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Al-Fuvla has received Intel from a Anonymous Operative: DAVID KUHFAHL'S PERSONAL EMAIL ADDRESS IS: delakuh@aol.com - FEEL FREE TO EMAIL HIM IN THE NAME OF ALFUVLA!

Believe it or not, Al-fuvla "intel" does actually exist, and we can come across some interesting information from time to time, therefore, this page will discuss any intel that is noteworthy discovered in or out of the classroom. As always, contributions are welcome, simply post them on the board, or email Al-Fuvla, both located at the Al-Fuvla Network home.


SUBMIT YOUR PRAYER REQUEST!


November 22, 2002:

A busy news day on the front lines of Al-Fuvla. Another week has passed, and we have much to report. Commander Jackowy has returned to the country and is being housed at an undisclosed location.

The FVLA Basketball team is preparing for a trip to Iowa early next week. The team is going to play basketball (obviously) and fight any evil-doers they encounter along the way.

Al-Fuvla is continuing it's investigation into the terraists that have been disposing bathroom papertowels on the floor. Al-Fuvla has set up surveillance operatives and such, hoping to catch these terraists in the act. Possible Suspects: ALEX CLARK, SCOTT HILL, TARA PRIEVE. Anyone with ANY information regarding this activity is urged to contact 847-468-8207 or contact Bill Parker via Email at chalkdust805@msn.com.


November 21, 2002: Wow, it seems as though so much time has passed since you've received an intel briefing.

Commander-In-Chief Jackowy is crusin' with the parents off of the coast of Mexico.

Today we went on the first ALL SCHOOL FIELD TRIP to Wheaton, Illinois. The objectives of the trip were to see the Billy Graham museum, Robert McCormick's lovely estate, as well as the 1st Division Museum. Quite an interesting production, I must say. Pastor definately went balls out in the preparation for this event. We'd have to say the boofay lunch was probably the highlight of the trip.

Stay tuned for updates, moreso. In Jesus' name, Good Day.


October 27, 2002: Monday was highlighted by the return of William Parker, the infamous science teacher. He allowed students to drink pop, play on computers, and play with laser pointers. In other words, he picked up where he left off last year. Much to our surprise, he agreed to look at our humble site, and even post on the board, so watch for it.



November, 5, 2002 Prayer Request: Please keep FVLA in your prayers, as it is searching for its "paper towel bandit".



October 27, 2002: Al-Fuvla has received the following Intel from one of our senior operatives:

On 10/27/02 at 11:47:57 am, the anonymous operative received an unsolicited email from an anonymous former FVLA Administrator and current Science teacher:

From: JANburrrrrrrrrrrrr@aol.com [Save Address] [Block Sender]

To: [ anonymous email address ]

Cc:

Subject: Re: HEY

Date: Sun, 27 Oct 2002 11:47:57 EST

Hi Jeremy, What are you doing these days? Are you working? Do you have plans to finish school? Miss Burmyster

The individual who received this email message stated that he did not email the former administrator.

Is this another tasteless prank? More Intel to follow.


October 24, 2002: Some noteworthy news items we felt you might be interested in...

-Today prior to SSR, an anonymous student who we'll call Bich Ruckowy pushed an unnamed female student while fighting for a "comfy" seat in the classroom. Words were exchanged, and referree Virginia Last jumped into the brawl. Last questioned the victim in this incident after class.

-Yearbooks were handed out today. An anonymous student overheard an anonymous principal speaking with an anonymous secretary. She was quoted as saying: "We give everything to the students, they want their yearbooks, they come and get them.

-A rumor spread for the past six years about an anonymous student having one testicle was revived today by an anonymous freshmen student with a rather large nose. The "One Balled" student stated that there was no truth to the rumor.

-On a lighter note, it was discovered through the grapevine that former science teacher (or should we call him "GLORIFIED PHOTOGRAPHER") Bill Parker will return to FVLA next week to receive his yearbook and take photos of the Volleyball team. It is unknown if Bill will remember the way to the school, or what his name is for that matter. We can hear his wonderful voice saying "OK, let's work on 19 dash 3" over and over and over. God Bless you, Billybob! Believe me, we miss you!

