The Way I Remember It
(c) 2005 Jeannette Jaquish -- for ages 6 and up.
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The Way I Remember It
by Jeannette Jaquish (c) 2005
www.angelfire.com/scifi/theaterscripts
CAST: Adults or Older Kids:
Grandma
Gramps
Mom-optional (carries in cake)
Children:
Jamey
Alice
Ginger
Beth
Ramona
Lizzie
Joey
Tommy
Stevie
Freddy
Scamp:Dog
CHORUS
1 or 2 Prop Handlers or “Parents”
(Grandma & Gramps sit in rockers. JAMEY ENTERS.)
JAMEY: Grandma? Gramps? Whatcha doing?
GRAMPS: Just reading the paper, Jamey.
GRANDMA: Just studying this crochet pattern, honey.
JAMEY: Would you tell me a story?
GRAMPS: Tell you a story? What story do you want?
JAMEY: Tell me about when you and Grandma first met.
GRAMPS: When we first met? My goodness, that was a long time ago.
GRANDMA: A long looong time ago. We started dating in college, but when we met we were just children. About your age, Jamey.
JAMEY: My age? Wow! What did you look like?
(ENTER ALICE)
GRANDMA: Oh, I was little and pretty with dimples and curly brown hair (describe Alice’s appearance) and a sparkling smile. I liked to play jacks or jump-rope with my friends. I had lots of friends.
(ENTER GIRLS. Play jump rope.)
JAMEY: And you, Gramps? What did you look like?
(ENTER JOEY)
GRAMPS: Oh, I was a handsome little fellow, had more hair then. It was blonde (describe Joey’s hair color and appearance). I was always flying kites or playing baseball with my pals.
(ENTER BOYS. Play catch, play ball. JOEY is batting.)
CHORUS: Take me out to the ball game,
Take me out to the park,
Buy me some peanuts and cracker jacks,
I don’t care if we never get back
And its root, root, root for the home team
If they don’t win it’s a shame,
And it’s one, two, three strikes you’re out
At the old ball game!
GRANDMA: Baseball. Baseball???
GRAMPS: Yes, what about it?
GRANDMA: That was baseball you were playing?
GRAMPS: Course it was. What did you think it was?
GRANDMA: Throwing that dirty stringy thing around? I thought it was a dirty sock with a potato inside. {PROP PERSON takes baseball and gives dirty sock ball, takes bat and gives stick.)
GRAMPS: Well, it was a little weather-beaten. I didn’t get new toys whenever mine got a little scuffed. . (SPARKLY JUMP-ROPE-> Alice) My family for sure didn’t treat me like royalty like yours treated you. (CROWN –> Alice)
GRANDMA: Hmmph! Well, it didn’t look like the game of baseball. I never did see anyone hit the ball. Seems like you were always throwing your gloves on the ground and kicking up a dust storm, arguing over if it was a ball or a strike.
JOEY: That was a ball!
STEVIE: That was a strike!
JOEY: BALL!
FREDDY, TOMMY & STEVIE: STRIKE! (BOYS throw stuff down and wrestle.)
CHORUS (chaos noise) : Ball! Strike! No fair! Cheater! Boo!
GRAMPS: Ha! Ha! As if you were ever at the old vacant lot to see. You were always la-dee-dah-ing at your tea parties. La-dee-dah, La-dee-dah!
ALICE & FRIENDS: La-dee-dah, La-dee-dah!
GINGER: I’m getting ballerina lessons!
BETH: I have a hundred dresses in my closet!
RAMONA: I’m getting a princess canopy bed!
LIZZIE: My mommy is buying me a diamond necklace.
ALICE: We’re moving to a pink castle and I’m going to have 100 ponies!
GRANDMA: I don’t remember that. What I remember is you boys bullying us while we were trying to have a conversation.
GINGER: These cookies are delicious.
BETH: Yes, they are. And the raisins are so nutritious.
RAMONA: I think we should bake 10 dozen and give them to poor children!
LIZZIE: I’ll get my Daddy to drive us down to the orphanage!
ALICE: Good idea! Let’s wash our hands and get started.
(BOYS run behind them yelling.)
