“What are we doing here Jaymes?” May asks me as I stand surveying the ruins laid out before us in this pale, late morning moonlight…the sun will soon be up.  “I don’t know if you knew it or not May, but this building was the headquarters of the Mosquitoes Tribe.”  She nods, saying she did know that.  “I destroyed this building May…the leader of this tribe, may, or may not be dead…this tribe belonged to my sister.”  May gasps “You destroyed this Jaymes?”  I shake my head and she asks “Why did you do it.”  I don’t know…in fact, I can’t say for sure I really destroyed it, what with these false memories and all.”  “You mean you can’t be sure if your sister is dead or not?”  I nod to her.  “I have to find out if she’s still alive.  I can’t take not knowing if she is or not.  I’ve lost a brother…if I can’t find her, then I really don’t have any family left.”  “You’ve got Trudy and your babies.”  She says.  “I know May, but there’s a difference in family and ‘family’”  May is looking at me confused.  “If Moz is dead May, then my last connection to my old memories died with her.  Soon, I’ll forget the family I had…I don’t want that.”  She asks if I’ve talked to Trudy about any of this.  “No, I don’t want her to think I’m unhappy with her or our children, because I’m not, but it sounds kind of like I’m saying that she and the babies aren’t enough.”  “Trudy loves you Jaymes…she’ll understand what you mean.  Just talk to her.”  I nod, then say its time to leave, as the sun just starts to peek up over the horizon.

 I walk to the kitchen and find Bray making breakfast for Danni, and as I walk in, so does Lex.  “Seems we all had the same idea this morning, huh?”  I say to them.  “Well mate, not all of us.  Ryan ain’t here.”  I notice that and I say “Well, he had the guard duty, so he’s allowed I guess.”  Then I tell them.  “I’m probably going to be leaving for a while.”  They look up from what they’re doing and shoot me a questioning gaze.  “I know that there wasn’t a battle with Moz against the Mallrats, but her place was destroyed, and it’s been a long time since any confirmed sightings have been made.  I have to find my sister.”  “Trudy doesn’t mind?” Bray asks.  As I finish her breakfast and place a rose on the tray I lift the tray a little higher and say “trying to convince her now.”

 I walk to our room and find that Brady is just waking up when I go in.  I sit the tray on a table and I pick up my big girl, my step daughter.  “Good morning sweetheart.  How did you sleep?”  “Hi daddy.  I’m okay.  How are you?” she says as she yawns big.  “I’m doing alright sweetie.  You hungry?”  she says yeah, and I say “Well, look what I got for you here, and I pull an apple out of my pocket and hand it to her.  “Thank you daddy.”  She says “You’re welcome honey.  I love you.”  “I love you too daddy.”

 Brady finishes what she wants of her apple then hands the rest to me.  I am eating what’s left as Trudy wakes up and she says to me “Morning darling.  How long have you been awake?”  “About an hour.” I tell her.  Really it’s more like three if you count the time spent to Moz’s old place.  “Liar” she says.  I woke up when you walked out…that’s been more than three hours past now.  Where did you go Jaymes?”  I smile a little bit.  “My perceptive wife.  I can’t put anything past you.”  She looks at me lovingly and says “You can’t stall me anymore either.  Now where were you?”  I rub her cheek and I say “I went to the wreckage of my sisters base.  I’m missing her a lot lately and I just had to go.”  Trudy comforts me and says “She is family.”  “But I have you and our kids now honey…I shouldn’t be missing her so much.”  She smiles and says “There’s a difference Jaymes, between your wife and kids and your family.  She’s your sister, you grew up with her.”  I kiss Trudy then bring her the tray of food.  “Oh, thanks honey.  You shouldn’t have done that.”  She says.  “I wanted to baby.  I love you.”  Trudy, who knows me so very well, says then “When are you leaving?”  I look confused and say “What?”  “We both know you’re wanting to, and the urge won’t stop until you do, so when are you going to look for Moz?”  I pick up a just waking Fire, my second born daughter, and I say “I don’t want to leave you alone with the babies honey, not just to leave on a fools quest.”  Trudy gives me her first morning kiss and says “Jaymes, if I had a chance to find my mother or father, would you let me not take that chance just because it’d be hard just having one of us here with the children?”  I shake my head and say “No honey, but that’s different…” she stops me by saying “The only thing different is that you think because you’re the man, you have to be here to watch over us.  You can take a while if you need to Jaymes.  I have people here to help me take care of the little ones.”  Then she adds “Brady can help, can’t you sweetie?”  Brady hugs my leg and says “I can help mommy watch after Fire and Li and Ghany, daddy.”  I smile a warm smile at Trudy, who’s looking at Brady, no doubt thinking how she’s grown.  “I know you can baby, I just hate to have you and mommy do that alone.”  Brady innocently says “We’ll be okay daddy, you go get your sister.  I’d find Li or Fire if they were missing daddy.”  Trudy says “See?”  I chuckle and say to Brady “How can I refuse you little daughter?”

 When we finally get it out of the way that I will in fact go find Moz, I say I’ll get things squared away then I’ll leave in a day or two, then I leave Trudy to feed the little ones and to get herself ready for the day.  I carry Brady with me to sit in the common area at the fountain.  Brady starts talking “I miss auntie Eb daddy.”  Then she says “I miss playing dolls with her.”  She’s referring to the time that Ebony pretended to have suffered major brain damage and was running a scam in which she would play with Brady all the time like she was a child herself.  “Daddy?  Are you listening to me?”  I smile and kiss my daughter’s little forehead “Of course baby, I was just thinking.”  “About auntie Eb?”  I nod to her and say yes.  “I love her daddy.  I wish she’d come home.”  “I do to sweetie…there’s a lot I’d like to talk to auntie Eb about.”  It’s just then that Patsy comes up and sits down with us “Hi Patsy!”  Brady says loudly.  Patsy takes Brady and gives her a big hug “How are you this morning Brady?”  “Fine”  Patsy looks at me and says “How are you Jaymes?”  “Tired.  I got up early and took a little trip.”  She says she heard May and Salene talking about it.  “I’m leaving in a day or two to try and find Moz.  I have to find out if she’s alive or not.”  “You want company?  I’ll go, and I’m sure Cloe would.”  I chuckle and she says “WHAT?”  “Sorry Pats…just thinking how much you and Cloe have grown since I met you.”

Brady is fiddling with a ring I wear on a piece of cord.  It’s a ring that says ‘Angel’ and also on the cord is a little Norse rune that’s supposed to symbolize love.  It was a gift from a precious friend.  I take the necklace off and cut the cord to fit her and I place the necklace around little Brady’s neck.  “How about you wear this for awhile till I come back to get it?”  “Okay daddy.”  Patsy smiles and asks again if I want her and Cloe to go with me.  “Sure, it might be nice to have some company on the trip.”  She runs to tell Cloe.  She still hasn’t lost that youthful energy and innocence…amazing, the things this world stole from the older kids, the younger, like herself, seem unaffected altogether.

As the days go by, Trudy asks if I really want the girls to go with me.  “Two teenagers and YOU husband?  Are you sure you’re ready for that just yet?”  I laugh at her as I bounce my little Fire on my knee  “These little ones of ours will be there soon enough wife, just as well get the experience now.”  As I run my fingers through my Trudy’s hair I say “Besides, they can cook almost as good as you.  If I don’t take them, I’ll end up eating worms the whole time.”  Brady hears this and says “Yuck daddy, why would you eat worms?”  Trudy and I get a good giggle from this and I say “Daddy’s had to eat worms before sweetie…daddy didn’t eat very well before he met mommy.”  Brady smiles at me and says “Silly daddy.”  I place Fire back on her bed and pick Brady up in a big hug and I say “Oh my big girl!  I wish I could take you with me.”  Brady takes me serious and says “Can I mommy?”  Trudy looks at me, perturbed at what I got started, so I take care of it “No sweetie, you can’t go…daddy needs you to do something more important.”  “What daddy?” she asks in her little amazed voice that she’s getting to do big girl stuff.  “I need you to protect mommy and Fire, Li-Li and Ghany while I’m gone.”  She says she will and that is all there is of that.

Patsy and Cloe are packed and ready to go the morning of the trip, and as the ‘Rats are gathered, I ask them if they’re sure they want to go.  “I move fast, sometimes I don’t stop until late at night and I get up right at first light and go again.”  Cloe speaks up and says “If you remember Jaymes, I’ve been through one of your quick marches before, when those people attacked us and the mall and all that before you and Trudy got married…and we’re not 12 anymore.”  I look at them with fake hurt in my eyes “Just checking girls.”

And so, this strange combination of Jaymes, Patsy and Cloe go in search of my sister Moz, or her ghost…whichever they can find.

Chapter 2—Remembering The Past

We’ve been walking for 3 days, Patsy, Cloe and myself.  It’s a slower pace than I’d like, but I’m glad to have them with me.  They, like they have for years, bring out the father instinct in me and I won’t push to hard so we stay comfortable with their abilities.

I decide that I’d like to start this thing out at the grave site of the first Ghany, my baby brother.  I just feel its right somehow.  I bring a fresh flower to place on his grave, only to find that a relatively fresh one is already there.  “Strange, there shouldn’t be flowers on this grave.”  I say.  Cloe says “Could be Eco’s done it…they do that sort of thing you know, all that respect for the dead.”  I look at her with respect.  She’s been talking to Amber.  Eco’s will place flowers on a stray grave like this…so that the soul of the dead knows that someone cares.

“This is your brother’s grave, isn’t it Jaymes?”  Patsy asks me.  “How did you guess that Pats?”  she looks at me and says “It just seemed like something you’d do…like you expected Moz to be here waiting on you, or in a grave beside him.”  “Am I that predictable girls?”  Cloe says “No, you’re sentimental Jaymes…Its one of your good qualities.” Patsy then says “You’re very tight lipped about your past Jaymes.  Will you tell us about yourself?”  “I’d rather not girls.”  I say to them.  “Well, you have to make conversation Jaymes…and what else are you going to talk to two seventeen year old girls about?”  “There are times, little princesses, that I miss the days when you were not so smart as you are now, and when you were scared of me.”  They both are sentimental too, I see, as I notice them both kind of glaze over with memories brought on by me calling them little princesses…I used to call them that years ago.  Cloe breaks the thoughts we’re all having by saying “Come on Jaymes, you know if you don’t, we’ll just keep asking.”  Persistent little ones, so I go ahead.

“I remember my childhood horribly even though I know it wasn’t.  Trudy reminds me a lot of my mother, even though at the time, I thought my mother was domineering and evil.”  I wait for comments that don’t come.  “My mother really was a good person, it’s just that she always had to do the discipline because my father sacrificed time with his family so we could eat and have a decent house.”  Again I pause, then start again.  “I always thought mom was easier on Moz than she was on me, but I think now that she had a better understanding of ‘girls will be girls’ than ‘boys will be boys’.  I remember going to Martin’s house nearly every morning and showering before school cause I didn’t want to deal with my mother.”  Cloe breaks in and asks “Martin?”  I say, “Oh, you probably don’t know that name.  You knew him as Zoot.”  They look shocked.  “Oh, Martin was a good guy.  The Zoot thing was cause he couldn’t take the virus hitting.”  They both shake their heads.  “Trudy actually met me then, even though she doesn’t know it.  She would sneak in before school and fix herself up a little while spending time with Martin.  She’d come in and talk to me while I was showering…very strange how comfortable we were with each other.”  Patsy asks “How could she not know it was you Jaymes?”  I tell her that I had a nickname that Martin always called me when we weren’t around others.  “he called me Baumkrieg, which was shortened to Baum.”  Cloe laughs and asks what the name meant.  “Its German…it means ‘tree war’.  He started calling me that after I saw some kind of environmental thing on TV and started to scream about the trees taking up arms and declaring war on the humans.  I was very odd before the virus.  Trudy always make a little joke out of it, she called me Baumie.”  The girls get a kick out of this little fact.