Also, it has been noted by Al-Fuvla that sometimes a exciting game of Solitare prevents Werrbach from answering the school phone. So, we've taken it upon ourselves to provide you with the school cell phone number, to call if ol' Marilee slacks in her duties. The number is (630) 569-9823. Good day!


October 12, 2002: Police Report (Courier News, Elgin ILL) Altercation reportedat nursing home A 96-year-old woman was taken to the hospital Thursday after an altercation with another elderly resident at a nursing home, police said. The woman, a resident at Rosewood Care Center, 2355 Royal Blvd., was transported to Provena St. Joseph Hospital about 10:37 a.m. after becoming involved in an incident with an 83-year-old resident, reports stated. The dispute began when the woman wanted to sit down at a dining table where the 83-year-old was sitting, according to police. Police said the 96-year-old told her to put up her "dukes." The other woman refused, telling her she would get hurt. The older woman approached but was struck in her chest by the other woman, police said. She was taken to the hospital for chest pains but later was released, a hospital spokeswoman said. No complaints were filed by either woman.


Al-Fuvla has received inteligiance information from a anonymous school bus driver that some interesting incidents occurred during the volleyball teams stay at a suburban hotel. Aparently, Diane Nelson was donning a swimsuit, while Zelda Liu walked around the hotel partially clothed. The source’s account is as follows:

“Yah Yah, I saw her walking, yah, and uh, it looked like she was wearing nothing but a towel”. It was noted that Zelda did not go swimming that evening. It is believed Zelda Liu was in direct violation of FVLA policy.

In other news, Bill Crane held an "OPEN GYM" this evening. Six people attended.

Jim Weinhart was named Al-Fuvla "DEAN OF TERRA". The crowning was held at Bennigans after the "OPEN GYM". Congrats, Jimbo.


September 25, 2002: Police in full riot gear (or just mr. k in his old football pads) were positioned outside of Cornelius Last's classroom today. What started as a innocent conversation over Number 20 on a recent Sociology test turned into a rumble in the classroom. Mr. Last, obviously angry due to recent test scores, (accidentially?) said "F---" during his lecture on relationships, while he was "attempting" to answer a question. The students were reprimanded for their behavior after the little four letter slip-up. It was noted that FVLA head doobie JanZIm was sighted walking upstairs after school...will this be the end of our beloved Cornhole?

Chapel / Drama was held today, starring the likes of Rich Buckowy and Crystal Bishop.

BO meter today: 6.5


September 23, 2002 After school, Students *A*,*B*, and *C* were illegally crossing at the corner of Division and Center Streets. The trio stepped out in front of a blue minivan, and its female driver was not too thrilled that her travels were hindered.

The female driver peered out of the window, and sarcastically said "you must be honor students". Student *A* responded "you must be on the rag".

In other news, the rumor that Matt Ranieri is dating Katie Krupp has been confirmed. The two "hooked up" on Saturday. Good day.


September 21, 2002 Al-Fuvla operatives performed two sociology experiments in the area of the Spring Hill Mall in West Dundee, Illinois. The following is a summary of our findings:

Experiment #1Our first experiment consisted of driving to various fast food establishments to see how they would react to a request for “free water”. We visited three establishments, and an account follows:

Taco Bell Initially, we poked fun at the “Welcome to Taco Bell” recorded greeting recorded by the Manager, Gene. We asked if the voice “was really Gene” several times, obviously annoying the employee. The female drive-thru attendant questioned our intentions, and a request for “two free waters” was made. Upon approaching the window, we asked if “the waters were really free. The attendant exclaimed in broken English: “You can pay me if you want to!”.

Wendy’sWe requested and were given “free water”.

Rosaiti’s Asked if they provided “free water”, they said “yes” and we said “thank you. Two waters, please.” Unfortunately, they only provided one water.

Experiment #2We then placed water we received on top of our vehicle and drove around Spring Hill Mall to see how many pedestrians would react to the cup on the car. Of 50 people who made eye contact with the driver, 8 of them attempted to advise us of the cup; 5 of which were of the 13-18 age group.


September 19,2002 Anyone remember that update for the site we promised a long time ago? Well, the largest part of it is done, now all that remains is the little details. New additons range from most visibly a sidebar on all pages, to some new sections and contributors to the site. (Mista Jonez:"Toms Column", and Taylor Larson:"Falcon Fanfare") Be sure to email us and tell us what you think. Your input is the key. To the shadow or otherwise, Good day.

