REPORT TO THE WIZARD OVERSITE COMMITTEE by Special Agent Rufus X. Muck.
Re; Wizard of dirty bath robe, Spells'R US Store.
See attachments 127777, 1888765 Aa & C, Volume 2223376
Question to be answered - Why was the Wizard of this Particular Spells 'R US Store so obsessed with College & colleague Students.
1) Strangely, he appears to like beautiful, young, & Buxom women.
2) Perhaps a more detailed answer would lie in his past?
3) Time travel viewing seemed called for.
4) Mechanism employed to avoid detection by subject
A) Susan B. Anthony Coin - its power will negated the Wizard's protecting wands.
It was 1925 the time of the Charleston, bootleggers & Calvin C. Muck was observing the future wizard and snickered, at the man's name!
The future Wizard was named Englebert P. Piffle! And he was attending Faber U. He seemed to be majoring in selling booze, drugs & toying with women. Lately he had come into the circle of a charismatic Professor - one Lewis Cypher who was teaching ( for a price) magic to students on the side. Professor Cypher was also selling the first Spells or Us franchises for $ 9,999.16
Dean Phug called Englebert into his office. He was a short, fat, balding, ugly man about 60 with glasses as thick as coke bottles. He smiled with hypocritically sadness on the young man.
"So sorry, but you're going to flunk out - pity you won't graduate. But it takes more than selling bootleg gin and drugs to get a diploma at this University."
"Really!" sneered the apprentices wizard. "Then I guess this isn't your alma mater."
The dean turned purple from the insult & shook his fist at the young man.
Bert grabbed the man's glasses and took delight in stomping on them! Dean Phug's world became a blur and he felt physically threatened. He needed his teddy! He opened the draw of his desk and clutched his old Fuzzy Wuzzy to his plump chess. The young Wizard-to- be held his sideslaughing.
Then the deans wife entered. She was called the model T wife by the students as she never stopped sputtering. She talked - nagged really - a great deal and always spit when she talked. She was a tall, angular, witched faced crabby woman and the well founded rumor had it that the dean had married her years ago to get tenure as her father was the head of the University - who duly rewarded his extreme courage with a Professor's chair.
"Come Rupert, we are late for the meeting the league of Woman Against Strong Potions (WASP) " she dragged the man out.
"I've got to graduate this year - otherwise my parents ( inhuman fiends that they are) will expect me to work for a living." Bert shuddered.
He was depressed so his beautiful, sexy girl Glenda Good comforted him with sex. Afterwards he absently fondled her beautiful, large breasts - some were leg men, but give him a good fatty breast anytime.
"What's wrong my little fuzzy cat's pajama's?" asked Glenda , instinctively woman like she sensed his passion was lacking its usual jest. Glenda was justly proud and fond of her blond beauty and it surprised and offended her that someone wasn't taking full advantage of her bountiful charms.
"That stupid hidebound Dean Phug - the old ugly old fart is insisting on me passing my courses otherwise I won't graduate. - have you ever heard such drivel? Let me tell you what I did the to the gargoyle." He did so with relish." Bert you idiot! he'll never let you graduate now!
Then an idea came to him. Cypher was out of town for a at least a week.
He would sneak in and steal a magic spell book - maybe he would find something in it that would save him. So he sprang eagerly into this noble endeavor. He jimmied opened a living room window. The place was creepy in the dark! It looked more like a curio shop than a home. Stuffed bears, tiger heads gleaming down, knack knicks were every where. Damn it - the vault where professor Cypher kept his spell book was locked. He felt aggrieved - what's wrong didn't the man trust us? He lit a candle and locked around - ah - one book was on the table. He picked it up in the dim light he could make out the title -The Idiot's Guide to Spells . This might do the trick. Back to burn the midnight oil and actually study thebook. There were spells for turning people into toads and while this was tempting for the life of him young Engelbert couldn't see how this would benefit him in this situation, ditto for some spells involving animal crackers. There was a spell to transport yourself to a world called OZ, the place seemed like a real dump with a whole city turning green with mold. Spells to keep demons away, spells to keep vampires away, spells to keep women from marrying you - useful no doubt, but nothing fit his situation. The last spell was "BODY SWITCHING MADE EASY!" This looked promising. Humm! but who would be dumb enough to switch bodies with old Dean Phug, also who could he trust and what could he offer them? First he needed to collect the ingredients. Hair from both, a Calvin Coolidge picture. That was difficult to obtain, but he got it. He shuddered looking at it.
He got Glenda Good, good and drunk and started playing with her tities.
"I love you!" he said.Immediately she got almost sober with suspicion.
"What do you want?""Just a little favor - a tiny favor - my tall beauty."
"I hope its not to strip for your wizards club!"
"NO, NO nothing like that. You know Dean Phug is going to keep me from graduating and have me thrown out of school?""Go on."
" Well what if I could change his mind?"
" And just how are you going to do that?"
" Literally - I am going to change or exchange his mind - or body if you prefer with someone warm and sympathetic to me. Then this wonderful person will change my grades and allow me to graduate. They will only have to be the dean for two days -tops."
"Oh, and just who are you going to find dumb enough to do such a crazy thing -assuming its even possible! Wait a minute you are not thinking of ME are you Englebert Phatarian Piffle?!""Yes, sweetie lumpkins."
"You're out of your gourd!. There's nothing you can offer me that you make me do such a thing - ugh be in that ugly body! Aw, your father's mustache with knobs on!" "I will marry you."
