*~~*~~*~~*~~*
Chapter Eleven
*~~*~~*~~*~~*

Trudy invited me to sit with her and Jay at dinner since Jack and I would not be sitting in our table for two. I was actually lonely to sit with him. I had only been ignoring him for a couple of hours and I am already missing him. I think I made the wrong decision. Maybe, I should just tell him that I am sorry, take him into my arms. I could tell him that I love him and kiss him. I would love to kiss him the way that I saw Ellie kiss him so many times. Hell, at this moment, I would just like to be kissed the way he kissed me to make Ellie go away.

“Ebony!” Brady ran over to me as I leaned against the railing outside of the Café waiting for Trudy. I picked the child up despite the fact that she was half my size already. She was already beginning to grow as fast as her father had. She was also getting his blonde hair, but she looked like her mother. There was no doubt about that. “Will you sit by me?”

“Sure, baby.” I kissed her on the forehead before following Trudy into the Café. “Trud, where is Jay?” I asked looking around for him.

She bit her lip before answering. “He’s at the hotel. He might not be home until late.”

“Oh. Okay. What is he working so hard on?” I put Brady down to take a plate.

Trudy grabbed two plates and began to put the food on hers and Brady’s plates. “He’s trying to set up the surveillance cameras again so that in case of an invasion, they will be seen. It is a big undertaking. Especially since Ved is not around to work out the computer work.”

I put the food on my plate and followed her to the long table that her family and Salene and Pride’s family (which included the kids, Sammy and Mouse) sat. “Oh, so that was why you were biting your lip. Jack is with him, right.” She shook her head. “Just because I am trying to back away from him doesn’t mean that I hate him. I am still a friend with him. I am just trying to keep him from getting to close to me. Everyone that comes near me gets hurt. I don’t want to hurt him.”

In an attempt to make me laugh Trudy replied, “Oh, so you want me to get hurt?” She made a pouting face causing Brady to laugh.

“Trudy, I’m not going to laugh.” I stated rolling my eyes. We began to eat quietly. The only sounds that were heard were various conversations from across the room and Mouse and Brady’s chatter. The two girls were good friends and often spent most of their time together. It was good to see that they were having a normal childhood. Most kids in this world didn’t have that. They were lucky.

“Brady,” Mouse began. “Where’s your Daddy? I haven’t seen him all day.”

Brady looked at her friend. “Oh, he and Uncle Jack are at the hotel.”

“Oh.” Mouse replied. “How is Jack your uncle?”

“The same way that he is your uncle.” Brady answered sweetly.

Mouse looked to Pride. “Daddy, is Jack my uncle too?”

Pride thought for a moment how to explain this. “Yes. In a way, but he isn’t related to you or Brady. Sometimes, the title of Uncle is used to honor a man that is close to your parents. Jack is an important and well-loved man around here. So, Most of the people around here would consider him the uncle of their children.”

Mouse and Brady stopped listening to him after the second sentence. But that was okay. Everyone else listened to the fact that Pride respected Jack. Everyone respected Jack. Just as I was thinking that I should run to the hotel, Jay walked in the room with Jack behind him. The two were talking in a hushed tone as they placed food on their plates and joined us. Jack made sure to stay as far away from me as he could. I ignored him at first, but then it became increasingly more difficult.

He was quietly eating. He was rarely quiet anymore. He seemed loud and alive lately. Maybe that was just the influence that I was having on him. Next, his hand went up to his hair as he looked in the opposite direction of me. I knew he was feeling frustrated just as much as I was.

I could end it all, but not yet. I have to know if I really love him, or it is just my imagination. I could be making myself love him because he would be a great husband. The even scarier thought that entered my mind this morning was that he would make an even better father. I watched him when he was unaware of me. He picked Brady up off the floor and hoisted her onto his hip. He told the girl something to make her laugh. Then spun around while the girl leaned back. He smiled brightly at the child kissing her on the forehead before setting her on the floor again and walking away. When he got to the door, he turned around and waved at the little girl before leaving. My father always swung me around like that. It was the highlight of my day.

