Chapter Eleven

I woke up the next morning not feeling the twinge of morning sickness that I usually get. That means that it will sneak up on me while I am cooking or Lex and I are in the middle of something. I smiled and noticed that I was in bed alone. My eyes scanned the room for any sign of Lex stopping on the corner that is to be the baby’s area.

It’s now painted yellow with little balloons as a border. I smiled thinking of how sweet Lex is being. I wished I would have gotten with him sooner, but then again, I guess all of the things that have happened to him have made him the way he is now.

“Ebony?” Trudy asked from the doorway. “Do you like what they did?” She asked coming to sit next to me on the bed.

“They?” I asked in confusion. I guessed Lex did this by himself.

She smiled. “Yes, they. Jack and Lex did all this. Lex put up the wallpaper and Jack got some more of the baby boxes down and filled the chest of drawers that the basket is on.” I smiled greatly. “They’re good to you aren’t they? I wished I had that when I was pregnant.” She leaned back against the headboard crying.

What just happened? “Trudy, are you okay?” I put my arm around her shoulder.

“I messed everything up!” She sobbed into my shoulder.

“Did something bad happen at dinner last night?”

“No.” She dried her eyes and sniffled. “Dinner was perfect. We seemed like the perfect little family passing the food around the table. It was after dinner.”

“Did you and Ved argue?”

“Yes. We put Brady to sleep and then came back to sit on the couch in my room.” I nodded. “We talked about how close that we are all getting and then we talked about my past. I told him all about Zoot, Bray, and Jay.” I nodded again and she sat up straight. “He hugged me against him and let me cry. Then we kissed. He was so gentle and loving as he rubbed the small of my back.”

“That’s great!” I exclaimed thinking that was what Trudy wanted. I’ve seen the way that she looks at him. She wants him.

She shook her head. “It’s not! The longer we kissed, he started to lay me back on the couch. His hands moved from my back to the front of my shirt and I let him. I let him unzip my shirt and put his hands inside. I let myself unzip his shirt, unbuckle his pants, and start to unzip his pants. But I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t sleep with him. That would ruin everything. That would ruin our friendship.”

“I understand, so, why are you crying?” I asked not fully understanding what happened. I would be happy to almost sleep with a gorgeous man that is willing.

She wiped her eyes. “We started arguing. He thinks that I never want to speak to him again because he tried to take advantage of me. He told me that he cares for me and he wants to give us a chance and I just blew him off. I don’t know what to do.”

“What you do is, go to him and tell him that you are truly, madly, deeply in love with him.” She laughed at the reference to an old Savage Garden song. “Come on, you know he is right for you. He takes care of you and your daughter. He always makes time for you and Brady despite the fact that he is busy. He could sleep in the hotel, but he stays here because of you. That’s love.”

Trudy sighed. “I guess you are right. I’ll invite him to dinner again tonight. Even if I don’t decide to be with him, he’s still one of the important people in my life. I need him around.”

“I know you do.” I added with a knowing smirk. Give them a month and she will either be pregnant or getting married.

“What about you and Jack and Lex?” Trudy asked turning to sit Indian style looking at me. “Is the dynamic group getting to you yet?”

I looked through the door to make sure that Lex was no where around. “Jack came in here last night and told me that he has been in love with me for almost three years. He said that he knows that we couldn’t be together for more than a one night stand and that is why he slept with me. That the baby is not a mistake and he wants to be with me, but we don’t belong.”

Trudy looked at me with wide eyes. “He did what?” I nodded. “Dam,n! I didn’t think he was telling me the truth.”

“What?”

She licked her lips before biting the bottom one. “I’ve been keeping a secret from you. When you were sick, Jack came and saw you every night after everyone was asleep. He told me that when you woke up, he was going to ask you to be with him. Then, Gel came around and he decided that the two of you would never work and he went with Gel because that is what he is supposed to do.”

I sighed. “So I was supposed to be with Jack instead of Lex?” Trudy nodded. “So, everything in the world is backwards right now because Jack depends on what others think of him. If he really loved me, wouldn’t he have said ‘to he.ll with what they think’?”

How dare he come into my life and get me confused. All this started out because I needed someone honest to believe he was the father of my child. Now, here I am stuck thinking about what he thinks about me. He has me caring. How dare he get me in an emotional situation when I have a child to protect and a boyfriend that loves me more than anything else in the world.

“Ebony, don’t get angry. You are with Lex now, and you only have to get along with Jack. You don’t have to love him or even like him. You just have to let him see your child.”

I threw up my hands. “How could I not be angry? He’s playing with my emotions. He’s trying to fool Lex into becoming his friend and then…I don’t know what!”

“Just calm down.” Trudy looked out the door. “Here they come, just be good to Jack. Please!” She stated before leaving the room.

I heard her greet Jack and Lex before they entered the room. “hey baby.” Lex greeted setting down the rocking chair that he and Jack were carrying. He walked over sitting on the bed kissing me on the neck. I giggled because he hit my ticklish spot. He got back up walking over to Jack and whispering with him. Jack smiled over at me. I glared at him. Lex said something to him and he replied before leaving.

“What do you think about the baby’s area? Jack thought that you would like it.” He sat on the bed taking me in his arms. We put up the yellow wallpaper because we knew that you think it is going to be a girl.” He laughed.

“It is! Just wait and I’m going to name her something cool like Cerrid.” I added with joy. Thinking of my baby is always a good way of making me get in a better mood.

Lex kissed me as we slumped farther in the bed. I pushed my hands into his back pocket grasping his butt. He moved to kiss at my neck again and that is when it happened. The morning sickness came back. “Oh, Lex, I’ve gotta….” I pushed him out of the way, running to the trash can outside my room.

“Looks like the baby doesn’t want us to be together.” Lex stated as I walked back in the room.

I replied with an even voice. “Just like its father.”

“What?” Lex asked as I came back to the bed.

I smiled letting him hold me again. “Nothing.”

 Chapter Twelve

*~* Trudy’s Point of View *~*

I stopped at the stop of the stairs. I looked around to see if anyone would be around. I knew they wouldn’t Ved’s the only person sleeping on the third floor. No one would know that I am going into his room late at night. No one would know that I am fraternizing with the enemy the way that I want to be.

