Monologue excerpt from
The Damsel Game
©2016 -- an easy comedy script by Jeannette Jaquish
HOST - From the land of enchanted forests and slimy lake monsters, flame-spitting flying lizards and The Black Plague, from the culture that brought you “the last one alive inherits the throne” and the worst typecasting of step-parents and step-sisters ever, . . . .
Greetings and Salivations to all you Lords, Ladies and (gesture up) the Babbling Rabble in the Rafters! It’s . . . . The Damsel Game!
(Music Louder, applause. Music Down but continuing. . . )
Thank you Johnny-O’Banter and his motley orchestra of indentured minstrels.
(Applause - MUSIC Louder for a moment, then back to normal)
I am your Host: [Alex Treebreath or Opera Windy]
Here on The Damsel Game three charming young damsels will be interviewed by one lonely handsome prince who is not allowed to see them until after he has chosen one to be his Dream Date. Let’s meet them! [MUSIC ENDS]
Our 1st Dazzling Damsel-- Come on out!
Her lovely voice is often heard singing with the birds she loves. Listen!
(HOST covers his/her ears.)
Indescribable. This capable girl can set the table and cook up a meal for 7 hungry mouths plus herself! She has known a lot of very short men and would love to date a fellow she can look up to. You know her name, she is . . . . (give audience a chance to holler the answer) . . Snow White!
Have a seat, Snow White! Our Damsel Number One!
Our 2nd Dazzling Damsel -- Come on out!
This lovely lady loves to dance, especially ballroom dancing and she is known throughout the land as having the smallest most dainty feet . . .
(Looks at them, in shock.)
My goodness! A bit of artistic license there by the Brothers Grimm . . . Woohoo! You’d need a crystal mailbox to fit that foot. (ahem!) Our damsel enjoys riding in enchanted pumpkins, and visiting dress shops with her Fairy Godmother. She is a good hearted gal, and looking for a fine upright young prince to sweep her off her feet.
Have a seat, Cinderella our Damsel Number Two!
Have we saved the best for last? You be the judge: Our Damsel Number Three, Come on out!
Just awakened from a 100 year sleep, our lovely lady is eager to learn about this new 18th century with a handsome prince to show her around. . .
Where is she? (listens from an earphone) She went back to sleep? Well, give her a shake!
Ow! (pulls away from earphone) Is that her snoring?
No! Don’t bring out the Prince! Don’t we have a back up Damsel? Well, go get her!
Ladies and Gentlemen and ... Rabble. Stay tuned! We will be right back with The Damsel Game!
-- See the full length “The Damsel Game” for a cast of 5 to 8 at www.theaterfunscripts.com --