ORDER THE SCRIPT
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Scenery & Props Instructions
(NOTE: The Wizard’s Display is difficult and expensive. It and other special effects, and the cast and scene list are at the end of script.)
SCENE 1: TROUBLE IN KANSAS
(CURTAIN CLOSED: Dorothy ENTERS running from one side, UNCLE HENRY from the other.)
DOROTHY Toto! Toto! Have you seen Toto, Uncle Henry?
UNCLE HENRY That dog loose again? No, ain’t seen him. (EXITS)
(CURTAIN OPENS as Dorothy runs onstage and into Interior of House. Aunti Em is lovingly laying down a large throw rug.)
DOROTHY Auntie Em! I can’t find Toto. Can you help me find him?
AUNTIE EM Dorothy! I’m busy. Can’t you look for him yourself?
DOROTHY Can’t you help me? He always comes to you because you feed him and give him scraps.
AUNTIE EM Which is supposed to be your job, Dorothy. How did he get out?
DOROTHY Gate got left open.
AUNTIE EM Who left the gate open?
DOROTHY Oh! I was in a hurry and my arms were full. Oh, please, Auntie Em.
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AUNTIE EM What are you dumping on my floor??
PROFESSOR Not to be alarmed, my dear. My name is Professor Woodruff. Let me tell you all about The Marvelous Cyclonotron-amatic 1000 with its 20 cycles a second 6 – count ‘em – 6 bladed propeller. This marvel of technology will create a powerful updraft of air that will swiftly lift that debris from your rug, leaving it cleaner than it has been since you bought it many years ago.
AUNTIE EM This rug is nearly new! My husband just gave it to me for my birthday last month.
PROFESSOR And.....since I’m sure you haven’t HAD many birthdays, that was surely a memorable occasion, and after my demonstration of the Cyclonotron-amatic 1000 you’ll be overjoyed to see your birthday present, once again, in its original condition, clean and bright. Now if you’ll just let me plug in the Cyclonotron-amatic 1000, I’ll show you how simple is its operation.
AUNTIE EM We’re not hooked up to electrical service. Don’t get it out here.
PROFESSOR (After a look of distress, he pulls a bicycle pump out of the suitcase.) Not to fear! The Cyclonotron-amatic 1000 has a manual hand pump attachment that I will throw in for free.
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MISS GULLY Irresponsible, destructive, life threatening behavior!
AUNTIE EM It’s just a little dirt, Elmira. I’ll just take the rug outside and shake it.
DOROTHY Auntie Em! Ouch!
PROFESSOR (stepping forward) Oh, my dear ladies. I apologize! This mess on the floor is my doing. I was about to demonstrate the new Cyclonotron-amatic 1000, the newest scientific breakthrough in housekeeping technology! Perhaps if your home has electrical service, and a very long extension cord, you would like to see it demonstrated?
MISS GULLY What??? I was not talking about the dirt! And thank you, No, concerning the vacuum demonstration. I find a broom much more useful. It makes a very good weapon of self defense!
DOROTHY Auntie Em! She was beating Toto with that broom! He was crying!
MISS GULLY This girl’s dog is a menace! It’s terrorizing the neighborhood.
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MISS GULLY And he yanked so hard on my clean washing that he broke the clothesline! And dragged it through the mud!
DOROTHY No! No, he didn’t! Toto didn’t! He didn’t!
(TOTO ENTERS, his head through a garment still attached to a clothesline which also contains bloomers and undergarments. His muzzle is smeared with cherry topping, and flowers and a pie pan still hang from his back.)
DOROTHY (shock) Toto!!! You didn’t!!!! (She grabs Toto and pulls off laundry (also secretly giving him a treat))
MISS GULLY There! The evidence for all to see! Delicate paws, indeed!
(PROFESSOR lifts up the clothesline, displaying the under-garments. MISS GULLY is humiliated.)
PROFESSOR I am shocked! These are terribly old fashioned for a woman of your youth and style. (pulls out a catalog) I have a catalog of styles straight from New York that I think you would find very complimentary.
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MISS GULLY You are obviously too permissive on every level, Emily! And I for one will not tolerate it any longer. This dog has to go!
AUNTIE EM (sarcastically) Go! Go where?
MISS GULLY To the pound!
(AUNTIE EM & DOROTHY are shocked.)
DOROTHY No! Auntie Em! Don’t let her!
MISS GULLY (with sadistic pleasure) To be destroyed!
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PROFESSOR Hoo-boy! She wasn’t kidding about the usefulness of her broom. She must wear out quite a few. I wonder if she’d consider buying them in bulk.
(DOROTHY and TOTO Re-Enter into audience. She carries a bag or bedroll. She is talking to Toto so does not see the Professor as she walks past him.)
