Why do people look at me like I'm something
special? It really makes me nervous. I've been
told that it's because people see me as something
different than they thought I was. The change
from somebody else to me.

I used to beg and scream to get out of there, out
of my prison. When I was finally able to talk to
people on the outside, it was like nobody would
respond to me. Like I was so disliked and despised.

I think that's the hardest thing for me, is to
know the pain and see the people. I always said,
"Don't look at the outside to see the person, look
to the inner beauty on the inside." I would be
mocked, because why would somebody want some-
body fat and ugly. If people would only realize,
alot of time the person on the inside is often
different from the outside. The inside person may
be attractive, may have a sense of humor, might
really be a caring person. I'm not who everybody
thought I was. Not all people that have inner
beauty are wrapped inside of a demon, but there
may be some beautiful people locked inside of a
body that need and want to come out. That may
only be their character or personality. It may be
happiness or hope. It might be bravery needed - it
could be a million and one things! What a person
sees on the outside, most likely is not the person
on the inside. Look beyond the surface. If some-
body is giving a cry for help, respond, help them
to shed that outer layer. Take the time to find
the real person. Take that person by the hand,
let that person know that it's okay to be them-
selves. Listen for their pain, hear what they are
telling you... help them climb out of their shell.
Put an end to the prison, whether it's demonic or
self-induced. All in all it doesn't matter what
the cause is - yet, knowing will help to know what
the needs are.

I hold no grudges about the lack of response to my
prison, because I know my captors. I believe too,
that many are captors of self, just because they
feel they need to be someone or something different
to please somebody else. Most likely they just
don't know the difference. I have heard of God
and I guess I accepted Him quite awhile ago. What
I have asked for long ago is for myself to somehow
spread the Word, teach, etc... that people need to
look beyond the surface. Open the book, you'll
never find out what the story is about if you just
stare at the cover. Give someone a chance, you/me/
whoever may be that person's only hope. Do I
regret my captivity? As much as I want to say yes,
I have to say no. Without that, I don't believe
that I would have realized how much pain a person
does go through. How much of a prisoner many are
to themselves, demons, families, etc. I want to
know the person, I want to help the person be
real and accepting of self. Dammit, there's too
much of this going on! It's time to stand up and
be heard! It's time to believe! Without God,
will a person be able to see inside at the pain
and fear? NO! Because, too often, when we try to
look inside of another, we WILL and MUST be able
to look inside ourselves as well! A person
standing alone or in the bowels of the demons,
will never, ever be able to do that, nor will
they have the desire for it! If they would, they
would have to learn to heal. they would have to
find God for that! So one on his/her own will
never make a decision for healing without making
their choice - God or Lucifer!

People are not only destroying themselves, they
are destroying each other. Diamonds and new
houses are something that one slaves for, obsesses
over. Yet, they see a child on the street, "I
just can't look at that, it's sad, why won't
somebody do something." Message- let's work our
asses off for what we "want". We see someone's
need, we tend to a) avoid it, because then some
effort may have to be put out; b) gee, if we do
something this time, we'll be expected to do it
again and probably again; c) somebody might see
me and make fun of me d) somebody might try to
take advantage of me e) gee, if I give him $5, I
might not be able to bowl tomorrow! And I can go
on and on!

People what is this world about? The one who dies
with the most toys does not win. The toys were
dead when they were received, they're dead when
you're gone. Physically you'll be dead, fooooop,
just gone!

Make a difference to another person. When you die,
most likely they are still around, still alive.
What's the difference? Because you CAN make a
difference to one person! Your legacy does live
on, part of you shall live forever in the hearts
and souls that you have touched. As God grants
you eternal life in heaven, He also grants the
part of you that shall stay behind. It may only
be a reminder of a hug or prayer of thanks. It
might be somebody saying "I learned a new way of
life". Hopefully, it will be that he/she helped
me know God. "We were introduced. I knew Him
before, but somebody helped me know Him better."
"I thought I knew Him, but it didn't make sense,
so someone taught me how to understand Him."
Again, I can go on and on.

People, you are the ones that can make a difference
to people. Okay, so you gave that child $3.
(Remember you were too cheap for the $5 earlier).
Hey you did feed her, but she's still hungry,
still searching. Have you thought to feed her
soul? You did not want to see her go hungry, yet
you didn't feed her soul? She may not realize
that's what she's lacking. Do you know if you
take enough vitamins? It's time for people to
wake up. Life IS more important than "things"!

I don't know if this is the kind of things that a
person talks about here and I'm sorry for spouting
off too much, but if people don't hear, how will
they know? How will they know what they are
missing or lacking?

Have you dreamed of a rainbow? For at the end of
the rainbow, many seek the pot of Gold, yet do not
realized that pot of Gold is in God! Beautiful
and blessed.

P.S. I'm 17 and only weigh 103 lbs.

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