Sections updated: just about everything


September 18,2002 Today was an uneventful day at F.V.L.A., with minor injuries but no casualties. The highlight of the day was when Mrs. Last made a comment about former FVLA student Jeremy Rehberg, confusing him with some sort of bread (she called him "RYEBERG"). Also, Mrs. Rahn's Health Class held a mock trial. Richard Buckowy served as the plaintiff's attorney, and Chuckie Frederich served as the defense attorney. Pastor F took the stand, and asked Judge Jan Zimdahl if he could bring his own chair. She sustained his request, and such.


September 16,2002 Al-Fuvla Network updated heavily. Teacher Reviews added, and the colors changed on the message board per popular request. An act of terra Al-Fuvla style is in it's planning stage...more intel to follow.

Please show your support by posting a message on the board.


September 11,2002 Today was quite the interesting day at Fox Valley Lunatics Asylum. We’ve highlighted a few points of excitement during the day:

A special 9/11 Service was held, with Pastor Hannibal Fredrich and evil-counterpart Thomas O’Connor officiating. O’Connor did not have any interesting lines like “IF STONES COULD SHOUT” or “WORK HARDER”, but his rendition of Psalm 23 did just fine.

Al-Fuvla reports its first Werrbach playing Solitare sighting for the 2002-2003 school year. An anonymous student reported that as he opened the door, Werrbach closed out the Solitare window and opened a Wordperfect window, attempting to make it seem as though she was doing work.

It was noted that Chris Jones received a referral today for “REFUSAL TO COOPERATE WITH TEACHER OR SCHOOL PERSONNEL REQUEST” as well as “DISRUPTIVE BEHAVIOR” in Virginia Last’s Last Period English Class. Mr. Jones was issued the infamous white slip of paper after saying he was sorry for disrupting the class, as well as saying goodbye to a departing student, Jessica Rehberg. The detention slips are now much larger, a copy can be viewed on the Super Secret Photo Album Page.


We are very sorry for the lack of updates, but we do have a few tricks up our pants to make up for the lack of new stuff lately.(get your mind off of the pants comment) For one, we have changed Zelda's Cornerto the new and not yet improved Editorials.We see it as a way for any reader to become involved in the site. We dream of the day we will have teacher reviews from many different poeple, not just Al-Fuvla Management. Also, we have the second batch of(and last, for a while)digital photosOther ideas might be a rumor of the week or an FVLA sports column...we just want you to know we're still here. OUTZ!

Sections updated:Photo Album, Message board


September 1,2002 Not much on the news front, although it was discovered that Mrs. Last's hand "decomposition" was caused by poison ivy

Sections updated:Photo Album, Message board


August 29,2002 Today was a wonderful day at the academy, and there isn't much to report, but here goes:

Mr. Last gave away "free pizza lunches" to two lucky students, the winners were picked from a group who got a B- or better on their recent test.He obviously had not perfected the method as he made two male students (who were in the drawing themselves) pick a name out of a garbage bag. He said that the gents picking could not pick themselves. One might wonder why he didn't make someone pick the winner who was not in the contest himself (maybe beacuse that would've used common sense, which should not be used in that class). As one of the poeple who picked a name, picked himself, and due to the rules, did not win.

In other news, Mrs. Last'shand seems to be decaying, there is a white mark and some scabs on her left hand, she has not been confronted about it.

Sections updated: Photo album (will be updated soon, it is not already), Quotes page(same here)


August 26,2002

Sections updated: Terra page, Quotes page.


August 25,2002

The following was sent to us by an anonymous supporter who received the following instant message on August 25, 2002 at approximately 0005 hours. Names have been removed to protect the innocent.

StarrySkiez666: dick

AL FUVLA SUPPORTER: hello

StarrySkiez666: hi

AL FUVLA SUPPORTER: whom am i speaking with

StarrySkiez666: ummmm let me think of who i'll pretend to be

StarrySkiez666: ....

StarrySkiez666: lol

AL FUVLA SUPPORTER: well you are clever

StarrySkiez666: yeah i am

StarrySkiez666: so yur name is [AL FUVLA SUPPORTER NAME HERE]

StarrySkiez666: you like [ADIE CRUP]?

