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El Restaurante del Diablo, short version

by Jeannette Jaquish (c) 2003

Restaurante del Diablo, long version
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EL RESTAURANTE DEL DIABLO
Gags assembled, Spanish added, and adapted for stage by Jeannette Jaquish. © 2003

(Father and Son enter, led by Waiter and sit at table.)
WAITER: Here is your table.

SON: This restaurant looks nice.

FATHER: Si. Es restaurante simpatico.

WAITER (to FATHER): The menu.

FATHER: Thank you.

WAITER: You’re welcome. (to SON): El menu.

SON: Gracias.

WAITER: De nada. Do you need time to decide what to order?

SON: (to his father) Necesita usted tiempo para ordinar?

FATHER: No, I have already decided!

SON: Que?

FATHER: Quiero la sopa especial. El tiene el arroz, las cebollas y los esparragos.

SON: Rice, onions and asparagus! Mmmm! I want the soup special also!

WAITER: (taking menus) Excelente! Volvere.

SON: I’m so hungry.

FATHER: Yo tengo hambre, tambien. O mira! Aqui biene la sopa.

SON: Bueno!!!

(WAITER returns carrying soup with thumb in FATHER’s bowl.)

FATHER: Waiter! You have your thumb in my soup!!!

WAITER: (wiping thumb on napkin) Me fama? Gracias, Senor, pero las sopa no es caliente. (Exits)

FATHER: “Thank you but it’s not hot!” I don’t believe it! His dirty thumb was in my soup!

SON: Esta limpia, ahora.

FATHER: Ewwww! You eat. I’m not hungry now.

SON: (spits out first taste) Bleccchh!!

FATHER: Que pasa?

SON: There is a fly in this soup!

FATHER: Una mosca en tu sopa!!! Terrible!!

(WAITER RETURNS.)

WAITER (placing bill on the table): La cuenta.

SON: MESERO! ESTA UNA MOSCA EN MI SOPA!

WAITER: Fly in your soup??? Is that a problem? Are you a vegetarian?!

FATHER: Mira! Mira! Yo veo cuatro mas moscas nadando en la sopa.

WAITER: Four more flies! (picks up bill) Now I have to charge you for meat soup. (EXITS)

SON: Sopa con carne!! Mesero! Yo no pago para un plato de moscas! Mesero! Mesero!

FATHER: We’re not paying! Do you hear me?

(They look determined then sigh and sit hopeless, staring at their bowls hungrily.)

SON: Yo no puedo comer esto plato de moscas.

FATHER: Do you want mine? A dirty thumb is better than flies.
(FATHER & SON look at bowls sadly.)

(Cook brings in big pot and sets on nearby empty table. EXITS)

SON: sniff sniff…. Que es este buen olor?

FATHER: Yes! What is that good smell? (looks around) It's that pot of stew over there!
(FATHER & SON get up and look inside pot.)

SON: Una olla de sopa! Mmmmm. Mira como denso y sabrosa que es.

FATHER: Yes, it looks delicious!

SON: Yo quiero!

FATHER: Vamos a achicar plato de sopa.

SON: Hurry! Before the waiter gets back! Andele!
(They scoop it into their bowls and sit down to eat.)

SON: Yum yum! Delicious?

FATHER: Si, deliciosa! Que es esto? Los chicharos?

SON: Peas? I don’t know. Corn?

FATHER: Maize? No sabo. El camote?

SON: Sweet potato? It’s possible. Beans?

FATHER: Los frijoles? No sabo. Muy picante!

SON: Yes, very spicy! Very good!

FATHER: Si! Muy buen.

SON: A pesar de los moscas y el mesero estupido, yo quiero regresar a esto restaurante.

FATHER: Si! Solo para ordinar esta sopa deliciosa!

SON: Yes! But what is the name of the soup?

(COOK returns carrying mop. Looks in pot.)

FATHER: El nombre de la sopa? Hmmmm……. Sopa sabrosa! (Slurp!)

SON: Soup delight! (Slurp!)

COOK: Hey! Who spilled my mop water?? Me trapiador agua es casi vacio !

SON: (spit out soup) Mop water??!!

FATHER: (spit out soup) Trapiador agua!!!

(SON and FATHER run off gagging. COOK shrugs and scrapes their bowls into mop bucket.)

COOK: Eddie! Sus clientes salen con no pagar! Hmmmm… do any of our customers pay???
(shrug) Darn! Now I need more water. (EXITS.)

WAITER: (Enters, looks, exits) Oh, some people have no class! Personas de clase bajo! (Exits.)



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