TOMMY: Hey! Dumb girls at a dumb tea party!
STEVIE: Here! Have some delicious dirt cookies with spider filling!
FREDDY: And delicious cow pies – take a bite!
JOEY: Hey Alice! You look like this! (makes ugly face)
GRANDMA: And acting like pigs!
BOYS: Oink-oink-oink-oink!
(BOYS run in circles oinking. GIRLS disdainfully leave them and walk to other side of stage.)
JAMEY: Wow! So you didn’t like each other at all?
GRANDMA: Oh, no, that’s not true, Jamey. But children do have their squabbles.
GRAMPS: Especially when some children are brought up to think the world revolves around them. Like when I invited her to my birthday party.
(INVITATION & COMB –> JOEY combs hair.)
(OTHER BOYS sit. OTHER GIRLS sit. ALICE jumps rope.)
CHORUS: Happy birthday to me,
Happy birthday to me,
My birthday is coming,
Happy birthday to me! (JOEY gives comb back.)
JOEY: Good morning, Alice. Here is an invitation to my birthday party. My mom says I can have a clown.
(ALICE does not take invitation.)
ALICE: You must be so happy. It will be like having a twin brother. But, oh dear! I might get the two of you mixed up and give your present to the clown. No thanks, Joey-Schmoey!
(ALICE walks to BOYS side, jumps rope again.)
GRANDMA: Of course it is a scientific fact that girls mature faster than boys.
JOEY (messes up hair): Here. My mother says I have to invite you to my birthday party.
ALICE: Thank you Joey, I’d love to come to your party.
JOEY: No! No! No!(grabs invitation back) Just drop off the present! Got it? If any girl comes inside my house, I’m gonna drop a lizard down her dress!
BOYS: Ha-ha! (JOEY gives invitation back to PROPS)
JAMEY: He said that? He said he’d drop a lizard down your dress if you came to his party?
GRANDMA: Yes. GRAMPS: No.
JAMEY: But Grandma, did you go?
GRANDMA: Yes, Jamey. I bought him a present and I went to his party. (PRESENT ---> ALICE, ALL except ALICE go stand on one side at party)
JAMEY: Did she, Gramps?
GRAMPS: Yes, she did. We agree on something.
JAMEY: Tell me what happened!
GRAMPS: It was a beautiful spring day.
CHORUS: Tweet-tweet, chirrup! Chick-chick! (bird noises)
GRAMPS: The perfect day for a party. Sunny, warm...
GRANDMA: It was raining.
CHORUS: (Rain sounds: hand rubbing, to tongue-“clop”s, to cup-handed claps, then reverse, from L to R.)
GRANDMA: I walked 5 blocks in the rain carrying that heavy present. But even so, I got there early.
ALICE: Hello, Joey. Happy birthday.
JOEY: Oh, it’s you. You’re all wet. You better shake off before you come inside. My present! (takes it, rattles it) I’ll bet it’s something dumb.
GRAMPS: You were late! Everyone was already there.
JOEY: Thank you for coming, Alice.
GINGER: You’re late, Alice. Did you forget?
BETH: We thought you weren’t coming.
RAMONA: You missed pin the tail on the donkey.
LIZZIE: Why were you late?
ALICE: I hid my shoes but my mom found them. Here’s your stupid present. My mother bought it. I don’t know what it is. And I don’t care.
JOEY: Well, thank you anyway. Look, Alice. I’m showing everyone the tricks my dog can do.
Scamp, Sit! (SCAMP obeys all commands.)
TOMMIE: Wow!
JOEY: Scamp, Roll over.
STEVIE: Look at that!
JOEY: Scamp, what is 12 minus 9?
CHAMP: Bark Bark Bark
FREDDIE: I’m telling everyone at school about this!
JOEY: Scamp, speak!
SCAMP: The Roof is Ruff as Bark!
GRANDMA: Oh, your dog couldn’t do tricks!! He was a dirty, trouble-making mutt!
(SCAMP runs around barking causing children to giggle. SCAMP snuffles the back of ALICE’s skirt. She screams and jumps.)
ALICE (when dog snuffles her): Eeeek!