For some reason, I took my plate over to the sink and dropped it in and walked out of the room without saying a word to anyone. I continued to my room falling on my bed. I can’t look at him anymore. I guess I am going to have to avoid him all together.

*~~*~~*~~*~~*

Several hours later, I awoke. I wasn’t thinking about Jack or people that I had hurt. I was thinking about how beautiful it was outside. I had to go look at it. Anything but being cooped up in this room. I threw on a jacket and made my way to the roof.

The roof was cool, but the view was excellent. The lights from the city below glittered like Christmas tree lights. Each light was at least one person. Each light was a person waiting to be loved. Each light was someone that would be taken in by a warm heart and taken away from the cold regrets and hate from the first few after virus years. Each light was a person like me. A person that had changed everything and now had nowhere to go. I didn’t belong with the Mallrats.

I stood overlooking the city below. I wanted to rule them again. I wanted to make things better this time, but could I be trusted? I doubted my own reliability. I couldn’t trust myself. How could I ask a city to trust me? I turned to walk back inside with all my doubts and insecurities. As I shut the door behind me, I could have sworn that I heard Jack’s drawl saying, “Sweet dreams.”

*~~*~~*~~*~~*
Chapter Twelve
*~~*~~*~~*~~*

A knock on the doorframe woke me from my sleep the next morning. I rolled onto my side pulling the covers up around me. Hay was standing in the doorway. He was looking just as hands-on as he ever did, but today I couldn't bring myself to fantasize about our past. I didn't want to see him. I wanted to see Jack. "Come in."

"Hey Ebs." Jay walked into the room confidently. He stopped in from of my bed adopting his familiar military stance. "Would you come the hotel today? I need to speak to you about official matters."

I rubbed my eyes and threw a couple of braids over my shoulder as I sat up. "Official business? Why can't you tell me here?" I was a little irritated he knew I wasn't good at processing information in the morning.

"Like I said it is official business. Plus, you aren't the only person in the meeting." Jay stated calmly but the look on his face was scolding me for not being out of bed.

I threw the covers off of myself. I was wearing my black silk nightgown. He took one quick look before turning with his back to me. "Oh, like you haven't seen me naked." I stated grabbing my clothes from the chair and putting them on.

"Yeah, well, umm..." He stuttered like he did on our first dinner date. "I'm not supposed to see you naked."

"I understand. Trudy never did like to share her toys." I jokes winning a laugh from Jay. "Okay, I'll catch up with you later."

He turned back to e. "Can you be a the hotel in two hours?"

"Yeah..." I yawned. "Just let me get some coffee." I smiled. Jay laughed, shook his head and walked out of my room.

After applying my makeup, I hurried to the cafe to get some coffee and check out what Trudy was up to. Maybe she could tell me what was up with this `official business.' Then again, It was Jay after all. He wouldn't tell Trudy what was up because he goes by the book.

Anyway, I entered the cafe and found Trudy sitting at one of the two person tables. Brady was in the floor with a doll. "Hey!" I greeted as I sat down in the empty chair.

"Hey. So are you going to the hotel?" Trudy asked as I settled in. She already had a cup of coffee waiting for me. "Here. I knew you would be by soon."

"Oh, so you know what Jay is up to." I stated taking a sip of the hot black liquid.

She laughed. "Yeah, but I'm not telling you." She looked over her shoulder at Brady.

"You're no fun." I finished the drink. "Well, I am going now. Wish me luck." I stood.

"You don't need luck. It is already in the bag." Trudy replied before I left the room."

*~~*~~*~~*~~*

I sat in the uncomfortable strait chair waiting for Jay and the other people that would be in the meeting. I thought I had been running late but apparently I was wrong. The room was no longer red. Jay had it painted hunter green. The room almost seemed alive with the forest color. The color calmed my nerves, but my thoughts raced to the million things Jay would speak about.

