He remembered telling Samantha that you try to tell yourself that every man and woman under your command meant the same to you, each has to be equally valuable if you're going to make the kinds of decisions that affected their lives, the way he had too. But you can't help it; you get closer to some people, you never want to lose anyone...
He choked up at that point and had to leave. He wanted to say that although you'd never treat them any different, you always held your breath when you sent them into harms way. Sam knew and understood; he could see it in her eyes.
He could also see the surprise in her eyes when he had asked her to speak at the memorial, but then she understood better than most would have.
George sat looking at his finished mission report ready to be delivered to the NID goon. Did the NID really think he wanted to lose her? That he would purposely do anything to harm her? No, it was just political posturing and he knew it. But, damn it, didn't they know how bad it hurt to lose her, the woman he loved?
Every time an injured person came back through the gate George's stomach knotted. But when her cold, battered, dead body came through the gate, his heart had fallen to the ground. It was all he could do, not to drop to the floor in the Gateroom and cry, clinging to her lifeless body. His legs felt weak like they were going to give out on him, his mouth went cottony dry, his eyes burned like coals of fire when he looked into Samantha's crying eyes. They held each other's gaze for a moment, and then looked away; watching as the wounded and dead - her - were whisked away to the infirmary.
He heard himself ask for a report, what had happened? Daniel rattled off something; the only thing he heard was a Jaffa had shot her. Colonel Dixon explained how O'Neill had been shot and the others wounded. George nodded his head and followed them to the infirmary, unable to speak, barely able to walk.
Dr. Janet Fraiser's body had been placed in a side room, so he let himself in. Allowing himself a moment to say, I'm sorry and goodbye. He even allowed a few tears to fall as he took her hand and held it close to his heart. He leaned down and kissed her goodbye for one last time, then left to check on the wounded.
George took out a small box from his desk drawer and opened it, he had intended to give it to her three nights ago, but things had gotten busy with the reporter and they never managed to have dinner as planned. He decided to ask Cassandra if she could be buried with it, tears returned as he thought of burying her.
Wiping the tears from his eyes, he looked again at the box on his desk, gently touching the small diamond heart pendant. It was all he could give her until he retired, but knew it would have been enough.
Taking a deep breath he placed the box carefully back in his desk, then left the security of his office to deliver the report to the NID agent.
~Fin~
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