TOMMIE: Wow!
STEVIE: Look at that!
FREDDIE: I’m telling everyone at school about this!
GRANDMA: And then he dragged in a stinky dead raccoon and ran around the room.
(SCAMP chases kids with raccoon, CHILDREN scream.)
CHORUS: Ewww, stinky! Pee-yooo!
(SCAMP stops & sits panting. PROPS or MOM place cake on small center table and lights candles.
CHILDREN stand behind cake, except ALICE & JOEY who stand at opposite sides of cake.)
GRAMPS: He was just playing. And it wasn’t THAT stinky. You girls over react to everything.
GRANDMA: Like you did when it was time to blow out your candles?
GRAMPS: Oh.
JAMEY: Blow out the candles? What happened? Grandma? (no answer) Gramps?
GRAMPS: Well, everyone sang Happy Birthday and it was time to blow out the candles....
CHORUS, BOYS & GIRLS: Happy birthday dear Joey, Happy birthday to you!
BOYS & GIRLS: Make a wish, Joey! Make a wish!
(JOEY closes his eyes and makes a wish, takes a breath but ALICE leans forward and blows out the candles. JOEY bursts into tears.)
GRAMPS: She blew them out.
JAMEY: You did?
GRANDMA (ashamed): I did.
JOEY: Now I won’t get my wish! (Sob! Covers face. Keeps sobbing.)
CHORUS, BOYS & GIRLS: What was your wish?
JAMEY: What was your wish?
GRANDMA: Yes, what was your wish? You wouldn’t tell.
GRAMPS: Well, I guess I can tell you now. My wish, Alice, was that you and I would get married when we grew up.
GRANDMA: Oh, Joseph, I never knew.
GRAMPS: I loved you Alice. Even as a young boy.
GRANDMA: You did??? I was secretly in love with you! But I thought you hated me!
JOEY: I hate you Alice! Get out of my birthday party!
ALICE: Gladly! (EXITS, GIRLS follow)
GRAMPS: Well why did you think that?
JOEY: And don’t come back!
(JOEY AND BOYS EXIT other side.)
GRANDMA: Oh, Joseph...
GRAMPS: Oh, Alice....
JAMEY: Aaaack! They’re gonna kiss! (EXITS.)
(CHORUS covers eyes.)
THE END
(Share cake with audience!)
DIRECTOR’S NOTES:
CAST: Difficulty of Part
Adults or Older Kids:
Grandma (med difficulty) (can hide script in newspaper)
Gramps (med difficulty) (can hide script in instructions)
Mom-optional (carries in cake, no lines)
Children:
Jamey (med difficulty)
Alice (difficult)
Ginger (easy)
Beth (easy)
Ramona (easy)
Lizzie (easy)
Joey (difficult)
Tommy (easy)
Stevie (easy)
Freddy (easy)
Scamp:Dog (easy)
CHORUS (easy)
1 or 2 Prop Handlers or “Parents” (easy)
CHORUS is optional. Replace them with recorded baseball song and rain sound FX. The point of having a chorus is to give parts to younger children or non-actors.
PROP HANDLERS: One or two people, wearing black, on stage behind actors. Hand Actors their props. Sit or kneel when not active.
PROPS HANDLERS are optional. Replace them by having “PARENTS” bring stuff out, and have other props carried by actors.
Boy can throw good ball off stage and lousy ball is thrown back; eliminate bat change. Parents bring Alice jump rope and crown. Joey carries invitation and comb. Wrapped present is offstage, Alice goes to get it when Grandma says, “I bought a present”. Dog goes offstage to get raccoon.
Prop Instructions: (Crown –> Alice) means the Prop Handler puts the crown on Alice’s head.
Props = jump ropes, fancy jump rope, crown, baseball, dirty sock ball, bat, stick, comb, invitation, wrapped present, stuffed raccoon (or squirrel or rabbit), cake, candles, matches/lighter.
STAGE: Grandma, Gramps and Jamey are either up stage center or down stage side. Chorus is upstage spread wide. Small table center upstage, below chorus.
Boys Group is downstage on one side, Girls group is downstage other side.
Email: funantics123@yahoo.com