Madame Madeleina Pavolovic,
astrologer to the deranged
Aries the Ram:
You will overreact about the spatula, therefore take very seriously any dreams about pairs of rubber gloves. A sister will find happiness in a bucket behind the sofa.
Taurus the Bull:
Though a scientific basis for this is lacking, take any advice given by your son. Your Aunt will go ahead and have her teeth out and a gas cooker put in.
Gemini the Twins:
Make sure you tell your sister all about it, but, as your daughter will tell you you will quickly tire of hearing about pairs of glasses. Time to go fishing after chastising the domestics.
Cancer the Crab:
Because as a consequence of the Moon in your sign you could have nightmares about ants, concentrate on a hard-boiled sweet. Claims of peanuts lead to buried treasure near a volcano.
Leo the Lion:
Because Virgo, the planet of the unexpected, is influencing your actions, you will be sad about the puzzle. It was done with the cactus, the curtains will prove it.
Virgo the Virgin:
Rumours will abound that you use stereo systems, indeed you will quickly learn all about fountain pens. Dreams of flying ducks lead to a new career in pyjamas.
Libra the Scales:
You will savage handbags, indeed an unexpected encounter with a tennis racket will cause you to hound a wellington boot. Wrap up warm, sardines will become you.
Scorpio the Scorpion:
Your relationship with your son will be strained by a colleague of your daughter, but despite this it will be an excellent time to smile. A stitch in time saves fourpence but, alas, not Rome.
Sagittarius the Budgie:
With Aries in charge of your finances this week, steer clear of your lover's brother, especially when carrying an aeroplane. Noodles become immensely important.
Capricorn the Cow:
Aries enters your sign and as a consequence your tendency to fly will cause problems with your friendly neighbour. A distant relative sends you good fortune in elastic bands and licked stamps.
Aquarius the Duck:
Try not to confuse your grandad with a pomegranate, but of course take very seriously any dreams about olives. Beware of pelicans.
Pisces the Jig-saw puzzle:
Don't try to follow a roundabout today, though spit on your giraffe's truncheon. The bread will be in the middle of the road and the cat will need steroids.
Wallace the Broken pidgeon:
Because your sign is moving away from Aries, your tendency to escape will cause problems with your nephew. Someone close will find their helicopter is full of eels.
Michael the Bath-plug:
Don't try to hug a tractor today, in fact flares will dominate your thoughts. The lights will be on, but nobody will be home, an excellent time for a party.
Simon the Slug:
Keeping the cat still whilst ironing may prove problematic. Remove all precautions when your uncle's settee arrives. Goat droppings will dominate figuratively.
Humphrey the Hare:
A letter may be a bad omen, but of course your relationship with your worst enemy will be strained by the postman. Keep a first-aid kit handy next to the dog's bath since space debris might drop in for tea.
Bubbles the Cuddly hamster:
Tragedy strikes with a billhook and a teapot, but getting out of bed today won't help. The incoming asteroid is so big it will hit you wherever you are on the planet.
Messages from the Beyond
by Madame Madeleina Pavolovic,
clairvoyant to the Stars
Bernadette - No, it wasn't embarrassing, I forgive you. We don't need them in paradise.
Loftus - Take the staircase out, you'll find it there.
Estelle - A chimney holds the answer. Heavy stones appear.
Fred - A box. Buried in a garden. Red holds a key.
Septimus - Seek guidance from one who knows. I am with you.
Ellouise - A treasure has been stolen from you. Demand what is right.
Madeleine - There is much to tell. Find help from one who's gifted.
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