HTML> ECCENTRIC PURPLE SPACE PIRATES

THE PATA AND BECK MST SAGA

 

"A Love That Will Be Forever," MST'd

An Ice Pick Tale

Beck: Ohaiyo, we found a fic!

Pata: We being Beck and I, of course.

Beck: It's truly evil, and we wanted to show you exactly how bad by bringing it here. It was originally written by someone named "Matt Ishida's Gurl," which is pretty much evil in itself.

Pata: And with that said, here goes.

Matt woke up on a Saturday morning. All groggy and grumpy he trudged to the living room to watch T.V.

Beck: Wow. Nappy morning Yamato. Sounds okay. (^-^)

Sora woke up at the sound of her alarm. "Stupid alarm. I thought I turned it off last night."

Pata: Ew! Nappy morning Sora!

Beck: Oh, they had BETTER not be in the same bed. Or room. Or area code.

She turned it off and went back to sleep again. She got up instantly forgetting she had to meet the others at the park today. She jumped out of bed and put on her clothes. She forgot they were supposed to meet at 3:00. She went back to sleep not even bothering changing back in her Pajamas.

Pata: What...the hell?

Beck: Erm, only proving that Sora and this authoress and both RETARDED.

Mimi got up.

Pata: *gasp* You're kidding!

Beck: Great for her.

Lifting up her beauty mask she stretched. She walked out of bed and looked at herself in the mirror.

Pata: Suddenly she noticed the murderous-looking MSTers behind her...

She dug in the closet to look for her newest outfit. She then brushed her hair 10 times to make it soft and glossy.

Pata: Exactly 10. She has Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder.

Beck: And then she washed her hands five times because five is a factor of ten.

She washed her face and walked out to the living room and ate her breakfast.

Pata: *deadpan* Yay.

Beck: This has to be the most boring thing I have ever read.

Pata: I hope she's going somewhere with this, because I don't care about the Digidestineds' respective morning rituals...

Tai got up grumpy with his hair in all directions. He left his room ad did the same thing as Matt did.

Pata: La~azy authoress.

Beck: *nods off*

"Gosh Tai you look like a monster." Kari said has she tossed him a brush. "Here brush your hair before you kill my eyes."

Pata: Tai dropped the ice pick he was holding in order to kill her eyes properly, with his bare hands.

Beck: I didn't know eyes died.

She joked as she sat next to him and changed the channel to cartoons. "Hey I was watching that!"

Pata: Too bad, Tai. Life is pain.

Beck: Don't quote our math teacher in front of me, young lady.

So now your not." "Gr.…" He looked at his 11-year-old sister, who was the most mature girl, he ever seen

Pata: Me speaked Anglish!

Beck: *curls up and starts to cry*

He was now 14 and it has been 3 years since they left the Digital World…

Beck: blah blah blah, bad set up, too obvious, blah blah....

Izzy woke up and wet to his laptop instantly and typed away.

Pata: o.O; He WET his LAPTOP?

Beck: *shrugs* Oh, like that's never happened to you when you leave it on your lap all night. I mean...it's warm....

"Ack! I think I have an asthma attack! Oh, wait I don’t…" said the panicked Joe. He went back to sleep.

Beck: And that was...totally pointless.

Sora waited in the park, almost half asleep Matt came. "Hey Sora!" "Oh hey Matt" She yawned, "I almost fell asleep here."

Pata: Hello, and welcome to the Department of Redundacy Department.

I could see that" Matt laughed. "Hey!" Mimi cried as she ran toward them. "How are ya?" "I’m fine, but sleepy" Sora said dozing off. "I’m ok" said Matt cheerfully. "Ahh. Here comes afro hair boy now…." Said Matt joking. "Hi Guys!" Tai yelled as he and Kari ran towards them. Sora laughed at Matt’s joke. "Hey Tai."

Beck: Sora laughed at Matt's joke a lot, not wanting him to get suspicious of what she was holding behind her back. Ice picks were not normal things to bring to a park in summer.

"Oh Hey Sora!" Tai said. "Hey Kari" said Sora cheerfully. "Hey Sora!" replied Kari.

Pata: The new 'wuuuuzzzzzzaaaap.'

Beck: I think I'm going to go cut myself.

She looked around. "Where are all the others?"

Pata: Plotting your violent murder.

Beck: With the Secret Ice Pick of DOOM!

I dunno Kari." Tai said. "Hey!" Izzy said

Pata: No mas! No mas!

as he ran with his laptop in his backpack as always. Next to Izzy was Joe. "Hi!" said Joe Cheerfully. "Hi guys!" said T.K. as he walked to the group. The group all went to the nearby zoo where they were having a festival. The group split up. Mimi and Sora. Tai and Kari. Matt and T.K. Joe and Izzy.

Beck: And all went off and had HOT PASSIONATE MONKEY SEX!!!!!

Hey Sora?" Mimi said nervously. "Yeah Mimi?" "I think I like someone in our group."

Pata: And it's you.

Beck: Oh Mimi! I didn't know you cared! *smooch*

"Who?" Sora said. She knew it had to be Tai. "I like Matt." Mimi whispered. Sora almost fell down.

Pata: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Beck: *sobs, as Sora* I though you loved MEEEEEEEE!

Pata: And my ICE PIIIIIIICK!!!!!!!!

"Really?" Sora stammered. "Yeah." Said Mimi smugly. "I think he’s pretty cute. Don’t you think?" said Mimi dreamily. "Um….yeah.." said Sora.

Pata: But I think you're cuter!

In the DigiWorld….

Pata: The ice picks were having a party.

Beck: They were all picking each other in bad places in the hot tub and drinking too much.

Matt ran up to Sora. "Hey Sora…"he said shyly.

Pata: What are they, eight?

Beck: No, but the authoress most likely is.

A little too shy, shy enough to make Sora suspicious. "Oh hey Matt" she said cheerfully. (Now tell me if this fic is too cheerful ok?)

Pata: It is. It needs more ice picks.

Beck: I couldn't agree more.

Matt grabbed her arm and dragged her away to a private place.

Beck: To KILL her! with an ICE PICK!

Pata: Or possibly to sleep with her. Using an ice pick as a sadistic toy.

"Um…Sora there’s something I need to tell you." He said in a serious voice. "What Matt?"

Beck and Pata: I love Tai!

"Well it’s that ever since we met I…I love you." He said looking in her eyes

Beck: BARF!!!!

She looked back. "I love you too Matt." She said. They leaned toward each other and kissed on the lips.

Pata: On the LIPS? Oh my GOD!

Beck: My EYES! How VILE!

"Let’s not tell this to the others." Said Matt. But now to Sora that was a bad idea.~~~End of Flashback~~~

Beck: Wait...there WAS a flashback? I'm so confused....

Pata: It's not our fault. It's the authoress.

Sora looked horrified. "Hello Sora?" Mimi said waving her hand in front of Sora’s face. "Huh?" She said snapping back to reality. "You were on another planet," joked Mimi. "Anyways what should I do?

Pata: Stab me. STAAAAAAB ME! With an ice pick!

Beck: With the BLUNT part of an ice pick!

"Should I ask him to go out?" she asked in a pleading voice. "Well I don’t know Mimi, maybe you should figure it out by yourself." She said. "Oh ok" said Mimi.

Beck: Mimi, being retarded, didn't pick up the ice-pick-wielding bitchvibes at all.

"Oh there’s Matt now!" said Mimi as she ran toward them.

Pata: Quelle chance!

"Hey Matt!" Mimi yelled as she wrapped her arm around his. "Uh…what’s this all about?" He said trying to tug away from Mimi but her grasp was too tight. "Yamato" she said calling him by his Japanese name. "What I want to say is…" she looked away. "I…have a crush on you." She said. "Ack!" Matt screeched as T.K. stared at Mimi.

Pata: He was thinking about which would more effective: rat poison or ice pick.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Matt’s thoughts~~~~~~~~

Oh god why me? Why does she like me? Why didn’t we tell the others that we liked each other? Ahh! I like Sora! Not Mimi. What should I do?

Pata: Maybe tell Mimi you don't like her?

Beck: And Sora, too. Then, waltz off and make love to your true amore, Taichi!

Pata: The end! Perfect story!

Beck: *wipes brow* Damn, I'm glad that's over...

 

 

"Sam from Luna" (Or Some Odd Shit Like That)

Adventures with Kentucky Anglish & Sporks

Beck: Really quick, I just need to say this piece o' poo is originally by Rikku of FF.N, and she can keep it.

Pata: Seriously. Because it's really, really bad.

Beck: Now then, let's get this over with! Welcome to:

Sam from Luna

"Who’s that?" said Ron and looked at the girl who was standing together with the first years. Her hair was black as the night and her eyes were dark brown.

Beck: Wow...could it be...Mary Sue?

Pata: Sounds like Simone to me. Possibly Nuri.

Beck: My vote is still on Mary Sue.

"Dunno... Never seen her before..." said Harry and glared at the girl.

Beck: Glare, Harry, affix her with your stare!

Pata: Shame on her for being new!

"She is a exchange student, dumb ass!" said Fred and hit he’s brother in the head.

Pata: No. No. Did she seriously just write "he's brother"? HICK ALERT!

Beck: I think she's from Kentucky. Because Kentucky spawns evil.

Pata: Like fried chicken.

"Really...? Cool..." said Ron and hold a hand on the head. Dumbledore stood up.

Beck: Hold a hand on the head. That would be a most interesting position.

Pata: You're a sick woman.

Beck: Thank you.

"Welcome... a new year here at Hogwarts, again! As you can see, we have a special guest here!" The girl blushed, "Her name is Sam Allis and she comes from Luna Magic School. She is going to join the fifth years this year! So... Miss Allis, please step forward and take the hat on." She did as he said and a few seconds later it called out with house she was going to be in: "GRYFFINDOR!" She took of the sorting hat and walked over to the Gryffindor Table, she sat down across the table where Hermione sat.

Beck: I think that was just one, giant sentence.

Pata: Why is the chick's name Sam? I think she's a lesbian.

Beck: Maybe she's a transvestite.

Pata: Maybe she's a GAY lesbian.

Beck: Wait...wouldn't being a gay lesbian make her straight?

Pata: Maybe. But what if she was a gay lesbian transvestite? Would that make her a man?

Beck: No, that would probably just make her from Kentucky.

"Hi," Hermione smiled, "Luna, huh? Is that a good school?" Sam nodded shyly, "Oh, I’m Hermione Granger. These are my friends, Ron Weasly and Harry Potter."

Beck: WeaslEy. With a fucking 'E.' Come on, people.

George looked up.

Pata: And saw Sam standing over him with...

Beck: AN ICE PICK! A KENTUCKY ICE PICK!

Pata: No! A huge spork!

Beck: A huge Kentucky spork? If it's truly evil, it has to be from Kentucky.

Pata: Alright, a Kentucky spork.