“I remember that even when I was feeling at my worst over the way my life was, that Moz was always there to talk to me and to show me that at least one person in my life cared about me.”  I get lost in thoughts about Moz coming and talking to me until early in the morning sometimes about the way the family was, then I tell Cloe and Patsy “Sometimes, I wonder if Ebony messed with my memories of my family.  I know they weren’t as bad as I remember them, but I just feel like I hated them and that there was no way out.”  I watch as Cloe picks up the fishing gear and starts to walk off.  “Do you know what you’re doing?”  I ask.  “Jack taught me once.”  She says and she just walks away.  I look at Patsy and I say “Jack knows how to fish?”  “Shocked me too.” she responds.  I bring out a little stone, a piece of Amethyst that Lex picked up for me one day after I first became a Mallrat and I meditate on it for a few minutes.  “What are you doing Jaymes?”  Patsy asks me.  I tell her I’m trying to send my thoughts out to my sister so maybe she’ll hear me and know I’m looking for her.

When Cloe returns, in a far smaller time than I expected, she has three huge fish.  “Will you get them ready Jaymes?” she asks.  “Jack didn’t teach you that part?”  she gives me a huffing look and says “Yes!  But it’s icky.”  I smile at her…still so much the little girl that was scared of me in the mall.  “Okay then, hand them over.”  I clean the fish and the girls put them on to cook.  They get the food cooked and then hand me over a fish and we eat.  Afterwards, I tell them I’m going on to sleep, that I’d like to get an early start.  When I settle in, I whisper “Goodnight Trudy, night Fire, Ghany, Lianla.  Goodnight Moz…I love you all”  I fall asleep to Cloe and Patsy talking girl stuff about guys they like.

The next morning turned into the next noon before I decided to wake up.  As I stir, Patsy says “Its about time you woke up Jaymes.  You totally ignored company.”  “What?  People were here?  Who?”  Some guy named Raven, and a girl named Phoenix, with a baby…they didn’t say the child’s name.  Raven seemed to know you.”  I tell her I met him during my time with the Eco Tribe.  “What did this Phoenix look like?  I don’t remember her.”  I say.  “She kept her face covered.”  Cloe responds.  “What did she sound like?” I ask.  “She didn’t speak.”  Patsy says, adding “Odd person.”  I tell them that as soon as everything’s squared away, we’re going to make our way to the Eco camps so I can see Raven and find out if he knows anything about where Moz may be.

Chapter 3—Old Friends and New People

I sort of pushed the girls harder than they deserved to make up for my mistake of oversleeping.  They didn’t like it, but we made the eco camp right at twilight.  As we do, Pride and a woman he seems to be sweet on, come to meet us.  “Wolf, who are your friends?”  he asks.  “This one here is Patsy, and this one on my left, is Cloe.”  Pride greets them both and Cloe says “Pride…hi there.”  I ask Pride “Just who is this vision of natures beauty you have here?”  He introduces me to Robyn, who came to the Eco’s some time back.  Pride is taking over for Raven who has been out on a quest for weeks.  “The girls saw him this morning…him and a girl named Phoenix.”  The only response is an odd “Ah yes, Phoenix.”  Then “Will you stay with us the night Wolf?”  I nod, and ask about Eagle’s quarters for the girls.  “Isn’t it rude to sleep in someone’s house while they’re gone?”  I hear from behind.  “Eagle!  have you been following us?”  She smiles and says “Most of the way…but I knew when it was time to get started walking today.  I didn’t sleep till sometime in the mid morning.”  I look at my old friend and say “It was NOON, Eagle, and I didn’t have my four part alarm clock to wake me today.”  Everyone looks at me oddly.  “City children aren’t as quiet first thing in the morning as Eco children.”  Hard laughs as Eagle tells Pats and Cloe to go to her little hut and set their things down and get it ready for guests.

As we sit around the main campfire eating, Raven returns with his friend Phoenix and Pride greets them in his typical loud fashion.  “RAVEN!  PHOENIX!  Wolf’s decided to join us with some friends for the evening.  Phoenix hurries off to the side towards one of the many little dwellings set up, as Raven watches her go.  I’m laying on the ground using my pack to prop me up and ask “What’s up with this Phoenix?”  Eagle answers me.  “She came to us like you Jaymes.” Reminding me of that time in my life, “A person who needs redemption for something in her past.  This was her last resort.”  “Like me huh?” I ask.  “Well, Wolf.” Eagle says “She’s not as violent and angry as you were…she’s more hurt than anything else, but she wants our way of life for herself and her baby.”  I ask Raven if that’s her woman.  “No, she just took to me when she first came here, so I’m showing her our way.”  “Why does she keep her face covered?” I ask, directing the question at everyone. There’s a lot of shaking heads as they all sort of say they don’t know, she just always has.  “Maybe I should meet her and talk to her since we both found ourselves here the same way.”  “She doesn’t trust new people Wolf, you should leave her be until she comes to you.  I’ll tell her you offered.”  Raven says.  Eagle also agrees, with a look on her face that tells me to heed her words, that it’d be best that she come to me.

“Well, what brings you here tonight Wolf?”  Pride asks me.  “I was hoping to talk to everyone and see if they’d heard or seen anything connected with the leader of the Mosquitoes…the one called Moz.”  I tell him.  “Ah, well friend, I had heard that someone a half day north of here was an old Mosquito, but as far as their leader, I’ve heard nothing…but, then again, I don’t listen to many outside rumors.”  Then he looks at Raven and says to him, “Maybe you or Phoenix could tell us something…you are out and about more than I, and she hasn’t been here long and was a city dweller.  More gets around in the city than out here.  Raven looks thoughtfully and utters my sister’s name under his breath and says “I too have heard of this one who dwells to the north.  She likes to be left alone, but she’s actually very nice.  That’d be your best bet Wolf.”  “Well then,” I say “Come morning, we head north.”  I look around for Patsy and Cloe, then I hear them laughing in Eagle’s hut.  Eagle looks at me and smiles at me “What was that for?” I ask her.  She smiles again and says “I remember when Wolf would stay away half a year hunting without contact with anyone.  Now, my Wolf is tame and house broken…he misses his family.” Then she says “Well Wolf, escort me to my hut.”

We stand outside the hut for a moment as I overlook the camp and the quiet hustle and bustle of movement.  “You know Eagle, sometimes I want to just pick Trudy and Ghany, Li, Fire and Brady up and bring them here…a simpler life, less dangerous…less bad memories.”  Then I add what’s really on my mind “Less Ebony.”  Eagle gives me a look I’ve never seen from her, its sort of a look of difficult decisions, mixed with something like thoughtful regret.  “It would be nice to have my Wolf back in the fold.”  She says.  “But Amber would miss having Jaymes at the mall.”  She directs me inside and as I go in I do nothing but smile…Eagle has brought me a surprise.  “Hi Daddy!”  Brady yells as she runs to me and jumps into my arms which I have opened to accept my little girl.  Trudy is there and so are the rest of my babies.  I hug my little Brady and I ask her “I thought I asked you to protect mommy little one.”  “You did daddy.”  She responds to me, her little voice full of joy.  I look at Eagle and I ask Brady “Then why did you let Amber bring her here?”  she smiles at me as she gives me a little peck on my cheek and says “Mommy wanted to come Daddy.”  I look at Trudy then, who is enjoying our little exchange and I say “She did?  Why did mommy want to come here sweetie?”  “Mommy said it was your birthday daddy.”  I stare silently…its been a long time since I celebrated that.  Sometimes I even forget how old I am.  I didn’t even know Trudy knew when my birthday was…I’m not even sure I know hers.  “Happy birthday daddy.”  Brady says.  I hug her close as I turn away from Amber and Trudy and Patsy and Cloe so they don’t see me crying and I say “Thank you sweetie.  Daddy loves you.”

After the celebration with the group, Patsy and Cloe go to bed and Amber goes to look after what she called ‘tribe business’, leaving Trudy and I to talk alone.  “I love you wife.  Thank you for tonight.”  She looks at me and, in a proving of what makes Trudy and I great together, she says “It’s been a long time since you celebrated.  I know its not a big deal to you husband, but with you missing Moz so much I thought maybe something fun would help.”  I look out at the still scurrying movement of this camp and I say “It was wonderful, but I wish you hadn’t brought the little ones all this way just to make me feel better.  Who knows what could’ve happened out there.”  I hold the small gift that Brady gave to me, an animals tooth weaved into a leather necklace…that little girl couldn’t have made that, I’m sure Trudy did, but my little girl wanted me to have it…it’s the most wonderful thing I’ve ever owned.  I stare at the tooth and I say to my wife “Its amazing how priorities change Trudy.”  “What do you mean Jaymes?”  she asks me.  “Not long ago Trudy, my most prized possession was a rare coin that my grandfather gave me on my 13th birthday, now that coin is gone, and worthless besides, and this necklace here, a gift from our daughter, is the most special thing in the world to me.”  “You know Jaymes, I don’t think I’ve ever thanked you.”  she says.  “For what Trudy?”  I ask her.  “In all the time we’ve been married, you’ve never pretended that Brady was anything other than your own daughter.  I love you all the more for that.”  “Martin would have for me…besides I don’t know any other way to be…she’s my girl as much as Li-Li or Fire.”  She responds, “Martin wouldn’t have watched after your child Jaymes, you know what happened to him.”  I kiss her and say “Martin would have…Martin might have become Zoot, but Zoot was NOT Martin.”

I sleep on the floor with my wife on a bed pad that I carried for myself.  Well, I sleep on the floor and give her the pad, and when the next day dawns, I ask Trudy when she’s going home.  She says she’ll leave later today.  I give her and my son and daughters each a kiss and I carry Brady outside to speak to her alone for a minute.  When we go outside I see Phoenix and when she sees me, she hurries off.  Raven tries to stop her, but she breaks away.  I talk to my daughter.  “You know I love you right Brady?”  she says “Yes daddy.”  “I love your mommy too baby.  I wanted you to know that in case something happens to me.  I love you both, and I love your brother and sisters too.”  “What’s wrong daddy?”  “Nothing sweetie, I just wanted to talk to you for a minute and tell you that.  Now, give daddy a kiss.”  She kisses me and I sit her back in with Trudy.

Just for fun, after I catch sight of Phoenix again, I start to kind of stalk up on her.  When I finally catch her I try to talk to her, but she remains perfectly silent and tries to leave, but I won’t let her.  Soon as she’s had enough, she kicks me in a sensitive area and leaves me in pain on the ground.  Thankfully she and I are the only ones who know about it, and when I get up, I tell Patsy and Cloe its time to leave and we set out heading north to find this woman that might know about Moz.  “I’ll see you soon sister.”

Chapter 4—Piece of The Puzzle

Remembering the conversation I had with Brady, I wonder now why I thought that it was important to speak with her about how much I love her and her mother and my other children.  I’m just worried that I won’t come back from this journey…it’s a feeling of dread that I’ve never felt before.

