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Snappy, Insults Put Downs, and Slams For any Occasion

I am here to arm you with a full arsenal of insults for any occasion. So, what are you waiting for- an invitation?!

The Head

Is that your head or a hotel for lice?!
I have seen nicer heads on a witch doctor's belt!
Heard you had your head examined, but they couldn't find anything.
Is that your head or a fungus growing on your neck?
You have a perfect head.. for a totem pole!


Nice Hair. Still styling your hair with a weed-whacker?
I have seen better hair in the shower drain.
I'm not saying your hair is bad, but my cat coughs up better looking stuff.
Why don't you do something diffrent with your hair? Like wash it.
Nice hairdo. But isn't it early for Halloween?
I like your hair. Did you butcher it yourself?

The Face

Know what goes good with your face? A paper bag.
Wow, your face reminds me of a famous movie star! Lassie!
I have seen gargoyles with nicer faces.
I am not going to say mean things about your looks. Your face speaks for itself.
I hear when you look in the mirror your reflection throws up.
Your face is like a work of modern art. You can't tell what it is.

Nose & Ears

Is that your nose or did somebody park a blimp on our face?
Don't look up or your nose might poke a hole in the ozone layer!
Can you pick up a peanut with that nose?
The only things grosser then your nose is what's inside it.
Your ears aren't big... for a basset hound!
Why don't you wire your ears up for satelite dishes?!
I suppose you can't clean your ears with a Q-TIP. You might need a mop instead.
Hey, Dumbo! Why don't you flap your ears and fly away?!

Legs & Feet

The world hasn't seen legs like yours since the brontosarus died out!
Nice legs.. for a flamingo!
I have seen tables with nicer legs than you.
Your feet are so big, when you dance you step on everybody's toes!
Your feet smell so bad your shoes are gagging.
Want to fight air pollution? Keep your shoes on!
You have feet only a clown could love!

Tall & Short

Hey Lurch! Where is the rest of your family!
Do you eat regular food, or just nibble from the treetops?
Why don't you go hold up some telephone wires?
Why don't you go play in the cottage with the other dwarfs?
If you were any shorter, you could date Barbie!
Everyone looks up to somebody, but you look up to everyone!
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