Beck: Thanks. ^-^

"Hermione... aren’t we your friends too?" he smiled at her.

Pata: No, you're not her friend. Just stop lying to yourself and get some REAL friends, you loser.

"Um.... of course! That’s George and Fred Weasly, Ron’s brothers, they are twins you see, and they are on their last year here," Hermione explained to Sam.

Beck: Smooth cover up, Herm. We know you're actually after their spork...

"Oh... nice to meet you all..." said Sam and blushed.

Pata: Then she committed sporkicide. Kentucky sporkicide.

Beck: Which is the worst type, of course.

"So... are you muggle born or a pureblood?" asked Ron.

Pata: *as Ron* Because I REALLY care. DAMN YOU MUDBLOODS! Father says not to associate with scum like them.

"I’m a pureblood..." she answered.

Beck: *as Ron* Oh thank GOD!

Pata: My name's Ron Malfoy, by the way...

"I heard there is houses at Luna too... what house are you in?" Hermione asked.

"Well... we’re sorted by with element we are."

"Element?" said Ron.

"Yes, if you are Pisces, like I am, you are water," explained Sam.

Pata: But what if you're a Virgo? Are you sorted into Virgin House? What happens there?

"Cool, I’m Cancer," said Harry and grinned.

Beck: NOoooooOOOO! Harry, you'd be in the Deadly Diseases House!

When the sorting of the first years had ended, ever house had ten new students.

Beck: Yay....and I care.

The food came up and everybody started to eat. After a while Sam felt that someone were watching her, and she turned to see a boy at the Slytherin table.

Pata: Oh my God, let me guess: Draco loves her! That makes TOTAL sense.

Beck: *as the Draco/Herm and Draco/Harry shippers* NOOOOOOO!

Hermione must have seen that she looked,

"Oh, That’s Malfoy. He’s an idiot."

Beck: *as the Draco/Herm shippers* NOOOOOOO!

Pata: *offended* My Draccie is not an idiot! He's just a seksy biotch.

Beck: Don't ever call him Draccie again.

Malfoy?" repeated Sam and looked at Hermione.

"Yeah, Draco Malfoy. I bet he’ll be a Death Eater, just like he’s father," said Harry.

"A Death Eater...?"

"Yeah, a Death Eater, you-know-who..."

Beck: My god, is this shim retarded?

Pata: *laughs hysterically* Haha...shim. It's funny 'cuz its truuuuue.

"I think Death Eaters are kind of scary..." said Ginny.

Pata: And Pata and Beck proceeded to kill her with a spork.

"He doesn’t look so bad..." said Sam and looked back at Draco, who still was watching her.

"They never do!" laughed Fred.

Pata: *as Fred* I know because I'm gay and check out all their asses!

"Hehe... well, he’s kind of right... but Malfoy look really mean, if you wanna hear what I think... I mean, look at him! He’s gray eyes tells everything..." said Hermione.

Beck: Me speaking Anglish much good now!

Pata: I so good speaking Anglish at I win bestest writer in Kentucky!

"Nah... I think Malfoy is nice... not..." said Ron and laughed a little. Sam stared at them.

"You really think so...?" she said quietly.

Beck: *wielding saber* Get away from my Malfoy, MarySueBitch!

"I don’t... I think Malfoy is cute!" said Ginny, and everybody stopped laughing.

Pata: They all turned on Ginny, wielding sporks.

"Ehh... Ginny, what are you saying?!" said Ron and glared at he’s younger sister.

Pata: Why must this disgusting incestuous redneck keep saying "he's"?

"I-I... uh... sorry..." Ginny blushed.

Pata: I KILL YOU! I KILL YOU! *attacks author with a spork*

"Come here," said Hermione and showed Sam the Girls Dorm. There was an extra bed.

Beck: Dude, I think they just time warped or some odd shit like that.

Pata: But it didn't matter that there was an extra bed, because Sam was going to sleep in Hermione's because they loved each other!

Beck: Passionately! YUUUUURI!

"Wow... Cool!" said Sam as she walked over to her bed, "What a big bed! The beds at Luna don’t look like this!" Hermione smiled.

Beck: Apparently, Luna is pretty ghetto.

Pata: Although the ghetto-ness doesn't seem to have rubbed off on its only student.

Beck: *scratches chin thoughtfully* Hmmm.

"So, I hope you’ll have a good time here at Hogwarts when you’re here."

"I hope so too... I had a good time so far! You guys are really nice," Sam sat down on the bed.

Pata: It swallowed her and everyone was glad.

"Tomorrow we have our first class... you exited?" asked Hermione.

Beck: Yes, she exited via bed.

"Well... yeah. I like school and I think the classes are so much different here from my school! So yes, I’m existed..."

Beck: No! She un-exited and now she's existing again! Dammit.

"Now, I’ll set you up in pairs so you can work together. You will have these partners the rest of this year, got it?" Snape glared at the class, "Let’s see.... oh... Miss Allis, the exchange student. Hmmm... you shall be with Mr Malfoy, now, go over to him..." Snape kept on reading out the names and everybody got up from their chairs. Sam walked over to Malfoy.

Beck: Oh, how extremely lucky. The fic authoress thanks you for this lucky event, Snape.

Pata: And another time warp, too...

"Hi... Sam...." he muttered low.

Beck: Now, may I ask, how precisely does one 'mutter low?'

Pata: I think it must have something to do with sporks...

"Hi Draco! How have you been?" asked Sam as she slammed down her books on the table.

"Good... look, you shouldn’t hang out with them," Draco nodded towards Hermione, "Okay...?"

"Why not? The are nice to me."

Beck: *as Draco* Yes, but they kill little kittens...

"Sam, you’re my friend. I don’t want my friend to hang out with scum’s like a mudblood!" said Draco, not looking up.

Pata: HOW THE FSCK DID SHE BECOME HIS FRIEND? All he did was LOOK AT HER!

Beck: Yet another lucky occurrence, love.

Pata: *dies from suckiness and bad plot and OOC Draco*

"They said you were an idiot, what have you done to them?" asked Sam.

"Of course they said I’m an idiot! They hate me! And I haven’t done – er – so much... to them..." said Draco and he’s pale skin turned light pink.

Beck: *as Draco* Well, I have boffed Harry a couple of times, but aside from that...

"I didn’t know your father where a Death Eater."

"They told you that to, huh?" Sam nodded, "My father is in Azkaban after what happened in our 4th year and all that with Voldemort..."

Beck: Just checking, but didn't Voldie RISE at the end of GoF? Bringing all the Dementors from Azkaban with him and freeing all the Death Eaters?

Pata: This author is a fscking retard.

didn’t say anything, "But anyway! Why do you want to hang out with them?"

"I told you, they are nice to me..." Just went Draco opened he’s mouth to speak came Snape over to them

Beck: Her taglines are on serious narcotics.

Pata: Her speaked Anglish so good, me jealous!

Beck: That right dere be Kentucky Anglish, thinks me.

"Mr Malfoy and Miss Allis, would you please start with the potion? Now!" then he went over to Neville to yell at him. Sam picked up some unicorn hair and singing in a low voice.

"Sam, stop singing!" said Draco and keep he’s eyes on the potion . Sam looked up.

"Okay... sorry... but we can talk at the same time... right?"

Pata: What...the hell...was that?!

Beck: Stupidity. Insanity. Pickle.

"About what?"

"I don’t know... we should have a lot of stuff to talk about... I mean, we haven’t meet in a year. Where were you this summer...?" she asked quietly.

"None of your business..."

Beck: Thank you, Draco.

Pata: Wait, she knew him before?

Beck: Dude, don't ask me. Ask Miss Barely-Coherent Authoress Hick over there.

"Wow, sorry! You mad at me?" Sam glared at Draco, he didn’t response, "Look, you just said earlier I was your friend, you can tell me, y’know!"

"Let’s just get to work, okay?" Draco didn’t look up.

Pata: He was studying the spork, it's intricate grooves and tongs...

"So, had fun with Malfoy?" said Hermione as the walked to the Great Hall. Sam looked up from her books.

"Not really, I think he’s mad at me or something..."

"Why is he mad at you?" asked Hermione.

"I don’t know..." Sam answered slowly, "He said he didn’t think I should hang out with you."

"And he care because...?" said Hermione, confused.

Beck: Wow! Herm feels just like me!

"Are you and Malfoy friends?"

"Um... kind of... but we haven’t meet in like a year..."

"You’re he’s friend?! You got to be kidding! How can you even want a friend like him?" Hermione stared at Sam.

Pata: *curls into fetal position* Please...someone introduce her to the word 'his'...

"We meet when we were... like 5 or 6 years old. Every summer used my mum and I come to England, to visit my cousin, who lived close to Draco. Draco and I used to play together. And like every summer sense then we have meet, well... not playing now.... you know what I mean right?"

Beck: Well dur, yes. Unlike the authoress, we're not ten.

Hermione nodded, "So anyway, this summer went I came to meet him... he wasn’t there. I thought he just had forgot with day it was or something, ‘cuz be used to meet at a special day and time... But I never saw him this summer. I knew he went on Hogwarts, so when I got a letter that said I could go to Hogwarts as an exchange student, I agreed."

Beck: Can you say 'stalker?'

"So you two were like best friends?" asked Hermione,

Pata: *as Herm* Wow, like, let's go, like shopping! I found this great, like, store!

Sam nodded, "But... he don’t do nice things! He’s just mean! I think he don’t deserve to be your friend!" Sam looked at Hermione.

Beck: *dies* Doesn't! Doesn't! How hard would it be to type that!?

"I don’t think he’s that bad. I mean, he used to be nice to me! I wonder why he was mad at me today... he maybe is sad because he’s father is in Azkaban..."

"He is?! That is sooooo good!" Sam stared at her, "That he’s father is in Azkaban! What, did you think that it was good that Malfoy was sad...? Well... that is kind of good..."

Beck: *starts slashing violently at her wrists*

Pata: *stabs herself repeatedly with a spork*

"You think it’s good if I’m sad?" said a voice and Hermione and Sam turned to see Draco.

Beck: Great. Just great. Bad Draco angst. Just what I wanted.

"Malfoy! What do you want?!" said Hermione and took a step forward.

Pata: *as Draco* I was stalking you...I want the spork!

"Please... Mudblood, get real. Like I want something from you," sneered Draco and turned to Sam, "Don’t you see? They are mean. Even cruller then they say I am!" Sam shook her head.

Pata: *as Draco* Welcome to Loserland! Population: 1, you. Like, whatever!

Beck: *dark and broody* Cruller! As the spork is cruller.....

"No, they’re not mean. It’s just ‘cuz you are mean to them that they hate you. I would hate you if you were mean to me, too..." Draco glared at her.

"Do you think I’m mean to you?" he said, ignoring Hermione who was trying to call him names. Sam looked up at Him.

Beck: Ah, apparently Draco is God now.

Pata: But...isn't he always?

"No... but you’re mad at me aren’t you? What have I done?"