“Where are you Jaymes?”  Cloe asks as she walks up and grabs my hand.  “I was remembering the last conversation I had with Brady…it has me disturbed.”  Patsy comes up beside us and Cloe urges me to tell her about it, so I repeat my conversation to her and I say “I didn’t used to be like that.  I used to be that I could leave the mall and not be bothered…but lately, every time I leave, I’m afraid I won’t come back.”  Patsy says “When you first came to the mall and Trudy and you got together, it was just Brady…and even though you don’t act like it or anything, Brady isn’t your child…now though, you’ve got your son, and you’ve got Fire and Li.  You have a lot to lose Jaymes, and I’m sure if I know you enough, that you’re afraid to leave Trudy looking after all those children herself.”  “That is a big part of it.” I tell her.

At mid evening the three of us reach a clearing in the woods, and I tell them to stay here and I’m going to move on ahead.  “Yell, LOUD, if anyone approaches you wrong.” I say then I move ahead to scout around.

I find a small light coming from a little, well hidden shelter a few dozen feet from me and I see slight movement by the light of the lamp.  I move up a little farther, and my body goes cold as I both feel and hear the loud snapping of branches under my feet.  I look up to see not the slightest movement from the little shelter, but I turn to run anyway.  When I do turn to run, I get taken down by a huge punch to the chest.  “Oh, Jesus!”  I say in my pain.  “Break a rib why don’t you.”  In the pale moonlight, I hear a gasp, then a name I’ve not heard in a long time.  “Jaymie?”  this voice says.  Only one person ever called me that, cause I hate that name.  “Gat?”  I say.  “Oh, Jaymie, I’m so sorry I hit you.  I’m always getting raided here sweetie.  I’m sorry.”  I stand up with her help and I say “Its alright Gat, you just kind of caught me on surprise.”

She helps me into her little shelter…not as little as it looks outside, you can fit 4 full grown adults in here comfortably.  I sit around the little lamp she has which triples as light heat and cooking source.  “Oh Gattaca, how did you come to this?”  I say before slipping into my memories of this black and silver haired goddess before me.

There’s a knocking on the window and a voice says “Come on Moz, let me in!”  I go and open MY window, not my sisters, and I’m taken as this lovely girl just a bit older than I, walks in.  I whisper so as not to wake my mother up.  “You know, you are her best friend. I’d expect by now you remember which window is hers Tag.”  I look at her to find her a bit drunk…no wonder.  She probably doesn’t even remember that Moz ran away night before last.  Everyone calls her Tag, but her name is Gattaca.  In clear night, her silver streaks have an odd blue tone to them.  “Moz isn’t here you know Tag.”  I tell her, and she just, in her drunk state says “Now Jaymie…” she knows I hate that name, she must be really off.  “Now Jaymie…who…who says…tha…that I’m here to see Moz?”  I look at her and she has tears in her eyes, both old and new.  “Gat, what’s wrong?”  she looks at me mean and says “Don’t call me GAT!”  “I’ll make you a deal, you call me Jaymie, and I’ll call you Gat.”  She doesn’t seem to be paying any attention as she starts to sob uncontrolled and lays her head face down on a pillow beside me.  “Is Moz really not here?”  she asked.  “She ran off a couple days ago…her and mom had a fight.”  Then I lift her head up and I ask “What’s the matter Gat?”  she starts to sob harder for a moment, but calms down as she says “My mom and dad…they’ve got this virus that’s killing everybody.  Doctors say they got it bad…a few days at best.  What am I gonna do Jaymie?”  I hug her, cause I can’t think of anything else to do to comfort her.  The smell of her hair is intoxicating…this jet black hair with streaks of silver, not hair color like most people think, but a strange trick of genetics that she inherited from her dad’s side of the family…his was the same.

I get up and lock my bedroom door…god knows that what I need in life is for my mom to walk in and find me with a girl here…especially a girl that’s a friend of Moz’s.  When I lay back down in my bed, Gat asks if she can stay awhile.  “I wasn’t kidding Gattaca, she isn’t here.”  I tell her.  She shakes her head and says “I believe you…I just don’t want to be alone right now.”  I agree and tell her to take the bed and I’ll sleep in the chair I’ve got in my room.  “Come here Jaymie…I’m not going to bite.”  I don’t want to go to the bed with her, but I also don’t want to make her feel worse, so I go and lay down on top of my covers, with her underneath them.  We lay there silently except for her small sobs.  Then she says in my ear.  “I have a gift for you Jaymie.”  She slips the covers off her and rolls over as she starts to kiss me on my face and my bare chest.  She takes a moment to slip off the shirt she’s wearing and she pulls up her silver trimmed skirt, and begins to grind against me.  “Gattaca this is my….”  She puts a hand to my lips and softly says “Shh…I know”.  I begin to kiss her back, and over the next hour, we make magic together in my room.  When we’re done, all I want to do is lay there and hold her.  She’s crying again and I say “Tag, did I do something wrong?”  she smiles and kisses me tenderly and says “No lovely boy…you did everything just right.”

When I wake in the morning, Gattaca is already gone, but on the pillow beside me I find a necklace and a note.  “to my lovely Jaymie…last night you were beautiful and you were what I needed.  I was so lonely and you made me feel special again…I’ll never forget the feeling I had with you last night.  I want you to have my necklace.  The ring is very special to me, and the little pendant is called a Rune…it’s supposed to mean love.  Thank you again my lovely boy.  I will never forget last night.  Love, Gat.

“Jaymie?”  Gattaca says, shaking me.  “Sorry girl, I was lost in thoughts.” I tell her.  “What thoughts?”  she asks me as she hands me a bowl of soup.  “Thoughts of a young girl who came drunk into the house of a boy and then took him and made him a man that night.”  She looks at me and calls me that thing that, when I used to read it would warm my heart “Lovely boy…I’ve missed you Jaymie”.  Then she asks me what’s been happening in my life, other than my getting married.  “You knew that?”  I ask her.  “I was a Mozzie.” She says, like I’m silly for having to ask.  “So much has happened Gat.  I’m finally a dad.  I have three wonderful children of my own and I have a beautiful little stepdaughter”  I point to the necklace and I say “She gave me this for my birthday.”  Gat looks at the necklace and says “Its wonderful Jaymie.”  Then asks “You used to have another one, what happened to it?”  she wants to know about the one she gave me.  “My stepdaughter is wearing it until I come home from this little hunting party I’ve got going.”  Gattaca looks at me silly and says “Hunting party?  What are you hunting?”  I smile at her as I take a lock of her long hair and I play with it and I say “My sister.  I don’t know where she is Gat.”  As I say it, I break down and cry “I think I may have killed her Gat.”  She is confused, so I recount the story to her.  “Well, I don’t think you could have killed her, cause she was here two weeks ago.  Didn’t say where she was going though.”  Gat tells me.  “How often is she here?” I ask.  “Once every couple of months…but I have a feeling you don’t want to wait that long, so when do we leave?”  I was so caught up I totally forgot about Patsy and Cloe.  “Gat, do you have room for a couple more?  A couple of girls that are accompanying me.  I left them in the clearing out there while I scouted ahead.”  “Sure, lets go get them.” As we walk, arm in arm, Gat whispers in my ear “I’m happy you’re finally a dad…I’m sorry that Aha…” my hand on her lips I say “Fate took Ahava from us, it wasn’t your fault…I’m just glad you named her.  I don’t think I could have as much as I was hurting.”

“Gattaca, this is…”  “Patsy! Cloe!  Hi guys.  How have you been?”  Patsy and Cloe both scream “Tag!” at the same time and they all run towards each other like they’re old friends.  “Uh, guys?  Anybody?  Confused Jaymes over here.”  Cloe speaks up and says “We met Tag when you took us to stay with Moz that time.”  Gattaca says “They were fun to have around.  Almost as much fun as making that little outfit for Brady.”  I look at Gat and I ask her “Was that you that did that?”  She shakes her head.

“Gattaca?” I ask after we’ve all eaten.  “Will you come with us to find Moz?”  She says she will, and she says “For what its worth Jaym…Jaymes, Moz doesn’t think you tried to kill her.”  I look at her half heartedly and say “Well, small miracles I guess.”

The night is wearing on, so I lay out my bed pack and Patsy and Cloe do the same.  I offer the pad to Gattaca, but she refuses…she always was that way.  Patsy and Cloe are on one side of our fire ring, Gattaca and I on the other.  As I start to fall asleep I whisper to myself the same thing I have every night of this trip “Night Trudy, Fire, Ghany, Li, Brady…night Moz.”  Tonight though, with the memories, I add “Goodnight Ahava.”  After that, Gattaca whispers low to me “Sleep well Jaymie.”  “Goodnight Gat.” I respond to her.

Chapter 5—The Ashes

The days that followed my chance rediscovery of Gattaca were some of the happiest I can remember.  The only way they could be better would be if Trudy were here with my children.  Gat just can’t hear enough about them.  She wants to hear every little story about them, from their birth, down to the small stuff even, like changing them and Brady’s first words and all that.  “I can’t imagine you changing a diaper Jaymie.” Gat says to me as we walk, a few feet behind Patsy and Cloe.  “You’d have enjoyed watching me bumble my way through it Gat.  It was a trip.  I kept Trudy laughing for week.”

Gattaca leads us to an old, broken down house.  “Moz stays here sometimes.  Let me go see if she’s there.”  I watch her as she goes and knocks on the door and it opens.  She peeks in then motions for us to come up.  Cloe, Patsy and myself walk in behind her and find a house in shambles…at least inside…the outside is perfect.  I look at Gat and I say “My sister lives in this?”  she nods and says “Sometimes.”  “Why does she live here Gattaca?  I could’ve got her in the mall…why didn’t she ask me for help?”  Gattaca says “She stayed in that shelter of mine with me for a while, then she started to talk about finding a new start, moving on and making a completely different, more peaceful life for herself where she wasn’t being targeted all the time and where she could safely start a family.”  When Gat says this, my thoughts travel back to Phoenix and the baby she carried…Phoenix is a troubled soul like me, according to Eagle.  Why couldn’t it be Moz…if Phoenix came to the eco tribe like Wolf, wouldn’t it make sense?  Then the father in me thinks ‘a cousin for Brady and the little ones…they’ll like that.”  I silently curse myself for getting my hopes up and focus back on the matter at hand.

We search the house over for signs of Moz, and I, more than the rest, find those signs all over the place.  She’s been keeping diaries.  The entries read like they’re full of pain, so much pain.  ‘53rd day—My tribe is gone, my home is gone…I’m alone and I don’t even have my family.  Ghany is dead…and I can’t go to Jaymes…the Mallrats will never take me.  I NEED FOOD!’  from there, the entry just starts to go weird and the handwriting isn’t readable.  I wonder what happened to her.

“Jaymes!”  Gattaca yells to me from across the house.  I run upstairs and I nearly throw up from a combination of smells of old bodily waste and something dead.  “What is it?”  I ask, Cloe and Patsy have their heads out the window puking, and I see a dead dog.  “This looks like an animal tore it apart.”  Gat points and says “Look there.”  I inspect the old, dried fecal material.  “Its human…blood in it.  Malnourishment.”  I sit there on my feet, knees bent, hunched over the material and I lay my head on my arms.  “Oh Moz…where are you?”