The door creaked open and my head snapped into the direction expecting to see the gorgeous general turned city leader, but Jack walked into the room. I wanted to look away but I couldn't. He didn't notice me as I wasn't near the desk.

He looked good. The red was washed out of his hair and he only wore the mallrat sign on his right cheek as a tribal marking. He wore a pair of red and black plaid pants with an Ozzy Osborne tee shirt. He looked good. the clothes were tight and I would see his muscle definition. But I drew myself from drooling to watch what he was doing because he looked caught up in thought. He sat at Jay's desk and immediately began to type away. The computer beeped loudly with a mechanical sound. He pushed his hand through his hair forcefully and bit his lip. I heard the mouse button click and then a mumbled curse. he leaned over the table to the back of the monitor and pushed a cord in better before sitting again. "Finally!" he pushed back the chair.

"Finally, what?" I asked standing up and walking over to the desk.

Jack jumped up and out of the chair. "How long have you been there?" He walked around the end of the desk.

"The whole time." his face showed that he was angry. "You looked busy and I didn't want to bother you."

"Whatever." he turned away from me and went over to the couch, sitting in the middle crossing his arms. I sat down next to him placing my hand on his arm. He moved to the opposite end of the couch.

"We're still friends. Why are you being like this?" I asked.

He turned to me with a glare. "I'm being like this because you are ashamed of me. Oh, so we are friends?" He jerked his head around to look out the window.

"I'm not ashamed of you! I'm proud of your friendship." I moved closer to him. "And I am still your friend. Why would you think not?"

Before he could answer, Jay entered the room. The leader sat at his desk waving for us to sit in the office chairs in front of his desk. He reached into a basket and took out two packets of paper. "I've asked you both here to hear and exciting proposal that I, along with the tribal chiefs and the Mallrats, have come up with." I was a little confused. All the mallrats knew about this but Jack and I? "Ebony, we have a position for you in the military. We need a line of defense and I have heard much of your success with the Locos and the militia. Your military excellence has brought the tribes to believe that you would be best as the minister of defense." I started to protest. "Don't answer me now. Think about it for a few minutes." I nodded and then he turned his chair in Jack's direction. "Jack, the city also has a proposal for you. As you know, with the fall of the Technos few people know about technology. The city's progress to restoring society has slowed because of this. The chiefs would like you to help us proceed with progress. They want you to have the position of Minister of Technology." Jack's eyes were wide and cheeks flushed. He was excited about the position. "Finally, I have spoken the other mallrats and they would like you two to be their leaders. The change that you have made, Ebony has made them trust in the leadership abilities that you possess. And Jack, the courage that you have showed and your confidence in yourself has proved to them that you will be their next great leader." Jay smiled at the both of us.

"I'll leave you two to think about everything." Jay stated as he walked from the room.

I don't know about Jack but I was shocked. They wanted me to be one of their chiefs? I wasn't even officially a member of the tribe. I used to be an enemy and hated. And Jack? They used and abused him for the first four years after the virus. This was completely surreal. But it made me realize that they truly did believe that I was telling the truth when I said that I have changed and I will continue to go down the strait and narrow.

This new position with the militia and the Mallrats could be a real test of my will power. Would I be able to be the same soft and gentle person once I am in control of an army again? Or will I revert back to the strong willed Amazonian general that I was before? This new job would also keep my mind away from the feelings that I had for Jack. The feelings that was wrong before and surly wrong now that he was to be my co-worker.

Jay entered the room again. "Have you reached a decision?"

Jack looked at me before answering. "I'll take the position."

"I will too." I answered excitedly. I am a legitimate leader now!

"Very well." he thrust the papers at us. "Sign these and leave them on my desk. I'm sorry but I must leave now. I am needed elsewhere. " He stood and leaned across the desk to shake hands first with Jack and then with me. "Thank you for you time. I can't wait for you two to begin advising me as my cabinet." He quickly left the room, closing the door behind him.

