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Snappy, Insults Put Downs, and Slams For any Occasion

Well, I see you are back. I hope you enjoy these.

Just Plain Ugly

I don't know where you got your looks, but I hope you kept the receipt.
Women like your body. They like it to go away.
Can I have your picture? I want to scare my sister.
You look good.. ..for roadkill!
Your looks aren't half-bad they are all bad.

Clothes

Words can't describe your outfit, so I'll just throw up.
Your clothes attract attention. Not to mention flies.
That is a killer {clothe's name} . It kills me to look at it.
Your clothes make a statement. Too bad it is, "I have no taste."
That outfit is so ratty it belongs in the sewer.
I had a shirt like that after the dog threw up on it.
You don't need a garment bag for that outfit. You need a garbage bag.

Nerds & Bores

You are as intresting as a documentary on dirt.
Talk to me. I could you the sleep.
Sure I'm listening. Can't you see me yawning?
You are a total zero. In fact, you may even be a negative one.
Next time you go out shopping by yourself a new personality.
I heard you talked to your plants and they died of boredom.
It must give you a great sense of power knowing you could bore the world to death.
If your personality were sn less colorful, you would be invisible.

Low IQ

You are a person of rare intelligence. Its rare when you show any!
I'd like to pick up your brain, but I don't have tweezers that small.
You look tired. Have you been thinking?
Can I borrow your brain? You are obviously not using it.
If ignorance is bliss, you must be the world's happiest person.
You'll never have a mental breakdown. No moving parts up there.
Don't worry if your mind wanders. It won't get far.
A word to the wise. Oh well, I geuss that leaves you out.
They can't measure your intelligence. The scale won't go that low.

Birthdays

What was it like working on the pyramids?
Your teeth are like stars. They come out at night.
You have a lot of funny lines. Too bad they are all on your face.
Is that your cake or a three-alarm fire?
Are there vultures circiling around this house?
I'm ready to light your cake. Hand me the blowtorch.
You don't need a plastic surgeon. You need an archeologist.
I don't make fun of people your age. You might whack me with your cane!

Parting Shots

It won't be the same without you. It will be better.
I hate to leave, but my doctor says boredom is bad for me.
Have a nice day someplace else.
Leave now why I can still act like I care.
Take a hike... preferably to the Bemuda Triangle.
I'll miss you like I miss Poison Ivy.
Let's not see each other for a while. Like, for the rest of our lives.
Good-bye. We were so sorry you could come.
The fun's just starting, so you must be going.