frosted hair.
Growing up was so
boring that I memorised the Illiad and the Odyssey to spend time. Later
I learnt Greek to understand what I had memorised. But time was not ready
to leave me. I went out to play. Achievement followed achievement. Went
sky diving over the Florida Everglades. Landed in Cuba by oversight. Blended
the Havana flavor. Bungee jumped from the Golden Gate. Went down into the
Marianas Trench. Met Jacques Costeau there. Unraveled the secrets of the
sea. Drank the oldest wine with him. Hiked to the Arctic. Placed the Indian
Flag at the heighest point of the earth. Caught a cold. Went to the Antarctic
to get hold of an old Eskimo remedy. Sold the Leaning Tower as scrap. Auctioned
the Eiffel Tower twice at three billion Franc. Duplicated the Taj Mahal
at night. Swam the entire length of the Amazon in a single dip. Tamed
an Anaconda. Presented it to Michael Jackson. Ate with the Turubati.
Ate the Kiribati. Read the complete works of Louis L'Amour on the flight
from Caracass to Rio De Jeniro. Devised a brand new drainage system at
Rio. Drained into Paraguaya. They blamed it on Rio. Ousted the Fijian government.
Freed three American hostages. The fourth one got away.
Jumped from the Qutub Minar. Landed on foot. Came to be known as big foot.
Midnight hiked with Veerappan in the forest at Mudugamandalam. Hung him
upside down from the sandalwood tree. That chap developed identity crisis.
Complained about me to the SPCA (Society for
Prevention of Cruelty to Animals).
Bought Tristan da Cunha. Threatened to submerge Falkland. But the Queen
offered an alternative consideration. Married the alternative consideration.
My biological father (the person who offered that forbidden apple to Eve)
appeared in my dream and advised me to meet Adam Smith. Obtained an economical
degree in Economics. That's the reason Amartya Sen finally received the
"N"-thing in 1999. Produced three C-grade Hollywood movies. Found no competition. I quit... they gave me an Oscar for doing so. Fabricated two humanoids.
Named them Frank and Stein. Taught rudiments of Chechen culture to perspective
of big brother Yeltsin.
Set new fashion trends.
United colors of the world. I wear my attitude... and nothing else. Built
a pyramid at Saqqara. Buried two kings alive. Got tired. Slept two years.
Woke up in Andorra... by teletransportation. Technology later sold to Captain
Kirk. Went with him where no man has gone before. Came back to Monaco..
by economy class. Acquired a degree in archaeology. Dug up the kings...
barely alive.
Synthesised cabbages...
from tomatoes. Discovered the new element -- Pandium. Main constituent
pandemonium. They say entropy.
Went trout fishing in Scotland. Caught the Loch Ness Monster. We parted
amicably. Went to Netherlands. Stretched a dike. Taught comedy to Dick
Van Dyke. Sailed to New Zealand from New York. Taught embroidery to the
Maoris. Got tired again. Slept again two years.... alone. Wrote
down my dreams. Stayed fifteen weeks on the New York Times Syndicate best-seller
list. Dated Lewis Carol and got the Nobel Prize in Mathematics. Tried landing
on the Mars. Missed by a hairbreadth. Landed on Great Wall instead. Led
the Mongolian invasion of China. Punched Peking... munched Manchuria.
Participated in the
Olympics decathelon. Got shot by the starter. Received a Lifetime Achievement
Award. Patented the artificial brain. Wrote the book "Devilish Rhymes".
Salman Rushdie stole the manuscript. But kept no hard feeilngs. Cursed
the Ayatollah guy.... died prematurely.
Tried to figure out
how far apart the milestones are placed. Ran the distance in twelve seconds.
Again a milestone. Stole Maqbool Fida Hussain's slippers. His only pair.
Taught at Harvard. Things went backward. I went to Oxford. Got an admission
in the computational psychology department. Graduated with a distinction
in film making. Directed a Hindi movie. "Aadmi Kaale Mein" . Columbia Pictures
bought the story. Advised them to take Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith for the English one.
Got convicted for
killing... killing time. At the court of Francis Time. Sentenced to death.
Got an Internet connection in jail. Started making my homepage... still making my
homepage... will continue making my homepage unless "hanged by the neck untill
death" .
hmm......... interesting !! I like patient
and curious people like you. This was just a prelude.I think you would
have become more curious now. You deserve something more. You are most
welcome to explore my home. Maybe to make matters simpler, I should tell
you what you will find and where.
Obviously, you will find things that are closer
to my
, things I love!
just