“We need to go, now!” I say.  The stuff I saw in the house has made me need to find her quickly.  I start on a quick pace and Gattaca and the girls can barely keep up with me.  “Gattaca, you didn’t tell me that she was almost dead when you saw her last.”  “She’s been eating weird for a while now Jaymes…sometimes she looks worse than others…I couldn’t tell, and she said she was fine.  She sounded really strong.”  Gattaca looks at me wanting to hear its okay, but it is not okay.  For one thing, I know my sister trained Gattaca better than that because Moz learned survival and tracking the same place I did…from our father, and for a second thing, Moz would have looked for help, no matter where if she’d have come that far.

Two hours later, Gattaca physically forces me to stop…I’ve already made them cover four miles and when Gattaca forces me to look at Patsy and Cloe, they’re barely walking and are bleeding a lot from vines and briars and falls that I never even noticed.  I look at them and I say “Oh god girls…I’m so sorry.”  I take some rags from my pack and I try to clean their wounds up as best I can.  I tell Gat a list of roots and plants to get that’ll help with the pain and the bleeding.  I remove their shoes and I see the worst blisters I’ve seen in years.  When she comes back I tell Gattaca that we have to stay here for a day or two.  “There’s not a choice in the matter Gat…look at their feet.”  She does and she finds me leaned with my face against a tree.  “What’s wrong Jaymie?” she asks me.  I was wondering Gat, wondering if I would have pushed this hard if it’d been my wife out here carrying my children.”  Just then, I perk my ears up as I hear a rustling in the bushes.

I see a blur of motion coming at me and then I’m on the ground…I took a blow to the head, so my eyes can’t focus, but this blurred thing hits me over and over again until, from shock, and pain overload, I pass out, but I see Gattaca fighting to protect Patsy and Cloe…mentally I scream because I can’t move.

I wake up in Eagle’s hut to find I’m being fed by Phoenix…very odd.  When she sees me wake Phoenix runs to get Eagle, who comes in and starts asking me a bunch of silly questions to figure out if I have amnesia or not.  “Wolf…so good to hear your voice.  It’s like fate.  Trudy left just yesterday.  She’d been here everyday of the month you’ve been unconscious.”  I look at her with wide eyes.  “A MONTH!”  “let me up Eagle, I have to get started finding Moz again.”  I start to get up but can’t.  “Eagle, these restraints are too tight…I can’t feel my legs.  Eagle and Phoenix both gasp when I say this…it’s the first sound I’ve heard from Phoenix…even when she kicked me she didn’t so much as grunt.  “What is it you two, take the bindings off.”  Eagle is crying.  I raise up and I see what she’s crying about.  There are no bindings on my legs.  I’m paralyzed.  I look at Eagle and I start to choke up.  Phoenix leaves the room and Eagle sits beside of me.  “Wolf…oh Wolf.”  That is all she can manage to say, then she says “I’ll send a messenger to Trudy…Phoenix will continue to feed you.  “That’s okay Eagle I can…” I stop when I realize that its not okay…I can’t move my arms either.  “Eagle, I can’t move my arms.”  This renews her crying.  As she leaves she says to Phoenix “Maybe now?”  she just shakes her covered head no.

“Eagle tells me that you can to her in much the same way I did…a lost soul looking for a place in the world.”  I pause to let her talk, but she chooses not to, so I go on.  “I guess it’s a bit different though…I came here because I’d lost a baby, you’ve come here to have one from what I’m told.”  She rubs her belly as I say this and I look.  “You look like you’re about close along, aren’t you?”  I tell her I have experience in this area.  “My wife has had four kids.  Three of them mine.  I was there to see two of them be born.”  I still wait, expecting to hear her say something, but when she doesn’t, I go on again.  “For the third one, I wasn’t able to be there.  This girl who I had spent some time with, was trying to show me how much she loved me by kidnapping me and brainwashing me.  She made me forget seeing my third child’s birth and made me think the child was dead.”  When I remain silent, Phoenix makes a gesture like I can continue if I’d like.  “No, there’s nothing else to be said…the girl’s gone now.  She was horrible to me, I to her, then she disappeared.  Still, I regret cutting down her tree.  She had this tree in her old backyard before the virus, and I used to climb it and watch her because I was in love with her.  She told me one time that was special to her cause she knew I was doing it, so when she told me that, I used it in my revenge against her…cut the tree and burnt it.”  I see phoenix move her hand up and she makes a gesture like she’s wiping tears.

The next day, I tell Phoenix about the time that I was tortured by the group of people that the girl who brainwashed me ended up working for “I know what you’re thinking Phoenix, why go back with her, why have anything to do with her?  The answer?  Because this girl had this core of innocence that I was always trying to get at and polish and make shine.” I pause for a drink then I say “She would let me see that goodness all the time, but others never got to see it.”  I think for a minute, then “Before this little quest began, my stepdaughter was telling me how much she loved this girl that did all these things to me.  My stepdaughter calls her ‘auntie Eb”.  The little one has never forgotten how this girl would play with her, dress-up and dolls and everything.  It was all a scam though…the woman wanted to love me so much she pretended to hurt herself and to have brain damage, where she had my stepdaughter’s mental capacity.”  I wipe a tear from my face and say “I wish I could say I was hurt by this, but I wasn’t.  I was upset for my little girl, because she’d lost her favorite friend.”

I lay there as Phoenix, even though I can’t see her eyes, appears to be looking through me.  “What?” I say to her, not actually expecting an answer.  Phoenix hurries off and then returns a few moments later with Eagle.  The two say nothing for a time, until finally Eagle says “I want you to remember Wolf, when Jaymes first came to me seeking a place to stay and help finding a path to walk.”  “Alright Eagle…what is this all about?”  Phoenix steps up and kneels in front of me, then removes her mask.  “Hello Wolf.”

“Oh my god…Ebony?”

Chapter 6—Explanations

 I stare in pure disbelief at this sight before my eyes…All this time I’ve been telling Phoenix about Ebony, she already knew…and the kick, and everything…Ebony is here.  “Eagle, you should have told me.” I say slowly.  “Wolf, I asked her not to.”  I wanted to make a fresh start of things and change myself around.  Eagle found me and brought me here.”  Ebony tells me.  Upset, I say “I don’t want to talk to YOU Ebony!”  she responds “Please don’t call me that again…my name is Phoenix.”  “Eagle, I want to talk to you alone.”

 ‘Phoenix’ is sent away and Eagle interrupts me by starting to talk herself “Everyone deserves the chance to turn their life from what it is, into what it could be.”  Then, “Do you recognize those words Wolf?  They are your words, on the day you became one of us after learning our ways and passing the tests.”  I look at her, half with rage and say “You know what she did to me!”  Eagle calmly says “She’s done a number of things, to a lot of people…myself included.  You are but one mark on her soul.”  Eagle waits for me to respond to this and when I don’t she says “Phoenix wants a new life so her baby can grow up good and right.  Coming motherhood agrees with her Wolf.  This Phoenix truly is a shining good raised from the ashes of the black evil of Ebony.”  I shake my head.  “I’m still not ready to give her a chance.”  Eagle sighs and says “Phoenix will grow on you…soon you’ll forget she ever was Ebony.”  I ask her “Have you sent the messenger to Trudy yet?”  She nods and says “Trudy should be here by the end of the day.”  I close my eyes and grunt.  “What is it Wolf?”  Eagle inquires.  “I was hoping to talk to Ebony alone for a while and figure some things out.”  “You still can.” Phoenix says as she walks in.  Eagle leaves.

 “I nearly lost my mind when you cut our tree down Wolf.  Those flames burnt away my only happy memory of home.”  I look at her and scoff “You de…”  “Yes Wolf, I deserved it after making you think I’d been injured permanently trying to kill myself for you.”  She closes her eyes as tears flow from them.  “Stress won’t help your child Ebony.” I tell her.  “Please Wolf, don’t call me that anymore.  I want to forget that name and everything that evil whore did. This life inside me is the only good thing Ebony was a part of…but this child will never know her…this child’s mother will be me, Phoenix”  I look at her…she actually looks like she means all this.  “Oh no.” I say.  She asks “What is it Wolf?”  “After you went missing, you were raped weren’t you?”  I ask her.  She shakes her head and says “No…I was pregnant before we parted ways.”  Then she says “The conditioning made you extremely into the mood at the drop of a hat Wolf.”  I look at her and I say “No!  That can’t be.”  Then I say “How can one man have so many children?  You’d think once in a while I’d get a misfire or something.”  Then, remembering back to what she did to me, I ask her “Was Precious real?”  she looks confused and she says.  “What?”  “Our baby girl, Precious…was she real?”  Ebony looks at the floor and says “Not yet.”  Then “When I first came here and found out I was pregnant, they had to leave me tied up for a long time…I tried to kill the baby so you and Trudy wouldn’t have to deal with it.”  I’m shocked at this.  “You trash…knowing the child was mine, knowing how I love children…and you tried to kill it.  I’ve already lost one baby in my life, I will not lose another because you took her from me.”  Phoenix is crying more and she says “You’ve never lost a child Wolf…Fire was always alive and Precious wasn’t real, so all your babies are alive.  It was a despicable thing I did to you”  I close my eyes in thoughts of Ahava, my true first born that none of them, not even the closest to me like Eagle and Trudy know about.  “No Ebo—Phoenix, I have lost a child before.  My true first born daughter Ahava was miscarried by a girl who I was with right as the virus was taking everyone in it greatest numbers.”  “Why have you never told me that before, in all the time we’ve known each other?”  “Until Ghany and Lianla were born I was afraid that I was cursed, my first born child dying, then my brother getting killed.  I began to think I was worthless.”  She takes my arm and places my hand on her belly.  “This life is strong Wolf.  It will survive to become my light in the world”  She giggles as the baby kicks her belly and she says “it kicked.”  I begin to cry.  “What is it Wolf?”  she asks, not understanding.  “My arms…I couldn’t feel the baby.”  She wipes my face for me and says “One day you will…one day this child will learn what a true kind person is at the feet of its uncle Jaymes.”

 I speak to her at length about the things she did to me.  “I need to talk not to Phoenix, but to Ebony so I can learn the truth.”  “No.” she responds to me.  “That is all in the past and will not be revisited.”  “You will tell me the truth Ebony, or I promise you I will make you feel the suffering you visited upon me once I get my arms and legs back.”  “And what if you never do Jaymes?  What then?”  she asks me, in a tender voice I’ve never heard from her.  “Then I’ll starve myself.  Spit out all food and water that anyone tries to give me and kill myself.  I’m no good like this.”  “Even like this you’re better than any man I’ve ever known Wolf.  You only loved me.  You never tortured me, never expected me to rule an empire at your side, you never wanted what I could bring you…you only wanted me.” Then, sadly she says “Ebony tried to destroy you…”  I’m thinking on this when Eagle enters and says “Trudy, Ticia and Brady are here with Bray.  Do you want them to see you Phoenix?”  she shakes her head no and says to me “Wolf, you and Eagle are the only ones who know me here…please, don’t tell anyone, especially Bray.”  I promise to keep her secret then I ask Eagle how much that Trudy knows.  “Nothing yet…it wasn’t our place to tell her…we only told her you were awake and asking for her.”  “Show her in…keep the babies outside.”