Beck & Pata: KILLED US! ARGH!

"Nothing..." said Draco, he’s voice was soft suddenly, "I just want you to hang out with me..."

Pata: Accept me! LOVE ME! I crave social acceptance!

Beck: That would be all cute and angsty if I cared. At all.

Beck & Pata: ...

Beck: *looks around* I think...it's over!

Beck & Pata: *run away like hell*

 

 

I Think this Author "Bonded Souls" With Satan

A Lemon of Impossible Proportions

HELLO¡¡, WELL THIS IS MY VERY FIRST FIC. SO I HOPE YOU LIKE IT

Pata: *evil* Oh, we will.

Beck: My, aren't you enthusiastic.

IT’S TAKARI AND LEMON SO IF YOU DON’T LIKE THAT COUPLE OR HENTAI YOU BETTER HIT THE BACK BUTTON.

Pata: *frantically hits back button*

Beck: *grabs her* Oh no you don't! We're here for a reason!

Pata: o.Ov

IF NOT, WELL THEN ENJOY THE FIC. PLEASE R&R AND NO FLAMES I’M JUST A BEGINNER.

Pata: We could tell.

DISCLAIMER: I DON’T OWN DIGIMON OR ANY CHARACTERS, I JUST WRITE FICS CAUSE I DON’T HAVE ANYTHINBG BETTER TO DO. SO PLEASE DON’T SUE ME, BESIDES IF YOU DID YOU WOULDN’T GET MORE THAN $2.00, SO WHY BOTHER.

Beck: 2.00 is shooting high, love.

BONDED SOULS

Beck: That sounds like some sort of glue for dead people.

BY: BABY GIRL KARI

Beck: *puts stake through heart*

Pata: Sanctuary! Sanctuary!

YAGAMI RESIDENCE. FRIDAY 10:PM-

Pata: Do you know where your children are?

KARI’S PARENTS ARE OUT OF TOWN AND TAI WENT OVER TO STAY IN SOME FRIEND’S HOUSE. SO THAT LEFT BEAUTIFUL 16-YEAR-OLD KARI THE HOME ALL FOR HER SELF.

Beck: Suddenly, the phone rang.

Pata: I have a sneaking suspicion that this author is actually an obese fifty-something rapist.

Beck: "I know what you did last summer, Hikari..."

SHE WAS SO BORE UNTIL AT ABOUT 9:30 HER LONGTIME FRIEND AND PRESENT DAY BOYFRIEND TK WALKED BY. HE HAD COMED TO PEEK

Pata: At Hikari's underwear.

SOME BOOKS HE HAD BORROWED KARI AND HE NOW NEEDED FOR A SCHOOL PROJECT.

Pata: He borrowed Kari? For what, I wonder...

HE AND KARI STARTED TALKING, KARI SAID THE BOOKS WERE IN HER ROOM. THEY WENT IN AND SAT ON THE BED THEY STARTED TALKING AND HUGGING AND SLIGHTLY KISSING

Pata: Just slightly. Like sitting about a foot apart and puckering their lips.

(TAKING ADVANTAGE THAT NOBODY WAS THERE) AND BY THE TIME THEY KNEW IT………………

Pata: Beck and Pata had gruesomely murdered both of them and the author!

Beck: The endless elipsis had taken over the WORLD!

Pata: They'd run out of toilet paper!

Beck: The evil pink rabbits had come for their brains!

Pata: o.0 Shut up.

Beck: ^^;

TK WHO WAS BY NOW ONLY WEARING HIS BOXERS STOPED KISSING THE GIRL ON TOP OF HIM.

Pata: It was Sam from Luna.

Beck: Wait, wasn't Sam a man from Kentucky?

Pata: Sam was a gay lesbian transvestite from Kentucky.

Beck: Oh, yes. Continue.

HE AND KARI HAD STARTED KISSING AND WITHOUT THINKING HAD SLOWLY REMOVED THEIR CLOTHS, BUT WOULD KARI WANT TO GO FARTHER?.

Beck: If she had half a brain, no.

Pata: Too bad it's evident that she doesn't.

Beck: *sigh*

HE WORRIEDLY EYED AT THE BEAUTIFUL GIRL NOW NEXT TO HIM.

Pata: *as TK* Hey Sam, do you think Kari will want to go further?

HIKARI YAGAMI HIS PRESENT DAY GIRLFRIEND WHO IN HER PINK BRA AND PANTY SET LOOKED SEXY ENOUGH TO DRIVE ANYONE CRAZY.

Pata: NOT ME!

Beck: But you're already crazy.

KARI LOOKED AT TK EXPECTANTLY, HE HAD STOP KISSING HER. DIDN’T HE WANT HER? KARI CLEARED HER THROATH AND TK CAME OUT OF HIS TRANCE.

Pata: o.Ov *coughs frantically* I'm going to assume she didn't mean it like that...

Beck: Oh, I think she did.

TK TOUGHT HE BETTER TALK KARI CLEAR.

Pata: Me speaked Anglish now good like Kentucky shim!

Beck: Indeedy-doody, me can do!

"……..MMHH….KARI ARE YOU SURE WE SHOUL DO THIS?? "

Pata: I don't know if we shoul, but if you really think we shoul...then we shoul.

"DO WHAT?"

Beck: One would hope what, if they're nekkid and lying in one another's arms, she'd have that figured out.

"YOU KNOW…GO .FARTHER"

Pata: Like maybe, to Hell.

Beck: We're IN Hell.

Pata: How about Kentucky?

Beck: Yeah. Kentucky.

"WELL…..WE DON’T HAVE TO DO IT IF YOU DON’T WANT TO…."

Beck: I think they're both passive-agressive.

Pata: *as Kari* Oh, well, phew. I guess you can go now, goodbye.

"I DO WANT TO BUT…. ARE SURE YOU WANT TO LOST YOUR VIRGINITY……? WITH ME?"

Pata: *still Kari* I just said get out of here! HELP ME! RAPIST!

"TK YOU ARE THE MOST WONDERFUL BOY I HAVE EVER MET. SINCE THE MOMENT I FIRST SAW YOU I KNEW WE WERE MEANT FOR EACH OTHER. I MEAN IS AMAZING HOW YOU CAN BE MY BOYFRIEND AND BEST FRIEND ALL AT THE SAME TIME. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH THAT I WOULD DIE WITHOUT YOU AND I THINK IF WE SHARE THIS WE WOULD BE TOGETHER, OUR SOULS WOULD NOW BE BOND.

Pata: Mmm, Jamie and my souls are Bond too. We've seen those movies so many times...

Beck: You two scare me.

SO…….. YES….I WANT TO GIVE YOU MY VRGINITY TAKERU…………………………"

Pata: *as Kari; hands neatly wrapped package to Takeru* Here you go!

Beck: *as TK* Why thank you!

UNLESS …….YOU DON’T WANT TO"

Pata: Is he suggesting something here?

Beck: *shrugs* Maybe he's gay!

LadyMolotov: Maybe he really wants... SAM FROM LUNA!!!

"HIKARI, OF COURSE I WANT YOU, I ALSO AM A VIRGIN… …AND I WANT TO LOST IT WITH YOU. BECAUSE I THINK YOU ARE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD. BEAUTIFUL NOT ONLY IN THE OUTSIDE BUT ALSO ON THE INSIDE. BUT ALSO HIKARI EVEN IF WE DON’T MAKE LOVE I THINK OUR SOULS ARE ALREADY CONNECTED AND IT DOSEN’T MATTER IF YOU DON’T WANT TO DO IT BECAUSE I WOULD LOVE YOU THE SAME WAY AS I DO NOW, SO PLEASE BE HONEST."

Pata: *as Kari* Then why are you yelling at me?!

"I’M HONEST TK.I LOVE YOU…. AND I WANT TO SHARE THIS ..WITH YOU..SO.."

Pata: *snore*

Beck: *die*

" WELL.. IF YOU ARE TOTALLY SURE KARI..……"

"I AM TAKERU"

"WELL THEN…………"

Pata: Just do it already, you dumbasses!

Beck: I don't think they can figure out what goes where, Pata. Give them a break.

Pata: This should be rated 'R' for Retarded.

KARI WAS TAKEN OFFGUARD WHEN TK ROLLED ON TOP OF HER AND STARTED KISSING HER NECK AND SHOULDERS.

Pata: WHY?! He only asked her like eighteen bajillion times!

Beck: *shrugs* Girls are weird like that.

HE STARTED CARESSING HER WHOLE BODY, AND THEN HE MOVED HIS HANDS TO HER BACK TO UNBUTTON HER BRA. KARI MOVED FORWARD TO LET HER BRA SLID DOWN HER BODY TO REVEAL HER BREASTS. TK WAS A LITTLE SCARED BY NOW,

Pata: *as TK* What ARE those? Oh my God, you're a girl! DAISUKE!!!!

BUT HE WAS SURE HE WANTED KARI SO HE CONTINUED.

Beck: Damn.

THEN TK PROCEED TO REMOVE HER PANTIES. HE SLOWLY AND CAREFULLY SLID THE DOWN TO REVEAL HER VIRGIN PUSSY.

Pata: Thanks. Thanks, I really needed that image.

Beck: Oh, death. Death. Death. Death. This was obviously written by a twelve year old boy.

TK MOVED UP AND STARED AT KARI, HE WAS AMAZED BY HOW BEAUTIFUL KARI WAS. HE COULDN’T MOVE OR THINK HE COULD ONLY STARE AT THE BEAUTIFUL NAKED GIRL LYING BEFORE HIM.

Pata: Well, that would make for some pretty boring sex.

Beck: *as Hikari* Um...Teek? Hello?

"………….MMM…..…TK ARE YOU OK?"

Beck: Aha, she reads my mind. Sounds like he was smothering her with a pillow, though.

"WHAT?’…OHH I’M SORRY KARI …IT’S JUST THAT……"

Pata: *as Teek* Well...see, you're a girl, and I like guys...

"WHAT…….… HAVING SECOD THOUGTHS?"

Pata: *as Teek, again* No, I managed to fend off the secod thoughts. I'm starting to have second thoughts, though...

Beck: *starts pulling out hair* Will they just hurry up and do it already!?

"NO OF COURSE NOT… IT’S JUST THAT YOU ARE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL I HAVE EVER SEEN HIKARI."

Pata: JUST FSCK HER ALREADY AND GET OUT! I'm so sick of this nasty MUSH! Gah!

Beck: Hear, hear.

KARI COULDN’T HELP BUT BLUSH AT TK’S COMPLIMENT."OH…TK THAT’S NOT TRUE .."

Pata: You're right, it's not. Nicole Kidman is more beautiful than you. As is Marilyn Manson.

"OF COURSE IT IS YOU ARE JUST …AMAZING."

Pata: This is officially the worst sex ever.

Beck: By now I would have kicked him out of bed and bought a vibrator.

