I sit in the darkness waiting, Wanting it to come. As it rises above the horizon, it's warmth hits me. Like juice squirting out of an orange. It's glare blinds me like a headlight, from a bus on it's journey to hell. The light stings my eye like a raw onion. Yet, I love, live, yearn for it. It's my friend. The sun rises with me everyday. It listens. It never shouts, shakes. Or slurs. It doesn't hit or hurt. It never taunts. It makes it's arc throught the sky like an arrow, Shot from Cupid's twisted bow of love. The sun is my god. It commands me. Dusk. The sun slowly falls behind the mountains, sliver, by sliver. It reminds me of a knife puncturing naked flesh. I'm cold. I'm empty. I'm now alone. For tonight, I go away. The sun has now once again gone, I hold a look of terror, a feeling of forlorn. I turn away, cry for a special friend. Knowing I will never marvel at it's beauty, Ever again.Yes, this is about the sun. It's divided into two feelings really. One is of lonleness, the character is going to end his life that night. No lomger will he look apon the beauty of the sun. The second feeling is also of lonleness, but it's this vampire kind of idea. This guy will never see the sun again. He has begun the solitary life of the undead. Well, maybe.
This poem is the 3rd in a series. I'll let you work this one out. Sort off, if i can't have you then no one can sort of thing.
The Lovers III.The rain falls upon me, Cleansing my spirit, Clensing my soul. Making me happy for sadness has come. The water forma a pool around my friend. she lies before me, innocent, but free. Her hair flows freely, like her soul once did. A tear rolls down my cheek, And over the cleft of my chin. She misses me already, I know. I can sense it. I scream, and raise my hands in triumph. the water drips off my elbows, And slips down my back. Washing, the blood from my hands.
Now, this one goes out to two people. One girl who I thought was a friend and a friend of my girlfriend. Their mission in life was to totlly screw up my relationship by starting little make believe stroies. They know who they are.
May I Ask You This Question?Whats so wrong with your pathetic lives? You can't deal with your own so you screw with mine. With your hurtful words and untrue chatter, Does my bussiness really matter? All your rumours make it worse, I got so many problems I don't deserve. You half truths turn to full lies, For everyone I'm caught and tried. I've got some problems in my life, Their slowly getting better. But everytime I fix one, Another one's invented. So wake uo you bunch of sluts, I can't take it any longer. Whats inside you that makes you do this, It really makes me wonder. So heres the thing I wish to know, The question I wish to ask. Are you some suicidal maniac caught in a jealous love hate frenzied state of mind because I have
a girlfriend? Or are you just fucking dumb?
Incsestuos marriages weaken the line, Our blood is bred thinner through the turnings of time. Hatful minds create racist views, Until their contorted into what you thinks you. I am not God and of course I'm not Satan, Not Jewish, or Budest and I don't worship pagens. I have no religion, I only have rights, A strong sense of will and a reason to fight. So gather around in a circle of friends, Fight for your lives, fight til the end. Rage against the oppressor, do all that can be done, Rid them of their bibles, their crosses and their guns. We'll take over and then we'll reign supreme, Then we'll start the building of our twisted dream reigme. Form a type of government, filled with evil games, But we'll never realise that nothings even changedBack to main
I am the beast thats full of hate, The animal armed with claws. I am the box thats full of junk, The machine with too many flaws. I am the car without a spare, The axle without a jack. I'm the speeding truck on fire Racing down the track. I'm the head inside the noose, The foot inside the trap. I'm the child without a mom, The poor kid playing snap. I'm the guy who has no friends, the one who has no toys. I'm the child thats all confused, About liking girls or boys. Who am I? I don't know? I only pull the levers. I'm the one that no one loves, but no one hates...either.
You don't really even know me, Cause all you see is what i show you. How can you say you really love me, Without knowing my hidden secrets. I sleep with a teddy i'm that insecure, I hide from the girls cause i fear ridicule. Outside i'm happy, coping with stress, But inside i'm a lost emotional wreck My outlook on life, not how you think, I know not who I am or if i wish to drink. Sometimes I seem so happy when in fact I'm really sad, You all think I'm such a nice guy when deep down I'm rotten bad. You think I strive to conquer all, When I'm looking for the end. You think that I'm in love with you, I only want to be your friend. I hate the way you sometimes talk, The rumours really hurt. I'm always so self concious, When I'm not wearing any shirt. I can never apologise enough, For the letter that I wrote. How can I be a good school captain, If I feel I don't deserve it.
