My One And Only Title: My One and Only
Author: tigermoth26
Feedback: nvc425@h...
Rating: PG15
Category: humour, romance
Pairing: Daniel/Janet
Summary: rampant silliness...just read it for god's
sake ;)
Disclaimer: Stargate people aren't mine, niether is
the Rubber Ducky song.
Challenge response:
Sha'ure and I came up with this rather academically
minded fanfic challenge during a random chat on MSN:
Write a silly fanfic with a Daniel/Janet (or in
Sha'uri's case, Sam/Jack) romance that (in my case, is
a bastardised PG version of 'You Give Me
Fever')contains a rubber duck, alcohol (copious
amounts of it), sap, romance, optional chocolate
sauce, ernie on the TV singing the Rubber Ducky Song,
and our favourite duo (being DJan or SJack) in an
entangled NC-17 type position. And the optional use of
a bath.
This fic had to be written within a week (starting
from 16DEC01),or the loser gets it (it meaning
it...like duh).
Overall, it's all in a day's work really!
-Nicole ;)
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My One and Only
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Once upon a time, there lived, in an apartment high in
the mountains of sunny Colorado, a dazzlingly handsome
Archaeologist who went by the name of 'Doctor Daniel
Jackson, PhD'.
Now Daniel, blonde and fair, worked in the bowels of a
Top Secret Facility, which happened to be the home of
a great, big metal ring, called the Stargate, that
which, with a press of a button, could open the
doorway to a thousand-thousand Other Worlds.
Through the Majestic Stargate Daniel travelled, as
part of a close-knit team whose leader was the most
Voraciously Sexy Man on the planet, Colonel Jonathon
'Jack' O'Neill, second only to the Dazzlingly Handsome
Doctor Jackson himself.
The Second-In-Command of this diversely talented team
was the Intelligent and Gorgeous, but yet totally
non-Girly Major Carter, whose
super-intelligent-astrophysics PhD'ed brain was an
Asguard Epicenter for Stupid and Dumb Ideas. (Not that
this was in any way a degradation of her intelligence
in any way, oh no! Major Carter was a very
intelligent woman indeed!)
Major Carter and Colonel O'Neill were a tragic pairing
of Non-Permissable and Regulations-Restricted love,
making googly eyes and pining for the other in every
direction that they went. It was depressing, and
intriguing, and yet, this is the only mention of their
love that this story is ever going to get! A-Ha!
Dearest Reader, I got you that time, did I not?
It matters not, for now I will move on to the final
character of this starscapre-tripping team, Teal'c. A
Jaffa, who did not answer to "Kree!" nor to
"Hassock!" nor "Lucy! I'm home!"
Teal'c a mighty alien warrior, (of questionable
degrees of sexiness, depending on how one felt about
getting down and dirty with a snake) (No, not that
kind. The *other* type of snake. Get your mind out
of the gutter, Kree!) was the Ex-First-Prime of
Apophis, a detestable Goa'uld whose snake was firmly
lodged in the middle of his head.
So anyway, one bright and cheerful midsummer's morn
(The fourth of July, 2001), SG-1 set out through the
Stargate under the leadership of Colonel Jack O'Neill
to a far-away world, whose eighty-seven volatile moons
encircled the planet closely so as to ensure that all
travellers knew, that this was indeed, an Alien
Planet.
"My God...It's full of stars!" Exclaimed the
awestruck Doctor Jackson as he stepped throught the
shimmering Event Horizon to the Planet In A Galaxy,
That Was Far, Far Away.
Colonel O'Neill flipped back the cover of his Special
Ops Trained Military Watch and looked at the time.
"1354 hundred hours, campers. Let's take a look
around. I want you all back at the Stargate by
Fifteen-Hundred hours. Carter, you're with Daniel,
Teal'c come with me."
The Major and the Colonel shared a pained look of
despair as they parted ways, one could even say the
air did sigh, with the parting of their sweet, sweet
sorrow.
Daniel, on the other hand, was ecstatic, as he
rummaged through his backpack for the
chocolatey-goodness of a Ten-Oh-Seven Candybar.
The Doctor and the Major trundled through the jungle
with their weapons drawn, stopping occasionally as the
military woman bent down to take samples of the
Naquada-rich, shimmering Alien Planet soil.
At one of these aforementioned soil-collecting
sessions, the undergrowth rustled, pushed recklessly
aside in the wake of a fast-moving creature with long,
rabbit-like ears as it stumbled over field mice and
bopped the Major and the Archaeologist firmly over
their heads.
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INTERMISSION - GO GET YOURSELF A DRINK
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Previously, in part 1/?...
``````````````````````````````````````````````````````
At one of these aforementioned soil-collecting
sessions, the undergrowth rustled, pushed recklessly
aside in the wake of a fast-moving creature with long,
rabbit-like ears as it stumbled over field mice and
proceeded in bopping both the Major and the
Archaeologist firmly over their heads.