KARI SMILED AT TK AND THEN PULLED HIM DOWN ON TOP OF HER. SHE KISSED HIM PASSIONETLY WHILE SHE SLID HER HAND DOWN HIS BOXERS TO SQUEZZE HIS DICK.

Pata: Well, it's about time... I wonder what it feels like to be squezzed.

Beck: About the same as being squeezed, just stupider.

TK MOAN AT KARI’S CARESSES, HE WAS AMAZED AT HOW GOOD IT FELT

Pata: Oh, like he's never beaten off before.

Beck: It's a known fact: a girl can't give a good hand job the first time. I don't know what the hell this authoress is talking about. Or author. I don't even know anymore.

THEN HE STARTED MOVING HIS HANDS AROUND HER BREASTS. HE BROKE THE KISS, ONLY TO TRAIL SMALL KISSES DOWN HER NECK AND SHOULDERS.

Beck: Dude, that is so cliched. Can't we get some sex toys or something?

Pata: How can she even stand this? They've been foreplaying forever! Where's the sex?! Where's the SEX?!

AFTER THAT HE STARTED KISSING HER RIGHT BREAST WHILE HE CARESED THE OTHER WITH HIS FREE HAND. HE SWIRLED HIS TONGE AROUND IT UNTIL HE REACHED HER HARD NIPPLE. HE TOOK IT IN HIS MOUTH AND LIGHTLY SUCKED ON IT. KARI MADE SMALL POURRING SOUNDS

Beck: No woman in her right mind has ever purred just because some slob was lapping her booby.

SHE COULDN’T HELP BUT LOUDLY MOAN WHEN TK TOOK HER LEFT BREAST TO REPEAT THE SAME PROCEDURE. AFTER HE WAS DONE TK MOVED BACK UP TO KARI’S MOUTH AND THEY STARTED FRENCHING.

Pata: *cringes at the age-dating termonology*

WHILE KISSING KARI SLID HER HANDS DOWN TO TK’S BOXERS AND SLID THEM OFF TO REVEAL HIS ERECT DICK.

Pata: The author prompty had an orgasm. My god, is this almost OVER?!

Beck: Oh Christ, I hope so.

TK, WHO WAS ON TOP OF HER, MOVED DOW HER BODY LEAVING A TRAIL OF WET LITTLE KISSES UNTIL HE REACHED HER PUSSY.

Pata: That has got to be the least erotic thing I have ever heard.

Beck: So now she's covered in slobber and he's about to start licking a cat. Great.

HE SLIGHTLY OPEN HIKARI’S LEGS AND THEN SLID HIS AWAITING TONGUE INSIDE KARI’S PUSSY

Pata: The poor cat was shocked beyond his wits.

KARI GASPED AS SHE FELT SOMETHING WET CARESSING HER INSIDES, SHE FELT WONDERFUL. BUT THEN SHE LOUDLY MOANED TK’S NAME AS HE STARTED PLAYING WITH HER CLIT.

Beck: A clit is not a ball. Or a bat. Or a glove. Or a raquet. Personally, my clit would NOT enjoy being played with.

Pata: Neither would mine. It's angry now.

Beck: Revolted, I expect.

Pata: It's going to murder fic-TK. With a spork.

"OHH…TK ¡¡¡¡¡¡ IT FEELS SO..GOOD…."

"TAKERU¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡ LICK MY PUSSY SOME MORE….MMMMMM…….. .

Pata: Teek! Leave the poor kitty alone, you pervert!

Beck: Bestiality is a crime, dude!

GOD THIS IS GREAT… AHH¡¡¡¡¡¡ TAKERU ¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¿." KARI MOANED AS SHE ORGASM SPILLING HER CUM ON TK’S FACE.

Pata: I retract my former statement. THAT was the least erotic thing I have ever heard.

Beck: GIRLS...DON'T...CUM!!!!!!!! *dies*

Pata: Well, Kari has the miraculous ability to produce semen. It's truly disgusting.

TK LICK IT OFF AND WAS ABOUT TO PROCEED WHEN KARI MOVED ON TOP OF HIM

"YOU HAVE BEEN SO GOOD.. NOW IT’S MY TURN"

Pata: *as TK* NOOOOOOOOOOOOooooOOOOOOOO!

Beck: No girl, I mean, NO GIRL, wants to give head.

Pata: Except for that one who had the six coke cans of semen in her stomach...

Beck: Ew, I didn't need to remember that story, Pata-san.

AND AS SHE SAID THAT SHE EMBRACED TK IN AN OPEN MOUTH KISS AS HER HANDS PLAYED WITH HIS PENIS

THEN SHE MOVED DOWN KISSING HIS CHEST UNTIL HE REACHED THAT SENSITIVE ERECT POINT.

Pata: *winces* A pointy dick?

Beck: Ouch! "Sensitive erect point" has now gone on the list with "love wand."

Pata: And love seed, and love tunnel...there's a whole herd of them.

SHE TOOK ALL OF IT IN HER MOUTH AND SWIRLED HER TONGE AROUND IT

TK WAS AMAZED AT HOW MUCH PLEASURE SHE WAS GIVING HIM …".HIKARI YOU’R AMAZING … OHH GOD, OH GOD. H-HIKARI I THINK I’M GOING TO…….. AHHHHHHHH…………. HIKARI!! "AND AS HE SAID THIS HE CUMMED INTO KARI’S MOUTH

Beck: CUMMED!?

Pata: This is doing positively nothing for me. I'm as dry as a nun. In fact, I'm rather revolted.

Beck: *blowing a gasket* Did it just say CUMMED!?

Pata: Yup, I'm revolted.

Beck: *loads gun, takes off saftey, shoots down throat*

KARI DRANK ALL OF HIS CUM AND LICKED THE REMAINS OUT OF HIS COCK

Pata: *cough* *gag* *hack*

Beck: It is not anatomically possible to lick cum out of a cock. I'm sorry.

Pata: OBVIOUSLY written by somebody who has NEVER given head and can NEVER hope too.

"KARI THAT WAS ….JUST AMAZING"

Pata: I beg to differ.

Beck: That just gave me heartburn, in fact.

"THANK YOU TK AND… CAN I TELLYOU SOMETHING?.."

Pata: *as TK* Fsck no!

"AHH… YES DEAR.."

"YOUR CUM TASTES DELICIOUS."

Pata: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH *dies*

Beck: I happen to know for a fact that all cum tastes like salt water and egg whites, mixed together with a rusty blender.

Pata: *dead in a corner*

"AH… COME HERE ANGEL, I WANNA SCREW YOU FOR HOURS"

"COMING BABY¡"

Pata: Where the hell did Ghetto!TK come from?

Beck: Where ever he did come from, I think the author just orgasmed again.

"GOD, KARI YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL…"

"THANK YOU ..I GUESS, YOU ARE NOT BAD YOURSELF "

"KARI..TECHNICALLY WE HAVEN’T DONE ANYTHING, SO THIS IS STILL A GOOD TIME TO BACK OF."

Pata: WHAT?! You just had sex! It was crappy sex, but you had it!

Beck: O.O Oh, please don't tell me there's more!

Pata: Oh, the didn't have sex yet, they just went down on each other. Urgh. Why do we have to sit through more?!

Beck: *deadpan* God hates us.

"TK I AM SURE OF MY DECISION AND BESIDES I CAN’T WAIT TO HAVE YOU INSIDE OF ME."

"OK . HEY AREN’T WE GONNA USE ANY ..UMM..PROTECTION KARI?"

"WE SHOULD BUT I THINK WE DON’T HAVE ANY."

"WELL KARI WE DON´T ACTUALLY NEED THE RUBBER"

Pata: *as televanglist* All we need is FAITH in the LORD!

Beck: Ok, Hika-chan preggers...NOT an image I like...

BUT TK WHAT IF………… I MEAN I COULD GET YOU KNOW…."

"YEAH…… YOUR RIGHT KARI WILL JUST WAIT UNTIL WE GET SOME CONDOMS"

"BUT…OH SHIT.. BABY I DON’T WANNA WAIT .. YOUR SO HOT I JUST WANNA HAVE YOU INSIDE ME NOW¡¡"

" BUT KARI WE CAN’T DO IT "

"YES WE CAN"

"WITHOUT PROTECTION?"

"WELL…YEAH"

"KARI ARE YOU SURE?"

"……….YES… IT DOSEN’T MATTER TAKERU….LET’S MAKE LOVE"

Pata: They continue to morph from confused teenagers to ghetto-fab pimpNwhore.

Beck: I want to die either way. I hope they both get herpes.

TK ROLLED ON TOP OH HER AND BREAFLY KISSED HER BEFORE POSITIONED HIMSELF AT HER OPENING, KARI OPEN HER LEGS AND LEANED FORWARD GIVING TK SPACE TO PROCEED. TK SLOWLY AND CAREFULLY SLID INSIDE HER. KARI GASPED AT THE FEELING OF HIS MANHOOD INSIDE HER SHE FELT A SHARP PAIN AT FIRST BUT IT WAS QUICKLY REPLACE BY AN UNDESCRIPTABLE PLEASURE.

Pata: This person has obviously never had sex, ever. They have also never had a grammar lesson.

TK SAT UP AND STARTED ROCKING KARI IN HIS ARMS," GOD KARI ARE YOU OK?. I DIDN’T MEANT TO HURT YOU, I’M SORRY"

"NO TK I’M OK, PLEASE DON’T STOP IT FEELS SO GOOD"

TK GAVE KARI A MISCHIVELOUS GRIN," NO PROBLEM BABY’" . HE PLACED KARI ON THE BED AGAIN AND STARTED MOVING IN AND OUT SLOWLY

Beck: *cues bad porno music*

KARI STARTED MOVING HER HIPS ALONG WITH HIS IN THE SAME RHYTM TELLING HIM PHSICALLY NOT TO STOP.

THEY WERE BOTH IN LOST OF WORDS THEY COULD ONLY MOAN AND PANT HARDER WITH EVERY TRUST

KARI TIGHTLY HOLD ON TO TK AS SHE APROACHED HER ORGASM "I’M COMING BABY’ PLEASE COME WITH ME¡¡"

Beck: Wait, he got two hard-ons in five minutes. That's impossible.

Pata: I think he has a superdick.

TK WASN’T FAR FROM HIS ORGASM EITHER AS EACH TRUST ENGULFED HIM WITH HER WOMANHOOD DRIVING HIM CRAZY

AND FINALLY THEIR MOUTHS AND TONGUES MET IN A KISS AS THEY CAME TOGETHER MOANING LOUDLY EACH OTHER NAMES. TK FILLING HER WITH HIS SEED

Beck: *adds 'seed' to list*

Pata: He came twice in five minutes, too. This is absurd.

THEY REMAIN SILENT IN EACH OTHERS ARMS FOR A MOMENT, JUST ENJOYING THE MOMENT

AFTER THAT TK ROLLED OF KARI AND JUST LAID NEXT TO HER

"GOD, KARI IT WAS SO GOOD¡, YOU ARE JUST AMAZING AND I JUST LOVE YOU SO MUCH….MM..BUT DID I PLEASE YOU?"