I pushed my hair out of my eyes trying to get rid of the nerves. Why do I have to be this way with guys? If I could have told Bray that I liked him in the first place, I wouldn’t have gotten in half the trouble I have been in. Then again, I wouldn’t have my perfect….

“There ain’t nothing wrong with a little bump an’ grind, baby.” The loud R&B music blasted from Ved’s room causing me to lose my train of thought.

I leaned over a little to look directly into the room. All the lights were off with just the moonlight from the skylight and a couple of candles illuminating him. Ved stood at the end of his bed in his Techno uniform. He was dancing suggestively as if he were in some dance club. Then he began to pulled the zipper down on his shirt. He slipped the shirt over his shoulders as he began to sing with the song.

sit down on the couch
take your shoes off
let me rub your body
before i tear it off
the honey lover man
is ready to fle... girl flexa
time to have sexa

Ved threw the shirt across the room and danced around for a bit. The next part of the song came on and he started singing again. I couldn’t help but sneak up on him while he had his back to me.

we ll stop right here
and work our way around

I wrapped my hands around his waist letting my hands come around to take a hold of his, which were unbuckling his belt.

i wont stop until i hear the ooh ahh sound
dont front you know
about the rodeo show

I expected him to stop, but he continued dancing, singing, and stripping. I helped him unbuckle his belt and pants. I felt brave and afraid at the same time. His hand stroked mine as he placed it against his groin. My fingers grasped the zipper.

so show me some i.d.
before i get me deep into you

I stopped as I heard him speaking the words of the song. ID yeah, he’s only fifteen and I am eighteen. What am I doing? I stepped away from him. He turned around to look at me.

i dont see nothin wrong
you know i cant see nothin wrong
with a little bump n grind baby

He placed his hands on either side of my face as he sang the last chorus. I think he knows what’s I’m worried about. Then again, he has been able to read me well.

He let go of me and walked over to the cd player turning it off. “Trudy, what’s wrong? Am I not enough for you?” He asked with a little fear in his voice at not being the man that I want.

I walked over to him wrapping my arms around his waist and laying my head against his shoulder. “That’s not it. I want you. I really do. It’s just….” I couldn’t bring myself to announce that I was afraid of our age difference.

But of course, he picked up on it. “It’s because I’m fifteen isn’t it?” he pulled away from me. “I’m not making you do this to me. You can stop at anytime, but I really wish that you wouldn’t get my hopes up, among other things, before leaving me high and dry.” His voice was like steel as he spoke. “I can’t take it.”

I looked at my feet. “I’m sorry. I really want to be with you. I came here to apologize and tell you that I care for you too.” He looked at me skeptically. “I mean it.” I stepped forward putting my hand on his cheek. “I love you.”

He bit his lip looking down at me. It was too special a moment for me to miss. I kissed him gently on the lips. We took our time, letting our lips brush across the others delicately. It was fantastic. Not fireworks like with Bray. Not sparks like with Jay. But real, live emotion. It was electricity and a heavy feeling. Like I was falling into a bottomless pit and my heart fell further against my back beating slowly and heavily.

He pulled away looking at me with caring, loving eyes. “That was amazing.” I nodded. He took me in his arms again. “I know that I am three years younger than you, but I can take care of you. As my woman, you can give Brady all the amenities of the Techno army. She can grow up somewhat normal. I’ll love her, I already do love her as if she were my own daughter. She’ll have all she needs.”

“No,” I shook my head. “She won’t. She won’t have her aunties and uncles to love her like they have been. Ved, you have to do something to get all of us out of here.”

“I can’t. Jay’s become a mad man! He’ll only tell me I’m crazy and lock me in here too.” He pulled away from me to sit on his bed.

I moved to sit next to him. “Honey, you are locked in here too. Don’t you see? You only leave to report to him. Then you rush back here so that he doesn’t get angry. You’re a slave too.” I wrapped my arm around his shoulder as he bowed his head.

“I’ll find out a way of getting out of here. I know. I will. For you and Brady.” He kissed me as he pulled me into his lap. “I’d do anything for you two. I won’t make the same mistake twice.”

Chapter thirteen

Jack sat in the corner working intently on his computer. Every once in a while, he will call for either Gel or I to come over. Neither of us do. Neither of us know what he’s looking at despite his excited stuttering.

“Okay, now, Ebony, could you bring me those paper flowers?” Gel asked me as she stood on the step stool.

I rolled my eyes bringing her the flowers. I still have no idea why I agreed to help her. She’s marrying my child’s pretend father who thinks that he loves me. I could so be on Jerry Springer, if he didn’t die of the virus.

“Are you going to give me those durn flowers?” She asked looking down at me with an angry face.

“Here.” I thrust the flowers in her hand before walking away to where Jack was sitting. “Hey, can I hang out with you?” He looked at me with an odd face. “Gel is annoying me.” He nodded before looking back at his computer. “Why do you have to marry her? She’s a little girl.”

He put an arm around me pulling me closer. “Because you wouldn’t like me.” He answered in a whisper. “look at this.”

I looked at the screen to see the picture of a red little creture. “What is that?” I asked looking at it more closely. “is that a fetus?”

He nodded. “Look how little he is. That is what size our baby is now.” He took the arms that was around me and put his hand on my stomach. “He’s fully developed now and he’s kicking. This thing says you may not feel him kicking until sometime next month.” He looked up to me after finishing reading. “He’s on his way to becoming his own little person.”

I looked into his eyes. He seemed so happy to be a father. I hope he never finds out that he’s not. And I wish this not for my sake, but for Jack’s. He loves this baby so much. “Maybe he will take after you and not me. I tend to kick more.” He laughed. “Tell me more about the baby. What happens in the other months?”

He smiled before happily turning back to the computer. “Well, in the sixth month, he can hear us talking, so we should talk to him all the time and sing to him. In the seventh month, he will have fingernails. In the eighth month, he will move head down so that he can be born. In the ninth month, he’ll move around less because he’ll be from six to eight pounds.” I grimaced thinking about how much it is going to hurt to get something that big from something so small. “What’s wrong?”

