My name is Thaddeus. When I was young, I was one of The Twelve as we were called. The twelve disciples of the great Rabbi Yeshua. I have been having trouble with my heart. I soon will die. My friends and family want me to write down some thoughts to leave with them when I am gone. Though I am no poet or rabbi. I wasn't even much of a fisherman. I could barely manage getting up in the morning to fish. Though I was taught to read, I no longer write as it is hard on my hands. One of my nephews, Benjamin, is thus my scribe.
Thinking about those times brings back both very happy and very sad memories. Benjamin wants to know about the other disciples. In the beginning, I don't know why Yeshua chose any of us. Most of us were fishermen or tradesmen. Matthew was a Roman tax collector for the occupying Roman regime. Yeshua could have chosen learned men from the temples. But he didn't. I knew he liked the sea and we were always there. I don't know who he approached first, probably Simon. We were young men, in our prime. I was in my late twenties when Yeshua began visiting the seashore after his stay with the Essene renunciants. Even then, he encompassed all emotions. Some saw him as a prophet. To us, he was friendly and would talk easily to us. He would inquire about our boats, how far we would go out for the catch. He was a young man, like us, about thirty. Handsome with a trimmed beard. He told us he had chosen a renounced life, but lived temporarily at his parents' house. I knew him vaguely as the son of Mary and Joseph and had heard of his precocious childhood, arguing theology with priests and rabbis. In my mind, he was destined for the priesthood. But he told us that that was not what he wanted. He felt the faith was old and despite the zealots and "prophets" on every street corner, the faith born of Moses was dying. Something new was needed. For a while, I thought he was just a moocher, for we all took turns giving him fish for he and his family. But his charm won us over. He was not like us. Our humour was coarse and dirty. You know how men are. But he was adept at engaging our interests. I had little interest in politics. The Romans were a juggernaut that a handful of zealots could not defeat, much less fishermen. Still, Yeshua's belief that eventually they would be defeated kept up our spirits. We believed in a Messiah, one who would deliver us from our enemies. It has taken me years and much thought to see even a glimmer of truth from his teachings. It is not by the sword that Rome will be defeated but by our peaceful co-existence and non-cooperation. The Deliverer. Yes, the Rabbi was most definitely the Deliverer, but only because he reminded us of our own abilities. We are also Deliverers, though perhaps in different ways. But I digress.
Once he became friends with us fishermen, occasionally some of us would invite him home for dinner. He was always grateful and his sanctity and yes, innocence never failed to fascinate us. For though he was probably the wisest man on Earth, he was also like a grown-up boy, without guile, without...an ego to protect. So unlike the rest of us. It was in matters of theology that Yeshua excelled, yet he knew we were not priests or philosophers. He would tell us little stories, some of which have been written down. It's an old technique. But Yeshua could dash them off with uncanny ease and he would make us laugh. Sometimes he would tell us the secrets of the stories--parables they were called--and we would shake our heads at how profound the meanings were. Sometimes he wouldn't tell us though we would beg him to. He would just smile at us, his eyes twinkling, or he would ask us what we thought the meaning was. As I said, we were clods when it came to thinking at that level, and we laughed at our attempts to explain his stories. I'm sorry. Thinking about Yeshua is making me cry. I will say more tomorrow. Don't write that down.
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Benjamin is harping at me to say more about my irrelevant past. Well, no, my past is not irrelevant because I knew and loved Yeshua. And I have tried to live how I think he would want me to live.
When the twelve of us were chosen to be his students--I hate the word "disciple"--he began to tell us some very special things that he learned from the Essenes. Much of it was over my head. Things like how the universe was made, the mystical teachings of the Kaballah, how the mind works, what demons were and how we could control them. Terrifying things.
I continually questioned Yeshua, why me? Why was I chosen? I was nobody. Nobody at all. He insisted there was a very good reason. I could never figure him out. And I pray the Heavenly Father will enlighten me in the great hereafter. Because there is so much I want to know and it is there I hope to see my beloved Yeshua again.