``````````````````````````````````````````````````````
And so, The Cliche begins...
Doctor Jackson awakened to the dank, dim, darkness of
a shadowy room. He could feel the mud of the wetly
dripping walls as it slid, slow and stickily down his
collar at his back.
His blue eyes searched the darkness wildly, unable to
squirm, unable to move as some omnipotent, unseen
presence held him firmly down against the earthen
floor.
"Jack!" He called, anxiously listening, no answer,
his panic grew. "Sam?!...Teal'c?!"
Alas, poor Daniel, nothing. He was trapped in the
Dank, Dark, Diddly hole, all alone, with no-one to
help him. Oh woe, oh woe was He!
Suddenly, a small, fluffy animal with long rabbit ears
appeared. Ah, well wasn't that convenient? One
thinkest so!
The little creature woffled its fuzzy nose and looked
upon Our Daniel with Itty-Bitty-Red-Beady-Eyes.
"Who are you?" Daniel demanded, still unable to move
within the ties that bound him.
The Rabbit-Thing woffled, and twiddled its powder-puff
tail. "I am Tlop Ecived, the Keeper of This Planet."
A pang of terror stabbed its way through Daniel's
rapidly beating heart. "What do you want from me Tlop
Ecived? What have I done to deserve this?!"
Tlop shook his little head ruefully, his darling-bunny
ears lolling lazily about his head. "The question is,
O'Captive, to not ask what, the Bunny Rabbit wants
from you, but to ask what, you can do for The Bunny."
Daniel's handsome brow furrowed in confusion as he
regarded the menacing bundle of Furry Joy. "Excuse
me? What I can do for You? How can I tell you
something that I do not know? How, I beg of you,
how?"
The Bunny bundled its furry little self closer to
where the firmly-tied down Daniel lay, and placed a
tiny paw upon the Archaeologist's smoothly muscled
chest. "In your heart, O'Captive. Search your heart.
The one you love is trapped within. The Cliche within
the Cliche, but without the added burden of the Other
Cliche to cover it. Search for The One, O'Captive,
and I will set you free."
Oh brother, the Dashingly Handsome Daniel thought,
this Bunny is completely psycho. Nevertheless, our
valiant Daniel searched his heart. He searched it
deep and thourough, he searched it through and
through. And finally, when it seemed as if no
searching would ever be left to be done, he found his
answer. "Sha'ure?" He questioned, "Is it Sha'ure?"
Tlop Eviced sighed dramatically, and rolled his
beady-little-bunny eyes. "No it is not, Damned Fool!
The one you love is Janet, The Lady of the Hallowed
Needle. *She* is the only one for you!"
Daniel blinked. *Oh*. It was Janet. Of course! It
had to be her. Janet was the Chief Medical Officer of
the SGC, she was beautiful, and lovely. Why had he
not seen it before? She was the *only* one for him.
With compassion and enduring strength, she was the
most perfect woman who could ever stand by his side.
A flash of brilliant white light encompassed the Dank,
Dark, Diddly little room and promptly transported our
wonderful hero, revelations and all back to the
surface of the Alien Planet, where his team mates
waited anxiously for him at the Great Big Whopping
Huge Stargate.
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INTERMISSION - oh shit. I am so bloody screwed.
Excuse me while I crawl into a corner and die. -
Nicole :s
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Previously, in part 2/?...
``````````````````````````````````````````````````````
And so, The Cliche begins...
The Bunny bundled its furry little self closer to
where the firmly-tied down Daniel lay, and placed a
tiny paw upon the Archaeologist's smoothly muscled
chest. "In your heart, O'Captive. Search your heart.
The one you love is trapped within. The Cliche within
the Cliche, but without the added burden of the Other
Cliche to cover it. Search for The One, O'Captive,
and I will set you free."
``````````````````````````````````````````````````````
Daniel Jackson blinked his eyes against the blazing
whiteness of the infirmary lights. Almost
immediately, the dazzling Doctor Janet Fraiser was at
his side, checking his irises with her tiny little
penlight.
"Doctor Jackson, can you hear me?" She asked, her
calming silky voice washing over his senses like a
soothing liquid balm.
"Janet." He uttered, reaching out a hand to touch her
gossamer-smooth cheek.
The Doctor smiled, taking his and and bringing it down
from her cheek. "Welcome back Daniel. You were in a
coma for quite a while."
"I...I was?"
"Yeah. It took me three of my strongest nurses to
give you a bath after you came back through the 'Gate.
What happened to you Daniel, you were covered in
mud!"