“I was just thinking about how much that is going to hurt.” He laughed. “He.ll, it stung a little getting him in there, think about getting him out.”

Jack’s face turned red as he looked down at the computer again. I felt a little victorious and some of my former power at making him blush. I think this child is really making me soft if the only thing I can come up with is embarrassing a guy about his size.

“Guys?” Gel called from her position across the room. “Are you going to help sometime today?”

Jack looked up at her with an annoyed glance. “Just a minute. We’re seeing something about the baby.” He looked back down.

She let out an annoyed sigh before helping Trudy make a paper chain. She worked quietly but still showed that she was angry with me for gaining the attention of her man. I felt sorry for Jack. He thinks that his only way is with her. She’s just a child that doesn’t know what she is getting herself into.

I don’t doubt that she loves him. I doubt that she knows what marriage holds. She’s going to be with Jack for the next seventy years if people still die at the same age they used to. Can you imagine seventy years with the same person? She’s only fourteen. She doesn’t even know that anything besides Jack exists.

“Come on, let’s go help her before she throws a fit.” Jack stated closing his lap top and helping me up. He led me over holding my hand. “What can we do for you, baby?” He asked sitting next to her on the floor.

Gel started another link. “Well, you could start by letting go of her hand. Then you could help make links.” She ordered in a spoiled tone.

“No. I think I’m going to take a nap. I’m feeling sick.” I stated getting up. I couldn’t stand watching him take this sh.it from her another minute. How can he be so gutless? How can he let her tell him what to do? He’s the adult!

“Are you okay?” Trudy asked as I walked past. I only nodded making a quick exit.

*~~*~~*~~*~~*

“Ebony?” about twenty minutes later, Trudy came to my room. “Are you sure you’re okay?” She came in and sat on the edge of the bed. “You shouldn’t be getting sick so often.”

“I’m not sick. Well, not because of the baby.” I stated sitting up. “What is his deal? He lets he dictate to him!”

Trudy laughed. “You do the same to Lex. Both of them are just whipped.”

I shook my head. “no. He’s different. He lets her push him around.”

“Ebony, I think you are over reacting. She is not being any different to him than any woman is with her boyfriend. You are just a little too close to the subject.”

“I am not too close! So what if he’s the father of my child? I would want the best for Jack anyway. He’s a good guy.”

“Would you have said that before you knew that he’s in love with you? Honestly, what would the old Ebony say?”

I narrowed my eyes. “Old Ebony? I am the same as I have always been.”

She shook her head. “No, your not. You hang out with Jack. You are living with Lex. And you are my best friend. You’re different.”

I sulked. She’s right. I am different. I’ve let this child and this situation change me! I’m a hypocrite. Well, I guess that is the least harmless thing I could be called. “You’re right. I’ve let them change me. I’ve let them ruin me.”

“I’d hardly say they ruined you. They just brought out what was deep inside you.” Trudy stated with a smile. “You should be proud of what you are now.”

I let her words stick in the air for a moment. “I should be proud that I have a man that loves me and all I can think about is someone that I have ignored since the day I met him? I should be proud that I have a secret that only you and Ved know about. I should be proud that my child is going to live a lie and have me as its mother?”

Trudy hugged me. “You will be a great mother. And you shouldn’t feel bad about having feelings for Jack. You know that you love Lex more.”

I looked up with questioning eyes. “I do? I’m not even so sure. Every time I see Jack, I just want him to hold me and talk to the baby. I want him to tell me that we can be a family and that he’ll protect me for the rest of my life.”

“That’s just the hormones talking.” Trudy simply stated. “I can tell you love Lex.”

“Oh yeah, cause I make it so clear when I spend all my free time with Jack. I don’t even know where Lex is right now.”

“Ebony, you are just feeling doubt. Just give it time and you will know that you are in love with Lex. You’ve never really been in love before. You don’t know what you are feeling.”

“Okay. I hope you are right. I don’t want to hurt Lex.”

“You won’t hurt Lex or yourself.” She got up from the bed. “Now, if you will excuse me, I have to make adjustments on Gel’s wedding dress. Want to come?”

“Sure.” She helped me up from the bed. “I need to get out of this room and what a better way that pretend that I am happy for the person that I dislike second most in the world.” She laughed as we walked out the door with our arms linked.

Chapter 14

Trudy pulled out the last braid in my hair as Gel rambled about this being her hen party. I tuned her out. I know this is just going to turn into one giant slumber part. I mean, Gel knows nothing about men. And Trudy, Amber, Salene, May and myself know quite a bit. If anything, Gel should probably be asking us questions right about now.

“Okay, what do you wanna do, Gel?” Trudy asked as she began to straighten my hair with the iron.

Gel thought for a moment. “Can I ask you guys some questions?”

I smiled knowing I was right, but I didn’t say anything. I may not like this girl or what’s happening, but I don’t want to be blames for ruining anything. I’m going for a new image here.

“First of all, how bad does it hurt the first time?” She looked at us expectantly letting her eyes rest on me.

“It doesn’t hurt too bad if he’s gentle and goes in slow.” Amber explained.

Gel let out the breath she was holding. “Jack will be gentle.”

“Yeah.” I agreed without thinking. All the girls looked at me with warning glances and Trudy tugged on my hair. “Sorry.” I muttered under my breath looking to the little girl.

She smiled moving closer to me. “Don’t be. I want us to be friends. “She took my hand as I gave her a look of confusion. “Really, we are both going to be a part of Jack’s life forever. We shouldn’t argue. We should get along for Jack’s sake and the baby’s sake.”

“You’re right.” I agreed shocking everyone including myself. “We have no reason to hate each other.”

“Yup! You and Jack were a one off thing.” Her voice turned from giddy to a warning. “And it will never happen again.” She let her frown turn into a fake smile.

Trudy straightened the last piece of my hair as Gel asked all kinds of questions about how to keep her husband happy. I wanted to hit her. She’s not supposed to be with him. She’s just a kid. He needs a real woman. A woman who can do more than cook, clean, and raise children.