So It Reared It's Ugly HeadA child born of unwanted birth, How will it live it's life? Objections known, cast out of home, But of course, in name only. Parents hated, all words baited, Everythings said just to pull him in a hole. Parents monsters, beaten constant, Black and blue until deadly sore. Soon he met a nice young lass, Who taught him how to live. Soon he met a nice young girl, Who taught him to forgive. But in the end he couldn't hack it, He needed it to live. All the love destroyed him, Because he had none to give. So in the end, hate conquers all.... And it reared it's ugly head.
From Me To YouYou are just like a shell, lost inside the sea. You have the beauty of this inquisite gift. But your not lost. You've me. I'll yearn for you for all the time, That we are ever apart. My pain is a rusty saw blade, Dragging through my heart. Your face is like a picture, Set upon the wall. It has a plaque beneath it, It says 'I'll love you evermore'.
A Message To Someone CloseYou know what this is about, You and no one else. It's about what I wrote you, In that stupid little note. I know it really hurt you, I'll never forgive myself. I was such a stupid prick, Only thinking of my health. I'm sorry that I said it, Told you I wanted to die. I'm sorry I dumped that in your lap, Without ever explaining why. It's amazing that you don't hate me, I can't believe your still my friend. I thought you'd never look at me, After proclaiming I'd come to my end. I put my death into your lap, That in itself was unfair. So please, please forgive me, For you I really care. We have this special mate thing, Your full of the things I lack. That night I really wanted to die, It was you that brought me back. So....I've said just about everything, I could never say to your face. I just want to say I'm sorry, You must be full of hate.
Why The Hell Can't You See How Wrong You really Are?Why can't girls and boys just be friends? Why can't they just be mates? Why can't they talk and play and be civil? Without going on a date. Is it how your mind operates, Is it really that corrupt. That you can't talk to the oppisite sex, Without aiming for a fuck.
What good is confidence? If one knows not how to use it. What good is self esteem? If the owner only abuses it. What good is a friendship? Based purely on personal gain. What good is love? If it feels just like a game. I lack the pesonal atributes, Which keep a person true. I lack the virtues given by god, I've never learnt anything new. My heart has often pained, For a love thats based on looks. My eyes have always bled, From studying all the books. How can I learn about my life, Find out just what to do. How do I know what happens next, Is there anything I can do. A book I read, it told of death, The escape from life was easy. I could never really kill myself, Blood always makes me quesy.
How Can I Feel This Way?There was a guy named David, But he got swallowed up. By love and hate and a bullet wound, Both his wrists were cut. Another faded idendity, Another victim of hate. If only he could of told someone, About the way he felt. Where do you go to tell someone, That you want to die. Who can you ask for a bit of help, A shoulder on which to cry. How do you break it to the one you love, That you no longer wish to give. How do you tell your family, You no longer wish to live. So now I've really scared myself, Cause I've lost my will of life. I want to sell my soul away, With a six inch kitchen knife. I don't want to die you know, But it is the only way. It's my escape from this tortured life, I'm fucked up so keep away.
So you've finally made it to the grave, Taken your life with your own hands. Finally you've got your freedom, But who did it really save? Sure you've lost all the pain, got rid of all the stress. You've passed it on to me, Given me the hate and all the rest. I'm not going to your funeral, I'm not going to your wake. I won't shed a tear for you, No pity for your sake. Who am I really trying to kid, Of course I'm gonna cry. I really loved you, you stupid bitch, How could you take your life? We had our whole lives to share, We had a love to give. Can I ask you, where you lying? Why don't you want to live?
Why Not?Hit. Sleep. hit. Sleep. Hit sleep cry. A journal of a junkie. A diary of his deed. Written in the posioned blood taken from his needle. Hit. Sleep. Hit. Sleep. Hit sleep die. A funeral of a fuckwit. Lowered beneath the ground. Died in a deserted room a muffled cry, no other sound. Hit. Sleep. Hit. Sleep. Hit sleep why?
