Wind blows through my dark hair. I wag it off my face, keep staring to the front of my view. The wind brings your smell. Your sweet smell, the one I like. My thoughts turned to the time I spent with you.
That time I was attending your first concert in my country. I was like dying to have the tickets to see you there. I've known you. But you don't remember me at all, I think. With all the way I've been, I got the tickets and went by plane to the capital city, just to see you around. The day of the concert begin, I was standing in the front row, making pictures of you and waving my hand here and there.
" I'm Karin !" I yelled at you. " Do you remember me ??" Some girls around me were looking at me oddly, but I don't care. I keep watching your move on the stage.
I saw you talking with a security guard. Then he went down on me and telling me that I could get free backstage pass by your request. I was like crazy ! You remember me ! I never expect that ! Half an hour before the concert ends that security guard helping me jumping the divider between the stage and the audience, then get me backstage … where you will meet me after the show.
" Hey, Karin … right ?" you greet when you saw me sitting on your chair and reading your fans' mails.
" Hey ! Yeah ! Thanks for recognizing me !" I replied, shooking your hand.
" By the way … should I introduce these peeps to you ? I'm sure they're familiar to you," you joked. I never thought that you could throw some stupid joke like that, man !
" Lemme see … this one is Bob, that one was Clint and the other one was Dave. Those are Sheila and Frank, your parents, right ?" I said, pointing at everyone I mentioned.
" Cool ! That makes my job decreased," you laughed.
" Why didn't you answered my letters ?" I protested.
" I did got the time, but Dad won't permit me. it's all because of Clint !" you accused.
After that, I was with you -- every where you go I'm with you.
A mosquito drop by at my foot as I beat it off and wipe the blood.
" I miss you …," I sighed. I really really miss you. I never thought that the thing was gonna happen to you so fast. Candy … your nickname to me. I like that ! Especially when you said it through your lips. I want you back here again with me … I need you, your comforts and everything of you.
After the visit to my country, you were asking me if I wanna go with you to Canada or not. And I said yes, I'll come with you. I moved out from my old school and took school in Canada, while you're still busy with the tours and stuff. When you got back to Canada, we would always spent the time there together. Dave with his girlfriend, Marina. Bob with his lover, Geri and Clint with his lovely Alison.
Marina and I were bestfriends, she and I designed the wedding dress I wore on our wedding day, Scott. You know that. While you and Bob designed yours. Oh, I remember that night again. When you and Clint were in fight. It was like three days before our wedding day, right ? I've forgot about what. All I remember is that you were so mad at him and you're almost hitting him all over.
" Karin …," It's Bob calling me. " Tina's crying, she needs you." Bob said. Christina Gabrielle Moffatt, our daughter. Sheila gave the name. She's half me and half you. You haven't seen her, Scott.
" I'll be there, Duke," I replied, waving the sands on my pants and walk inside the house, carrying Tina on my arms, trying to keep her calm. Marina comes out from her room. She and Dave were married three months ago. We attended it. I sing a song and Tina went calm for a while, she's sleeping again.
" Mommy !! I'm home … !" That's your junior, Scott James Moffatt, Jr. -- the name you gave him. I called him Junior -- to make a difference between you and him.
" Hey, sweetie ! Gimme a hug !" I hugged him softly. His eyes were mine and his smile was yours. He reminds me a lot of you, Scott. And his name … just exactly the same as yours.
" Uncle Clint said that he wants to take us on a lunch ! Can I go with him, Mom ?" he said.
" Yes, dear ! You could," I said softly. " But first … change your clothes and wash your feet !" As I said that he went to his room and dashed the door, doing the things I said.
" Karin, will you come with us ?" Clint said.
" Me ? Well … I don't know. Tina will need me sometimes and if she'll not find me around, I don't think she'll survive," I refused.
" Come on … we bring her with us. I have a child too," Clint said, looking at Katha, his lovely five-years-old girl he holds inside.
" Uhm, okay then ! Hold a moment, I'll bring her here," I said, walking over to Tina's bed and lift her up my chest, keeping her sweet sniffles.
The things were different without you, Scott.
I remember again the time when you asking me to go out with you for the first time. It was in my country. We were on a big dinner and we sat beside each other, far from Sheila and Frank's view. We eat Japanese that time, and we were laughing and joking around each other with your brothers. Then you came up with the shocking question. I like the way you ask it but it's just a bad timing Scott. I was chewing my shabu-shabu when you asked that and I got choking all the way, so Dave gotta help me get the food out. You were laughing at me after that and never stop teasing me with it most of time. But you never could do that again, Scott. I miss you.