I looked over to see Gel smirking at me. She knows that I want him. I can’t stand this anymore. “Excuse me. I have to go to the bathroom.”

Choruses of “T. M.I.” erupted from the room as I exited.

I walked quickly to the bathroom once I was safely inside, I hopped up on the counter.

“I can’t stand her!” I exclaimed to the empty room. “How dare she!” I felt my self begin to cry. “How dare he!” The tears streamed down my face as I sobbed loudly. “How did I get myself into this?” I put my head in my hands.

“Ebony?” Jack’s caring voice called out. “Are you okay?”

I looked up to see him in front of me. “Go away!” I pushed him, but he only staggered backwards.

Tears still ran down my face as he stood two feet away looking in my eyes. Neither of us said anything. I knew he was going through this feel too. I held out my arms to him. He stepped forward hugging me. His arms held me so tight against him. I felt him jerk. He must be crying too. He pulled away and I saw the tears. I reached out drying them. I may be angry with him, but he doesn’t deserve to cry. He doesn’t deserve any pain. He’s just a good man that’s been through bad times.

“Don’t marry her.” My plea was simple. It was the only thing I could think about.

“Don’t love him.” Jack commented referring to Lex.

I closed my eyes before speaking. I can’t help what I’m about to say, but it’s the truth. “I don’t love him. Can’t you see that?”

He leaned against the stall. “I can’t see anything anymore. Everything’s so messed up.”

“But you can fix it by not marrying her.” I jumped off the counter going over to him. I pulled his arms loosly around me.

“What would that accomplish? You don’t want me. You’re too beautiful. I’m not exactly Mr. Powerful either. I know what guys you go for.”

I looked up at him. “You are powerful. You have the power to hurt me right now. You could do anything to me while I’m so vulnerable in your arms.”

He brought a hand up to the side of my face. “I could never hurt you.”

I leaned into his touch. “What do you think you’re doing to my right now?” He looked at me with confusion. “You’re killing me slowly. You have been since you told me that you love me. I see you everyday and it eats away at me. At first I thought I wanted you because you’re my best lover. I know differently now.” I moved to kiss his hand. “Jack, I love you. You’re the only person that has ever been gentle with me. You’re kisses are burnt into my skin.” I let out a little laugh. “I won’t let Lex touch me like you did. I’m afraid he’ll erase the tingles I get when you look at me with a smile.”

“Ebony, don’t…”

“Why not?” he pulled his hand away but let the other drape around my waist. “You love me. We should be together.”

“Why?” He pushed my back so he could step away. “Gel loves me! You don’t! I would only be a plaything until you got tired of me. I can’t just let you break me like that.”

“I do love you! I want you. I need you.”

“No you don’t. We’re over. We were never anything.” He moved to the opposite side of the bathroom.

We just stared at each other. Now we’ve both been hurt. We’re even. Why can’t he just see we belong together? We’ve spent these last few years growing up enough to realize we were made for each other. Our bodies even fir together! His arms hit at my shoulders and my head hits under his chin.

“Ebony?” Trudy’s voice echoed on the walls. She walked in stopping when she saw Jack and I standing far apart and crying. “What happened? Is the baby okay?” She looked back and forth with terror.

“Yeah.” Jack’s voice was deep and clear. “But his momma and Daddy won’t be.” He stepped forward. “Goodbye, Ebony.” With that, he left us alone.

“That sounded final.” Trudy commented looking at the door not noticing that I had fallen to the floor. “Ebs!” She fell to my side.

“He won’t be with me! He doesn’t want us!” she wrapped her arms around me as I cried. “I wasn’t supposed to fall in love with him. I wasn’t supposed to love him.”

Chapter Fifteen

I sat in the dark corner in the cafe thinking to myself. I thought about the last two months since that night that Jack and I talked in the bathroom. Gel's been in marital bliss. She's the perfect wife and he's the perfect husband. Nothing could go wrong with their relationship.

Wish I could say the same for Lex and me. Actually, it’s just me that has the problem. Lex doesn't notice the little things that are wrong with me. Then again, he was always the last to notice all of the small things. He needs an explosion right in his face before he notices anything.

Then there is my situation with Jack. The thing that is behind everything is Jack. I can't be happy with Lex when I am forced to hear how happy Gel is with being Jack's wife. I lie in bed at night, after Lex has fallen asleep, listening to them. They giggle and they laugh. They act as though they are the only people in the mall. He acts as though I can't hear everything. He acts as though he's not ruining my life.

I drank the last bit of my water before setting my glass in the sink and walking down the steps towards my room. The moon shone through the skylight falling over the phoenix in the fountain. The water shot straight up from the bird’s mouth. It’s an animal reborn from the flames shooting water from its mouth. A true rebirth, much like my own. Except with my flames of injustice to others, I was reborn through love and in four months, I'll be shooting words of motherly affection from my mouth.

I crept across the lobby to my room. I slipped my flip-flops off before quickly crossing the room. In my absence, Lex had sprawled across the bed, spread eagle. The left me room to only curl up around him and across him.

I fell into the familiar position of being half on top of my lovely boyfriend. In his sleep, his arms quickly pulled me against him showing me that he loves me even when he's not conscious of it. His hand slid across my exposed stomach with a gentle rubbing motion. I felt the baby change positions, or I guess that was what he's doing when I feel like my insides are moving. With every movement of Lex's hand the baby moved.

After awhile, it started to get annoying so, I had to get up. Which was not an easy task. Lex's arms held me in place for a couple of moments, but a kiss on his lips loosened his grip on me allowing me to get away to the rocking chair in the baby's area.

"Ebony?" Gel's voice whispered from just outside the door. "May I come in?"

I wanted to say no. I wanted to tell her that she's ruined everything about me and that she has no right to even look at my room. I wanted to go over to her and break both of her legs. "Sure."

She walked slowly across the room as if she were still afraid of the threat my child and I pose to her happy family. “I know that we are still working on becoming friends, but I didn't know who else to go to and I saw you moving around in your room, so I..."