Daniel Jackson closed his dazzlingly handsome
baby-blue eyes. He didn't remember. He *couldn't*
remember. But something deep inside him, in some
cliched part of his heart, told him that he loved
Doctor Janet Fraiser. And as cliched and sappy and
romantically queasacious as that may be, she was The
One.
After resting a while most peaceably in his
crisply-cornered infirmary bed, Doctor Fraiser finally
decided that it was time for the ravishingly handsome
Daniel Jackson to go. As the pretty Doctor neared the
bed, our sweet, adorable Daniel plucked up his courage
to ask her out.
"Janet?"
"Yes Doctor Jackson?" The dazzling Doctor turned her
chocolate-brown eyes upon him, smiling her gentle,
caring smile.
"Would you um...would you like to come over for coffee
sometime?"
There, it was done. Our beloved Archaeologist had
finally asked the gorgeous Doctor Fraiser out. For
coffee, no less.
Janet smiled, her perfect white teeth shining like
alabaster pearls in the flourescent lamp light. "I'd
love to, Daniel." She exclaimed, her caring heart
beating with unadulterated joy. "What time?"
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INTERMISSION - please use the bathroom. I have to go
hurl. - Nic :P
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Previously, in part 3/?...
``````````````````````````````````````````````````````
"Would you um...would you like to come over for coffee
sometime?"
Janet smiled, her perfect white teeth shining like
alabaster pearls in the flourescent lamp light. "I'd
love to, Daniel."
``````````````````````````````````````````````````````
Several afternoons later the charming Janet sat with
the equally gorgeous Daniel in the comfort of his
Colorado mountain home.
She sat snuggled within the loving embrace of him
warm, strong, muscled manly arms, with his nose
embedded in the arburn locks of her silky smooth hair.
On the television there sung the famous French opera
singer, Ernacoire Pavarotti, with his melodious
rendition of 'Dance of the Goslings', in G major.
"Mon Canard au Gomme, mon amour," Sang Ernacoire, "Oh
Rubber Ducky, love of mine..."
"Tu le faire les temps de bain, toute joyeux!"
"You make bath time, so much fun!"
There was a reason why operas were never sung in
English...they never seemed to have as much impact
that way.
Gently removing himself from Janet's warm embrace,
Daniel leant over to the coffee table to retrieve a
plastic bag, from which he withdrew a rubber duck,
whose plastic feathers shone a yellow-rubber gold.
"For you." He said to Janet, handing her the softly
quacking gift.
His true love's eyes filled with heartfelt tears as
she accepted the gift as a token of his love.
"Thankyou Daniel," She said, "It's beautiful."
"And so, my sweet," He said, giving her lips a
feather-light kiss, "are you."
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And that, my dear, tortured readers, is the end.
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EPILOGUE
Daniel groaned. His brain pounded painfully against
his skull as he opened his eyes to the harsh morning
light.
Down below, his bladder wriggled, demanding to be
shown to a toilet within the next five seconds or it
would let loose on the couch, toilet or no.
His brain sent messages to the muscle cells in his
arms to get his body up and off the couch and into the
bathroom. No such luck. Something, or Some*one* was
lying on top of him, haphazardly sprawled over his
chest like a warm, human blanket.
Uh-oh...Janet. How did she get there? That was a
pity...he could remember the drink but he couldn't
remember her. He searched through his painfully
thudding memory. Nothing. Zip, zilch, na-diddly-da.
He shifted slowly to try and get out from underneath
her drunkenly slumbering form. The movement caused
her thigh to slip unceremoniously between his legs, in
what would otherwise have been an arousing position,
only increased the urgency of his need for the
bathroom.
Daniel gently shook the sleeping woman's shoulder.
"Janet." She slumbered on. "Janet, wake up!"
"Mmmm Daniel." She shifted, and mumbled in her sleep,
her already precariously placed thigh pressing harder
against his aching groin.
"Janet!" He almost squeaked, willing his bladder to
just simply hold on.
"Mmrubber ducky..."
Daniel froze, listening to Janet's voice as she
mumbled through the tangle of her waking dreams.
"you th'one..."
The memories came back to him, piece by piece, in the
annoying chocolate-saucy way that dreams so often do.
"...make my b'th time, so mush f'n..."
The apartment, the planet, the bunny, the duck. A
dream...a great, big, huge, twisted,wacky dream. He
sighed in relief. He must have taken elements of his
day and then incorporated them through his subconcious
into his dream. Ah, it all made sense now. That whole
wacky scenario had taken place inside his head.
Daniel finally managed to free himself from Janet's
slumbering weight and made his way into the bathroom.
A thought occured to him as he casually made himself a
pot of special blend coffee. If this whole story had
been a dream...
...then why was a rubber ducky sitting on the sofa?
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Bum bum buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum!
THE END
I hope you enjoyed it, and if you didn't send feedback
anyway! It's compulsory! - Nicole :)