AL FUVLA SUPPORTER: yes, she is one hell of a woman

AL FUVLA SUPPORTER: why do you ask

StarrySkiez666: cuz she has told me that you do

AL FUVLA SUPPORTER: who is this

StarrySkiez666: do you like her as a fiend or as a grilfriend?

StarrySkiez666: ummmmmm you don't know me unless Katie talks to you about me

AL FUVLA SUPPORTER: ok well i am not going to play games so send me a message when you decide to grow up

StarrySkiez666: ok

StarrySkiez666: ok dumbass, I'm [ADIE'S] friend [NagroM]

StarrySkiez666: you probably still don't know me so why did ya care

AL FUVLA SUPPORTER: excuse me, please don't call me names. What would Jesus do?

AL FUVLA SUPPORTER: hello,

StarrySkiez666: yeah?

AL FUVLA SUPPORTER: there is no need for namecalling


August 23,2002 Today, Cornelius Last's Sociology Class viewed a video about Rashism. It should be noted that recently named Rashists *Student A* and *Student B* are members of this class. The video was called "THAT TEEN SHOW". Musical guests Stevie Wonder and Paul McCartney put on one hell of a show. A KKK Wizard was interviewed, and a photograph was shown with a sign bearing the words "THE KKK WELCOMES YOU".

An anonymous student by the name of Jon Fleck left his headlights on today, and after school his battery was dead. David Kuhfahl and an anonymous former Administrator by the name of Jan Burmeister searched for Jumper Cables to assist Fleck.

ALSO, DON'T FORGET THE "ALL SCHOOL SOCIAL" THIS EVENING. HANNIBAL TREBEK WILL BE IN ATTENDANCE, AND SUCH!


August 22, 2002 A meeting at the end of school today (which may or may not have been "special") revealed that the infamous Booster Club will not be selling its extra taco salads for the regular price of $2.50.It seems to preorder is the "way to excel" at FVLA. Instead, they will add what Al-Fuvla is calling the "Booster Tax" to make the grand total for a Taco salad which was NOT pre ordered an even $3.00(rumors floating around seem to be saying that there will NOT be a proposed tax for the carrots and cabbage included with a Taco Salad.)

It was also noted that if a person preordered a lunch, and was absent the day of that lunch, the preorderer of that lunch may NOT "will" it to someone who is present. It instead will be sold (booster tax added of course) for a record breaking SECOND time.

Due to the fact that our loveable Booster club can now tax (if we have representation is still under discussion) some have dubbed the "club" the Fox Valley Trade Commission (FVTC)

Good day...


August 20, 2002 The first official day of classes ended today with no major "incidentces" (A word used by Mrs. Virginia Last). A search of the dictionary.com database revealed that the only word remotely close to "incidentces" is "incidence", which means the following:

in·ci·dence Pronunciation Key (ns-dns) n. The act or an instance of happening; occurrence: did not expect criticism and was surprised by its incidence. Extent or frequency of occurrence: a high incidence of malaria in the tropics. Physics. The arrival of radiation or a projectile at a surface. Angle of incidence.

On a lighter note, FVLA developed a new motto. It is "Giving each student a greater opportunity to excel" This new motto appears on all FVLA letterhead, and such. FVLA parents were advised that "enrollment was up", however the school seems to have decreased in size and we have approximately five new students. Sounds like Bill Crane might have done the math there. Also, there is ONE CHAPEL PER WEEK!!! Sound too good to be true?? It is. The only catch is that all students have a mass religion class for the entire year. FVLA Intel has discovered that Ms. O'Connor is wearing tinted glasses, thus expressing her individuality. The gifted individuals who are enrolled in Cornelius Last's Sociology class will have the opportunity to learn about individuality.


August 18, 2002 Al-Fuvla has learned a few last bits of intel on the 2002-2003 school year. First, speech/soc. will be taught by Mr. Last. It was thought by many that that class would be Mrs. Last. When a former member of the board was approached about who exactly is the Althletic Director, the board member revealed that for this year at least, JanBur and Mr. Lastwill share the duties.

In other news it seems the A.R. "computer" is again not working as their is an "out of order" sign once again on the "computer". Lastly, the walls of the new science room have been convered with bible story decor Good day.


