Restaurante del Diablo, long version
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EL RESTAURANTE DEL DIABLO
Gags assembled, Spanish added, and adapted for stage by Jeannette Jaquish. © 2003
(Father and Son enter, led by Waiter and sit at table.)
WAITER: Here is your table.
SON: This restaurant looks nice.
FATHER: Si. Es restaurante simpatico.
WAITER (to FATHER): The menu.
FATHER: Thank you.
WAITER: You’re welcome. (to SON): El menu.
SON: Gracias.
WAITER: De nada. Do you need time to decide what to order?
SON: (to his father) Necesita usted tiempo para ordinar?
FATHER: No, I have already decided!
SON: Que?
FATHER: Quiero la sopa especial. El tiene el arroz, las cebollas y los esparragos.
SON: Rice, onions and asparagus! Mmmm! I want the soup special also!
WAITER: (taking menus) Excelente! Volvere.
SON: I’m so hungry.
FATHER: Yo tengo hambre, tambien. O mira! Aqui biene la sopa.
SON: Bueno!!!
(WAITER returns carrying soup with thumb in FATHER’s bowl.)
FATHER: Waiter! You have your thumb in my soup!!!
WAITER: (wiping thumb on napkin) Me fama? Gracias, Senor, pero las sopa no es caliente. (Exits)
FATHER: “Thank you but it’s not hot!” I don’t believe it! His dirty thumb was in my soup!
SON: Esta limpia, ahora.
FATHER: Ewwww! You eat. I’m not hungry now.
SON: (spits out first taste) Bleccchh!!
FATHER: Que pasa?
SON: There is a fly in this soup!
FATHER: Una mosca en tu sopa!!! Terrible!!
(WAITER RETURNS.)
WAITER (placing bill on the table): La cuenta.
SON: MESERO! ESTA UNA MOSCA EN MI SOPA!
WAITER: Fly in your soup??? Is that a problem? Are you a vegetarian?!
FATHER: Mira! Mira! Yo veo cuatro mas moscas nadando en la sopa.
WAITER: Four more flies! (picks up bill) Now I have to charge you for meat soup. (EXITS)
SON: Sopa con carne!! Mesero! Yo no pago para un plato de moscas! Mesero! Mesero!
FATHER: We’re not paying! Do you hear me?
(They look determined then sigh and sit hopeless, staring at their bowls hungrily.)
SON: Yo no puedo comer esto plato de moscas.
FATHER: Do you want mine? A dirty thumb is better than flies.
(FATHER & SON look at bowls sadly.)
(Cook brings in big pot and sets on nearby empty table. EXITS)
SON: sniff sniff…. Que es este buen olor?
FATHER: Yes! What is that good smell? (looks around) It's that pot of stew over there!
(FATHER & SON get up and look inside pot.)
SON: Una olla de sopa! Mmmmm. Mira como denso y sabrosa que es.
FATHER: Yes, it looks delicious!
SON: Yo quiero!
FATHER: Vamos a achicar plato de sopa.
SON: Hurry! Before the waiter gets back! Andele!
(They scoop it into their bowls and sit down to eat.)
SON: Yum yum! Delicious?
FATHER: Si, deliciosa! Que es esto? Los chicharos?
SON: Peas? I don’t know. Corn?
FATHER: Maize? No sabo. El camote?
SON: Sweet potato? It’s possible. Beans?
FATHER: Los frijoles? No sabo. Muy picante!
SON: Yes, very spicy! Very good!
FATHER: Si! Muy buen.
SON: A pesar de los moscas y el mesero estupido, yo quiero regresar a esto restaurante.
FATHER: Si! Solo para ordinar esta sopa deliciosa!
SON: Yes! But what is the name of the soup?
(COOK returns carrying mop. Looks in pot.)
FATHER: El nombre de la sopa? Hmmmm……. Sopa sabrosa! (Slurp!)
SON: Soup delight! (Slurp!)
COOK: Hey! Who spilled my mop water?? Me trapiador agua es casi vacio !
SON: (spit out soup) Mop water??!!
FATHER: (spit out soup) Trapiador agua!!!
(SON and FATHER run off gagging. COOK shrugs and scrapes their bowls into mop bucket.)
COOK: Eddie! Sus clientes salen con no pagar! Hmmmm… do any of our customers pay???
(shrug) Darn! Now I need more water. (EXITS.)
WAITER: (Enters, looks, exits) Oh, some people have no class! Personas de clase bajo! (Exits.)