"Gel, would you stop rambling? You're becoming as bad as Jack." as his name fell from my lips, I willed myself not to let his image form in my mind. I tried not to think about five months ago when he kissed me for the first time.

She sat down in the straight chair by me. "How do you know if you are pregnant?" She looked at me expectantly.

I could only look back at her pretending that I wasn't shocked. Two months. They've only been having sex for two months and she's pregnant. There's no way that could possibly happen. She's going to be the mother of his real child. This baby girl gets to be the one that has his baby. The best guy that has ever walked the face of the earth gets wasted on some little girl, playing house. "Well, the first sign would be not having your period. The second would be a change in your emotions. You'll become a little more jumpy and emotional. The final sign is the first two combined continued vomiting. You should be sure after about three months."

She nodded her head looking down at her hands. The fingers of her right hand were playing with her rings. They were Jack's mother's rings. Ellie told me about them once. She wanted them so bad, or so she said. "I think I might be pregnant."

"Have you missed your period?" She nodded. "How many times?"

"Twice." I nodded. "I thought that I should know by now because you knew by your second month."

Well, it was my third month, but for all her knowledge, she was right. "All women are different. My body reacted to the baby differently causing me to have morning sickness sooner. You might not even get sick at all."

"Oh, so do you think I'm pregnant?"

I closed my eyes and nodded. "Yeah, I think you are."

I saw her ring glimmer in the moonlight as she brought her hand up to her face. A little sob escaped her lips. "What am I going to do?"

"What do you mean?"

She removed her hand. "I'm not ready for children. Jack and I were using condoms. How could I get pregnant?"

I took her hand in mine. "Hon, did you guys know that condoms have expiration dates. After that date, the rubber might become defective." Another sob. "Gel, it’s going to be okay. You can't be any worse at this than me. And you have Jack to help you."

"I just.." she pulled her hand back to wipe away her tears. "I want my mother to be here to help me. I don't know what to do. What if I mess up? I've ruined someone's life. I've ruined the life of my perfect miracle. I've ruined the mixture of me and the man that I love more than anything in the world."

"Gel, don't worry about it. You have at least seven more months to think this over. You'll know what to do."

The room filled with a long silence as we thought about our children. I thought about hers. My child will have a brother or sister. Well, as far as everyone is concerned it will be his or her brother or sister. Then there is their father. Both children will know Jack as their father, but only one will be part of his happy little family. That child can either choose to share Jack with mine or it can be greedy and my child will be an outcast like Lex and me.

I wanted more for him or her. I wanted them to know what it is like to be needed and wanted for more than just the dirty work. I wanted them to know what it was like to be able to use his or her intelligence to bring the world to good, not cause bad things to happen like Lex and I have caused in the past, not to mention the genetic influence of Jay.

What if evil is genetic? What if I cause my child to be mean, spiteful, vengeful, and conniving? What if...

"Ebony, will you help me?" Gel's voice was lower than before. "Our babies are going to be siblings, they need to get along...We need to get along."

"You're right. We should get along." I rocked for a moment. "Come back in the morning and I will give you half of the baby stuff. Maybe we could find another large enough basket and chest of drawers."

She stood up. "Thank you." I stood up following her to the door. "We have no reason to argue. You don't want Jack. It was just a one-time thing and now we can all be one interesting family. We could be like some kind of sisterhood. We can discuss all the things I need to know to protect my family and I can tell you all about what its like to be married."

I laughed as she put out her arms for a hug. Normally, I would have pulled her arms behind her back and tried to break them, but she's right. Jack is her’s now. I have to give him up and live my life with Lex. I hugged her back. "Remember to come over in the morning. Bring Jack." She nodded before walking back to her room.

I turned back to my room. My life as it now stands. In one corner there is my baby's area. The other corner served as a closet with two rolling racks with feminine and masculine clothing. The bed in the middle of one wall contains my lover.

Lex was still sprawled out as he was before. His hair is flowing over the red pillowcase, spilling raven color over the blood colored fabric. I walked over pulling his hair into my hand. The silky strands seemed to slip through my fingers like everything else that I have ever held dear.

I've never been able to hold onto anything for too long. I lost Bray. I lost Zoot. I lost Jay. I never truly possessed Jack. I only had a glimpse at his sexual being but not the true person that he is. I'll never see that. Gel will be the only woman to ever possess him. If there is ever anyone after Gel, she still won't possess him. He's lost himself in Gel's love. He'll never be found again.

I need to lose myself in that kind of love. I need to kiss Lex like I'll never see him ever again. I need to make love to him like we are about to die.

"Baby," his voice was husky with sleep. "Why are you sitting up? Lay down with me." He made room on the bed pulling me against him. I lay on my side looking at the moonlight illuminating his perfect creamy skin. "I love you, Ebony. I always have." he kissed me. I was thankful for the interruption. At least I don't have to lie to him tonight.

Chapter Sixteen

Gel told him. This morning when I went into the Café, everyone was celebrating the announcement. I didn’t go in. I probably wasn’t invited. Do you know that when they found out that I was pregnant with Jack’s baby, they acted as if it were cheap gossip? They acted as if my baby was just some mistake that Jack had made. All the more reason for me to believe so until he dropped his bomb on me. The baby was something that he considered a blessing.

“Ebony?” the voice caught my attention, but I still stayed hidden in the back of the storage area. “I know you’re in here. Where are you?” his familiar accent told me that it was Jack, but I don’t want him to see me back here crying because I can’t be with him. “There you are.” He towered over me as I sat with my knees as close to my chest as possible with a pregnant belly.

“Go away. I thought you said goodbye for good two months ago.” He only looked down at me. “Go be with the woman that you want to have your children. I’m sure she is off somewhere thinking of what little frilly clothes she can make her new baby doll wear eight months from now.”

He sat down next to me. “I am with the woman I want to have my children.” He leaned over kissing my forehead.

“Don’t do that.” I pushed him away as he tried to kiss my lips. “You’re married and I refuse to be a home wreaker.”

“Ebony, don’t be angry with me. You know how this tribe works. If we were together, then the both of us would have been out the moment that the Technos let us go. If I’m with Gel, then we have a chance of being in the tribe and still being together.” He tried to kiss me again, but I pushed him away causing him to hit a nearby box.