Beck: No, she faked the orgasm, just like every woman does the first ten times they have sex.

Pata: Durdurchikachikadurdur.

"IN SO MANY WAYS YOU HAVE NO IDEA TK…AND I LOVE YOU TOO"

"I’M SO HAPPY WE SHARED THIS KARI, IT WAS JUST PERFECT"

"OF COURSE IT WAS BECAUSE IT WAS WITH A PERSON WE LOVE, THAT MADE IT PERFECT"

TK SMILED AND SLOWLY KISSED KARI, NOT WITH THE SAME PASSION AS BEFORE, JUST KISSING HER WITH ALL THE LOVE IN HIS HEART.

Pata: Aw how sweet. *chokes*

KARI RETUNED THE KISS, STROKING TK’S HAIR. AFTER THAT THEY PEACEFULY FELL ASLEEP IN EACH OTHER’S ARMS.

THE END

(AT LEATS STILL I THINK OF WHAT TO DO WITH KARI)

Pata: o.Ov Baby Girl Kari having sex with Kari? Wouldn't that just be masturbation?

Beck: She just got boffed by one guy, what do you want to do to her!? My GOD! And by a guy with a superdick at that! ArGh! I'm leaving! *stomps away*

Pata: Wait! It's not over!

Beck: What!?

SO LIKED IT?

Pata: I think I speak for everyone when I say...NO.

Beck: In fucking deed.

HOPE YOU’R NOT THINKING ANYTHING WRONG OF ME SINCE YOU ALSO WROTE SOME, SO WE ARE ALL SICK TOGETHER, BESIDES I WATCH TOO MUCH TV.

Pata: What I think is wrong with you is that you've never had sex and you never will!

Beck: Actually, that's good thing, because if we let this BEAST procreate it would end the human race. *looks around* Can I go yet?

GOT TO FIND SOMETHING TO DO WITH MY TIME¡¡

WELL ANYWAY NO FLAMES I’M JUST A BEGGINER.

UNTIL NEXT ONE.

PLEASE R&R

Beck: NO!!!!! NO NEXT ONE! NEVER!!!!!!! I don't CARE! Just--just--*dies* *for good*

Pata: *looks around* There's no more... It's over!

Beck: *is still dead*

Pata: *shrug* Hm, I think I'll let Kazie eat her…

 

 

A Time to Combat the Mary Sewage

The Moral is Seafood

A/N: This is my first fic so be nice p.s. flames will be used only to roast peeps.

Pata: Ew, peeps. Those are the nastiest little marshmallow things ever.

Beck: It's like, "Hey, let's make sugar, and then put sugar on it!"

I also decided to make up my own person to add to this story cause I don’t like the girls in Slytherin.

Pata: MARY SEWAGE!

Beck: MARY SEWAGE(TM)!

Disclaimer: I don’t own HP or any of the characters just the twisted plot I will place them in so don’t get any weird ideas.

Pata: Like...setting fire to the Eiffel Tower! *grabs flame-thrower*

Beck: ARGH! Vive la France, pute!!! *bloody battle ensues*

Chapter 1

Pata: *fastens seatbelt and puts on sunglasses*

Beck: *readies her razor*

"Sometimes I think muggels have one up on us", Stacy thought as she lay on the beach reading and occasionally looking at all the different swimwear.

Pata: Because everyone knows witches and wizards can't wear swim suits.

Beck: Well of course not. They have tentacles all over their bodies.

After a few more minutes of attempting to read, with everything going on around her, she gave up and looked around.

Pata: *as Stacy* Damn, that girl is fine...What chu doin' tonight, bitch?

"No way", she thought as she caught a glimpse of silvery-blond hair.

Pata: Ohmigod, it's like, Justin Timberlake!

Beck: *squeals* OMIGOD!!!

Pata: Like, how does my eyeshadow look?

Beck: Super!

Sure her parents let her take a summer vacation in Miami at sixteen, but they weren’t pure-blood-muggel- haters, well they like she were pure-blood but far from muggel haters.

Beck: Muggels are gross. They grow at the bottom of the ocean. I had one once in this froofy restaurant...

Pata: Those were mussels.

Beck: ^^;

"There’s no way Draco Malfoy is here", she mused, but even as she was thinking that she got up to get a closer look.

Pata: *as Stacy* Whoops, nope, not Draco Malfoy. Sorry to get you all excited.

Sure enough there was the silvery-blond haired grey-blued eyed boy who had played the leading role in so many of her dreams.

Pata: God woman! What is he, a fucking rainbow?

Beck: I think he'd probably take offense at the obvious connotations to that.

Pata: No, I think he'd nod and go boff Harry.

Beck: I like that idea better. ^^

Sitting there in black shorts and no shirt made Stacy think some rather well….wrong thoughts to say the least.

Beck: "Wrong things?" Oh, the shocking innuendo!

"Hey Draco", she yelled from about twenty feet away.

Pata: Please God, don't tell me they were neighbours each summer, and they knew Sam from Luna.

Beck: *smacks hand to forehead* NOW IT ALL MAKES SENSE! Sam is Stacy's shimfriend!

He turned and smiled at her while she started walking toward him.

Pata: While the M:I theme played in the background and somewhere something exploded.

"I see summer hasn’t taken any of the Slytherin out of you.", he said after studying her cut-off blue jean shorts

Pata: It's SUMMER? And she's wearing SHORTS!? Isn't she freezing in all that snow?

and sliver and green tankine bathing suit top.

Beck: This authoress has an obsession with sea-life. If I'm not mistaken, a tankine is a rare tropical fish.

"What can I say? The colors look good together.", she replied while smiling and plopping down beside him. "So what brings you’re here?"

Pata: *as Draco* God, I don't know...some crazy author dropped me hoping I would fall in love with her slutty Mary-Sue.

Beck: *grumbling* The ho-bag...

"I could ask you the same thing.", he replied eyeing her.

Pata: But I won't, because I'm psychic.

Beck: *makes eerie music*

"You could", she said, "but everyone knows my parents don’t hate muggels so it’s less surprising that I’m vacationing in a muggel city. Where as you..", she trailed off.

Pata: And trailed all the way off a cliff.

Beck: Then the two MSTers said "YAY" and dragged Draco off to his rendez-vous with Harry in the moonlit garden.

"Ok ok point taken.", he said in mock surrender.

Pata: Because Draco gives up really easily. I mean, you can just box him into a corner with a cliche or two, just like Stacy did.

Beck: Wow, I'm in awe of Stacy's vast intellect and arguing skills.

"So…", she prompted.

Pata: Personally, I'm still in awe of how charming her small-talk is!

Beck: Oh yes. Stacy is the mistress of style.

"Flying monkeys came to my house, kidnapped me, and then left me here.", he said with a devilish grin.

Pata: Triple whammy! Look at that .", combination! That could knock anyone off their feet. Clutch play.

Beck: I can't believe it, Pata! She's going to score big with that one!

"Oh my God", she groaned, "there are so many things wrong with that story."

Pata: But not as many as are wrong with this fic!

Beck: This girl is lucky I'm a masochist.

"Such as?"

Beck: Well, it's banal Mary Sewage with no plot whatsoever. Does that answer your question?

Pata: She was talking about Draco's story.

Beck: Whatever.

"Well for starters", she said playfully, "no creature in their right mind would go any where near your house, and besides", she grinned and gave him a little shove, "who would want you?" Then added to herself, "besides me."

Pata and Beck: *raise hands*

At this remark they both started laughing.

Pata: Draco laughed so she wouldn't see the spork he was clutching behind his back...

Beck: Oh, can it. We need a new weapon of mass destruction.

Pata: Um... A rabid hyena? The rabid hyena whose leash he clutched in his fist...

Beck: No animals can be harmed in the making of this MST.

Pata: Dirty underwear?

Beck: Dirty underwear it is! Carry on!

"But seriously what are you doing here?", she asked once she had quit

Pata: Smoking crack.

laughing.

Beck: At her own immense stupidity.

"Well", he said and kinda stared off into space as he continued, "I did something my father didn’t like so he decided as a ‘punishment’ I have to spend my summer break in a muggel city. My mom wouldn’t let him do that with out at least giving me money, and I heard you’d be here so I figured might as well go somewhere with somebody I know so here I am."

Beck: *gasps* Oh, the horror of Miami. Has Lucius gone off his nut?

Pata: *as Draco* My father is the embodiment of pure evil but he doesn't punish me by whipping me or solitary confinement or anything awful like that. He sends me to tropical vacation spots!

"So to recap we have two sixteen year olds on our own in Miami for two months", she said with an evil grin.

Pata: Draco is NOT going to boff you, you fat whore. He loves Harry.

Beck: *sighs* Well, Pata, keep in mind that he is under the evil grasp of Mary Sewage.

"Hmmm never thought of it that way…", he said with a similar grin.

"This could be a very interesting summer.", she said then they looked at each other and grinned.

Pata: Oh, no it won't!

Beck: Actually, I just have a feeling it will be a vile and poorly written summer!

Pata: *glances around* I think it's time for chapter two.

A/N: I know the last chapter was short sowey but that’s ok this will hopefully be longer enjoy.

Pata: Jesus that sentence was long it had no punctuation please kill me I'm begging you.

Beck: *chokes her with the dirty undies*

Disclaimer: Nope still don’t own it.

Pata: And HP fans worldwide rejoiced.

"Well", she said while standing up, "Since you came all this way I might as well bring my stuff over. Be right back."

Pata: How do they know each other? Do we know, or is because of Sam from Luna?

Beck: Sam's fault. EVERYTHING is Sam's fault.

"God she’s hot", he thought as he watched her leave, "I wonder what her hair would look like down.", this thought surprised him, sure she had the most gorgeous blond hair but he wasn’t accustom to thinking about hair and besides her hair was always up. "Which is slightly to my advantage I can always see those killer sky blue eyes.", he thought with a smile, "She’s right this summer could get really interesting."

Beck: NOOO! Draco, fight the Imperius! Fight it!

"Oh my God could I get any luckier?", Stacy thought, "This started out as just another summer but now it looks like I’m going to be spending it with Draco Malfoy!", this thought made her heart flutter wildly. "This is gonna be the best summer ever.", it was with this thought that she picked up her towel and book to return to Draco.

Pata: Meanwhile, Draco was preparing the dirty undies...

They spend the day either laying out and talking, sometimes about the weird muggel style, or swimming, in the ocean. As it got closer to dinnertime, he asked, "Want to go out for dinner tonight?"

Pata: *as Stacy* No, I have a date with my shimfriend, Sam from Luna.

Beck: *as Draco* Aww, how cute. Actually, I'm going out with my boyfriend, Harry, so this works out nicely.

She sat up and studied him for a moment before giving a small shrug and a smile, "Sure".