"Marry me" she said weakly. He repeated it. " Well - cross your heart and hope to die?" He did. " Put it in writing!" he hesitated." Put it in writing!" He sighed and did it and she hid it away. "What will happened to my beautiful body? Will it be safe?"
"He will be in it of course, don't worry I will keep him under look and key won't allow him to hurt it."
She laughed -"That should be the bee's pajamas - he hates women - not that I blame him - his wife is just the ugliest!"
Glenda went through the procedures, - burned her hair & the deans, she burned her picture & his, & kissed the picture of Calvin Coolidge, this took some resolution. When it was all done. he gave her a sleepingdraught.
That morning he stirred gin into his coffee as usual instead of cream. He watched the sleeping form - and what a form he thought admiringly - of his girl friend. He wondered who would wake up in that beautiful body. It was ten before those blue eyes fluttered open and the lovely face stared around the room. The rosebud mouth opened with a gasp.
"Mr. Piffle what are you going in my bedroom!"
"Look around you, ass hole - is this your room?"
He-She gasped. " How did I get here? and what's wrong with my voice."
Engelbert laughed and gave him a mirror. 'Glenda' stared into it andfainted.
While his guest was out Bert cranked up the phoned and the operator put him through to the Dean's house and he spoke to Glenda.
"God, my wife is a real bitchy-witch. I want to strangler her."
"NEVER MIND THAT! JUST GET TO THE OFFICE - Change those grades!"
"OK. OK! Keep your knickers on and keep an eye of my beautiful body!"
When he got back he found the dean awake, undressed and running slim, lovely hands in a lasciviously fashion over his new body.
"My God, I knew Glenda Good was stacked like a brick outhouse, but I never dreamed it would be as good as this! Glenda really is Glenda thegood!"
Bert stared at the dean in surprise."How long am I going to be in this body?"
"Two days."He - no she pressed that magnificent naked female body against him & whispered in a voice as low as her intentions. " Why waste valuable time, Bertie baby.. Twenty two skidoo! " she giggled as he felt him rise against her. She pulled him down on the bed and proceed to give him the best roll in the hay he ever had. God, she was good - she was very, very good - lots better than Glenda - I guess the dean had read lots of dirty books on how to have great sex. The dean proved to be very, very willing and eager. They hardly took time for lunch or dinner.
"I love this young, sexy beautiful body! " Dean Phug said the next morning." The thought of going back to my ugly old pot bellied body and that harridan wife of mine fills me with horror and disgust. Let me keep this body - Glenda can have mine - she's welcome to it! " Phug laughed joyously." She doesn't really appreciate you anyway!" the Dean added as seductively as she could.
"Why I could never do that to my girlfriend" Bert said reflectively.
Woman like she immediately caught the tentative nature of his reply. " I will make it worth your while!"
"Do you think I would let you steal Glenda's body and youth and leave her trapped in your repulsive body when she is there only it out of love for me for mere money?""Yes!"The old fart knew him pretty well.
"That & great sex!" Phug said pushing Glenda's luscious form against him.
"How much?" ( Editor's note: the thought of abandoning his faithful girl friend in the dean' repulsive body didn't trouble the Wizard one bit - the swine!).
"I have put away a getaway fund to escape my wife - its ten grand - its all yours if you let me keep this body! I never dreamed of such a great getaway."It was enough to by a Spells 'R US franchise from Louis Cypher and he wouldn't have to keep his promise to marry Glenda."Show me the money!"
Dean Phug did and then smiled triumphantly with Glenda's stolen lips.
When Engelbert P. Piffle found that he had graduated he made a call on 'Dean Phug'.
"What are you waiting for, you worm - you should have switched us back last night! I can't stand being in this repulsive, old body another day!"
Glenda stared at him through coke bottle glasses.
"There's been a change in plan."
"What do you mean a change in plan!" she asked suddenly horrified. Glenda saw her former body, dressed to the nine's come sashaying sexily into the office. She noticed the smile of triumphant on what had been her lips. Glenda saw her old body press itself up possessively against Bert.
"I don't believe, DEAN PHUG, you've met my girl friend, Glenda Good." said the young Wizard with an evil smile.
"You son of a bitch!!" she screamed "Give me back my body!"
"Not a chance. Oh, thanks for getting my grades changed."
The beautiful young woman smiled at the old man and said "Thanks for everything! I just Love MY BODY! " She rubbed slim hands over HER beautiful young body." Bert thinks I'm much sexier than you ever were!"
The dean's wife came sputtering in." Come on Rupert, you can talk to this young couple another day - we're late for tea at my fathers!"
Then she stared at beautiful young woman who was grinning strangely at her. "
Shameless hussy! Try and dress decently!"
"I'll get you for this if it takes the rest of my life, you swine!"
Yelled the new Dean Phug at the retreating young people.
Note: From R.Muck Rather than take a chance on losing her stolen body back to its orginal owner the new Glenda eventually transported herself to OZ where she found a youth spell and became that land's most powerful witch.
Working night and day the former Glenda discovered a transformation spell that allowed him to transform his current body into that of a beautiful young woman.
She became Claire - the witch that is the Wizard's nemesis - changing women into men. The Wizard of course started the world's most successful Spells'R US store and found changing men into beautiful young women soon became a habit. He frugally uses the same robe he discovered in a second hand store when he was in college.
I hope this modest study can shed some light on the subject's bizarrebehavior.
End of Report
The Wizard smiled as he read the report - the fools thought he didn't know what was going on! He had been able to distort much of what Muck had seen. As if his name really had been Englebert P. Piffle!