 Trudy comes in and Phoenix, face covered again, passes her, leaving.  “I’m glad to see you awake darling.”  Trudy says.  “I’m glad to be awake.” How am I going to tell her that I’m no longer able to provide for her, that I can’t be there for our babies.  She knows me well enough to know that something is wrong and says “Why are our little ones not here with us honey?”  Eagle comes in as she asks.  I request of Trudy “Lean over and give me a kiss wife.”  She does and says “You can’t stall me husband, now tell me.”  “Does Brady know what’s happened?”  I ask and my wife tells me “She only knows daddy is hurt…that’s all anyone knows.”  I nod.  “Jaymes?”  still silent.  “Do I have to get Amber to tell me?”  Eagle steps uncomfortably, obviously not wanting to be the bearer of this news.  I motion with my head for Eagle to leave and say “In a few minutes, bring in Brady.”  Then I look at my wife, who I’ve loved for more years than I can count and I say “This attack baby…I’m paralyzed.  I can’t feel or move my arms or legs.”  Her mouth drops and she holds her hand up to her lips.  She doesn’t talk for a long while, but when she does, she says “I’ll send Ticia for Tai-San.”  “No honey, I doubt she knows anything my people don’t, so there’s no sense in having the others bothered.  I wish you hadn’t brought Bray with you.”  “When he heard you were attacked, he wouldn’t let me go alone.  You know, all of them really respect you Jaymes.  If I hadn’t talked sense into them, the whole tribe was going to come to protect me for you and find out who hurt you…even KC.”  “They can’t know this Trudy.  They just can’t.”  she goes on about family helping, but as she’s talking Eagle returns with Brady trotting along beside her.  “DADDY!”  she screams as she runs as best her little legs will move and starts to climb onto the bed with me “Sweetie, be careful, daddy’s hurt.” Trudy reminds her.  “I know mommy.”  Brady tells her.  propped up on the bed I say “Yeah mommy, Brady won’t hurt me, will you honey?”  “No daddy.” Then “I want a daddy hug!”  that’s what I told her once was the name for a hug where I pick her up, hold her tight and spin her around, those were her special daddy hugs.  I want to give her one as much as she wants to get one.  Trudy looks on sadly at her little girl.  “Daddy isn’t feeling good right now honey…come here with mommy.”  Trudy says to her as holds her arms open.

 “Bring our daughter and sit here on the bed with me wife.”  I ask of Trudy.  She does and I look at Brady.  “Sweetie, daddy’s really hurt now.  I can’t move around.  A bad person did something to me.”  “Its okay daddy, Tai-San’ll fix you.”  I tell her I’m not going to ask Tai-San to fix me.  She doesn’t understand why I wouldn’t.  “Its complicated sweetie.  Now, how about you go outside with Ticia and play a bit.”  Brady walks over and grabs Eagle’s pant leg and they walk out together.  “Why won’t you let Tai-San help you honey?”  Trudy asks.  “I can’t show more weakness Trudy…they’ve already seen enough of that from me.”  “Sometimes husband, you are a fool, now rest, I’ll be back later…I have to get some things.”

 But I don’t rest.  Phoenix comes in and tells me that Trudy is getting ready to leave for the mall and is coming back later.  Ticia and Brady are going with her, along with Pride.  Bray stayed here intending on talking to me.  “I’d just as soon not talk to him.  Have Raven to keep him out of here.”  “He does want to help you Jaymes.”  This person who was Ebony says to me, then she asks “Why won’t you talk to him?”  “I want to talk more to you.”  She asks me what I think to get from talking to her.  “I hope to get peace of mind…to find out what’s real and what Ebony placed in my memory.”  “There’s no reason to rehash all this Wolf…its old, done.”  “NO!…NO! It’s not done!  Ebony took a year and a half of my life…took away my daughter’s birth!  Now, if Phoenix won’t tell me why, I’ll make myself get better again so I can rip into her to find the person that can tell me!  AND I WILL MAKE HER BEG ME TO KILL HER!”  In a hushed voice she says “WOLF!, shut up…your little girl is just outside that door.  She doesn’t need to hear you say that stuff.”  I don’t stop, I tell her in a hushed tone of my own “You tell me what you did to me and why or I will make you wish I’d hung you from that tree before I burnt it.”  I notice that Bray is standing in the doorway.  I should say something, but I won’t, I’m gonna let her get caught.  She noticed him though and puts her cover back on and leaves.

 “She let you see her face?” Bray asks, surprised.  “Yes.”  He asks if she’s cute “She really hot, but the personality isn’t much to go on.”  He chuckles. “So many of those around…I think you got one of the four that aren’t like that.”
“Raven is supposed to be keeping you out of here you know.”  I say to Bray.  “We’ve got an understanding.” He tells me.  “Besides, Amber let me in.”  I shake my head.  “What happened to you Jaymes?  Will it affect Trudy or Brady?”  I tell him the story of the attack and say “I can’t move Bray.  I’m useless to the Tribe and my family.  Just as well to have you throw me off a bridge somewhere.”  “Jaymes!  You can’t talk like that.  You have to keep yourself together so Tai-San can help you through this.”  “I DON’T WANT TAI-SAN’S HELP! Now I wish you all would quit talking about it.”  Bray looks at me and says “You don’t have a choice…Trudy’s going to get her.”  I strain to make my dead muscles move the way I want them to, but they just won’t.  “Bray…I want you to kill me!  I can’t be a husband, father, or good tribe member like this.”  He stares at me silently.

Phoenix comes back in when he leaves.  “You don’t really want to die.  You’ve overcome greater things than this.  You know that, I know that because some of those I’ve done to you.”  she says.  “And why, Ebony, did you do those things to me?”  She shuts her eyes and hangs her head.  “Anytime I’ve loved a man, I found that I had to throw my body at him…in you, I found a person who was interested in something other than the body.  I didn’t know how to take that.” She says, then takes a breath and says “I don’t know how to show love the right way…or at least I didn’t, and when I found you and Trudy were together it drove me crazy.  She rubs her growing belly and says “You were right Jaymes…now that I’m really having one I know what honest love really is.”

Gattaca walks in and Phoenix quickly covers her face again.  “May we speak Jaymes?”  I tell her its fine.  “We’ve had a lead on Moz.  I’m told she was through here right after she was at my place.”  I close my eyes…hearing we’re close isn’t what I need to hear right now.  “Thank you Gattaca…now if I could be alone.”

Eagle comes in after Gat is gone for a moment.  “Perhaps I failed to explain to Gattaca what I wanted.”  “No,” Eagle says “You were quite clear, but it’s my right as tribe leader, and as owner of this hut, to come in if I wish it.”  I watch her staring at me, no doubt she’s heard and thinking about what I said to Bray about killing me.  It’s logical to do it.  I’m a wasted resource.  “What are you looking at Eagle?”  “A soul in need of friends, but denying them access.  Phoenix wants to help you.  She’s been praying for her evil soul to be taken and leave your beautiful one alone.” She says.  “Well,” I tell her “I’m happy that Phoenix wants to help, but I don’t want that face to help me.”  Eagle slaps me and tells me to shut up.  “She could be listening Wolf…she’s unstable now.  She’s half likely to cut her face off if you say something like that.”  Agitated, I say “Good, at least I wouldn’t have to look on it anymore.”  Eagle regards me, disappointed and says “Here, drink this.”  I do, and directly I fall into a deep sleep

Chapter 7—Mind and Body

The following weeks are a time for healing for me of both body and spirit.  I’m discovering a new friend in Phoenix.  Eagle was right when she said I’d soon forget that this girl ever was Ebony.  Phoenix is full of love for her child, she doesn’t care about all the hurt from her previous life, but she tries to make up for the things she did to hurt others.  I think they relocated the mall or something, cause every Mallrat is through here practically everyday.  They do take care of family.  Ebony revealed herself to all the Mallrats, with Amber standing beside her…and me supporting her as best I could…I held her hand, but I could not stand with her.

Trudy at first was angry.  It took Lex Bray and Ryan to hold her back from trying to kill Ebony.  Ebony herself just stood there, she would have accepted her death at Trudy’s hands.  She wants acceptance from Bray that isn’t coming.  The others are distrustful also, but I think we all understand that.

“Will they ever accept that she’s gone Wolf?”  Phoenix asks me.  “Ebony hurt a lot of people, hurt them terribly.  That won’t be easy to forgive.  Not everyone is as forgiving as I am.”  She smiles as she sits in a chair beside my bed and says “You’re right…you are very forgiving.”  As her tears flow, I, out of habit, go to raise my arm to wipe her tears, but of course, it doesn’t happen.  Her tear filled eyes go wide.  “Wolf!  Do that again.”  She orders.  I try again and she smiles a huge smile.  “Wolf!  You moved your arm!”  She runs off and then Trudy, Eagle, Tai-San, Bray, Lex and Gattaca come running in.  Tai-San does her thing to check me over and she says “He’s getting his movement back finally.”  Then, “Move your legs for me.”  Waiting, she says “Come on Jaymes.  Move your legs for me.”  With a lot of pain I scream, but everyone is happy.  Trudy hugs me tight “You did it darling!  You’ll be yourself again soon.  I love you.”  “I love you too Trudy.”

Once it starts, the feeling and movement return to my body quickly.  I’m up and about and I’m helping out.  When I’m finally strong enough, the Mallrats and Gaians have a celebration.  I don’t want to, but they leave me no choice.  My children are there, and as the tribes are all in celebration I look at Brady and I say “I have something for you Brady.”  She walks to me and says “What is it daddy?”  I lean in and give her a kiss and I grab her and pick her up in a big hug and I spin her over and over again.  I see Trudy smile and Brady lets out a big giggle.  I sit down with her in my lap and not long after, Brady falls asleep in my arms.

When everyone is asleep, I go for a walk…it’s a joy just to be able to.  “Its enjoyable here at night, eh Wolf?”  “Yes it is Phoenix.  This new symbol on your forehead…what does it mean?” I ask her.  Phoenix responds “Its an ancient symbol, it sort of has a double meaning, life and love.  The culture it’s from didn’t see any difference in the two.”  “We could all use a little more of that today.” I say.  I see her get slightly uncomfortable for a second and she reaches out and grabs my arm “Here, feel.”  I feel the little life growing in Ebony move around and I smile as big as she is.  Then I take a serious look on my face.  “Are we going to tell them Phoenix?”  “Will it serves a purpose?” she asks.  “I think I owe it to Trudy to let her know the fact that the baby is ours.  I think she’ll understand.”  “She’ll understand what?”  Trudy asks from behind.  “hmm, no time like the present, eh Phoenix?”  she nods, sadly.  “Trudy, before, when Ebony was holding me and brainwashing me…part of the process increased my ‘desires’.”  She looks and says “Your desires?”  I reply “We have three children in four years….I think you take my meaning wife.”  Phoenix breaks in and says “Ebony increased his sex drive!”  then, softly she holds her belly and says “This little life is his.”  Trudy looks at me with eyes wide and says “You know, maybe once you’d fire a blank husband.”  “I know…” I say.  Ebony breaks in again and says “He never even knew what he was doing Trudy.  Ebony made sure her process kept him from knowing what he was doing.” Then she says “I do not expect him to be involved in the child’s life Trudy, you need not work about that.”

