By Scully's Evil Sister
Category: MSR, Scully POV, angsty for a bit but please don't be scared away
Rating: U/PG. I don't think that there's anything in it that anyone needs
Spoilers: No major, just a tiny tiny one from the beginning of season 7.
This is really just self-indulgent fluff.
Distribution: Anywhere, please distribute it would make my day but please
tell me about it and keep my name on it so I can visit and smile.
Feedback: Also a YES PLEASE!!!!!! This is my first fic and so I would love
to hear any tips and pointers and constructive criticism but please don't
make me cry too much. My addie is firstname.lastname@example.org
Disclaimer: If I owned the X-files I wouldn't be sat here trying to avoid
revising for my A-levels. I would be making lots of dosh and Mulder and
Scully would be together by now! So please don't sue me Fox and 1013 and Mr
CC, sir. (Was that brown nosing enough you think?)
Summery: Basically, a little wander around inside Scully's brain. And I know
that it is all really uncharacteristic but I just felt like writing it
Scully's Evil Sister
It has just been one of those mornings. You know the ones I mean, where you
sleep through the alarm, pour orange juice in your coffee and to top it all
off I'm now talking to myself, great! But that's not what's worrying me. The
truth is that I'm fighting to maintain the argumentative attitude. I have
just spent the weekend with Bill, Tara and the family and its left me
feeling down to say the least. For two solid days I've endured Bill's jibes
about my single status, about my work with Mulder and how worthless my life
is. I suppose I've allowed myself to become overly introspective this
weekend and its meant that I've been over analysing every thought and
action. In total I don't feel myself at all. No one who knows me would
recognise me from the thoughts running through my head. I have to battle
with myself to return to my former cool, calm and collected state. I suppose
it happens to everyone once in a while, once you start upon the road of
self-pity it is near impossible to escape. It becomes more and more
difficult to return to the real world, the here and now, and to silence the
inner voice commenting on everything and trying to return me to the black
abyss of self doubt and contemplation.
"Hey, Scully", Mulder interrupts my reverie, "how was your weekend?"
"Absolutely fabulous," I reply, "I'm looking forward to a nice relaxing day
He looks sheepishly at me for a moment, then produced a bag of sunflower
seeds with the words,
"Do you accept bribes?"
I fought to suppress the grin that threatened to spring to my lips as I
"And what would I need to be bribed into doing, then?"
As I say this, I begin to feel a bit more relaxed, more like myself. This
conversation seems so familiar, so comfortable in its familiarity. Its
rather ironic that this time Mulder is making my life feel more *normal*.
"You would like to go on a nice relaxing trip, wouldn't you," he suggests
with a smile, "There's been a disappearance of two children from a
boarding school and I thought that we'd go and check it out."
"Since when do *we* investigate straight kidnappings then, Mulder?" I
counter, arching an eyebrow at him.
"Did I say anything about a kidnapping? And anyway, I've heard reports of
very strange happenings in the area." Mulder smiled as he carefully chose
words that he knew would prompt a reaction from me.
LATER THAT DAY
CHILTERN'S SCHOOL FOR GIRLS
"I take it that you have a theory, Mulder," I ask as we approach the school,
knowing that he will launch into a totally implausible explanation based on
scanty evidence and local heresy. But I also know that nine times of ten,
his crazy theory will turn out to be correct. Its can be very irritating
never to be the one to say 'I told you so'. <<Not that he ever says that
you, Dana>> That annoying little voice in my head was right, he was always
so gracious about it afterwards and what did I do? First chance I get I
shoot down his theories and belittle his beliefs. What makes me do that so
consistently? I resolve to keep my big mouth shut this time, when he tells
me his theory.
"I think that I will reserve judgement until after we've examined all the
available evidence," Mulder answered.
"What! You mean you've got no big paranormal conspiracy theory this time!"
The words rush out of my mouth before I have a chance to check them. Damn!
Whatever happened to keeping my mouth shut?