"Great I’ll meet you in your hotel lobby in say an hour. Where are you staying?"

"Uhhh" , she had to think about his for a moment, "oh yeah Paradise Valley Hotel"

Pata: Wow, like, for like a moment, I thought I had like, Alzheimer's or something! *pause* Like, what was I saying?

Beck: There are no valleys in Miami, love. No valleys in Miami.

Pata: Oh, um, yeah, like, right.

"Hmmm now there’s an interesting turn of events."

Pata: No it's not.

Beck: Let me guess, he's staying in her hotel.

"Why?", she asked giving him a puzzled look.

"That’s where I’m staying."

Beck: Well, what do you know.

"Well that should make it easier for me to torture you.", she said playfully while giving him a little shove.

Pata: *Nani impression* Don't...TOUCH ME!

"Oh no", he moaned then grinned, "Oh well lets go and by the way that’s a two way street I can torture you, too."

Pata: They better not have sex. It would the worst sex in Mary-Sue history. Or at least it would earn it's place next to Megan the Tiger Tamer.

Beck: *whip crack* Mrow!

The two walked back to the hotel together chatting aimlessly.

Beck: I'm afraid any chat with Stacy is pretty much aimless.

When they got back to the hotel, they ended up on the elevator with glass walls overlooking the beach.

"It’s beautiful, isn’t it?", she asked while gazing out the window.

"What?"

"This", she said gesturing towards the view they had of the sun setting in all the brilliant blues, purples, pinks, and reds.

Pata: If he makes any comment or any suggestion in any way that she's more beautiful, I will personally suffocate myself with the dirty underwear.

Beck: Not before I do, babe. There's a line.

They stood in silence for a moment then, "Yeah, beautiful.", he commented. Only he wasn’t looking at the sunset, he was looking at the girl he had been housemates with for the last five years but had learned more about today than those five years combined.

Pata: GAH! *dies*

Beck: *presses the underwear to her face, violently asphyxiating herself*

She was too lost in the view and her thoughts to realize Draco wasn’t looking at the sunset but at her.

Pata: Then he brandished the dirty undies, and she knew...

Beck: That she should have stayed with...SAM FROM LUNA!

They both stood in a serene silence penetrated only by the soft hum of the elevator as it glided to the top. "Ding", the sound broke the train of thought for both of them and together they stepped off the elevator.

"So I’ll meet you in the lobby in an hour?", he asked.

"Yeah", she confirmed with that the two parted and went to their rooms.

Pata: *snore*

Beck: Oh, how cheap. Even though the Mary Sewage only wants to fsck him, she insists on making him buy her dinner first.

When Stacy got to her room she glanced around looking for her CDs and CD player. She found them buried under some dirty

Pata: UNDERWEAR!

cloths. "It’s amazing how much of a mess I can make in less than a week.", she thought and gave a little grin while flipping through her CDs looking and finally finding her Mozart CD. As the soft music filled the room, Stacy went to take a shower.

Pata: Among Stacy's many super Mary Sewage powers was the ability to hear music of the sound of the water running.

Beck: Because of the music and the shower water, though, she didn't hear Draco creeping up behind her with...

Pata: DIRTY UNDERWEAR!

Back in his room, Draco was pacing back and forth, he had just received an owl from his father which read:

Dear Draco,

I will allow you to come back if and only if you attend the next Dark Revel

and bring that little muggel-lover with you.

Lucius Malfoy

Pata: *as Lucius* Because I'm a kind and reasonable father.

Beck: Look, now HE'S talking about seafood, too. I tell you, he's gone insane.

It wasn’t the fact his father was trying to get him to come to a Dark Revel, he had been trying to do that since Draco had turned fourteen, that had Draco so infuriated it was the fact that his father was spying on him that was making him feel like punching something or someone to a bloody pulp, which would probably have hurt his knuckles anyway. Instead of punching something he decided to write his father back.

Pata: Which was more productive but altogether less sexy.

Dear Lucius,

Pata: *as Draco* I'm glad we're on a first-name basis now.

Beck: It's great we've gotten over all those years you beat me, and now you send me to Miami for punishment.

I will no be attending a Dark Revel anytime soon, so get over it. And don’t spy on me anymore.

Draco

P.S. Have mom send my dragon pendant

"That should keep him out of my hair for a little while", Draco thought.

Pata: No it shouldn't, it should just make him for furious at your impudence.

Beck: Then, as revenge, he will come and kill Mary Sewage and bring Harry Potter to torture you!

As he went to get ready he thought about exactly whom he was going out with and a smile started to appear on his lips.

Pata: As he imagined her violent and bloody death at his hand.

Beck: Utilizing none other than the...

Pata: DIRTY UNDERWEAR!

Beck: Which reminds me, welcome to chapter three…

Disclaimer: My name is Bob the magical flying penguin not J.K. so must I really say whether I own HP or not……

Beck: *in shock* What, you're not JK? No way!

Pata: *waves* Hello, Bob!

Chapter 3

About forty minutes later Draco was standing in the lobby waiting for Stacy. He looked at his watch there was still about five minutes until the time they were suppose to meet. He was about to sit down and wait for her but before he could, she stepped out of the elevator in a short blue noodle strap dress and her blond hair down past her waist. "Oh God", was the only thing his mind would process for a moment.

Beck: Now, I'm no fashion virtuoso, but I'm relatively sure that there is no such thing as a 'noodle strap.'

Pata: I think she just didn't know how to spell spagetti.

"Hi", she said, as she looked him up and down khaki cargo pants and a navy T-shirt, "Cute", she thought, "Very cute."

Pata: *chokes* *splutters*

Beck: ARGH! THE OOC! THE OOC of Draco Malfoy in KHAKI!

Pata: We CANNOT be dealing with TeenSk8er!Draco.

Beck: Oh, but we are. *wince*

"Hey, you look great", he said with a smile.

Beck: He clutched the...

Pata: Dirty underwear…

Beck: Behind his back, glad that it was almost time to off the stupid bitch.

"Thanks, so do you"

"Ready?"

Beck: *as panties-wielding Draco* To DIE!? MUAHAHAH!

"Yeah, where are we going?"

"I was thinking French food, sound good?"

"I know the perfect place."

"Where?"

"You’ll see", she said with a mischievous smile

Pata: When you get to Hell!

Beck: If anyone ends up slurping anything off of anyone's stomach in a sabacat-esque way, I am climbing into this fucking fic and fucking killing her. With my teeth. Or the panties.

then they started walking out the door and down the street. They walked for a little ways chatting about whatever suited them at the time. After about fifteen minutes she stopped and said, "We’re here."

Draco looked up at the sign above the restraint that read: La Nourriture Mer. "Looks interesting lets go", he said and they walked in together.

Pata: Oh, Jesus. IT MEANS SEAFOOD! Nourriture Mer means seafood!

Beck: ARGH! FISH CONSPIRACY!

"Peter, hey!", Stacy exclaimed as she saw a twentyish brown haired guy.

"Hey Stac oOo who’s the boy?"

Pata: *as Draco* I am not oOo, I am OoC.

"Oh, duh, sorry, Draco this is Peter, my cousin, Peter this is Draco, he goes to school with me."

Beck: "You know, that wizarding school, Hogwarts," Stacy said loudly.

Pata: Causing most of the Muggle restaurant to stare at her.

"Hi", Draco said as he shook hands with Peter.

"So what brings you two here tonight?", Peter inquired.

"Hunger", Stacy replied with a grin.

Pata: Hunger for BLOOD! *brandishes underwear*

Beck: *grumbling* I think idiocy runs in their family.

"Ok, I get it, come on", Peter replied chuckling and leading them to a table that overlooked the ocean. "Your favorite spot."

"Thanks Peter."

"Anything for my fav little cousin. I’ll have someone bring you a menu."

Beck: Am I a bad person because nice people make me want to cut off my thumbs with a butter knife?

Pata: Yes, and we're both going straight to Hell.

"How old’s your cousin?", Draco asked as peter disappeared from view.

"Uhhh twenty-one I think."

Beck: *as Draco* Oh good, not too old for me. Because I was getting sick of you.

"I assume he knows about Hogwarts", he said the last word slightly lover than the rest, not wanting the muggels to hear.

"Yeah, he graduated with top marks three years ago, but he was in Ravenclaw so you might not have heard about him."

"The name sounds familiar, but then again it is a fairly common name."

Beck: *deadpan* Ah, the joys of small talk.

"Here are your menus", came the voice of the waiter

Pata: *as Draco* Thank you so much. *attacks and hacks Stacy into pieces with the menu*

as he politely interrupted their conversation.

Beck: 'Politely interrupted' is an oxymoron. I'll bet he's a Death Eater or some other pathetic attempt at plot.

"Wait a minute", Draco said with a confused look, "I didn’t know there was a non-muggel restraint in Miami."

Pata: Yeah, the restraint is entirely non-muggel; we only restrain the oysters after so many people got Red Tide poisoning.

"Tons", Stacy replied with a smile, "you just have to know where to look, now order something."

Draco, still somewhat shocked, sat down and ordered dinner. When the waiter left Draco said, "Why didn’t you tell me?"

Pata: *as Draco* That you were a man?

Beck: I dunno, because she has Alzheimer's.

"Because it wouldn’t have been nearly as entertaining.", she replied with an evil grin.

"You’re horrible your know that?", he teased.

Pata: Oh, she knows it.

Beck: *as Draco* Almost as horrible as my dad, who sends me to Miami for punishment.

"yeah how else do you think I could have gotten into Slytherin?"

"True, very true."

Pata: Gee golly willikers, it sure was mean of you not to tell me this was a wizarding restaurant, Beaver!

They talked and ate for about ah hour longer before the decided to leave. On the way out, Stacy stopped to talk to Peter again then gave him a hug after which Draco and she departed.

Beck: *breaks into a loud rendition of the Lazy Authoress song*

LAAAAZY, LAAAAZY AUTHORESS!

FAT BITCH IN A DREEEEESS!!!!!!!

CAAAAAAN'T WRITE ONE SENTEEEEENCE!!!!!!!

NOOOOO DESCRIPTION ANYYYWHERE,

ASIDE FROM COLOURS OF THEIR HAAAAAIR!

WILLLLLL SHE EVER SHOW REPENTANCE!?

LAAAAAAZY, STUPID AUTHORESS!

Pata: *pulls the dirty undies over Beck's head* That's quite enough, dear.

"So what are you doing tomorrow?", she asked after they had walked in silence for a few minutes.

"Well I was debating asking this really cute girl if she wanted to do something", he said with a slight hesitation.

"Hmmm that’s interesting ‘cause I was gonna ask this guy I got to know today if he wanted to walk around Miami tomorrow and get into mischief."

Beck: This is so cliched and juvenile I refuse to even comment on it properly.

Pata: I suppose I might find it clever, though, if I too had the mental capacity of a snail.