August 16, 2002 Al-Fuvla sends out a big "We're sorry" to its fans and army due to lack of recent updates, look for things to start off with a "bang" (not rao style) as the 2002-2003 school year gets started.


August 9, 2002 Al-Fuvla has had its first (hopefully) Annual Wildlife Preservation/Wager Convention. It took place at the Arlington Race Track. By the end of the day, an uncounted sum of money was donated to gifted horses and jockeys everywhere.

Also, the MessageBoard has had a few interesting posts on it lately, check it out for a few laughs.


August 6, 2002 Al-Fuvla has verified through an unidentified source that indeed a member of the fvla staff does work at Waldenbooks stop by and say hello if you'd like!


August 3, 2002 Al-Fuvla Fest '02 was a sucess! Read about it on the Terra Page!


July 30, 2002 A Minor graphics crisis plagued the site earlier, apologies to all.New additions include another changed to the message board, and "Zelda's Corner" officially replaced Tara's Weekly Column. Be sure to check it out. Slainte!

Also, Al-Fuvla has received the following information from one of our operatives: Today from 7-9pm, the concerned parents of two Al-Fuvla members began preparing St. Pauls' facility for another year of mad mayhem. These parents painted all rooms and air conditioner ducts white. Also, since we no longer have a middle school, the English room in now in Zimdahl's classroom, this meaning students will have to do a little walking between classes and such. During this improvement night, two buff carpenters, known as Mr. Dale Woock and Mr. Zimdahl constructed a bookcase. More info to follow.


July 29, 2002Prayer Request section added. Hsiang Liu finally submitted her column. All is well on the front lines of Al-Fuvla. Preparing for Fuvla Fest '02 is still in the works! Also, sanks to all who participated in the latest poll. 58.3% of those who voted rated the site as "NIRVANA"! Sanks again!


July 27, 2002 Commander C Jackowy has returned from his peace and recruiting/gambling conference in the west, and has nothing but good things to report. He made some major progress on getting the Western Branch of Al-Fuvla. Taylor Larson is relieved of his duties in C Jackowys return.


July 25, 2002An Al-Fuvla member and his female companion observed FVLA Basketball Coach Thomas Wright playing softball at the Elgin Sports Complex with a bunch of old dudes. Wright played with several gents, some who are named "Melvin" and "Wilbur". Wright makes one hell of a first baseman! Al-Fuvla has received information from an unidentified source that DAVID EARL KUHFAHL, an FVLA faculty member is employed at Waldenbooks in Spring Hill Mall


July 25, 2002Not much going on on the front lines of Al-Fuvla. Commander Jackowy is currently on a world peace mission in Las Vegas. Nobody really knows where Las Vegas is. Larson is still acting asst. Commander in Jackowy's absence.


July 23, 2002 First of all, since the last news post, we've added the "Al Fuvla Photo Album". We have also added a guestbook which may or may not be staying. We've also changed the background to the site, added a few things to the Terra section and have just completed work on a new and improved Membership Application Form.

In other news, Al-Fuvla "Commander in chief" C jackowy is officially handing over temporary power to his future understudy Taylor "MC" Larson while he is out of state. The reason for this, although we are not "at war" we are fighting evil tyrrany from certain individuals, and so need 2 capable leaders at all times. Good luck, Larson.

Lastly, (pun intended) Mr. Last called the hopeful soccer coach and reported the news that their would be no FVLA soccer team. Good day.


July 22, 2002According to newly appointed Athletic Director Cornelius Last, “girls can play on boys’ teams, but boys cannot play on girls’ teams…because it would give the girls disadvantage”. This is not only sexist and rashist, but it is illegal. Al-Fuvla legal counsel and bus driver Bill Crane will be notified.


July 18, 2002 Al-Fuvla has learned that Cornelius Last has been calling students and asking them about their interest in Soccer, basketball, and track. With James Baldwin stepping down from her duties, does this mean "Mr. Lapparoos" himself is our new Athletic Director? More to come...

Also, the winner of the pole, by a very large margin, is "its already gone"much sanks to all who participated.Watch for the new poll tomorrow.


July 17,2002 As reported above, the 2002-2003 teaching staff will remain mostly unchanged, but for the former science teacher William Parker. Also, possible electives are as follows: choir/music, spanish history, sociology and speech. How will this affect the student population? Will Mr. K teach all of these "new" classes? More intel soon...