"When I have to put up with that sort of abuse, is it any wonder that I
don't wish to share my opinions with you?" replied Mulder with an affected
Even though I know that he is only joking, the truth of his words sting and
again I vow to be more understanding of his beliefs. The truth is that
before I had always enjoyed the antagonistic banter in our relationship and
although I do not often share his beliefs, the fact that he believes
something has become enough for me. I trust him entirely, with my life and
my heart and everything else that matters. Yet I persist in creating this
façade of distrust and disbelief just because it had become easier to
maintain the appearance of normality with this act that has become a
constant in our relationship rather than acknowledge how much has changed.
Now I worry that he believes this charade. That he believes that even after
all we've been though together, after all he's done for me, all he's helped
my though, that I still do not trust him. This is what prompted me to vow to
show him a little of how much I trust in him. But still I feel afraid of
what this would mean for our relationship because although I need to let him
appreciate that I sincerely value his friendship and loyalty, I cannot risk
the relationship changing in case I lose him. Hence, my confusion on the
matter of our banter, it is a staple of our relationship and therefore is
natural and enjoyable but I do not want him to think that this is all there
is, that our friendship goes no deeper.
"Scully, Earth to Scully!"
The sound of Mulder's voice wakes me from my thoughts. As good as it feels
to have all that sorted out in my head, I really must stop thinking like
this and keep my mind on the job. He'll be starting to get suspicious. As
much as I want to let him know how much he means to me, I cannot allow him
to discover the truth that I have only recently begun to admit to myself;
that not only is he important to me but that he is the most important thing
in my life and the only person I can ever conceive wanting to share my life
with. I know that I'm important to him but I also know that he doesn't feel
the same way I do. He once said that I'm his touchstone and I cling to that
thought although I realise that he meant it in a purely platonic way. Our
relationship has become my *touchstone* and there is no way I'm going to do
anything to compromise it, friendship with Mulder is far better than no
relationship with him at all.
"Scully, Scully? Are you alright?" his concerned voice brings me out of my
"Yeah, I'm fine. Shall we go interview the girls?" I answer, hoping I
STILL LATER THAT DAY
LOCAL CHEAP MOTEL
"You could be right about the abduction scenario, I suppose," I tell Mulder,
secretly thinking that it sounds fairly unlikely but knowing that where it
mattered Mulder would be right and also that when it comes to it I would
follow him anywhere he were to ask me to.
"What! What's happened to my Scully? Where have you taken her?" Mulder
mocked, pretending to shake my shoulders as his cellular phone begins to
ring, but I barely heard his conversation. My heart had leapt when he said,
"My Scully," and to my disgust I find myself replaying it over and over.
<<Just quit this, Dana, you know he didn't mean it like that>> I am brought
back to reality when Mulder closes his phone and turns to face me.
"That was the principle of the school on the phone. You're not going to
believe this but the girls are back! It seems that their estranged father
had kidnapped them. It sounds like a very messy custody battle but its out
of our hands now. I think that the strange happenings can probably be
explained by overly excitable young minds. The real mystery in this case is
why you were so quick to support my theory!"
I laugh trying to appear normal and composed.
"Is it so hard to believe that I do not immediately disagree with what you
have to say?" I ask him.
"Quite simply, yes!" he replied.
I feel this almost as a physical blow. I had failed him as a friend. After
everything, I have let him believe that I think his opinions worthless, that
the beliefs that are the core of his existence are worthless. I can feel the
guilt of every time I belittled his views weighing heavily on me. Me, the
one person who owes everything to him has continually tried to shake his
foundations just because I was afraid to let him see further into my heart
lest he see too much. I begin to feel my spirits fall as I drop down on to
the side of the bed. He notices this and steps forward to put his hand on my
"Actually, that's not entirely true," he corrects, his voice soft, "what I
believe is whatever happens you'll be the one to keep me grounded, to
prevent my wild theories from flying out of control. That you'll be the one
to always tell me the truth."