“Jack, I’m not playing with you! You made a choice to be with that little girl and now you have to live with it. I’m with Lex now and he loves me.” I stood up.

Jack did the same coming over to me. “But do you love him?” I didn’t answer. “See, it doesn’t matter. You love me and I love you. Why can’t we be together like this?” he wrapped his arm around my waist.

I pushed him away again. “Jack, I’m tired of keeping things secret. I’ve done that since before the virus. I just want to be a normal person now, with a family. I’m going to be a mother. I can’t just keep going with all the stuff I did before. I have to make an example now.”

“Whatever.” Jack muttered leaning against the shelving unit. “Well, the real reason for me to find you was because we are having a meeting tonight concerning a get away. Ved is organizing it. You’re invited to come.”

“Will you stay with Gel and leave me alone?” He nodded. “Okay, me and Lex will be there. What time?”

“Seven.” With that last word he turned around and walked away with his head down and his hands in his pockets. I felt a little guilty at letting my second chance with him away, but I have to turn over a new leaf for the baby. Jack belongs with Gel and that is the way that it is going to be.

*~~*~~*~~*~~*

Trudy’s room was all abuzz as I leaned against the wall talking with Gel about babies. Everyone in one small room was not a good idea. Salene, May, and Jack were sitting on the couch; Lex was sitting in an arm chair; Ved was sitting on the chair opposite of Lex with Trudy on his lap. Amber was holding Bray while sitting on the coffee table with Brady next to her. It seemed like the old days. Everyone gathered together for one cause.

“Okay.” Ved was standing up and pushing Trudy out of his lap. She frowned a little sitting down where he once was. “Could you all come over here?” He looked to me and Gel.

Both of us skipped over to our men. Gel fell to Jack’s lap causing him to grimace a little as she hit a sensitive spot. Lex almost pulled me into his lap as it was the only free spot to sit. “Okay, can we get on with this. I’m pregnant and I’m uncomfortable sitting my fat as.s on Lex’s bony legs.” I looked at him with an adoring glance. He was scowling at me. “I love you.” I whispered before kissing him quickly. I do love him. Not the way that he loves me, but I do love him and find him attractive.

“Well,” Ved began standing in front of all of us. “I think there is a way for us to get out of here.”

”Us?” Lex asked.

“Yes us.” Ved glared at him. I guess old feuds die hard. “If you haven’t noticed, I don’t leave her often. I don’t even go to see Jay for orders now that he knows I’m with Trudy. He’s locked me in here too.” He began to frown when he said his brother’s name. “Next week, they’re going to turn off the electricity in town so that they can put up new security cameras and street lights. We can go out of the mall three at a time. The first group will be Amber and Bray, Ebony, Gel and Brady. The Second group will be Trudy, Salene and May. The last group will be Lex, Jack and I.”

“Okay, now we know who and when. What about how?” Jack asked as Gel leaned against his shoulder. He stroked her hair.

Ved looked at Trudy. “Trudy says there is a way of getting to the parking garage where you can’t be seen from the outside. Everyone will use that way and when on the bottom level, climb over and make way for the forest. Everyone can go to the old Eco camp. Amber, Trudy and Lex know the way there. Once there, we can decided where to go.”

Everyone silently agreed. I looked around. Their faces told me that they were thinking the same as me. “It’s going to be weird without the mall.” It remained silent. Yep, we’re going to leave our only home. The home that we made and filled with love and life. We have to make another one that is safe from all of this bullsh.it that keeps coming up. No more psychotic people wanting to rule the world.

Chapter Seventeen

Lex’s hand absently rubbed circles over my stomach as we lay in bed waiting for the command to meet. He kissed the top of my head tenderly and stared in my eyes. His lips curved into a smile as he looked down at my bare stomach.

“Only three and a half months left. Are you ready?” He asked, eyes still intent on mine.

I laughed thinking of the fear about my child. “Let’s just say that I am more ready for a take over of the country than I am for this baby.”

He didn’t laugh. “What do you mean? Are you having second thoughts now, because I think it is a little late.”

I raised my hand to stroke the side of his face. “No, baby. I was just saying that this is scary. Having something grow inside you for five and a half months causes you to wonder if you are up to the task of parenting. It’s not like I’ve ever had to think about it before.”

“I know. But we’ll be fine. What we can’t figure out, we have Gel and Jack for.” He took my hand in his and kissed the palm. “You know I love you right?”

I nodded.

“I want us to be together forever and grow old together. You’ve saved my life from the virus and battles. I owe you a life. I want you to have the one I’m living. Will you marry me?” His eyes were sincere and I honestly believed that this marriage would be different than his others.

“Are you sure that you want to do this so soon after TaiSan?” I had to be sure that he was doing more than just replacing his last wife.

He leaned over and kissed my lips gently and whispered against them, “I’m sure. I’ve always wanted you from the day that I first saw you.”

I kissed back feeling… protected. I’ll never have to tell Jack that I can’t be with him, because now, he’ll know I love Lex. He’ll know that I have put him in my past.

“I love you Lex.”

*~~*~~*~~*~~*

The limbs of the trees tore at my clothing as I followed Amber through the woods. We had gotten away from the Technos. They don’t even know we’re gone yet. I just hope that the other two groups fare as well. After all, my future husband and the father of my child are in the last group to leave.

“Here.” Amber stated finally slowing to a walk. “Just up ahead is the old camp.”

Gel lowered Brady to the ground and the child came over to me, taking my hand. I looked down to see her fear. She didn’t cry or whine. She just stood there silently asking if her mommy was okay. I squeezed her hand to reassure her as she stared ahead at her Aunt’s back.

Amber weaved her way through a maze finally stopping at the huts that I remembered from a couple of years ago. “You should all wait with me until the others show.” She paused looking in the direction she knew Trudy would be arriving in. “Just in case.”

I walked over to a stump and sat down pulling Brady into me lap. She leaned against me burying her face in my neck as she silently cried. I just rocked her trying to comfort the small child. I ran my hand over her blonde hair and sang lightly. It was a song that I knew her father listened to when he thought no one was around. It was the song playing the night that I saw him and Trudy together at the dance. The truly seemed to fit the child. After all, it had caused her conception.