"Wow!" i stated signing my name and dating the papers. "Can you believe this? They want us to be leaders!"

"Yeah." Jack stated as if it were nothing. "But, I guess, you won't like it because you will have to talk to me again." he signed his name before standing and placing his packet on Jay's desk.

I stood doing the same thing with my contract. I placed my hand on his bicep. "Honey, I want to talk to you, see you every moment of everyday, but I owe you more than to let you be ruined by me."

"Hoe could you ruin me?" Jack sat on the edge of the desk so that he could look at me straight in the eyes.

I looked down. "I'm poison. No matter what I do or say, I always will be." I would feel the tears coming and tried to push them back. I just wanted him to take me in his arms and tell me we could start over. I wished I could lean forward, kiss him and whisper that I love him.

He did take me in his arms. "You're not poison! And you are showing everyone how great you are by being my friend. The old you would never have even looked at me twice."

"Yeah, but I pushed you away. And that is for the best. I don't want you to get hurt." I cried into his chest.

He ran his hand over my hair to comfort me. "Don't push me away anymore. I'm a big boy. I can take care of myself."

I pulled back to look at him. He really meant it. I smiled with a sniffle. He reached out to dry my tears with his thumb. "Okay, let's go home." I took his hand and pulled him along behind me.

*~~*~~*~~*~~*
Diary Entry #6
*~~*~~*~~*~~*

Jack and I are no longer avoiding each other. That was the worst idea that I have ever made in a relationship. I only hurt us both and made my feelings worse. It is much better being by his side. I can handle anything if he is with me.

To prove the last statement, he and I have been co-leaders of the Mallrats for a week now. We already have a chore rotary and a list of things that need to be done. Everyone has a job and the farm is in the midst of being restarted. We have accomplished so much in such a short time and more is to come although our time will be short as I will start training my officers and Jack will begin to work on the surveillance cameras in the city. Everything will find a way of working out for the best.

Oh, tomorrow is the Independence party. The city is celebrating three years since the Technos fell. But the celebration is that there has been three years without another occupation. I can't wait. I don't have a date for real, but Jack is going with me. He says that he doesn't want me on the streets at night dressed in the outfit that I picked out.

Speaking of which, since Jay will be announcing that Jack and I have chosen to become ministers I chose a proper outfit. I will be the head of the army, so I have a camo tube top and a green khaki mini skirt with a pair of combats that go almost to my knees. It is kick as.s! I guess Jack is right, I don't need to be alone on the streets with that outfit. I need him to be there so I can attack him.

Oops! Did I write that? Hehehe! I bet he will look so hot, but he won't let me see what he is going to wear. He wants it to be a surprise. I can't wait till then!

I have to get some sleep so I can look oh so hot tomorrow. Who knows, maybe the party atmosphere will give me the courage to make a move on Jack.

*~~*~~*~~*~~*
Chapter Thirteen
*~~*~~*~~*~~*

I opened my lip-gloss and applied it carefully. Tonight is the party. I am so excited. Once I was satisfied with my makeup, I sat on my bed and began to put on my combat boots. As I was buckling the last buckle, I noticed Jack standing in the doorway. He took my breath away.

He was leaning against the doorway with his ankles crossed. His outfit was definitely worth the wait. He wore a pair of baggy leather pants and a white wife beater with a long black leather duster coat and a pair of black Docs. I seriously couldn't breathe and my heart stopped. I let my eyes wonder from his clothes to his face. He had a new tribal marking to accompany his mallrat sign. I also had the marking. It was a phoenix. The bird that rose from the ashes. We were both people that made a new world from one that was broken. I lost all my power and gained it again because I regained the person I was before and he became confident due to the hurt that Ellie gave him and his capture by the Technos.