One thing I can speak on. Yeshua was an Essene. Not a regular priest like the Pharisees or Sadducees. He was a mystic. And he was amazingly gifted. However, it was not without price. He was celibate. He had renounced all women. He told us freely that he had fallen in love with Mary of Magdala years ago when he was but in his teens. They were friends. But circumstances forced Mary into prostitution. It could have been the reason that drove Yeshua to the Essenes. He wanted no other woman but her. At any rate, though Yeshua was generally healthy, in fact very strong and robust, at times he would get terrible headaches and stomach trouble. Simon inquired of the Essenes after we saw Yeshua sick more than once in our presence. They told him there was nothing that could be done. That it was not really a sickness but a necessary trial--a kind of inner transformation brought on by celibacy. We often begged Yeshua to see a prostitute to relieve his suffering. But he was adamant. No women. More than once he was at my home, very sick, and I would hold him in my own arms, putting cold wet cloths on his head. It was at these times when he was most vulnerable that I felt closest to him. We had not yet begun the three-year sojourn to spread his teaching around the countryside. This sickness continued when we began the ministry. Yeshua loved each of us equally, but he asked me to tend him most often when he was ill. Or Bartholomew if I was away. Bartholomew was younger than I was, an extremely handsome youth with black curly hair and no beard. He helped on one of Simon's boats. I hazard to think that my helping Yeshua in these difficult times of illness was the reason that he chose me. Perhaps he saw a gentleness in me that I did not see myself. He was no fool though. He knew my concern for him and yet my embarrassment at my intimacy with him. He once asked me when I was tending him, he was lying on my bed in pain, "What is the menora, Lenneus?" which was a private and intimate name for me. I answered, a symbol of the twelve tribes of Israel, each light a tribe. He said yes, but it was so much more. Just as there were twelve tribes, he chose twelve men. And each was a light to all mankind, including me. He kissed my lips. And I kissed his. Yet he saw my shame, even though I loved him, and he told me, "Love conquers all sin. Do not be ashamed of love, Lenneus, no matter what form it may take."
That is his legacy and mine to you. I loved my family and friends dearly, but no man can understand my love for Yeshua. And may the Heavenly Father enlighten those who do not know this love.
Benjamin is asking me about Yeshua's prophecy. There is only one that matters. His idea of the end times. Yeshua believed that terrible things would happen before the twelve of us died. I am old now and these things could happen at any time. Yet a part of me remains skeptical. What the world does not know--and I reveal this to you now--is that Yeshua described his vision of destruction while he was sick once at my house. He told me there would be fire from the sky destroying cities larger than Rome. Great iron engines would move across the land and air under their own power, shooting fire. Divine retribution. Yeshua was convinced it all would happen in our lifetime. And indeed, to God all things are possible. Yet, innovations in the engines of war occur daily. Who knows what Rome is capable of? But what city is larger than Rome? Is it in the distant eastern lands? The legendary Cathay? Or Atlantis? So many questions, and I am so afraid for you all who are young. I want you to live peaceful and happy lives. I want your children to grow up and their children too. I am praying ceaselessly for God's mercy in the hope that you will be spared this catastrophe of hellish dimensions. If I love you, remember I am only a pale reflection and a poor interpreter of Yeshua's universal love.
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At the express order of the Italian government, I, Dr. Yacob Lindberg, swear to the authenticity of this text, published here first. One can see why the Vatican concealed it. It sheds new insight into the relationship between Jesus Christ and one of his disciples, a physical intimacy heretofore never revealed, and Christ's accurate prediction of events in World War II. The times foreseen by Christ could indeed have been interpreted by any man of that time as the end of the Earth. Indeed, for the people of Dresden, it was. The opening up of the Vatican vaults has revealed treasure after treasure, of archeological and literary significance. My team and I are pleased to present this testimony of Thaddeus as the first of countless suppressed literary works by Christ's contemporaries. Indeed, my only opinion of the matter is that this should have been done much sooner and that leaders of the Christian faith have much to answer for.
Yacob Lindberg, Ph.D.
Chair, Vatican Investigation Team
Brian Strader
c2003