“My baby!” Trudy ran at top speed from the brush over to me. She wrenched her child from my grasp. “Are you okay?” The little girl nodded. “Don’t cry, baby. Everything’s okay now.”

“No!” Brady exclaimed. “Ved’s not here! I want Ved!” She began to cry again. “I want Ved.”

Everyone turned to watch the scene. Trudy looked slightly hurt that her child was calling out for someone else, but then realization seemed to hit her. “It’s okay, baby. He’ll be here in a moment.” She kissed her child’s head and stood watching the brush for her lover.

Sure enough, Ved broke through the brush and launched himself towards his woman. He kissed Trudy, holding Brady between the two of them tightly. Then he turned his attention to the child, taking her in his arms. “What’s wrong, baby?” He rocked her.

Brady looked at him. “You’re okay?” he nodded. And she threw her arms around his neck.

“Maybe we can be a happy family like that someday.” Lex’s voice drawled in my ear.

I turned kissing him with relief that he was also safe. “I know we will.”

“EVERYONE!” Amber’s voice almost shouted. “We should all go to the huts just incase someone comes by here. Be quiet and don’t light any fires.”

Everyone nodded before slowly walking toward one hut or another. This is home now, whether they like it or not. The mall is the past. A strong fortress against enemies will never be theirs again.

Chapter 18

I smiled down at the boquet of flowers in my hands. They were so beautiful with purples, pinks, and whites. Baby's breath was sprinkled in the midst of the flowers. This wedding will be even better than Jack and Gel's.

"Okay. I finished the dress!" Trudy announced bringing over the dress. It was made from fabric traded for in the next city over. Little seashells were sewn over the bottom and the straps. "What do you think?"

I smiled at her and jumped up to hug her. I awkwardly wrapped my arms around her as my large stomach stood in the way. "It's perfect! I just wish I wasn't almost nine months pregnant."

Trudy laughed. "I thought you were almost eigth months prenant."

"Trudy," I began, setting the dress on the bed. "No one is around. You don't have to pretend."

"I'm not.." Trudy began but was interrupted.

"Pretending? what?" Jack's voice was stern. Ever since he became chief of the tribe, his voice has been more grown.

"Nothing. I was only joking." I stated coming over to him. I wrapped my arms around his neck giving him a kiss on the cheek.

He pulled away. "No. I demand that you tell me what you are talking about. And try the truth." His arms crossed defensively over his chest.

"Jack, there is nothing." I could feel a tear coming down my face. "Why are so angry with me?"

"Because you have been jerking me along since we got this baby! We could have been together and raised this child." He let out with a angry tone. "Ebony, everything could have been different."

I stared at him with intent. "I gave you a chance to be with me! You said that everything would be better if you married Gel! Are you having second thoughts? Is the little wify not good enough in bed?" I stared at him with pursed lips. "You can't just walk in here and make demands! You may be the chief, but you are not my boss!"

"I just want to know what the he.ll you two were talking about!" He was in my face now. His body was up against my stomach. "What are you two pretending about?" His voice told me that it was all over. I'm going to have to tell the truth.

"Okay, but sit down and calm down before I tell you." I took his hands in mine and then led him over to the bed. He sat and I stood in between his legs with my hands on his shoulder. "Remember that night that we spent together?" he nodded with a smile. "It was great, but it wasn't entirely truthful."

"What do you mean?" He asked with a tilt of his head.

I put my finger to his lips. "Just listen." He nodded and I took my finger away. "I was already pregnant. Jay is my baby's father." I finished and he just stared at me. "Jack, I'm so sorry! I had to do something to save my baby. jay would have come after it. I couldn't let him take my baby!"

"Why didn't you tell me?" his voice was even and flat. "Why didn't you tell me that you were lying to me. I could have went along with you. I wouldn't want those people to take any child from my tribe."

I closed my eyes. "Jack don't play that game with me! I know full well that you would have told on me. My baby would be lost! You hated me!"

"I never hated you! I loved you!" He stopped instantly. Our eyes met. Then he finished more quietly and with more meaning. "I loved you. I've loved you since I first saw you. You were the most beautiful woman that I have ever seen." He reached out to me, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me as close as he could. He landed a kiss on my stomach. Then he stood and kissed me on the lips. "You are more beautiful now. I still love you."

"I love you too." I kissed him again letting my fingers curl through his hair. "I wish it was your baby." I stated staring into his eyes. "I wish I was marrying you instead of Lex."

Suddenly, I heard wood splinter. The door flew open. "What the hell are you two doing?" Lex flew at Jack knocking the both of them back to the bed. "Get off my woman!" Lex yelled as his hands closed around his opponet's neck.

Jack sputtered trying to gain the advantage, but Lex's suprise attack still had him reeling. He was flailing trying to get free. Lex continued to assert himself against the man below. I stepped foward and pulled Lex's hair. Just as I was about to attack him, I was knocked backward by Jack slamming against Lex.

My back hit the chair that held my wedding dress. Then the dress fell over me as I crumpled to the floor. "OWWWWW!!!!!!" my scream was heard over everything. I couldn't move as the pain shot through my body and straight to my stomach. The baby moved and I was sure that the baby had been injured.

"Ebony!" Jack flew to my side. Lex didn't appear. The wedding dress was removed and thrown to the side. "Are you okay? Are you hurt?" He ran his hands over my stomach. His touch was very soothing. "Oh God. Is the baby okay?"

"I dun...dunno." I looked up at him with fear. "Oh GOD!!" that was when I felt something trickle down the side of my leg. "Jack, pull up my skirt and check me."

He didn't hesitate. He threw the skirt up and touched the inside of my leg. "Ebony, your bleeding! What do I do?" He looked up at me. His eyes were darker and he was very afraid.

I took a deep breath, worried about my child. "I need Trudy and Amber." I closed my eyes as he wiped his hand on the side of his jeans. He then reached foward with his other hand and touched my now unbraided hair.