I leave them to talk to each other…a nicer conversation than one would think, considering that when she was Ebony, she and Trudy hated each other.  I sit down on a rock because my strength isn’t totally back yet.  “God, I wish I had my swords.”  I say to the air.  “You and your sword fetish Jaymie.  What is it about those things…most men love guns these days.”  I take her hand and sit her beside me.  “Swords, Gat, are a much more elegant weapon.  Any fool can fire a gun, but swords are much more difficult to use, and they’re quieter to use…a true warrior’s weapon.”  “I’m leaving tomorrow to go to find my sister…I’ve already lost 3 months nearly and she was almost dead when all this happened.  “You’re not going anywhere Jaymie…except back to the mall.”  I look at her angry and say “I’M GOING TO FIND MOZ!”  “JAYMES!  Your wife is scared to death for you, your daughter is dreaming about a monster killing daddy!  You need to be there for them…Yes, she’s your sister, but you have other priorities now.  Moz can look after herself if she’s still alive.”  “I owe it to my parents Gat.” I tell her, “Owe it to them to make sure that she’s safe…that’s what family does.”  She starts to get tender with me “Lovely boy…think of Ahava.  Now, imagine she hadn’t died, but she’d grown into a little girl not understanding the world and woke up one day to find that her father had been killed.  Brady doesn’t even know you aren’t her father…all she knows when she looks at you is two things.  ‘I love daddy’ and ‘When is daddy coming home’.”  Before I can start again she says “Go to the mall for a while Jaymie…spend time with your kids first and see what happens.  If worse comes to worse she’ll be by my place soon and I’ll tell her you want to see her.”

Back at the mall, I feel alone like I haven’t felt since before Trudy and I were married.  They won’t let me go look for Moz.  I would go crazy if it weren’t for watching after Trudy and the babies, and after Phoenix…who revealed to the Mallrats who she really is.  Everyone is impressed by her change…she spent months as Phoenix helping out first before revealing herself as Ebony, so that helped convince everyone.  Her baby, our baby, will arrive any time now according to Tai-San.  Phoenix spends a lot of time with Trudy and I…I think its part because of all she’s done to us and part because of the babies…plus, she’s spending a lot of time with Brady, playing dolls again.  Brady is so happy to have auntie Eb back.

“Where’d you go auntie Eb?”  Brady asks.  Ebony answers, holding Brady close “I had to go find a person I left behind a long time ago.”  I guess that’s a technically true answer.  “You look like mommy did before Fire came here auntie Eb.”  Brady tells her  “You’re all big.”  Trudy, Phoenix and I get little laughs at my innocent little daughter.  “Brady, that was mean to say.”  I tell her “I’m sorry daddy”  “Its okay sweetie.”

Gattaca comes running in.  “There was another attack where we were hit.  You got to come quick Jaymi…Jaymes.”  “Tag, what is it?”  I ask her.  “No time, lets just go.” She says and grabs me.  “Tag, you think I could say goodbye to my family first?”  she looks at me like it’s a problem, but says “ALRIGHT! Just hurry!”

I say goodbye to Trudy and Brady and give her kisses to give to Fire, Ghany and Li, then I say goodbye to Phoenix and tell her not to have that baby before I get back.  “I’ll try Wolf.”  I look at Trudy.  “Love you baby.”  She says she loves me too.

“What’s going on Gat?”  I demand as we’re running.  “The Gaian’s, they’ve got the thing that attacked us captured.  You have to see it Jaymie.”  “What is it?”  “No time, just hurry.” She says.

We finally get there and Eagle, Pride and Raven are waiting on us.  “Gattaca says you have the thing that attacked me.”  Pride steps up and says “Its feral Wolf…like a demon.”  Raven shows off a wound he got from it, a deep gash on the back “Did it with its teeth.”  Then Eagle says.  “You should see, come on Wolf.”

They take me to the dark tent with the cage, where howls of pain and anger are heard.  “I approach the cage and I try to calm this beast.  They open the door of the tent to let light flood in and the creature huddles in the back of the cage hiding its eyes…then I see that the creature is no creature at all…the beast in the cage is my sister.

Chapter 8—Redeeming Qualities

This thing in front of me IS my sister, but it looks more like a ragged and injured animal.  Either she can’t talk or won’t talk, she’s wearing pieces of her old outfit, but she’s wearing animal skins, and more than a couple of decaying human skins.  The smell is horrid to me, proof that I’ve been away from the Gaians for too long.  Such a smell as decaying flesh is a common thing in our life here…one of the trade offs for the easy going and good natured lives led here.  Seeing the change in Phoenix has renewed a desire in me to bring Trudy and Ghany, Li, Fire and Brady here and live out my days.

“Leave me with her.”  I say to Gattaca, Eagle, Raven and Pride.  “That’s not wise Wolf.”  Pride says to me.  “That thing is evil.  You shouldn’t be alone with it.”  I reach out in a blur and take him by the throat and drop him to the ground.  “That THING there, is my sister…and you WILL be courteous to her.  I’d apologize to her first if I were you.”  gagging, Pride says “She…she doesn’t understand speech Wolf.”  I tighten my hand “Doesn’t matter…if you want to continue talking, you’ll say to her what I want to hear.”  A blinding pain fills me as I am struck from behind in the back of my head.  “Let him go!  We need to focus on Moz.”  I turn to see that it was Eagle who struck me.  I wonder if she’s got a fancy to Pride.  “Leave me alone with her.”  I say again.  “Pride, I’m sorry I hit you, but she’s my…”  I let the sentence trail off because I don’t think anyone needs to be reminded who she is and what she means to me.  Eagle directs everyone to leave.  Gattaca places her head on my shoulder and she asks if I need anything before she goes.  “Bring me food and drink please.”  Then “Eagle, is she being fed?”  “Yes Wolf, she eats as fast as we give her food.  Should I bring more?”  I tell her not to bother just yet.  Then they leave.

While I’m waiting on Gat to bring my food to me, I sit on the ground outside the cage holding Moz.  She’s hurt from where they beat her down to stop her from attacking.  “I’ve missed you Moz.  I didn’t know if you were alive or dead.  Ebony kidnapped me for a while and you were missing when I came back.”  The wild look in her eyes doesn’t fade in the least and she howls at me.  “How did you get like this Moz?  Can you tell me?”  low growls are the only answer I get.  “Come back sister.  Please…I need your help now.”  She stares at me with a look of hurt rage on her face.  I approach closer to the cage and place my fingers through the bars to touch her hand.  I have to pull away fast, because in a blinding move, she nearly bites off my fingers, ripping the skin off the end of my middle finger.  She lets out a happy trilling sound as she swallows the prize of her efforts.  I’m dressing the wound and I say “I know you’re there sister…I will find you no matter how long it takes.”

Gattaca brings the plate of food and hands it to me.  “What do you think Jaymie?”  she asks as I watch Moz closely for a reaction.  “It will be a long fight.”  I hold up my hand.  “What happened?”  Gat asks me.  “I tried to touch her hand…she almost bit my fingers off.”  Gat walks closer to the cage and looks in on her.  “Moz?  If you’re in there, we could use you right now.”  “Leave me with her Gattaca.”
 

“Moz, I’m going to stay here until you come back to me.”  I tell her.  “I’m going to tell you a story.  Remember how you hate those?  If I bother you, all you have to do is tell me to stop and I will.  Okay?”  I had hoped to hear her voice tell me she’d crack my head open if I told her another story, but she didn’t…just let out with a low groaning.  “I hated our mother Moz.  She always loved you more.  You could get away with anything in the world and never get called down, but you weren’t happy.  I think I got yelled at sometimes just for waking up.”  When she doesn’t move or say anything, I start with more of the story.  “Remember when you ran away as the virus was hitting, and mom was getting ready to have Ghany?  Well, Gattaca came in drunk while you were gone, her parents were dying and she was lonely.  That night she and I made a baby together.  Little Ahava.”  I pause again as Moz, in her state jumps around testing the cage, probably for weak spots to allow her to get out.  “Ahava was taken from us though.  Gat miscarried her six weeks into the pregnancy.  You didn’t even know about her, did you sister?”  I take the time to clear my nose and to wipe away the tear from my face.  Something that Moz always commented about.  I cry too much.  I feel things too much.  “All the children I have now and I still hurt over Ahava and I miss her every morning when I wake up Moz.  She was to be my first child.”  She lets out a series of moans, almost like she’s crying.  This is the first sign I have that she’s able to understand me still.  “I don’t know a lot of what you’ve done with yourself sister, but I hope you’ve never had to feel the loss of a child.  No matter how you hurt, there’s no pain like that one.”

I spend the rest of the day telling her about my children, hoping that it will bring her out.  When we were younger, before the virus, she always did love kids and then, when she found out about my stepdaughter, she watched after her when I was forced into a battle for the city, and I know that she enjoyed it, because she gave Brady so many little gifts and she made an impact.  Brady doesn’t know that Moz is daddy’s sister, but she remembers bits of staying with her, and she still plays with the little whip thing that Moz gave her to go with the outfit that Gattaca made for her.

Eagle has offered me a place on the floor of her hut for the night, but I’m not tired, and I don’t sleep while I’m there.  “What are you thinking about Jaymes?”  she asks me from her bed.  “It never ceases to amaze me Amber, how you do that.  Turning off Eagle and Wolf and slipping into Amber and Jaymes so easily.”  We don’t get to speak anymore, because one of the night watchers here, a younger boy who took the name Feather comes to her door and says “Eagle, we have visitors…they’re asking for Wolf.”  She tells Feather to send them in.

I’m nearly knocked over as my little Brady runs and jumps in my lap and she gives me a big hug.  “What’cha doing daddy?”  she asks me.  “I was just talking to Amber sweetie.  Did you walk all this way yourself baby?”  I ask her.  “Silly daddy…mommy brought me.”  She responds  “She did?”, I lean into her and I whisper “Where is mommy at baby?”  Then, as I reach around behind me to tickle Trudy’s leg I say “Could mommy be…..HERE!”  from surprise and from the tickling Trudy falls on a cushion that Amber has in the floor.  I let go of Brady and I jump around to tickle my wife a little bit, and Brady joins in  “STOP IT!  STOP!” Trudy repeats over and over again through laughs and out of breath as we tickle her.  I stop and I snuggle into a hug with my wife.  “Now why is it Trudy that you and my little girl have come here alone in the middle of the night?”  She tells me that they aren’t alone, that Phoenix brought them.  “You trusted Ebony to bring you and Brady here alone?”  Trudy comments on her change.  “I could see this Phoenix being my friend Jaymes.”  Then I look at Trudy’s arms and I say to Amber “Little Fire here is a true Eco child, eh Eagle?  That fall and all the noise and she didn’t even wake.” Before we sleep I tell Trudy what I know about what’s happening with Moz and I hold Fire.  We sleep the rest of the night.

The next morning dawns and I find Trudy and Ebony awake outside and talking and laughing.  I have to shake my head.  Ebony is holding Fire and she’s laughing with her, and Ebony is even feeding Brady.  Trudy is just having to sit there and watch.  I’m sure she’s enjoying that because with all our children she rarely gets a break from it.  I think that Ebony truly is dead and that Phoenix is all that’s left.  She has changed just so much that it amazes me.  This isn’t even the Ebony that I knew when I was in love with her.  This is a creature soft and full of love in her body.  I smile at how she and Trudy are finally getting alone as I go to find food, then get on to the task of bringing Moz back from whatever is happening to her.

I sit and I stare at my sister, who is staring back at me, with that feral look in her eyes.  I try again to approach the cage while she seems docile and when I do, she jumps at it and tries to bite me again.  “Its okay sister, I know you didn’t mean it.”   I say.  Pride, Phoenix, Eagle, Trudy and Brady and Fire are in the tent with me while I’m trying everything I know to bring Moz out of this.  “This shouldn’t be so hard.” I say “She’s only been this way for a few weeks.  I should be able to work her through this.”  Moz makes a baby-like noise when I say this, then growls again.  “Moz, I’ve already lost our brother, please don’t make me lose you too.”   a low animal whine from Moz.  “Is this your sister daddy?”  Brady asks me.  “Yeah sweetie.  But she’s not talking to me for some reason.  I don’t know why.”  Before I can stop her Brady runs to the cage.  “Hi aunt Moz.  I’m happy to meet…….AAAAH!”  her greeting is cut off by her scream as Moz reaches through the cage and tries to pull Brady into it while Moz is screaming and howling like an animal.