I Hate YouI am the one who hates you most. I am the one who hates your boast. Your the one I do detest, Until your dead I can not rest. If only. If only I could say the words, Tell you how I hate you. So I could end this facade you call friendship. If I could say how you annoy me, With the stupid things you do. The way you think you are so cool, When your just a fucking cock. You tell him that you hate her, You tell him she's a bitch. If I ever hear you say it, I'll tell you know. Your dead. Your just plain old jealous, Cause I have the one I love. And since your such a loser, You'll never marry one for love. Sometimes I really worry, About being so full of hate. I'm worried what could happen, If it ever manages to escape. You have to beat me at everything, Although you never do. Sometimes you seem to try so hard, It's a wonder what spite can do.
Is there any problem with me being myself, Do you have a problem with who I am. You seem to whisper everytime I speak, And you refuse to shake my hand. I'm not going to bow to you, And say that your the best. I'm not going to be your friend, Just because your popular with the rest. I won't sway to your pop culture, Because you threaten me with words. I don't want to be an individual, I want to be myself. I won't fall in love with Eddie, Or grow my hair like Gavin. I won't mosh to bands like Nirvana, I refuse to be a 'punk'. Punk ain't how you look or sing, It's not a mohawk, a stupid nose ring. Punk's an attitude, a thought of mind, A form of hatred of your stupid kind. I'm not a 'punk', I know that for sure, I don't know who I am anyomore. All I know is I'm nothing like you, Not that I'd ever want to. Why do I have to be in a stereotypical group, Have to be a homie, a punker or a gook. Why can't I just be myself and dress just how I like, Listen to the music and get on with my life.
How can you ridicule and tease, When none of you even understands me. You couldn't even start to calculate, The way my mind operates. But... You seem to know everything. You seem to have done all. You seem to know everyone. Why don't you run the world? Cause you havn't lived the slightest, All gets handed to you on a plate. Drive around in your beemers, And look at us with hate. You cuddle your bleach blonde babes, And smoke cheap, but exensive cigars. Made by exploited children, Stolen from Taiwan. You've never worked all your life, Your money came from birth. Yet you call us bludgers, When our money comes from work. Just wait till the revolution, Wait till the working class does rise. We'll burn your homes and mansions, And smash your fancy cars. So mister thats my explanation, Of why I hate your guts. Even though you've got a million, You can't spare a measly buck.
Maybe Now He's SorryI've rang four times already, But your dad says you arn't home. But I know you really are, You just won't come to the phone. I'm sorry I tried to rape you, I should ahve listened to your no. I'm sorry I took what I didn't deserve, I just want you to know. I hate myself for what I've done, I want to end my life. But I need you, love you, need you, love you, Will you be my wife? Of course she won't you silly prick, What are you thinking of. She hates you, hates you, loathes you, kills you, She wants to see you dead. I rang again, he told me to fuck off, And that I was a gutless coward. I know your right, I'm weak, I'll die, I'm living one big fucking lie. I should be made to wear a sign, To condem me of my crime. To warn the coming people, Of my horrible damnation. I want to hide away from them, The people who know my name. I don't want them to see my evil face, A face thats full of shame. I wish you'd answer so I could tell you, How sorry I am for what I done. I've gone and swallowed some petrol, Now I'll wait for death to come. I see a whole new light through blurry eyes, Life suddenly means so much. There are so many things I haven't done, Oh, life is such. Pain is rippling through my chest, My throat is starting to burn. I hear this voice inside my head, 'This is your lesson, learn.' Help me god, come to me now, I know I didn't pray. Please come and end me now, The pain is much to great. My perverted mind is dying, I can feel it rotting away. i'm being violated by a poison, I know just how you felt. I've fallen to the ground, My bodies paralysed. The question that needs to be asked is, Will my death wash away the lies?
I'm sitting here at my desk Thinking of you. Of what you did. What went wrong? I hadn't seen you since you left. I would've liked to talk to you, Ask if you got what you wanted. It looks like you didn't. I looked up to you, you know. After you led me at the camp, I thought you were the best. Obviously not! It hurts me to know you did it. If I had a problem, a trouble or a woe, You had an ear to listen. Maybe that was your problem, Thought of our problms but not of your own. I wonder if you remembered me before you died, If our short friendship flittered your mind. Did you like me as much as I liked you? Or was I just a kid. I'm thinking of the talks we had. You, me and that asian girl. I demand to know. Why did you want to die? Martin, how could you take your life?