"Hey, baby." he greeted in the best sexy voice he could manage. "What do you think?" He strutted into the room. I was very surprised. I had never seen him so confident about himself.

He stood in front of me. "You look sexy." I answered honestly but with an amused grin to make him think that it was just friendly banter. "What about me?" I asked standing and adjusting my mini skirt and tube top.

"You look so hot. I don't think that I will be able to defend you from the guys that will want to attack you." He stated with a laugh as I crossed my arms over my chest as if I were naked. "You need a coat." he looked around for one. "Where is it?"

"I don't have one. It is the middle of the summer. I'll be warm enough." I pulled my braids out of the ponytail that they were in so that they were all hanging down.

He looked at me skeptically, "No you won't." He took off his coat and put it on me.

I couldn't reach my arms out and the bottoms almost drug the ground. "Jack, I can't reach out." I swung my arms wildly, but I only attempted in looking like a penguin. He laughed. "It's not funny." I pouted sticking out my bottom lip.

He buttoned the coat. "Well, to bad, you are wearing the coat." I pulled my braids out of the coat. "Are you ready to go?" he asked as I continued to pout. I nodded my head. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and we walked out of my room.

*~~*~~*~~*~~*

Fifteen minutes later, we were at the old warehouse that housed the party. The music was already blaring and the various club lights were going. As we walked into the room, the heat almost knocked me out. It was amazing how hot it was with all those bodies in one building despite its considerable size. Jack immediately helped me take the coat off and checked it with one of Jay's workers. He took my hand leading me through the throng of people to where Jay, Trudy, Cloe and Ved were sitting on old car seats.

"Hey!" Trudy and Cloe both exclaimed jumping up to hug me.

"Hey! You guys look good." I commented on Trudy's long purple skirt and fuchsia top and Cloe’s black hip huggers and silver tank top.

Trudy laughed. "Us? Look at you, GI Jane." I laughed to as I sat down next to Jack on the third car bench seat. He pulled me against him. I felt like his girlfriend but I knew we were just sitting like this because he didn't want any other guys to treat me bad.

"So, what are we drinking tonight?" I asked looking at everyone. Jay motioned for a waitress to bring Jack and me a glass of cider. "This is a great party."

"Yeah, I hope all the rest of the kids think so. " Jay commented looking around to make sure that his citizens were enjoying themselves.

"They are. No need to worry." Jack assured him. Just as our drinks were brought to us, an old rap song by Missy Elliot came on, 'Work it' (A.N- Yes, I know that is a new song, but I can think of any songs that would have came out before the virus.) "Come on, I wanna dance." He stood up grabbing my hand and pulling me with him.

He pulled me to the center of the crowd and wrapped his arm around my waist lightly as he began to move. I noticed that he was moving a lot better than he had been at Cloe's wedding. His new confidence helped him to let loose. I threw my arm around his neck and rubbed against him in the styles that rap deserved. Everyone was dancing in the same manner around us. So, it wasn't odd that two friends were dancing this provocatively together. He smiled down at me and my heart stopped again. He was surely turning into everything that I liked in a man. Maybe the definition was revolving around him. Slowly, I became very aware of his left hand on the small of my back. The heat of the room and the heat from his hand was making me begin to sweat as he flattened his hand out. I ran my hand down his chest as I moved back some allowing him to watch me dance for him. I held my arms above my head swaying to the music and doing body rolls. I ran my hand further down his chest and over his stomach slipping my fingers into his belt loops pulling him to me. I then turned with my back to him as he placed his hand on my naked stomach. He gently rubbed my skin as we danced and dodged the crowd together.

The song ended all to soon for me. We walked off the floor and back to our friends. I didn't want to share him. He was dancing in all the right ways. I wanted him. I wanted to make the thousand people around us disappear.

"I didn't know you could dance." Cloe replied with a smirk looking at me. She knew my secret now. I stuck my tounge out at her in a childish manner.

