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C o l d S i l e n c e .
 

Words So True
Eyes can speak
With words so true
The pain, the sadness
The loneliness inside
Eyes can watch
With silence alone
Everyone, everything
Watching the tide.

The Dove Someone told me a bird will not fly If it is wounded and hurt inside Watching trees that never die If a wing was as advanced as a human's eye. Someone told me a bird will not sing If it is crying and silenced within Walking in solitude, thoughts it may bring Every footstep exchanged for the beat of a wing. Someone told me a bird will not fly If it is wounded and hurt inside Watching that small dove slowly die If hearts were as advanced as a human's eye.

Inspiration Inspiration is That symmetrical leaf by your window The golden ratio in a sea shell Contradition of the world when you were right War, without a fight An apple from a tree The searching of a dream A dare to think differently.

Punishment of Youth Yes, I'm angry Yes, I'm defenseless What else can I do? Draw sad stories and have you sell them.. The punishment of youth. Yes, I'm depressed Yes, I'm not careless What else can I do? Write ebony covered sheets and have you repel them.. The punishment of youth. -I can't hold my head up high -While you push me down -I can't sing a single tune -Without you criticizing me Yes, I'm obstructive Yes, I'm helpless What else can I do? Instead of giving me a brand, why not lend me a hand.. The punishment of youth. Yes, I'm confusing Yes, not being pretentious What else can I do? Telling me to be positive when I can't fit the mold, I don't understand.. The punishment of youth -I can't hold my head up high -While you push me down -I can't sing a single tune -Without you criticizing me The punishment of youth.

Separation Looking at my family Torn and so aged Time makes us colder And so deranged. All loss of innocence As the hand passes by The pendulum swinging And we all turn so dry We tear at each other Like animals caged In each otherís company We become enraged Look at my family And tell me what you see This divided separation Still wont set us free.

Apathetic Tears Sometimes I force myself to cry When tears need to be shed I am dried from my mourningful liquids Like air, I am transparent Like the pane of glass on the floor Tears on porcelain Sometimes I force myself to cry To prove that Iím alive.

Monochrome Blood is sweet Tastes like monochrome Iron-filled cells Flows through these veins Red and white workers Oxygen it drains. Blood is sweet Tastes like monochrome Marching through Tunnels so red and blue Peaking through the surface Monochrome of hue.

Anvil The hammer hits against the anvil Molten iron and steel With a blow to the back I forcefully kneel.

Punisher I cried in the shower lastnight and today The only witnesses were the waterdrops on my head And I weeped, ďYou can be my punisher, yes you can be my punisher..Ē I cried infront of the cross today The only witnesses were the cold feet I layed my hands on And I weeped, ďYou can be my punisher, yes you can be my punisher..Ē

Black Butterfly I remember so distinctly One by one I picked the butterflies out of the sky In the fields of gray Their black wings were like monotone pastels On my fingers was their smeered ebony I would put salt on my wounds just to make it better The black butterflies whispered in my ears Obsurdities in my rage filled ears Faint smell of death followed And I continued away, cuting their strings Ending their lives with all my hate and my agony And for some nights it would rain It would rain a glistening dark powder Like a new kind of smoke, it filled my lungs I choked on their wings I choked on their hate and sympathy And I let the last one go As I fell, I could feel it crawling from out my arm From underneath my skin, a pair of wings emerged As if my there was a cocoon in my veins And there it was, the black butterfly I so much hated Living underneath my skin I gave into death and let the butterfly carry me away.

Death's Smile No one has a more beautiful smile than death As it gazes there patiently and listens The antagonist who faithfully does its deed Such eyes like a red jewel that glistens. No one has a more beautiful smile than death An angel behind the blackened veil Putting tokens under so many tongues Putting to rest the most suffered and frail. No one has a more beautiful smile than death Silent in the autumn wind to my broken ears As it gracefully makes it presence aware A flower blooms under the drops of tears.