Just like one other time in my life when Brady was in danger…that time from a person pretending to be the father she doesn’t know, I zone out.  I run into the cage, seeing nothing and hearing nothing.  When my daughter is in danger, I stop seeing this thing as my sister, and just seeing the howling animal.  I beat her.  Punching her over and over and over, and kicking her and screaming at her.  Pride tries to rip me off of her, but fails.  Trudy and Phoenix are screaming and Eagle is trying to order me off her.  None of this stops me from beating this thing until I hear “Daddy!  Stop, don’t hit me anymore please!  I promise I’ll be good daddy!”  I stop dead with fear.

My first reaction is to look for Brady, thinking I’d hurt her in my rage, but she’s nowhere to be found.  I turn to find her crying in Trudy’s arms.  I look around.  The words didn’t come from my daughter…those were my sister’s words.  “Moz are you…?”  “Jaymes?” she cries.  “Baby brother?  Why did you…why were you hurting me?”  She cries for several more hours while I sit with her in the cage and just hug her and try to quiet her.  “shh…everything is fine now sister...It’ll all be alright.  I love you Moz.”  “I love you too baby brother.”

Chapter 9—Revelations

Everything hit at one time.  Moz tried to attack my baby in her feral state and I almost killed her, which brought her out of the animal state.  The comment she made was scary.  In the hours I’ve set with her, letting her cry on my shoulder, the words haunt me.  ‘Don’t hit me anymore daddy, I’ll be good, I promise.’  What did my sister mean?  Is she referring to a bad relationship she’s had since the virus?  Could she have found some sick freak that hurt her, forcing her to call him daddy?  I haven’t been able to ask her yet, because she’s still crying for all its worth.  “Moz, I’m going to leave you here for a bit, okay?”  she just shakes her head that it’s okay.

“This cage is to be left open.  She’s free to go any time she wants.”  Pride steps up and says “She has to pay for her crimes…I’m locking the cage back.”  I flex my arm and I stare at him.  Pride is as stubborn as I am though, and moves towards the cage.  I step in front of him.  “Wolf…” Eagle warns.  As I look I say “Trudy, Phoenix, please take Brady and Fire outside.”  Trudy asks why.  “Brady doesn’t need to see what’s about to happen.”  “Wolf…” Eagle says again.  “You’re going to lose your spot here with us.”  “So?  This was always just a place to live.  The Mallrats?  That’s my family, they’re my home.”  “WOLF!” she says again.  “THAT IS NOT SOME MONSTER!  THAT IS MY SISTER!”  I scream.  Then I look from one to the other.  “You will NOT leave her caged while I’m alive.”

In the yelling, nobody noticed that Brady had walked into the cage and approached her aunt and was now being held by Moz in a hug.  “BRADY!”  Trudy yells when she notices.  I hold Trudy as she tries to run past me.  “It’ll be okay Trudy.  Just hold on a minute.”  I approach the cage myself and I step in to sit with them.  “This is little Brady?”  Moz asks.  I shake my head.  “You’ve grown baby.” Moz tells her.  “You don’t remember me do you?”  “You were one of the pretty ladies who kept me when daddy and mommy went away awhile.  You gave me my toy.  You’re my daddy’s sister.”  “Yes I am Brady.  Your daddy is my brother.”  She looks at me and tells Brady “He’s the best little brother a person could have.” Brady shakes her head and tells Moz “Nuh-uh, Ghany is the best little brother.”  Moz’s eye’s grow wide and she says “Ghany?”  I look at her staring at me and say “I have a son too Moz.  We’ve been apart too long Sis.”

As I leave, I prove to Eagle just how serious I am about Moz’s care when I whisper calmly in her ear “Pride can stand guard if he wants, but if I find out that cage has been locked I’ll kill you Amber.”, and I just walk away without another word being said.

I take my breakfast from one of the women and I walk to a tree and sit with my back against it when I see Trudy, Phoenix and Pride getting a meal before coming to sit with me.  “Wolf, I owe you an apology for the way I’ve treated your sister.  I wasn’t being fair to her.  The attack where we caught her…well, you’ve noticed Robyn isn’t here.”  I hadn’t noticed until just now.  “She killed your woman…its no wonder you wanted her eliminated.”  Pride isn’t showing emotion if he’s having it.  “Your sister is still human though Wolf, and I should have treated her like it.”  “I need to find out what she meant when she screamed when I attacked her.”  Phoenix says “What if she doesn’t want to revisit it Wolf?  Will you still make her say?”  “She needs to talk about it.”  I respond.  “I think you and I both know Jaymes, that sometimes you don’t talk about secrets of the soul.”  Phoenix says.  “Ebony, I think she’ll open up to me.  We are family after all.” I say, then she asks “Do you want me to talk to her with you Jaymes?”  I think for a moment before saying “I believe Gattaca would be a better choice for it.  Moz knows us better.”

I walk off to find Gattaca if I can, but Phoenix follows me.  I’m still uncomfortable around her although she keeps a respectable distance from me as we walk.  “Why do you think Moz said that Wolf?” Ebony asks me, regarding my reaction carefully.  “The only thing I can think is that she hooked up with the wrong guy and he got off on forcing her to call him daddy…but that seems silly to say that, doesn’t it Phoenix?” I tell her.  “There’s a lot of sick people in our world Wolf…people who hurt others for any reason at all.  When it comes to a person hurting another, nothing seems silly to me in this world Wolf.”  I wonder at her meaning, if she’s talking of her treatment of me, but I’m not going to discuss it with her.

She walks quietly beside me and I finally ask her “What are you thinking Ebony?”  “Lets get Gattaca and talk about it later.”  She says.  “You look troubled…I still think of you as Ebony, who never looks troubled.  It disturbs me for you…and our baby.”  “We’ll be fine Jaymes.”  She tells me.  “You need not worry for this child…it will not know you’re its father.”  I look in her eyes and say “I don’t like that Phoenix.  A child should know its parents if it can.”  She takes on a tone of deep thoughts “Sometimes Wolf, the things we forget about our parents are better than the things we remember.”

We grab Gattaca and start back to and I explain to her that Moz is back and what happened and what she said.  “You’re surprised?”  she asks.  “Yes Gattaca, I am kind of surprised…My sister screamed “Stop hitting me, I’ll be good daddy.”  I look at her a second then, “Its not everyday I hear my sister say that.”  Gattaca laughs at me.  “You’ve got one hell of a coping mechanism Jaymie.  She used to say that everyday.  I’ve heard stories where you beg on more than one occasion.”  I hear Ebony sigh.  “What’s the matter Ebony?”  she asks “Gattaca, can I speak to him alone please?”  Gattaca is suspicious of Ebony after the stories I’ve told her.  “Go ahead Tag, it’ll be fine.”

When Gattaca leaves, Phoenix says “I tried…I swear I did.”  “Yes?” I say.  “Sit down Wolf” Phoenix orders me.  I find a comfortable spot and sit my supply bag on the ground to prop my back up on.  “What’s on your mind Phoenix?”  she watches me carefully for a few minutes then she says a strange word “Ahniklo”.

When she says the word I feel sick at first, then I feel like I’m sleeping, but I’m aware.  “Jaymes?”  a distant voice asks.  “Yes?” I respond to it, but I also sound like I’m far away.  “I want you to remember your father Jaymes…not as I told you he was, but as you told me he really was.”

A scene comes into my head.  It’s my sixth birthday.  My mother gave me the party and my father was sitting in a chair drinking.  The few people whose parents had agreed to let them come to the party were with me at a little table.  If I try hard maybe I can remember their names.  Martin was there, course they called him Marty at the time.  There’s a new little girl in town named Zandra there and a black haired boy named Alex was there too.  Of course, Moz is there too, but she doesn’t really want to play with the babies, as she says.  She’s jumping around in front of dad, and she says “Tell me a story papa.”  He actually pushes her to the ground “How about I tell you the story of the little girl that got punched cause she wouldn’t be quiet.”  Moz ran away.  I’m so angry that I run up to him and jump on his back for trying to hurt her.  Papa grabbed me by my shirt and threw me against the wall.  That was my first broken arm, and my third concussion.  The party was over, and life just got worse.

I run ahead in my memory to the day Moz bought her first car…she’d saved every scrap of money for 3 years for that car.  The whole family went to go with her to buy the car.  We tried to go early so dad wouldn’t get started drinking, but weren’t able to and he’d got a good one on.  Moz bought her car, but dad insisted on driving it home.  Just over half way back and he loses control and wraps the car around a pole.  Somehow, we all managed to make it out okay.  $5200 dollars down the tubes and my father beat Moz for an hour and a half because she said something about losing the money.  I got a beating just for being in the room.  Injuries this time, broken wrist, damaged hip, bruised spine.

“Jaymes, do you want to remember anymore?”  the distant voice says.  “No, don’t make relive it all, please.” I beg.  “Okay, Wolf, You don’t have to.  Just remember these two stories and that your father abused you and your sister.  Nothing else about the beatings.”  Then she says.  “I’m going to count to 5 and you’ll be awake remembering the things I’ve told you to.  Jaymes?  I also want you to remember Fire’s birth.  1…2…3…4…5.”

I snap awake and see Phoenix sitting in front of me, she’s crying.  “Why are you crying Phoenix?”  “I tried to keep you from ever having to hurt again because of your dad.”  “Why did you take that away Ebony?”  “Its all you ever thought about Jaymes.  You let it rule your life, and you were afraid to get close to anyone.  It got worse after the twins were born.  You were afraid you’d hurt them, so I took all your memories of your father hurting you and placed new ones where he was weak.”  She wipes tears from her eyes and she asks “Do you hate me Jaymes?”  I think for a minute…remembering my baby being born and I say “You gave me back Fire’s birth…I don’t hate you.  Thank you for giving it back.”

We get Gattaca and we return to the camp.  They took my words to heart, Moz hasn’t been locked back up.  In fact, she’s come out of the cage and is holding her other little niece, Fire, who I can now remember being born.  Trudy notices us and walks over to us.  She notices my tears and asks why I’ve been crying.  “Fire was born on a morning just like this one Trudy.  With the sun just coming up and the leaves on the trees just starting to turn with the autumn cool.”  “How do you know that Jaymes? You were never told that.”   I hug my wife from behind and say “Phoenix gave it back to me Trudy.  She gave our daughter back to me.”  Trudy turns and kisses me tenderly and lays her head on my chest to cry with me.

I sit beside Moz.  She’s sitting on a log holding Fire.  “I see you’ve met your youngest niece.”  “She’s beautiful Jaymes.  Looks like Grandma a little, doesn’t she?”  “I’ve always thought she favored you just a bit sis.”  “I didn’t want to say…” Moz says, smiling.  “I’m sorry I hit you sis.  I saw you attacking my daughter, and I just went crazy.  I didn’t remember what papa did to you.  It was locked in my mind.  But I remember now.”  “Why did you remember it Jaymes?  I wish I could have it locked away in my mind and never get it back.”  I don’t answer her question, I hold my arm around her and I say “I love you sis.”  Then I ask if she’ll go to the mall with us and she agrees to go.