He fell to the seat and I sat next to him crossing my legs. "People don't know a lot of things about me." He stated mysteriously. "I guess that will change soon."

Everyone exchanged looks as he took a sip of his drink. He was being a totally different. He was being dominant and I liked it. It was exciting to wonder what he would do next, but unfortunately, Cloe and Trudy wanted to mingle and they dragged me away from him.

"Ebony, what was that?" Cloe asked once we were away from the guys.

I was confused. I had no idea what he meant by the last statement. "I dunno. He's being mysterious isn't he?"

"No, I think she means the dancing." Trudy clarified. "You two were dancing pretty close."

"Well, people usually dance like that to rap music." I smiled at someone I knew.

"You two are getting rather close." Cloe commented. "I think he likes you."

"I agree. He is laying it on you. He is so into you." Trudy gushed.

I laughed at them. "You guys, he is just dancing with me."

Cloe rolled her eyes. "Sure. But he is playing at something. I know he is. Ebs, he isn't like this, no matter how confident he has became."

"Whatever." I stated as we found Salene.

*~~*~~*~~*~~*

An hour had passed and I had yet to make it back to Jack. I was missing him, but I wanted to talk to some of the people that I kept bumping into. It had been awhile since I had just talked to people in a friendly manner.

I was talking to a girl I had gone to school with when I felt Jack's arms wrap around my waist. His lips brushed against my ear. "I missed you." He whispered loudly so that I could hear him over the music. The girl walked off after saying goodbye. "Wanna dance again? I liked what we did earlier." he stated with a smirk. I was taken aback.

"Oh really?" I asked in the same tone as he was using.

"Yeah. It was so boring talk to Ved and Jay. Then again, they aren't as nice to look at as you are."

"Jack, are you drunk?" Surely he was to be suggesting that he thought I was attractive.

He laughed in my ear. His breath in my ear caused me to shudder. "No. I only had one drink. I'm just feeling honest tonight." He blew against my skin. "So are you going to dance with me or not?" I answered him by taking his hand and leading him further in the crowd. He pulled me against him roughly. I'm not going to lie. I love this. His dominate side is so sexy and he has such strength that I feel like a tiny doll. The song ended to soon and I was afraid that he would stop dancing again, but he continued to dance as the opening notes of 'Bump and Grind' by R. Kelley began to play.

He wrapped his other arm around me as I reached up to put mine around his neck. My fingers found the hair on the back of his head. He closed his eyes at the gentle massage. I laid my head against his chest as we swayed to the soft music. Before the end of the first verse, his hand had moved to my as.s. He was being brave and I wasn't about to stop him. I wanted more. I wanted to stand up on my toes and give him a deep kiss, but that would be against everything that the two of us knew.

Or so I thought. I felt the hand on my back be removed and it was placed under my chin. I allowed my face to be tipped upward. He just looked down at me with dark eyes. My heart began to race. Was he about to do what I wanted him to do? I guess I would find out soon. The song ended and he stopped swaying, but he was still staring into my eyes. Slowly, he leaned down dropping a soft kiss on my lips. At first I wondered if I was just imagining it but then he deepened it by running his tongue across my lips. Just as it was about to get good, all the music stopped and someone nudged us. I looked up dazed.

"You two are supposed to be on stage." Ved announced with a laugh.

Everyone in the room was watching us kiss. I could feel myself become embarrassed. Jack wasn't fazed though. He pushed our way through the crowd to the stage.

*~~*~~*~~*~~*
Chapter Fourteen
*~~*~~*~~*~~*

I was embarrassed about everyone seeing the kiss. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't regretting the kiss. I was waiting to see if he would do it again. Of course, I couldn't be alone with him. Some of his old friends wanted to speak with him about something. So, I chose to retreat to a dark corner. I didn't feel much like rehashing the details with Trudy and Cloe. I only wanted some time to reflect on the situation. It was as if he and I had traded places. He was dominantly making moves and I was the one waiting for what was going to happen.