Familiar Face Behind that blackened curtain I see a quiet familiar face The one Iíve had the privilege to know And her cheshire cat smile you could never displace And the way her golden curls seem to flow. Behind that blackened curtain I see that salt worn face When she cried it would snow Some days her laughter would echo the halls without a trace And some days her tears on my face would show.

A Mother I Never Had I never had a mother who cared for me well And the one I had, I wish I could never tell A mother like she, was like the slaughtering of sheep She ruled with a foul tongue That you could never control And in my dreams I cried out her name To the mother I never had Iíd wake up in a horrible sweat Finding my arms tightly wrapped around her neck In the body of an 8 year old girl In my little white pajamas And life was good back then And life was good to me And slowly it became sour, oh how it rotted sourly They held me down I swallowed these pills Repressing the memory of my mother To the mother I never had Building me up, then building me down I feel like a figure out of glass She had a doll and named her Carolina She dressed her up, stitched her smile into place Iíve been drained from my struggling The muscles from my legs atrophy and ache Take me like the child you never had And hold me under your wing And be my mother for once Be the mother I never had And tell me who I really am.

Black Ribbons Iím writing for you today Iím writing you black ribbons Tied around my mouth Wanting to come out. Iím writing for you today Looking out this window Itís been raining all day Ever since you cried. Iím writing for you today Black tinsel and black ribbons Raining from the sky Ever since you cried.

Gray Days
Gray days line around my window Seeping into the cracks Like a black horse that never came back It asks so much of me Our aseptic eyes stare so solemnly Pick a couple of graveyard lilacs with me Death chizzles away, a hammer to an anvil It asks so much of me.

The Rise And Fall Of A Girl I Knew It was in your prime that I first saw you The radiance of intensity followed you everywhere you went You rose to the top, how everyone loved you You were a mad young girl striving for what she wants Autumn would pass itís couple of long years Before the brilliant leaves would last fall on your parade And here we are, with the sky a melancholy gray Where you plummeted as fast as your rose in this life I can see the decomposition take place As you leave parts of your old self behind, withering The intensity and color gone from your face Your pale expressionless face which used to laugh and smile Now you donít know what to make of it This sudden vacuum of space all around you And in your heart and in your soul Now you find yourself alone When you walk towards that dead end with no one waiting How I tried to save you before you passed away Found the compassion youíve wanted all along among the leaves And Iíve watched the rise and fall of a girl I knew before my eyes Every memory replayed as you were lowered into the ground I can see the radiance of your smile when I close my eyes Remembering back to when It was in your prime that I first saw you. -But in your head you never knew -That we all still loved you.

The Art of Tension The marching of needles on my spine The sun pounding in a windowless room Raindrops on my head And the arm ticking time Expectations are Harder than I conceived it to be On the tabletop spins the dime Trying hard to achieve Pen tapping lightly The marching of needles on my spine Into oblivion Papers rustling like leaves On go the marching of needles on my spine.

Everyone Says I'm Sorry Everyone says I'm sorry But never mean it They shatter dreams against the ground The sound Becomes redemption The glass turns into marbles Roll down Spheres of rain Transforms and will never be the same Everyone says I'm sorry But never mean it.

Bus Stop 7AM and the traffic passes on by What do they have to say Neon lights, cylinders, turning wheels Pausing at a stop sign.

Monster I've been a monster in my own rage Sweltered in a cage Grinning while the beads of sweat drip down My falsely grinning frown So much my tolerance can only take My clenched fist to shake Screaming to the top of my lungs so profound Without uttering a sound This rage-filled placenta is about to break Give back everything you took to take Iíve been a monster in my own rage Sweltered in a cage The anger needs a flame to feed A flame to breathe So much hospitality one can only give Trample on only to relive Kicking and spitting at the walls in my mind With hatred combined This rage-filled placenta is about to break Destroy everything you took to take Iíve been a monster in my own rage Sweltered in a cage.