I survey the scene as we walk back to the mall.  My wife, my daughters, my sister, and Phoenix…my family back together.  Maybe happy times are yet to come.

Chapter 10—New Life

Trudy took it far better than I expected, hearing that Gattaca and I had slept together all those years ago and that we’d had a daughter.  She was sympathetic with me over Ahava dying.  “I think I know how it would be if it were one of ours…and I saw what you went through over Precious…even though she wasn’t real.”  She rubs my arm when she realizes that I’ve been considering the impending birth of Phoenix’s baby.  “I’m sorry Jaymes.”  She says, then I tell her that it’s okay.

Phoenix would like to go back to the Eco Tribe to have her baby, but she isn’t well to travel, so against her better judgment, I make her stay here to have her child.  I convince her that Tai-San can deliver her child as easily as any of the Gaians, and Trudy can help.  She’s been getting emotional these past couple of weeks.  “You’ll be there with me, won’t you Jaymes?  You’ll stand with me to present the baby?”  “Of course I will Phoenix.  If you want me to be.”  Trudy takes this in, I notice.  She doesn’t say anything of course, but I know she’s believing Ebony is scamming again.  Hard to tell with her of course, but I don’t believe she is.

“I’m not sure I want you to be with her during this Jaymes.”  Trudy says as we lay in our bed watching the moonlight on the ceiling.  “Then I won’t, I’ll tell her in the morning.”  She places a hand on my chest and says “No, I can’t ask you to do that.  That’s your child.”  “If you don’t want me there, I won’t go honey.”  She tells me it’s just a touch of jealousy.  I chuckle at her and kiss her cheek.

“Jaymes, Trudy come quick…Ebony needs your help.”  Cloe says practically tripping as she runs into the room.  “Is it the baby Cloe?”  Trudy asks trying to get her evening clothes on to go.  I throw my pants, with their many pockets, on over my shorts, and go without my shirt.  “She’s having the baby now.” Cloe says.  Then adds “Patsy’s in there with her, Tag and Tai-San are there too.”  “Why” I ask “Does she need us there then?”  Cloe says “She’s in a lot of pain and she’s asking for you both.”

When we get to her room, I’m pushed out as quick as I walk in.  “You don’t know what you’re doing Jaymes, you’ll be in the way.” Tai-San says as she pushes me out and locks the door.  I grab a wood crate and set myself up for the long wait.  Trudy’s longest birth was over a day and a half.  Lex waits with me, and Ryan as well.  “No feeling like it?, eh mate?”  Lex says.  “Not on this earth.” I say.  Ryan says “Yeah, I remember the first time I held little Ryan.  It was unreal to know that I helped create this little human here.”  Lex takes this moment to say “We haven’t told the rest yet, but Tai-San is pregnant again.”  I grab his arm and shake his hand “Congrats man!  That’s excellent.”  Then I say “I think I’m gonna give Trudy a break for a while.”  Lex and Ryan let out roaring laughs at this, which causes Gattaca to stick her head out and say “Will you three shut up!  Phoenix is trying to concentrate in there.  This birth is gonna be hard enough.” Then she looks at me like she said something she shouldn’t have and runs back in.

Lex and Ryan eventually leave and Danni comes to sit with me.  “Its amazing every time a new life comes to this world Jaymes.”  She says.  I look at her “You probably feel the joy of a new life in this world more than some others, don’t you Danni?”  she says she doesn’t understand.  “You still kick yourself for what your father did.  Each new life is one closer to your peace, isn’t it?”  “Maybe something like that.”  She says.  Then I say “I’ll tell you a secret I’ve learned recently Danni…no matter how much you crave it each day, a soul’s redemption still leaves scars from the wounds.”

Phoenix’s screams are becoming more intense as the hours pass, and the longer it goes the more nervous I become.  She should’ve had the child by now.

More hours pass and she finally stops screaming.  Trudy comes out holding a little bundle.  “Husband…you have another son.”  I look at my new little boy and I wrap my arm around my wife.  Suddenly it feels odd knowing that my wife is not the mother of my other son.  “He’s beautiful Jaymes.”  Trudy says before disappearing inside the room again to look after Phoenix.

I’m walking through the mall on the clouds as I tell everyone about my new son.  Alice is particularly happy for me.  “To think I didn’t like you when you first came here Alice.”  She says to me, adding “Good for you Jaymes.”  I laugh at the inside joke between us and Danni.  Pride and Eagle are just arriving in and I run up and hug her.  “I have another son Eagle!”  I say to her excited.  “Oh Wolf…congratulations.  I’m so happy for you.” she says.

I go back to check on Phoenix and when I do, Trudy comes back out.  “You know Jaymes, if you’d have stuck around a minute, you’d already know.” She says.  “Know what Trudy?”  “That you have another daughter as well.  Ebony has already named her.  Your Precious is now real Jaymes.”

The rest of the day and into the night is filled with tears of joy for me.

Chapter 11—Try and Put It Back Together Again

Hours after the birth Trudy told me I should go to Phoenix and be with her, that she could use having me there.  “She’s sad Jaymes.” Trudy tells me.  “Why is she sad?”  Trudy informs me that “She’s sad because she doesn’t know what to name your son.  Precious was easy for her to name, she wanted to atone that to you, but she doesn’t have a name for the boy.”  Then she tells me I should go to her. “I’m very uncomfortable with this Trudy.  I don’t want to spend alone time with her.  She’ll try to do something to me.”  I say, shocked that I did.  My eyes looking confused I say “I don’t know why I said that.  Phoenix has changed.”  Trudy nods and tells me to see my children, that I haven’t even seen my little girl yet.

“Trudy tells me that you want to see me Phoenix.”  I say as I walk into her room where she is still shedding happy tears and holding her daughter, with her son in a basket close beside her.  When she sees me, she nearly breaks out again in new tears.  She holds her little girl up a little higher.  “Our Precious…real now.  I made her real for you Jaymes.”  She says, in an almost sad tone of having repaid her sins.  “I know you did Phoenix, thank you.”  I say to her.  She responds “Just this one time, use my real name.  I want our children to hear their parents real names…just one time.”  I shake my head to her “Of course Ebony.”

I listen to Ebony as we speak to each other.  Her time with the Gaians and motherhood have made her much more thoughtful and introspective than I’ve known her to be.  “We have to name our little boy Jaymes.”  She says, breaking the several moments of silence between us.  “Do you have any ideas for a name Ebony?”  “Not really Jaymes.  I never allowed myself to think I’d have a boy.  I only wanted to give you your little Precious.”  “May I hold him?” I ask her for permission to pick up my son.  “He’s your little boy too Jaymes, of course you can.”  I look at his jet black hair…longer than some babies are born with.  He starts crying when I pick him up, and I start to try to quiet him as I have many times with Brady, Ghany, Lianla and Fire.  His hair reminds me of a character from a book, and as I quiet him, the name of the character comes out “shh, daddy’s here Duncan.  Everything will be okay, just go back to sleep and daddy will watch over you little man.”  I look at Ebony, shocked that I said the name.  “It’s a good name Jaymes…Precious and Duncan…good names.” Ebony tells me.  “Yes they are Ebbie.  Now we can present these little ones to the tribe.”  “Will they be accepted Jaymes?, being mine, or will they be shunned?”  I hold my son and I watch Ebony hold our daughter and I say  “These children belong to Phoenix…she is accepted, so will her children.”  Ebony looks to me sadly and says “I’m sorry for the way they were conceived Jaymes.”  I hold her face and give her an innocent kiss, then leave without saying anything.

In the darkness of this gathering, the man at the head of the table sits in quiet consideration of all the knowledge being passed on to him today.  “So the plans are proceeding as predicted?” he asks.  “Yes sir.”  Answers Gohan, one of his top lieutenants and advisors.  “Our spy is telling us that the time is soon.  She has been cultivating them and watching them.  She will begin the next phase soon.  She also reports that we should consider taking them at her next signal.”  The figure at the head of the table makes a noise to show he’s listening then says “It would seem our dealings with Baval were productive after all.  We were able to place our spy among the Mallrats.” Then he asks “What of the prophet?”  A blue haired man stands to answer this.  “He still seems to have no memory of who he is, he is extremely violent though.  We must be careful of him.  We cannot expect his help in this undertaking.  He will probably try and stop us.”  The master of this gathering stands and walks to a window.  “He was a great warrior, the great one would have been pleased to fight beside him.  I hope we have not lost him.”

“So, should we proceed with the next phase master?” Gohan interrupts.  The man, still at the window says “Yes, have the spy report to us the movements of Tai-San and Trudy, and have her try to get the two of them together.  She’ll know the rest of what to do.”  Gohan bows and says “Yes master.”  Then figure continues from his window.  “Attempt to get the prophet with them, but if you can’t, focus on Tai-San and Trudy.”

Back at the mall, Phoenix is carrying her children through, getting ready to leave.  I’ve decided to go with her to help carry the babies…I feel obligated.  Ticia is going with us, and she’s convinced Trudy to go with us and Tai-San as well, saying it might be good to get the little ones out for a while.  Trudy thinks maybe just Brady should go, and our others should stay here.  Patsy and Cloe offered to watch over them while we’re gone.

Walking back is filled with laughs and stories…I think Trudy and ‘San revel in telling Phoenix what she’s in for with the babies.  Trudy especially gives stories of the Ghany and Li-Li.  I walk beside Ticia.  “You seem nervous Tic…is everything okay?”  “Just being watchful is all old friend…danger is everywhere.”  She almost said it like she was trying to tell me something.

“Its quiet out.” I say “Not nearly the amount of animal life out today as normal.”  Just then, I hear “NOW!”  as eight people in robes come running for us.  Trudy recognizes them before the rest of us.  “CHOSEN!  JAYMES!!!  HELP!”  she screams.  I’m about to run to her when Ticia punches me from behind and knocks me over.  I look at my old friend, totally shocked  “What are you…”  as she kicks me, she says “Zoot’s will must be done.  POWER AND CHAOS!”  another kick.  I move quickly to take her legs out from under her and I kick her then I pick myself up, moving to grab a weapon I don’t carry anymore.  I go in by hand to take down one close to Tai-San and her daughter and to take down one that is trying to snatch Brady.  “DADDY HELP ME!” she screams.  I hear Trudy scream our daughter’s name.  While I’m trying to pry Brady from one of these people’s arms, I feel a pressure on my head, then I fall over.  Before I pass out I see Ticia in my fading vision, holding her arms above her head.  I vaguely hear myself ask “How could you Tic?  You’ve stolen my daughter.”

“Please wake up Wolf…I’m alone.  I need you to wake up.”  I hear.  I groan as I wake up.  “Ebony, is that you?”  “Yes Wolf, it’s Phoenix.”  I prop myself up.  “Where am I?”  she has a bloody rag wiping me with it and says “You’re in the field…the Chosen attacked, do you remember?”  I strain for a moment and then it slowly begins to trickle back.  “Trudy?  Brady?”  I say, scared.  “They were taken Wolf.  The chosen have them, and Tai-San and little Zan.  Why have they come back Jaymes?  Why did they take them?  They only needed Trudy and Brady, why take them all?  Why leave me and steal good natured Trudy away?”  I don’t know how to answer, but I remember Ticia and her actions.  “TICIA!”  I scream as loud as I can at the sky.  “She took my baby, Ebbie…she took my little girl from me.”

I lay with my head in Phoenix’s lap and I rock back and forth seeing Precious and Duncan in their beddings through my tears…how do I tell my children mommy is gone?

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