"Hey, baby." he drawled coming up beside me and breaking me from my thoughts. I didn't say anything at first. "You don't mind me calling you that. Do you?"

"No." I smiled at him. "I love it."

He smiled at me and took me in his arms. "Now where were we?" He asked leaning down to kiss me, but I stopped him.

"Jack, is there a reason why you are doing this? Or are you just wanting to have some fun?"

He looked at me closely before answering. "Of course there is a reason for me doing this." he seemed to be stalling.

"Really?" I moved away and crossed my arms. "What is it?"

"I like you. Isn't that enough?"

I put up my hand and walked away. He caught up to me and put a hand on my shoulder. "I am tired of being a plaything. You have to do more than like me. I like Ved, but you don't see me kissing him and getting his hopes up." I stopped as I realized what I had said. Maybe he wouldn't notice.

He turned me around. "Who's hopes am I getting up, Ebony?"

I closed my eyes tightly as I answered. There was no way that I was going to lie to him. For some reason, I couldn't bring myself to. "Mine are. You don't need to jerk me around like this. I've been hurt too many times. I can't take you hurting me too. I love you too much to see you, my knight in shinning armor, corrode." He stumbled backwards a little. I was sure that I had killed him with my honesty. He was just trying to find a chair to sit in. I followed him. "Are you okay?"

He took a deep breath looking straight ahead, past me. "Yeah. I'm just a little shocked." He ran his hand through his hair before looking up at me. "You love me?" I nodded. "That's amazing." He smiled up at me and pulled me into his lap. "I thought you didn't want me or couldn't want me. I'm not the bad boy or the strong guy like your other men."

"You are more than enough for me." I put my hand in his hair. "I thought you wouldn't want me because I was evil."

"You're not evil." He pulled me close. "But it should be a sin to look as good as you do tonight." I laughed. "So, does this mean that we are together? Or what does this mean?" His face was serious again.

"If you want me, we can be a couple." I punctuated my comment with a quick kiss on his lips. He put his hand on the back of my neck giving me a proper kiss. This kiss was much better than our first. He was gentle and firm at the same time, but our position was uncomfortable, so I had to pull away. He let out a sound of disapproval. "I've got to get comfortable. " I stated sitting to straddle him. He placed his hand on my as.s before kissing me again. The feeling of an ensuing attack left my body completely. This sensation that Jack is giving me is like none other that I have felt before. When I am with a guy I usually feel afraid because I am giving him the control over my body. This time is different. Jack won't hurt me. Jack won't leave me. He'll protect me. I can let my guard down because he is what a man is supposed to be.

I pulled away from Jack. "I love you so much."

He reached out to caress my cheek. "I love you too." He looked around and noticed that the entire party had left. "Ebs, everyone's gone!" He exclaimed standing up pulling me with him. I had no other choice but wrap my legs around his waist.

I was actually glad that no one was around, because if they hadn't thought that we were having sex before, they sure would have now. "So? What does it matter?" I kissed him again.

"Come on," He un-hooked my legs from around his waist. "Let's go home."

*~~*~~*~~*~~*

Thirty minutes later, I found myself lying in my bed. Alone. You're thinking, 'Is she stupid?' But he is a virgin. I don't want him to have a reason to resent me in our first few hours together. I made sure that he went to bed. I even walked him to his door. It was hard, but I think I will live. I keep telling myself that it is only sex. That, I can live without it.

It's not working. So I am lying here trying not to think about sex and what he looks like naked. But then I think about how well he can kiss. I don't think I am going to be getting any sleep. So, I closed my eyes tight and thought about the militia. That was a way not to think about sex. Oh, wouldn't Jack look good in that Techno uniform he has hidden? Damn!

I threw open my eyes to see Jack standing over me without his shirt. I didn't say anything. I just stared into his eyes. "Ebs, I can't sleep." He simply stated.

