Life is cruel. Every time I approach the happiness of life I get shot down. I cannot understand it. I have spent my whole life trying to understand it, but never have been successful. It is beyond all mystery.
Throughout life I have felt many emotions, but the one I most pray for I shall not say the name of. It is so fragile that you can only whisper it, any more would cause it to float away. I yearn for it with every fiber of my being, but experience it I do not. Others, however, have a great deal of experience in it. I watch as everyone around me comes to bear its name and be happy with his or her counterpart. I watch in sadness as they welcome that blissful feeling, but look upon them scornfully when they quickly discard it. If given the chance, I would not be quick to throw it away with the garbage. I would embrace it with all of my heart and never let go.
I am a tool with which they find their happiness. I am the messenger, the intermediary, the one behind the scenes making it all come together, but they are the reason that it falls, not I. Everything is set up perfectly by me. The reason it does not last is because they truly don't want it. They care not to spend their time mending and building it up. They only care for a quick title. To them, the word is more important than the bond, and the emotion that comes with it. I look upon them with great pity, for I think they know not what the truth is behind that four-letter word.
My life is at the bottom. I know of love, and believe to have felt it, but I experience it not. In spite of all those around me who experience it, all those who would not have felt it without my help, I feel no love in my life from any kind being.
The problem I have is my physique. I am not what one would call a "fine-looking man." My belly goes out far enough to limit most of my options, including love.
As it has been probably assumed by now, I am usually not in a happy state of emotion. I spend most of my time reflecting on life, thinking about love, and being depressed. The only times I feel happy are when I see her.
She appears out of the blurred sea of faces, her beauty standing out as if it does not belong in such a place. Time slows as everything around fades from the mind, and all that remains is she. Life could last forever in this state. A smile slowly forms across her beautiful face as she twirls her hair, causing it to soar through the air as a gay bird floats joyously on the breeze. Warmth spreads through limbs and flows throughout the body, causing a state of bliss while the eyes remain focused on her luscious lips, forming that godlike smile. Oh God, life could go on forever like this. Her beauty is so great that it makes tears form under the eyes and an overwhelming feeling as if the beauty is far too great, and that life will cease. The emotions take over and no thought in the head exists but the image of her. She is the core of life, the center for all emotion. Life suddenly seems perfect as the eyes gaze upon her.
Then reality takes its grip, and life is suddenly and harshly ripped back to the world. She moves out of sight. The noise around increases to a deafening volume and what is left to gaze upon is, once again, the sea of faces. All that remains of her is the image of her in the mind.
-Sethlore