A treatise by Priestess Rain
Let's get this straight from the start: I don't much care for this show on some deep, personal level. To be honest, I'll admit that if Tom's not onscreen, I'm either talking to someone else or reading, listening for that tell-tale, flaming New York accent. Other than that, I really think this show could use some serious work. For instance...
The Alaska episode. Ed is laying in a hospital bed. Attwood is nearby in a very frightening leather jacket. Ed's coughing and his hair is miraculously still in place and the camera swings over and we get a very disturbing shot of Attwood, Ed coughs some more and a nurse comes over and shoves a pan in his face and Attwood is sweating and thank God, it's time for a commercial.
Tom's accent. I mean, excuse me? I like it, I love it, I want more of it, but please.
WHERE THE HELL ARE THEY, ANYWAY!? I think they're in New York because of all the apartments and Tom's accent and all (see above), but then they are able to get to Mexico and back in one cut-away, so I think they're in Texas, or, more appropriately, Southern Cally. Then I think they're in Washington D.C. because bear-like sweaty men like Attwood just flock to that city for some reason. All in all, I have no idea. Ed pisses me off.
Sloan's hair. She went from a Mimi Rogers-flip-do to a lovely wavy style and now finally to this barely controllable living entity of Mariah Carey curls. I mean, seriously. With all the running from the law and Lewis and Ed, you'd think she wouldn't have time to experiment. Perhaps if the writers had thought more about making their plot lines sensible than Sloan's hair, something would have happened.
This whole supposed "torrid love affair" between Tom and Sloan. I mean, after a whopping three kisses and a couple of heartfelt hugs, I just can't get excited over this. Thelma was more torridly involved with Louise. With all the running around in her underwear, you'd think Sloan would be more apt to get radical.
The name Attwood.
The obssession with Lewis. I just don't get it, no matter how hard I try. One of my darkest fears is that I'll one day make my own film, and have a frightening actor cast as a mediocre villain, and suddenly I'll be surfing the net and find all these worship sites and explicit fan fiction stories dedicated to him, and it will absolutely ruin me. Usually at this point I wake up screaming, covered with a thin layer of cold sweat, the sheets damp with salty perspiration. Then I realize it was all a dream, and I turn to Richmond and snuggle closer, trying to coax myself back to sleep. Does this ever happen to you?
Sloan's simply unbelievable powers of deduction---"Wait. They're all drinking the same juice. We knew the virus had to be ingested somehow."---please come on---Batman thought longer about the Riddler's questions.
Ed really pisses me off.
This is a long one. Tom and Sloan are identified as cult leaders, and therefore they escape the city and wander around aimlessly (obviously "not in the state Prey is set in", U.S.A.), avoiding police quite well, what with all the refrigerators (safes?) lying around. This is quite a confusing plot twist, since their "disguises" consist of a lot of dark clothes and sunglasses. Other than that they're exactly the same. We didn't even realize, watching, that they were SUPPOSED to be in disguise. Of course it fools the clods they run across, but all they've really done is change their shirts.
The relationship between Tom and his mom is weird and unpleasant and just not right.
I missed one episode because there was some public interest thing going on in town that we were all supposed to care about, and it pre-empted Prey. I think maybe that episode explained this, but I'll ask it anyway: the basic plot of the whole Oaxaca deal was the existence of an ancient race of black-turtleneck wearing humanoids somewhere below Mexico. Please tell me there aren't a bunch of Lewis's running around below my feet right now, ready to pop up like prarie dogs? I hope not!
Who really knows how many cars they have. I mean, assuming that the lab doesn't co-own Budget Rent-a-Car (God forbid), I just take to assuming that all these cars are stolen. I could be mistaken, and they could be just using the same three or four, but brother, it sure looks like a different car for every scene.
To be brutally, possibly dishearteningly, honest, I must say I have no idea how everything fits together in this show. All I know is some of the elements include: 1. There's this chick named Sloan. She's a bioanthropologist (we get that right away and keep being reminded of it). 2. There's a whiny, tightly bepanted sidekick named Ed. He really pisses people off and wants to be the one of the Beach Boys. 3. This guy named Attwood, who sounds like a cross between The Godfather and Cindy Brady and looks like an Asian Drew Carey, has power over, like, the entire world. 4. This short-haired, Vulcan-like guy named Tom shows up. He's not one of us. He's a hottie. 5. Tom is Oedipal. 6. Lewis is a man who trains tightly bepanted blonde women on the finer points of killing. Then kills them. 7. Monkeys kill other monkeys and that means a helluva lot to Sloan. 8. This guy named Lynch, but who the hell cares. 9. I have no idea what the pillar is all about, but it's there and it's big. 10. Tom crouches a lot.
Do you know why this show failed? Because of Ed. I am blaming everything on Ed. He just seemed to be getting in the way. Maybe he was the producer's son or something.
Thank you for listening to me ramble.
Copyright 1999 Veronica J. Hoffman