I knew what he wanted. I threw open the covers for him to enter. He got into bed with me and immediately pulled me against him. I laid my head on his chest. "I couldn't sleep either." I ran my hand down his chest and let it rest at the top of his jeans. "How can you sleep with those jeans on?" I propped my head up on his chest with my hands under my chin to look at his face.

"I can't, but if they come off, I might not be able to hide what I really want to be in bed with you for." I could feel myself blush. He raised his hands to my cheeks. "I thought you were blushing."

"I am. You seem to be the only person to make me do that." I laughed. He laughed with me. "Well, if you can't sleep in those pants well, then we should take them off." I winked at him in the dim light. I sat up and pushed the covers off of us.

He pushed himself up and sat against the headboard. "What are you doing?"

"I'm taking your pants off." I stated simply. He laughed at the look on my face. I was determined not to let the sight of his underwear affect me. I was not going to have sex with him tonight. That would be wrong. It will be better if we wait. I undid the button and then pulled down the zipper. I slid the pants down his body and legs until he was free of the clothing. He now lay before me in just his black silk boxers. He looked so sexy. His body was muscled perfectly. I ran my hands over the side of his hips to his stomach and up his chest to his shoulders. I sat on the lower part of his stomach being sure not to hurt him. "You look so sexy." I stated lowering my lips to the side of his neck.

"That's the first time I ever heard that." He moaned as I licked over his skin.

I pulled back. "They lied to you before." I went back to what I was doing. He tasted so good that I never wanted to take my mouth away from him ever again.

"I thought we weren't going to have sex." He stated putting his hands on the small of my back.

I rose up just enough to talk. "We're not. There is a lot to do without doing that." He pulled my head back and kissed me properly. He then moved to kiss my neck like I had done his. I knew that the both of us are going to be cover in hickeys. There was going to be no way to hide them. I reached down and pulled the covers up over us. The both of us really had to go to sleep before we did the one thing that we were going to wait for.

“Do we really have to wait?” He asked sticking out his bottom lip.

I bit at it playfully. “Yes. Ever heard that song by Limp Bizkit?”

“The one about not waiting to have sex?” I shook my head. “Damn. The adults were right. Music does give the wrong message to children. They have warped you Ebony. You should sue them.” He joked. “They have done damage to me.”

“How did they do that?” I asked with a laugh as I laid against him, throwing my arm over his stomach and laying my head on his chest again.

He placed his arm around me. “They have influenced you to practice abstinence! The horror!” He acted as if he was crying.

I laughed louder. “Can you just be quiet? We’ve got to go to sleep. We’ve got work tomorrow.” He finally stopped making me laugh and dropped a tender kiss on the top of my head as I fell asleep to the sound of his heart beat.

Diary Entry # 7

I have a boyfriend! I have a boyfriend! Okay, so now I have acted like a child, I will continue with the story of what happened.

Can you believe that Jack made the first move? He kissed me at the party and now we are a couple. We spent last night together in my bed. I never slept so peacefully in my life. I don’t know what I will do if he doesn’t want to share a bed with me anymore. I guess I will just stay up at night.

Anyway, he is a little disappointed that I will not have sex with him yet. He wants me and I really want him. He was so sexy in those clothes and out of those clothes, too. *Evil laugh* You have no idea how hard it was not to just wake him up in the middle of the night and just rape him. But then again, it wouldn’t be rape would it? It was so hard. I woke several times during the night to the feeling of him running his hand up my thigh. His hand was inside of the gown at one point! I thought he was awake but he was doing it in his sleep. I was very surprised. He doesn’t seem like the type of guy to fondle a girl even in his sleep.

I dunno, I guess I just have amazing ideals of Jack. I know that he is human but I can’t help but think that he is my knight in shining armor. He showed me the way to change my self and he also changed almost everyone’s view of me. He gave me a new life.

Well, I better go. He seems to be waking up. Did I mention that he is still asleep in my bed? Bye! I gotta wake my baby with a kiss.

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