All Tears Lead to The Sea All tears lead to the sea In our oceans Of endless dreams and aspirations Of islands we will never reach And the faint moonlight we can catch Beneath our feet Shimmers the swimming of fish People we will never meet People we will never see Just swimming below our feet Swimming along with our dreams and our aspirations While only our tears lead to the sea.

Lemonade I can never be part of you A fresh squeezed lemon in old wounds Watching you from a far Timidity adds more acid to the lemon I close my eyes, bearing the pain Like the sour aftertaste of a lemon Praying it will go away But I see you and itís so bittersweet Like lemonade.

Revenant Before I sleep Iíll think of you You figment of imagination My soul beats in remonstration To the existence of you. Before I lie The lights flicker and shine You figment of imagination And still there is no consolation To the existence of you. -And though I can see your breath hanging in the air Spinning and spiraling Flowing like a massive cloud Going no where And when all is said and done Before I sleep Iíll think of you Between my lips , Iíll speak to you And not to anyone And I am here just for you You figment of imagination Non-existant but lost creation My irises expand in remonstration To the existance of you -And only death can break your touch.

Dreams I must go soon To where the angels sew with web and lace I must go now Until the morrow Into a deep sleep in which I can escape reality To where the music of the spheres do not disturb me Where I can walk on a golden sea I must go now So far away into a place Where spiders make my silk and lace And line around my eyes.

Poetry Iíll take all my Anger, sadness, joy, appreciation, observation The metaphysical, the ethereal And put it onto here. Write black ribbons onto white paper And unravel the sphere Of flowing thoughts and clashing voices The crashing of waves and the foam of the sea. I think poetry in the shower Poetry in my sleep Poetry before and after I make a leap I think poetry when I watch people dying And when I hear children sighing Poetry when I watch a machine All in those monochrome films in history. Though I feel it, I still donít know the words Forming in my mouth but not coming out Like tears that havenít been formed They exist mentally, but physically it has no form. And so Iíll take this Thought And place it onto here And if you stay very silent You can hear the moving of gears The heavenly spheres being the spark of electricity Moving me, driving me into the ground The silence resound. And Iíll take this Emotion- this devastation, this reverberation All that makes a human free By liberating thoughts and imagery Into poetry And placing it on here.

Anchor The strings on the clouds are pulling me up You are my anchor Iron that keeps my two feet on the ground Heaven will have one less angel today Because of you.

Your Voice Itís so good to hear your voice again Itís so good to hear yours isnít yelling into mine My breath quivers To your every word on the receiver And your chin wrinkles up and trembles Sobbing next to the mouthpiece of the phone. I will say nothing. But it feels so wonderful to hear you again To feel unforgotten To say hello To feel like you remembered me To feel a little more like family Like a mother wolf calling back her estranged cubs Us knowing we canít ever go back Though itís so good to hear your voice again So goddamn good to hear you again But you donít know this And maybe never will.

Exhaustion Exhaustion. Iíve been driven to the point of exhuastion. Like a saturated towel or a rag Rung dry. Exhaustion Here and there- exhaustion. Children sleep under cars Here I am, destination: exhaustion I step outside my trollycar Only to fall Asleep. Exhaustion The taste, the sound of exhaustion My lids hang heavier Each blink is a split second tease To my tired eyes.

Listening For You Everyone seems to be cheering me on But thereís a voice missing in the crowd Yet itís there- but oh so gentle. A voice that is so small but emits the clearest sound A voice that I can not ignore, a voice that pushes the rest away And makes me listen intently, in a hypnotic and awe-struck state. Everyone is clapping for me But I do not hear their joy or whistling I only hear the silence of your breath, inhalation and exhalation I only see your chest rising and lowering People pat me on the back But I donít feel it I just feel your eyes fixated onto mine So far away Where we are, there is no time I can hear you breathe And masses walk between you and me Blurred beyond lines Peopleís voices distort like similes Forms get in the way I canít move away my eyes. For that moment in time I blink And in that moment you are gone And so has your soft whispering, telling me to go And so has your soft blue eyes But that memory of you tells me you exist Somewhere, sometime, out there And I will never forget You.