"Lex," Jack commanded. "Get Trudy and Amber."

I looked over at my boyfriend. He was just staring at the two of us. He didn't move. "No. You go get them. I'm staying with her."

Jack didn't answer back. He shot a glare at Lex and the shorter man ran from the room. "It's going to be okay, baby." he kissed me on the forehead. "Trudy will come and you find that everything is just fine." He sat down next to me and manuvered us so that I was laying against his chest with his legs on either side of me.

"Jack, what about our baby?" I allowed the tears to fall down my face as he held me.

He kissed the top of my head. "Jay's baby."

"No," i winced in pain. Was that a contraction? "I consider this child yours." I reached up and stroked the side of his face. "Jack, I love you. I really do. Don't doubt that. I want this child to be yours." The tears streamed down my face quickly now.

He reached down and wiped away my tears. "Don't cry. You're going to make things worse. We can talk about this after the baby is here."

Finally, Amber and Trudy ran through the door, but Lex was nowhere near. "Ebony, calm down." Trudy commanded. She kneeled by my side. "Everything is going to be alright. Bleeding sometimes happens when you have a baby." She kneeled down at my knees. "Okay, are you having contractions?" I nodded. "Jack, could you...?"

He started to move, but I put my hands on his knees. "He stays!" She looked as though she was going to say no, but backed down.

"Okay. Here it goes." Amber stated before moving to the door. "I'll get all the supplies."

"I hope your ready, Ebony because you are about to be a mother." Trudy stated as we waited for Amber to return and the contractions to get closer.

Chapter 18

“Okay, Ebony, just push. Two more pushes and she’ll be out.” Trudy encouraged rubbing my knee gently. It helped a little, but nothing compared to Jack’s hand holding mine and his other running a cool cloth over my forehead.

He’s truly there for me. I can’t say the same of Lex. He should be the one that is here. Jack isn’t even commited to me. This isn’t his child. Yet, here he is holding my hand through the contractions.

“Jack,” Trudy pulled his attention away from kissing various places across my face. “Wanna deliver your child?”

He looked down at me. “But, it isn’t my child. May I?”

I breathed a few times to keep from thinking about the pain that shot through my body at every movement of the child coming out of me. “You’re baby.” Was all that I could get out before the contraction hit fullscale.

He smiled down at me and moved from my side. I watched as he walked up behind Trudy and his eyes widened. Aparently, you can already see the head. His mouth fell open and she reached back to take his hand.

“Jack, how about you support the baby’s head.” She rolled her eyes at me.

Jack moved his hand under the towel that Trudy had draped over my legs so that I wouldn’t freak out. I felt his fingertips brush across my burning and painful skin. He looked down at the head in his hands with awe.

Then another contraction hit. “Push!” Trudy ordered again.

I complied and felt the baby move again. This time, further than before. Then, Jack’s other hand reached out. He smiled up at me as I breathed. “Beautiful.” He looked down at the baby again. I wasn’t sure whether he was talking about me, the child, the act, or what. I guess it didn’t matter.

The next contraction hit me and I pushed without being told. I felt the baby move completely out of me with the last bit of pain. His shoulders moved and then I knew that he was holding my child.

I stopped paying attention to Trudy and the pain that I’m feeling. My eyes and all thought was turned towards Jack. He snipped the umbilical cord from the child and began to wipe it down with a towel. The towel was thrown to the floor. His finger moved to the little hands before moving to the feet. He smiled up at me. “He’s got everything. All his toes, fingers, and it.” He kissed the child’s head as it began to cry. “That is the most beautiful sound I have ever heard. Is there anything better than hearing your son’s first cry?”

I laughed at him. “Bring my son to me!” He complied coming over to my side. He placed the tiny thing in my cradled arms. “He’s beautiful.”

His skin was lighter than mine and his hair was soft and brown. Not like my black hair. His eyes were the perfect color of brown. His features were less German, like Jay, and more Irish. I looked up at Jack and then back to my son. There were resemblances. The same nose and cheekbones were on both. “He looks like you.” I simply stated.

He let out a little laugh. “I guess they say that if you think about someone enough when you are pregnant that the baby will look like them.”

My hand raised up and connected with the back of his neck. He took the cue and lowered his head until our lips met sweetly. It wasn’t a passionate kiss but something that I needed. He cares for me. He loves me.

He pulled away and moved to the baby. He gave a kiss to the top of his head. “What are you going to name him.”

“Keir Flynn. It’s celtic. I thought that I should honor you and give the kid a name from your heritage.”

“What’s it mean?”

“Keir means dark skinned and Flynn means son of the red-haired man.” The baby opened his eyes at that moment and it was like he knew his name was especially for him. “Do you like that, Keir?” The baby closed his eyes and snuggled against my breast. “I think he likes it.”

“It’s beautiful. He’s beautiful. You’re beautiful.”

“Jack, in my mind, he’s your son. Will you be his father?” Fear shot through me and I knew that he would say no.

He took a deep breath. “When you told me that he was Jay’s, I wanted nothing to do with him. Now I see him and I can’t look away. He needs a father. Jay couldn’t take care of him. I won’t let him anywhere near Keir. As for Lex, I don’t think that he will be with you for much longer.” I nodded. “He’s my son. I’ll not let anyone tell me different.”

Tears rolled down my face with relief. “Thank you. I can’t do this alone.” He nodded. “Jack?”

“Yes?”

“We have to tell everyone that he is Jay’s son.”

His eyebrows furrowed with confusion. “Why? Wouldn’t that make it easier for Jay to find out?”

“He already knows. That is why he kept a close eye on us.” The baby whined a little and I rocked back and forth. He stopped whining.

“Ok. We’ll tell them as soon as you and Keir are able to get up and out.” He sat down on the edge of the bed, wrapping an arm around my shoulder.

“JACK!” Ved’s voice cut through the door. It slammed open and Ved stood there with fear written across his face. “Technos have invaded. They’re attacking us!” He turned and ran off.

“I’ve got to go.” Jack stated before running off. I watched as he flew from the room. I could hear screams coming from the next cabin. It sounded like someone was being killed. But who? Why?

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