"I think I might know someone who would be interested.", he replied while smiling and taking her hand into his.

They walked for a ways chatting aimlessly when Stacy hear the unmistakable sound of soft jazz coming from close by. She turned to Draco, "Do you wanna go?"

Beck: *as Draco* HELL YES!!!

Pata: Oh, boy, they're holding hands! *squeals*

Beck: *still as Draco* Get this bitch off of meeeee....

"Go where?"

"Dancing, don’t you hear the music?"

Beck: No, you're hallucinating. You're senile as well as having Alzheimer's.

Pata: *as Draco* I don't...dance... I KILL PEOPLE! *whips out underwear*

he paused and listened for a second, "Yeah, so, I don’t dance."

Beck: *squeals* Say it! Say you kill people instead!

"Aw come on.", this came with a sad face that was supposed to make him give in, and

Beck: Really just made him homicidal.

it worked.

After a few seconds, "Ok, fine, but I’m warning your I’m not a good dancer."

"Doesn’t matter", she grinned and started pulling him towards the origin of the music.

Beck: *deadpan* Aw, shucks. How positively cute and romantic.

Pata: Kill me now.

Beck: At least it's over. If we're really lucky, this girl will never update, and we'll never have to read her shit again.

Pata: No, if we're really lucky, she'll update and it'll suck so much dick that it will make the best MST ever.

Beck: And with that said, I vote we get it over with and just start "Masochists Anonymous" already.

 

 

Hostile Takeover of Crappy Poem Theater

Our Superheroes Will Save Us

Beck: Ready, set, MST!

why cant love be just a pleser? but insted its a pan

Pata: You have to use that Pam spray or just some vegetable oil when pans get like that, hon.

Beck: Plesers--i think my daddy has those on his feet...

why cant love just heel the hart

Beck: Hey baby, I wear stilettos. You do NOT want me heelin' your heart.

Pata: Spike heels, j0. Not heart-heathy shoes.

insted of casing so much pan

Beck: Ah ha! I know who wrote this! Manuel the Mexican Silverware Packer!

See, he's casing pans!

Pata: Unless, possibly, it was the Armenian Comedian...

Beck: Could be...could be that the Armenian Comedian lost his job, and became the Armenian Silverware Packer...

Pata: Or, he could be the lovechild of the Armenian Comedian and the Mexican Silverwear Packer, and possibly some distant cousin of George Bush.

Beck: That's it! You GENIUS!

what cant love take us by the hand? but it just thros us down'

Pata: The Rogue Quotation! Second Cousin Twice Removed of the Rogue Parenthesis!

Beck: And his trusty sidekick, Quotatiosabe!

Pata: God help us if this starts up again.

Beck: *crosses herself*

The Rogue Quotation: '' '' " ' " ''''''

Pata: Shut up!

Beck: *grabs the holy water*

Pata: Save us!

all the hell and torcher

Beck: A torcher!? OooooOOOOoooo, FIRE.

*guy runs by waving a blazing torch*

Pata: OH NO, THE TORCHER! RUN FOR SAFETY!

Beck: *following him like a zombie* Preeeeeetty.

we put are selves throught,

Beck: Throught, the amazing cross between through and thought.

Pata: It's when you can communicate telepathically, because you are throwing your thoughts, j0.

Beck: Whoa...deep.

just tars us up in side

Beck: Just like smoking!

all we want is somelove and lafter insted or hunger and strife

Beck: Now, I can see strife being the opposite of "lafter," but hunger is NOT the opposite of love unless you eat your boyfriends.

Pata: Like Jeffery Dahlmer.

Beck: Yup. Like Jeffery Dahlmer. He made little boy meatballs. *grins*

Pata: And fed them to his neighbours

Beck: Yummy. *fangs*

why must love be a battel,

Beck: Whew, well at least it's not a battle, babe.

way do we wanted to bad?

Beck: *stares*

Pata: That was so dumb, I can't even think of a joke.

Beck: *is catatonic*

we all ways know we want to fite the batle, but still asum to luse the war

Beck: Now now, darling, don't use big made-up words you don't understand.

Have a cookie.

Pata: Asum. Asum. I wish I was dying in said war.

but then we see it the tunnul of hope and stoping of strife

Beck: *in convulsions* Save me, Rogue Quotation!

Pata: *twitch twitch*

we find that love that holds are and and savesus

Pata: Savesus? Is that like, Jesus's brother?

Beck: I think she's having masochistic orgasms over this poetry. That's the only way to explain her erratic "writing" patterns.

Pata: Or they sadistic over the torture she's causing us?

Beck: *scratches chin* Hmmm...I guess we'll never know.

and keeps us from the hunngers of the world

Pata: Those hunngers can be brutal, mate.

Beck: I once wrangled me one that was about a meter long!

we see as all the loves and tryumfs

Beck: Tryumfs--those must be like smurfs, right? I wonder what color they are?

Pata: Green.

Beck: WOE IS GREEN, THAT IT MUST BE IN THIS POEM!

Pata: But your profile clearly states that woe is red...

Beck: Shut up. That's top secret information, baby. I'm going to have to heel you with my stilettos now.

are settel and we found the end to tunnel ]

Pata: ROGUE BRACKET! It's like a convention or something.

Beck: I know...it's RogueCon: New York | Dallas | Bad Poetry

Pata: Or RPA, Rogue Punctuation Anonymous: Sydney | Melbourne | Goth Writers

Beck: True, they WOULD have to be anonymous, wouldn't they? Seeing as they're rogues...

for ever more for ever more

Beck: And Edgar Allen Poe promptly rose from his grave to kill this "poet."

Pata: No--never again. NEVER AGAIN will I read this crap.

