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LESSONS FROM MOM
> >
> > My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE-
> "If you're going
> kill
> each other, do it outside. I just finished
> cleaning!"
> >
> > My mother taught me RELIGION -
> > "You better pray that will come out of the
> carpet."
> >
> > My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL:-
> > "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock
> you into the middle of
> next week!"
> >
> > My mother taught me LOGIC-
> > "Because I said so, that's why."
> >
> > My Mother taught me LOGIC...#2
> > "If you fall out of that swing and break your
> neck, you're not going to
> the store with me."
> >
> > My mother taught me FORESIGHT-
> > "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case
> you're in an accident."
> >
> > My mother taught me IRONY -
> > "Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry
> about."
> >
> > My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS -
> > "Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"
> >
> > My mother taught me about CONTORTIONIST -
> > "Will you look at the dirt on the back of your
> neck!"
> >
> > My mother taught me about STAMINA -
> "You'll sit there 'till all that spinach is
> finished."
> >
> > My mother taught me about WEATHER -
> > "It looks as if a tornado swept through your
> room."
> >
> > My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS
> - "If I yelled
> because I
> saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen 
> THEN?"
> >
> > My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY -
> > "If I've told you once, I've told you a million
> times - Don't
> Exaggerate!!!"
> >
> > My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE -
> > "I brought you into this world, and I can take you
> out."
> >
> > My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION -
> "Stop acting like
> your
> father!"
> >
> > My mother taught me about ENVY -
> > "There are millions of less fortunate children in
> this world who don't
> have wonderful parents like you do!"
> >
> > My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION -
> > "Just wait until we get home."
> >
> > My Mother taught me about RECEIVING -
> > "You are going to get it when we get home!"
> >
> > My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE -
> > "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are
> going to freeze that
> way."
> >
> > My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD -
> > "If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll
> never get a good job."
> >
> > My Mother taught me ESP -
> > "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when
> you're cold?"
> >
> > My mother taught me HUMOR -
> > "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't
> come running to me."
> >
> > My mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT -
> > "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never
> grow up."
> >
> > My Mother taught me about GENETICS -
> > "You're just like your father."
> >
> > My Mother taught me about my ROOTS -
> > "Do you think you were born in a barn?"
> >
> > My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE -
> > "When you get to be my age, you will understand."
> >
> > And my all time favorite... JUSTICE -
> > "One day you'll have kids ... and I hope they turn
> out just like you!"