(Spoken as quickly as possible) Hi, this is 555-5555. If you want to leave a message, please wait for the tone. If you want to leave your name and number, please press pound, press 3, then dial your name, then press 6 and dial your number. If you want to leave your name and just a message, press star, press 6, ask for extension 4443, then leave your name and message, If you want to leave your number and the time you called, please press star twice, spin in a circle, bark like a dog, press 1 twice, talk loudly and (BEEP)WE ARE BORG. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED. But we're not home right now, so leave a message at the beep and we'll assimilate you later.
We'd appreciate it if you'd leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.
This is the Literacy Self Test Hotline. After the tone, leave your name and number, and recite a sentence using today's vocabulary word. Today's word is "supercilious."
Greetings. You have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are and what you want, so at the sound of the tone, please hang up.
I can't come to the phone right now because alien beings are eating my brain. Leave a message anyway, and after the alien beings assume my shape, one of them will get back to you.
'Ello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Leave your name and number, and prepare to die.
Thank you for calling the CSU Automated Hearing Test Line. Prepare for the test. 1. Is this tone louder in your left ear or your right ear? (BEEP)
(Rod Serling imitation) You're dazed, bewildered, trapped in a world without time, where sound collides with color and shadows explode. You see a signpost ahead; this is no ordinary telephone answering device. You have reached... The Twilight Phone.
I can't come to the phone right now because I have amnesia and I feel stupid talking to people I don't remember. I'd appreciate it if you could help me out by leaving my name and telling me something about myself. Thanks.
Thank you for calling 555-5555. If you wish to speak to Tim, push 1 on your touch tone phone now. If you wish to speak to Kathryn, push 2 on your touch tone phone now. If you have a wrong number, push 3 on your touch tone phone now. None of this button pushing does anything, but it is a good way to work off anger, and it makes us feel like we have an expensive phone system.
(Bored voice) Heaven, God speaking...
This is a test. This is a test of the Answering Machine Broadcast System. This is only a test.
I can't come to the phone now, so if -- well, actually, I CAN come to the phone now, I mean, like, I'm at the phone NOW, recording this message, but I'm doing this NOW, while you're listening to this LATER, except for you I guess it's NOW, like, when you're listening to it... No, wait, I mean... (sigh) This is so confusing.
The number you have dialled, 555-5555, has been changed. The new number is 555-5555. Please make note of it.
You have reached the CPX-2000 Voice Blackmail Sustem. Your voice patterns are now being digitally encoded and stored for later use. Once this is done, our computers will be able to use the sound of YOUR voice for literally thousands or illegal and immoral purposes. There is no charge for this initial consultation. However, our staff of professional extortionists will contact you in the near future to further explain the benifits of our service, and to arrange for your schedule of payment. Remember to speak clearly at the tone. Thank you.
(Klingon voice) ANSWERING MACHINE. SPEAK.
You have reached the number you have dialled. Please leave a message after the beep.
Now I lay me down to sleep; leave a message at the beep. If I die before I wake, remember to erase the tape.
Hello, this is Sid. I've got a puppy in one hand and a Smith & Wesson .38 in the other. Leave a message or the puppy gets it.
Hi, this is John. If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid company, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friend, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry; I have plenty of money.
Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.