I feel a lump well up in my throat. Even after everything I've done to him,
he's trying to make me feel better. What have I done to deserve him as a
friend? I try to stifle a sob but feel a tear roll down my cheek. I must
compose myself, he mustn't find out how I feel. I repeat this to myself as I
find the strength to look up into his eyes. I see him looking down at me. I
can see compassion and concern in them and I begin to feel my voice shake in
my throat. The words get stuck and instead I just wrap my arms around him,
hoping to communicate to him in this way that I value him as a friend. After
a moment I pull away for although my body longs to stay I know that if I
stay in his arms for any longer I will not be able to hold back the tears
that threaten to stream down my face. But it is too late, I feel my eyes
filling up and I realise that I must get out of there before he works out
how I feel and I lose the most important thing in my life. If I can leave
fast enough I can salvage the situation tomorrow. I'll have a whole night to
think of ways of explaining my uncharacteristic behaviour. I run for the
door and fumble for the key to my room. As I try to open the lock, I hear
him calling out my name. He sounds puzzled and hurt. Again I feel a twinge
of guilt. I hadn't intended to hurt him. The lock clicks and the door opens,
I rush through it but to my dismay Mulder follows me. He closes the door
behind him. Although I have my back to him, I feel him approach me.
"Scully, what's wrong? Is it something I've done?" he asks, his tone still
one of puzzlement and pain.
I feel that I must answer him,
"No, no. Its not your fault. Its mine, all mine," I say but I hear it come
out cloaked in sobs.
"What do you mean? What's all your fault?" he asks, turning me around to
"I'm sorry Mulder, I'm just so sorry," I sob, unable to think any more
clearly than that.
"Scully, please tell me what's wrong and don't say you're fine. Don't you
even trust me enough to tell me?"
I hear his voice become tinged with anger mixed in with the pain. How wrong
he was, I long to tell him.
"What do you mean, I don't trust you? I trust you more than I do myself,
more than you could ever know. Oh, please just leave, Mulder, please," I
beg, grabbing his hand which was still resting on my shoulder. I held it for
a second and watched as Mulder's shocked silence began to turn into
confusion as he stumbles out an,
"I don't understand."
I feel my hand shaking as I glance up into his face and see that he is
becoming as emotional as I am. I hate myself at this moment for what I know
I am about to do, for the fact that I have caused the pain that I see in his
eyes, for the fact that I can no longer control what my mouth is going to do
and for the fact that it has been my self-indulgence in allowing this bout
of self absorption and pity that has led me to acting so out of character
that I am about to throw away the most important relationship of my life.
"What's there to understand? I love you."
There, the words are out. As his, the man I love's, hands pull away from
mine, the enormity of what I have just done is confirmed. After all is lost,
what more is there left to lose? So I continue,
"Of course I love you, Mulder. You are the centre of my life. Now you are
gone, what more have I?"
Hearing that statement out loud really brings it home to me. That is it, my
life is over. I feel my newly found confidence rush out of me and my mind
starts to feel numb. I feel like crying but the tears don't come. I look
him, still staring in silence. Suddenly, he seems to regain control of his
body and he grabs hold of my hands again. I am unsure of what is going to
happen. Is he trying to salvage something of our friendship? Then he speaks,
"I love you, too."
He speaks those words in nearly a whisper, looking down into my eyes. Now I
am very unsure of what is happening. Mulder couldn't have just said what I
thought he had said. But then I hear him speak again,
"Scully, I love you,"
And then I know it is true. Joy and relief flood through my body but they
are joined by another emotion, bewilderment. Never had I seriously
considered the possibility that he would feel the same way I do. I have no
idea how to react until he kisses me and then all other thoughts leave my
mind for I am with the man I love, and he loves me in return.
Author's notes: There we are. Please tell me what you thought. And yes I do
realise that Scully must know that Mulder loves her but in didn't fit in
with the story so sorry for the inaccuracy of that. Maybe she thinks that he
because he is so obsessed with his work or something. Ok, so maybe not but
just allow a girl a bit of a sappy fic to fill her afternoon alright. Hope
you enjoyed it.
"You are my touchstone"