" Mommy ! We're there !" Junior shouted in my ear, makes me jumped off from my dreamworld.
" Yea, climb down. But, be careful, Junior !" I said, carrying Tina and my bag at the same time. Katha and Marina went down together and sat on a round table. Bob went over to the counter and ordered the meals for us. We eat out for like four hours or more full with fun and loving. I'm happy I can be within your big family, Scott. I just wish that you were here, with me - laughing and joking like we used to do with Junior and the other.
Went back to the house, I sit back at my computer desk and started writing about you again. Some of your fans were still in touch with me to keep the latest news about your brothers. After writing for some times, I stared at the sea in front of my window.
Begin to remember when the first time I told you I was going to have a baby. It was Junior. You were on tour -- Michigan. I called you late at night and you were shouting around the van. I can hear Sheila's words and Clint's disbelieved when you told them. It was all funny when you remember it all. Dad sent you home back to company me for the first two months and after that you get back to the tours. Now … your Junior has been born. He's very look like you, Scott.
You were with me when I was going to have Tina. But you weren't with me again when I gave her birth.
" Lemme take the pic for you !" you yelled at me when we got the picnic together in Nevis Isle's beach. You do some clicks and done with the camera.
Do you remember the time when we found Marina and Bob make out there ? Uh, I can't even stop laughing ! Marina was cheating on Dave and now she married him, as well ! Geri, the one who never know about Bob's cheating on her, is now moving out from Canada and from Bob's heart. Bob is not with her anymore. He's now with Anita. My bestfriend was cheating on her boyfriend, which was your brother and make out with your other brother … duh ! See how confuse I am ??
" Mommy ! Can I come in ?" Junior knocked my door.
" Unlocked, Sweetie. Come in," I replied, closing the file I'm writing on. Junior went in with his white blank paper. I'm sure it's about homework.
" Mommy, help me doing this homework ?!" he begged, sitting beside me.
" Sure. Now what can I do ?"
Scott … I often thought that you were leaving for tours. But, everytime I see Clint, Bob and Dave around, I also keep wondering why are they here while you're not. Where are you now, dear ? I miss you so much ! I need you to tell me where are you now ! It's not even a letter or a phone call ~ I miss you !
How dare you leaving me alone here only with our treasures ?? Junior and Tina. I need you to grow them up together !? Where are you ?? I know that it was useless to scream out loud calling your name, cos you're even not gonna hear me. Thanks for everything you've spent with me, Scott. I enjoy the times I've spent with you and I will never forget about it ! My love will always burning for you. I'll never leave the candle dimmed. Even though I'd die sometimes. If you need me there, you will always can call my name and I'll be there to keep you safe. I love you, Scott.
" Karin !! Open the door !!" I heard Anita's voice calling me.
" Karin !!! Don't do this !" It's Dave's voice. I couldn't move my body. Everything went grey … oh ! I can see some red liquid near me, then I realise it was my blood. Where's Junior ?? Oh, he's got out a few hours ago. Before I did this.
I hear someone's kicking the door roughly and now the door's open. Bob went over me, while Anita was crying over me.
" Karriiin ! Why are you doing this to us !?" she cried. I see Marina was hugging her friend softly, while she was crying too.
" Karin, wake up ! Karin ! Don't leave us !" Clint cried.
" Look ! What's this ??" Dave grabbed the paper beside me.
" Karin !" was the last word I ever heard in my life.
I was so easy and free. I can feel the soft wind of Florida blows my dark hair.
" Candy …" I heard you calling. I turned round and found you waiting, standing not far from me.
" Scott ! Where have you been !?" I cried on your chest.
" Waiting for you ! I'm the one who should asked you ! You took so long, dar !" you kissed me.
" See our children ? They were grown up now, dar !" I said as I pointed at Tina and Junior, who were dressed in black. I saw Bob, Dave and Clint also their wives in black too. Hum, I was wondering that they were at my funeral.
" Candy it's time for us to leave them !" you hugged me.
" Scott … I can't leave Tina like that. She's still a little girl," I sobbed.
" She'll be fine !" you said, comforting me. When you said it, I'm sure that everything will be okay and just like you said before. Everything will be okay. I stared back at my family, my children, my friends, and my grey grave stone. I'll leave them all in peace.
I walk to the light with you holding me tight and I know that you'll never let me go again. Our love never can be turned off by anything, Scott. I know that. Because … that's what you said.
I love you, yesterday, now and ever !