Beck: Thanks, Edgar. He saved us from just that, Pata-san.

~~~FROSTY~~~

Beck: *singing, as she walks off the all the punctuation marks* ...the snowman, was a very stupid git...

 

 

The Freak Show
Now, with crunchy character goodness!

THE DRACO MALFOY SHOW!!!!!

Pata: Where dysfunctional groups of people often containing strippers and abusive parents come to work out their problems.
Draco: *just walking in* My parents? Where?

By Cassie Wood

Pata: The pathetic Cassandra Claire wannabe.
Beck: Like someone could mistake HER for Cassie...

Summary: Read the Title.

Pata: Sounds like it's just chock full o' plot.
Beck: Mm, mm, good.

Draco comes to America to star in my comedy game show: THE DRACO MALFOY SHOW!!!!!.

Pata: Like Draco would take time out of his daily routine of being a jackass and boffing Harry to come to your sad game show.
Draco: Give the bitch a break. It could be porn.

So If you don't like Humor take a hike. One More Time can take a break.

Beck: Who's Humor?
Pata: I think that's Sam from Luna's little brother.
Beck: Ah, yes. That would make sense. Her parents must have been billywig addicts.

A/n- This is creepy I looked at all the of th titles of the show and they all have the smae amount of '!'s' I am a little creeped out.

Pata: *checks* You're right...they do all contain the smae amount of '!'s.
Beck: *in shock* Wow! When'd you learn how to speak Stupidese?
Pata: I taught it to myself over the summer. Rikku, Yuna, neko-chan, Ikhny Gnr, and people from Kentucky have written some great tutorials.
Beck: *TV announcer voice* All this and more, for just $19.95!

THE DRACO MALFOY SHOW!!!!!

Beck: Gah! It returns!
Pata: Has anyone else noticed this has gone absolutely nowhere?
Beck: *raises hand*

Cassie- This is Cassie Wood

Pata: *points to chair*

and Welcome to THE DRACO MALFOY SHOW!!!!!

Pata: NO! Are you serious? I thought this was going to be the Ron Weasley Show.
Draco: But then it wouldn't be porn....

Malfoy- Hello, this is Draco Malfoy.

Pata: *points to couch*
Draco: I resent that.
Pata: You're right. *points to bed* Better?
Draco: Much.

We are going to be comparing my brains to the other *waves hand carelessly behind him* dimwits here to see who is smarter.

Pata: And it is clearly Beck and Pata in the lead, followed by Draco himself, and then, somewhere between George W Bush and Baines...Cassie Woods.

Cassie- Our first victim is Harry Potter! Come on out Harry.

Harry: But I'm already out...*winks at Draco*

*Harry Potter comes out and sits besides Draco in buzzer seats*

Beck: *crosses fingers* Pornpornpornporn.
Pata: *gets on her knees and prays* Let it be porn! And of a much higher quality than "Bonded Souls".
Beck: Much. Muchmuchmuch.

Cassie- Your first question is, In what year did Columbus sail the ocean blue?

Pata: I'm going to hold on to my hope by assuming that that’s a code for "When did you first sneak off to the janitor's closet with Harry and have wild passionate sex for hours?"
Beck: Oh, I know *that* one, then. 1492.

*buzzer rings* Cassie- Yes Harry?

Harry: Your fic really sucks cock.
Draco: Aw...more than I do, babe?
Harry: No...but close.

Harry-1492

Pata: Is the number of grammatical errors in this fic, give or take (probably give) a million.

Cassie- CORRECT THAT LEAVES HARRY-1,DRACO-0. Next question, What do the letters b-l-u-e spell?

Pata: Uh..."you suck"?
Beck: There are many upsides to failing spelling. This is one of them.

*buzzer rings* *buzzer rings*

Beck: *buzzard sings*
Pata: ...
Beck: I apologize for that. I really do.

Cassie- Yes Draco?

Draco: Is this going to turn into porn soon? Because it's really hard to do all of this under the table. My arm is all cramped!
Harry: At least I'm going to have a great poker face when this is over.

Draco- blue the color blue.

Pata: Is the color you'll be after I drown you.
Beck: In pig's blood.
Pata: Or semen. You pick.
Draco: Oh! Oh! Semen!

Cassie- correct.
*Draco sticks tounge out at Harry*

Harry: *leers perversely at Draco*

Cassie- Draco fair play.

Pata: She is reverting back to the grammar of her native language, Stupidese.
Draco: We left fair play a long time ago, Cassie-baby. About the time when I started jerking off wise guy over here.

We will bring out another competor. Ron, come on out, the next question is WHAT IS THE SQUARE ROOT OR 64?

Ron: Uh...first off, I'm straight.
Draco: *sardonically* And we all know how long that'll last, with Beck and Pata here.
Beck: *smiles at Ron* What can I say? He knows us too well.

*buzzer rings*
Cassie-Draco?
Draco-8.

Pata: Is the number of brain cells I'll have left when I'm done reading this fic.
Beck: To be fair, you didn't have a lot to start with.
Pata: Oh, ha ha.
Beck: Ph34r my infantile humor!

Cassie-Correct.
*buzzer rings*
Cassie- Ron?

Beck: *as Ron, nervously* Is there any way we could get a girl in here? Before I um...have to be gay?

Ron- Where's the bathroom?

Draco: Wanking off already? I didn't know you liked to watch....

Cassie-Um... To the right.
Ron thanks.
*Ron disapperates*-

Pata: To somewhere far, far, far away from this horrid fic.
Beck: Leaving several fingers and a leg behind, seeing as he doesn’t have a license yet.

Cassie- Back to the questions? what is the square root of 49?
*buzzer rings*
Cassie-Yes?
Draco-7.

Beck: The amount of times I have tried to kill myself thus far in the fic.
Pata: God, what is THIS? A second grade math quiz?
Beck: *pausing her work with a razor* Fourth grade, love.
Pata: Maybe for people like Cassie who failed Special Ed.
Beck: Most likely.

Cassie-Correct. That is Draco-3, Harry-1, Ron-0. Next question that decides it all: What happened to VOLDEMORT??

Pata: He died after reading this fic.
Beck: Hey, baby, who needs Avada Kedavra when you've got this shit!?

*buzzer rings*
Cassie- Yes??? Ron????
*pause*

Pata: I thought Ron disapperated.
Beck: He's back. And he's about to confess his love to Harry. MUAHAHAHAHA. Ha.

Cassie-Ron???
*pause*

Pata: He's thinking of how to say it without being killed by a jealous Draco.
Draco: *sharpens his claws merrily*
Ron: *gulp*

Cassie,Draco,Harry- ANSWER THE FREAKIN QUESTION!!!!!
Ron- I don't know.

Beck: Good choice, kiddo.

Cassie- Oh my god... Any one else?
*No one else answers*
Cassie- Ok then Draco wins then.
Draco- YEA!!!!!!! YEA!!!!!! YES!!!!!!!

Pata: WE KNEW IT! They were giving each other hand jobs under the table!
Draco: *blush* What can I say? I'm a screamer.

*Draco gets up and does a dance.....*

Beck: 0.o;
Pata: That must've been some hand job.

Cassie-- Women and children this way Draco has lost his mind. Please exit left and right.

Pata: As opposed to exiting up and down or around and around.
Draco: Jeez, woman, it was just an orgasm.
Pata: It’s not like he doesn't have them every morning in the shower.
Draco: *pales* Who told YOU about that!?

*Draco freaks his fans out by trying to do a freaky dance.*

Pata: Well, it looks like he succeeded if they're freaked out by his freaky dance.
Draco: I need to stop drinking...seriously....

Fans- DRACO MALFOY HAS LOST HIS MIND!!!!!!!!!!

Pata: Nah, just some semen.

Cassie- We're gonna have a problem here.

Beck: Define "problem."

a/n- You all knew this was coming.

Pata: You're really a seventy year old pedophile?

I can't write a fic with out humiliating someone.

Pata: *as Cassie* In this case, it was myself.

Don't hate me all you Draco fans.

Pata: Oh, we hate you, but not for that.
Draco: She shouldn't worry about my fans. She should worry about me.

I just did this on a request. I liked it though. Write a review though and tell me what you think or if you want me to do something for you!

Pata: Oh, oh! I have a request! Could you possibly, just for meeeee, slit your wrists and hang yourself from the ceiling by your eyelids?
Beck: Pretty please with Draco's expended semen on top?
Pata: *looks around* I think it's over.
Beck: *whew* Because Harry and Draco *seriously* need to get a room.
Draco & Harry: *lots of really horrible X-rated noises*

 

 

A Columbian Pop Singer is “Underneath You’re Clothes”

Fun and Philosophy with a Shakira Songfic

Beck: Ready, set...MST. This fic is called "Underneath You're Clothes" and it is once again by Rikku.
Pata: You should be afraid.

Midii sat on a porch in front of her house. It was raining, she thought back on all the mistakes in life she had made.

Beck: Midii...isn't that some sort of audio file?

Nanashi……… Leaving him was the biggest mistake she had ever made. She placed her head in her hands and cried uncontrollably.

Beck: *tries to picture an audio file crying uncontrollably*
Pata: And NO ONE cared.
Beck: *alternatively, also tries to picture Une crying uncontrollably. also fails*

You're a song
Written by
The hands of God

Midii wanted to die...

Pata: Well, I'm not stopping her...

You're a song
Written by
The hands of God

Beck: *pictures an enormous hand, crying uncontrollably* 0.o;;;

Don't get me wrong
This might sound
To you a bit odd

Beck: Just a tad.

But you're the place
Where all my thoughts
Go hiding
Right under your clothes
Is where I'll find them

Pata: o.Ov That's really creepy. Personally, I prefer to keep my thoughts in my
head instead of in some guy's underpants.
Beck: *imagines little thoughts crawling in her underpants* WAAAAAHGH!
Pata: You've got to get a leash on your imaginiation, sweetie.
Beck: I would, but it gets angry at me if I try to put a collar on it.

Boring, boring, boring.

Pata: She finally knows how we feel.

All of these Preventer meetings were so dull. Everything was different for Nanashi now, he had a name, Trowa Barton.

Pata: *sarcastic* Wow. His world must have been turned upside down.

It seemed as if everyone was getting married and having families, new lifes.

Beck: Unfortunately, because of lame state laws, he and Quatre could not get married.

He just wanted Midii, his angel of death.

Beck: ...To get on with her namesake and croak.
Pata: When I used to watch "Touched by an Angel", I thought the angel of death was kind of hot.
Beck: Great, then Une/audio-file can get with him. And stay away from gay pilot-boy.

‘Why? Why did I leave her?’ he asked himself taking a sip of coffee……

Beck: *slowly, as though speaking to a child* Commas are you friends, dear. Your friends.
Pata: And then the endless elipsis jumped out and killed him!
Beck: *knowingly* See, if you'd had your comma buddies around, they could have saved you.

Underneath your clothes
There's an endless story

Pata: I can find your panties! Heehee!
Beck: Quality literature. The Bard would be proud.

There's the man I chose

Pata: *as Trowa* And his name is Quatre.

There's my territory
And of all the things
I deserve

Beck: Panties?

For being such
A good girl honey

Pata: I don't believe honey has gender. But it's the only food that never spoils. Isn't that interesting?
Beck: Well, it can't be female, then.

“This girl is dangerous, not to be taken lightly, looks may be deceiving,” Heero warned holding up a folder.

Pata: *as Heero* Her name is Beck. And she has a sidekick in her sardonic evildoing named Pata.
Beck: Their crime? Stealing all the semicolons.
Pata: And putting them "underneath you're clothes".

The name flashed a spark in Trowa’s brain

Pata: Which caught fire and fried him to a cripsy black pile of ash.
Beck: *imagines a little name-bug in a trenchcoat with nothing underneath*

It read Midii Une.

Beck: Oops. Guess she's not an audio file. She's a text document!

“Oh Midii, what have you done to you’re self?” Trowa thought.

Pata: *brooding and dark* You're self...but what am I?

Quatre looked at his best friend, something was up, definitely.

Beck: *as Quatre, thinking* Why does he care about a girl?
Pata: Where were all these commas when "himself sipping his coffee"?

Because of you
I forgot the
Smart ways to rhyme

Beck: As became obvious in this "song," Shakira.
Pata: Sure, blame some random person's panties.
Beck: Shakira is panties. This startling revelation, brought to you by Pata.

Because of you
I'm running out of
Reasons to cry

Beck: And this is a bad thing?
Pata: Duh! How dare you take away my reasons to cry!?
Beck: Shakira is panties is masochist.

When the friends are gone
When the party's over
We'll still belong
To each other

Beck: Now there's a thought: mutual slavery.

“I’m a fool!” Midii yelled into the dark street.

Pata: "No argument here," replied the dark street.

She got up and walked to a small coffee shop, where she sat down and sipped a hot chocolate.

Beck: Rather terrified, the timid owner of the hot chocolate quickly got up and scurried away.

How much longer would she live in hiding? Using a fake name.

Beck: It's question-answer time, with retards.
Pata: I think that sentence was in my grammar book...

The door opened and a handsome young man entered. He was tall, emerald eyed, and a brown uni bang. “He’s hott!” a girl at the next table said to the cashier.

Beck: *as cashier* Oh, stop it, Sam! Don't you have a shimfriend back at Luna?
Pata: *as Sam* Yeah, her name's Stacy. She works at some non-muggel seafood place with a bad french name.

Strangely the man looked a lot like Nanashi.

Beck: *as Midii* Oops, wait, no! Not Nanashi.
Pata: Just the only other man in the world with a Uni-Bang.

It WAS Nanashi!

Beck: *gasp*
Pata: *sarcastic* NOO! You don't say.

Midii wanted to go give him a hug and cry in his chest but then she noticed his jacket. A Preventers jacket, he was out to get her.

Beck: Aw! He's giving her a present!

Midii stood up and walked out of the shop, and Nanashi was right behind her. He was following her.

Pata: *as Nanashi* I want to know what's underneath your clothes...I have a
sneaking suspicion it might be Shakira.

Underneath your clothes
There's an endless story

Pata: Tattooed all over your flesh like in "Memento".
Beck: Hm. Kinky.

There's the man I chose
There's my territory
And of all the things
I deserve
For being such
A good girl honey

Beck: That was...interesting.
Pata: That was…interesting.
Beck: That was...interesting.
Pata: That was…interesting.
Beck: Look! We can repeat things, too!

“Midii?!” Trowa called after the young girl. That was her, with out a doubt. He ran over to her and forcefully grabbed

Beck: Her HUGE redundant statement!

her arm, swingingr her around. “Nanashi?” she asked trying to free her arm. “I have a name, its Trowa, Trowa Barton,” he said staring into her ice blue eyes.

Beck: Argh, nooo, not eye color! Now we've been suckered into a kiss, for sure!

“Before you arrest me, I just want to say I’m sorry!” she quickly blurted out.

Pata: And you should be, for making us sit through this crap.

You’re forgiven,” he replied to her, still clutching her arm.

Beck: *as Trowa* However, I'm still going to be taking this appendage with me.

“You were the one I loved,” she said pulling him under a roof, out of the rain. “And, I loved you,” he said a bit shocked.

Beck: Seeing as he was FLAMING GAY AND IN LOVE WITH QUATRE.

“Don't turn me in,” she pleaded with him. Trowa smiled, and he grabbed her drenched body. “I’ll make sure you don't go to jail,” he said smugly,

Beck: *tries to picture Trowa, smug. fails miserably.*

“But, you’ll have to stay with me, under my supervision.” Midii collapsed into his arms, crying.

Pata: I am in so much shock at all the rampant badness....I can't even comment properly.
Beck: It really is running unchecked, isn't it?

Trowa lifted her head up, and kissed her, it was long and passionate.

Pata: And then, he opened his eyes and screamed, "ACK! You're not Quatre!"

When it broke he wiped away her tears. “I’ve been such a good girl, honey,” she whispered out into the darkness and rain…….

Pata: Pata and Beck jumped off a cliff, and died, and it was sad and depressing.
Beck: And with that, the elipsis swallowed the world for the last time.

 

:::THE END:::

for now

 

 

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