IfIf god is alive and god is true, Then why does he let me do this to you. Why does he let me treat you like shit, Why doesn't he help you when I start to hit. If god does love and god does care, Why are people killed for the colour of their hair. Why do people live in torment, Because they were born to a single parent. If god is fair and god is just, Why do people get away with crimes of lust. Why does he let a man rape his wife, Or hit with a stick until the edge of her life. If god loves the humble and god loves the meek, Why does he let a child die on the street. Or let a poor man drink to his grave, Or a mother kill herself in order to save. If god believes in wrong and right, Why does he let a boy be alone at night. Let him watch while his two friends fight, Ever take away my sight. Wanna know why, He's a chicken shit. Either that, Or he don't exist.
Kill Your IdolsI am your man, You should be scared. Bow down before, Swear your life to me. He was a god, Set upon a cross. But now I take his place, I am the anti-christ. They killed their own, Beat him with his books. Released the thieves instead, Put him on a cross. You deserve to die, For what you did to him. Treated like a dog, Burnt upon a cross. Kill your idols. Kill your idols. Kill your idols, Until their dead.
Helmet GuyHe rides his bike all day long, He is the weirdest guy around, He wears a helmet on his head. It has lots of stickers on it, He always has a ciggarette, Hanging from the corner of his mouth. He walks around with his helmet on, He don't care about nothing or no one, He is the last true soul around. Some people says he's stupid, some people say he's dumb, But Mr Helmet, I think your the one. You swayed away form mainstream, You do just what you want, Keep riding and ride on.
The Song of no RelevanceThis is just a silly song, It has no comment on political wrongs. It has nothing at all to say, About the waste of money today. This is jus a silly verse, It contains no rythmic symbolic curse. It has nothing to do with the rising numbers, Of single moms and teenage mothers. This is a song about nothing, It's about nothing at all. This is a song of no relevance, I wrote it cause I was bored. Why does everything have a message? What ever happened to fun. It got swallowed up by knowledge, Why was I born so dumb? I am a person of nothing, I've got no view at all. I don't care what you do with my money I wish I was never born. Propaganda strangles the waves, I spose it's just a game. Cause when it comes to politics, Your only voting for a name. They say it's a democracy, And that we all have a say. If it's so good and golden, Why have I lost my faith? If you don't care what I say, Why do you threaten to lock me away? The pain from political death still lingers, I wasn't born with enough middle fingers. (That last line was taken from 'irresponsible hate anthem' by marilyn manson)
It's nice to see you, Mr Clown. Move your lips and lose that wicked looking frown. Give me a smile, Mr Clown. Stop that wicked laugh and help me to the ground. Make me an animal, Mr Clown. Those balloons into shapes pulled from my darkest dreams. I hate your silly jokes and pranks that make me scream. The clown stalks the children, He likes to shop around. Find someone to buy his wares, A life is all it costs. I want to kill you, Mr Clown. You've hurt the children till they need you just to live. I hate your face now, Mr Clown. They need a life blood of which only you can give. Give them their toys now, Mr Clown. Release their balloons of love or I'll try and set them free. How could you do it, Mr Clown. Pry on their innocence with talk of dreams that can't be real. He'll jack up the rent, To stay in his tent. Soon they will cry, Soon they will die. If they don't get their feed, They'll die cause they need. The clown has stalked his victim, He likes to shop around. They don't care who buys his wares, A life is all it costs. How could you do it, Mr Clown? How do you do it, Evil Clown? They don't care what the cost, A worthless life is all that's lost.
I lived by the pipe like a warrior and his sword, I'd drop a trip whenever I got bored. I lived in my room and listened to tunes, I was just a little boy who didn't have a fucking clue. Innocence proves nothing. I went to school just to get away from home, I used to ride my bike so I could stop and have cones. I went through school in a mixed up cloudy haze, People asked me questions just to laugh at what I'd say. Innocence was nothing. At home he'd beat me around, Say something naughty and push me to the ground. I'd bare my cheek and he'd hit me again, I drank before I came home so I didn't feel the pain. Innocence was gone. I'm a big boy now. through the pain, I'm a big boy now. It's my turn to breed another group of, Hateful, drugfucked, anti-sematic, racist, Nazi bigots.
So, you've made it this far. You've come to the end of my poetry. Yet, this is only half of my collection. I hope you enjoyed it. More to come later.