DOROTHY We’ll ride the rails, Toto. And I’ll get work as a waitress or picking fruit. And I’ll get my education at the library and when I’m older I’ll be able to get a good job so we can get a house.
PROFESSOR Ah, a budding entrepreneur! Perhaps you’d be interested in a brochure on multi-level marketing. It’s a new financial invention that is really taking off.
DOROTHY Oh, you startled me! You were the man selling the vacuum!
PROFESSOR I was. I’m sort of living out of my suitcase, right here.... That was quite the altercation between you and Mrs.....
DOROTHY Miss Gully. Did she hurt you?
PROFESSOR Oh, no. I’m used to it. Are you running away?
DOROTHY How did you know???
PROFESSOR I ran away at your age. And I’ve never stopped running away, it seems. Never did find a place, a home, that seemed like home.
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PROFESSOR Hey, let's try out these binoculars I’m selling. Maybe take a look at what's going on at the old homestead. (Pulls binoculars from his coat pocket.)
DOROTHY Can I look? (looks) They’re all blurry.
PROFESSOR The lenses are to my prescription. Custom made. (looks) Crystal clear to my eyes. Let’s see, there is your house, and there is Auntie Em in the front yard.
DOROTHY My house is that way.
PROFESSOR Light refraction. It’s the weather. What’s this? She’s crying?
DOROTHY Crying?
PROFESSOR And calling.. Doe or Toe or something.
DOROTHY Dorothy? or Toto?
PROFESSOR That must be it. And a truck is pulling up.
DOROTHY From the pound!
PROFESSOR Three burly men are jumping out! Auntie Em is talking to them. Now they are looking around the yard. Oh no, they’re getting angry.
DOROTHY Oh, dear.
PROFESSOR They’re grabbing her! Dragging her into the truck!
DOROTHY What?? They’re taking Auntie Em instead! Oh, what is happening???
PROFESSOR She’s kicking and scratching – what a fighter! But they’re too strong for her. She’s being overpowered! They’re stuffing her into the truck!!!
DOROTHY Oh! Will they put her to sleep?
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DOROTHY You are a witch?! No! Witches are ugly!
MUNCHKINS Tee-hee-hee-hee!
GLINDA Oh, no, no, you cannot tell a witch by her face. I am Glinda, the Good Witch of the North.
DOROTHY A GOOD witch? I've never heard of that. Does a good witch have magical powers?
GLINDA Of course! But I am not as powerful as this Wicked Witch was, or I would have set the Munchkins free myself.
DOROTHY Why was SHE more powerful than you?
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MUNCHKIN #5 –(wearing Director’s hat) Glinda? What date should we begin with?
M#6 When Munchkin Land burped out of Donut Mountain?
GLINDA No, no - That was a million years ago.
M#6 When the Mayor split his pants dancing the Funky Flamingo at his birthday party?
MUNCHKINS Teee-hee-hee-hee!
M#5 That was yesterday!
GLINDA Let’s begin the history before the Wicked Sisters came to power.
M#5 OK! Begin with the year 1- Before Wicked Witches!
Places! Aaaaand ... Action!
(Munchkins #6 & 8 read from History Book or scroll. Other Munchkins act out underlined parts.)
M 6 Once there was laughter and freedom because
Four good witches ruled the four corners of Oz,
Flying Monkeys gave us rides, and laughed from each tree,
The pixies were perky, and leprechauns free;
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M6 Now the pixies are dead, the leprechauns in hiding,
M8 There is no debate. There is no deciding,
M6 Our Witch only allows us to live and grow old,
M8 Because we dig in the earth (sob!) and pay her in gold.
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DING DONG THE WITCH HAS DIED
Ding Dong the Witch has died
House and her did collide
Ding Dong the Wicked Witch has died
Jump up and slap high five
The Hated Hag is not alive
Ding Dong the Wicked Witch has died
The house came down. She went splat!
Wowee! She’s really flat;
Yahoo! She’s past away,
So we’re free to sing and play
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DOROTHY Are you doing that on purpose, or can't you make up your mind?
SCARECROW That's the trouble. I can't make up my mind. I haven't got a brain -- only straw.
DOROTHY How can you talk if you haven't got a brain?
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SCARECROW Oh, that's very kind of you -- very kind.
DOROTHY (examining his back)
Well, oh, dear -- I don't quite see...how I can
SCARECROW Of course, I'm not bright about doing things, but if you'll just.......bend the nail down in the back, maybe I'll slip off and...
DOROTHY Oh, yes....
(Dorothy turns the nail and the Scarecrow falls, stumbling over fence and into road, losing straw and stuffing it back in.)
SCARECROW Whhhooops! Ha-ha -- there goes some of me again!
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SCARECROW And my physique. Don’t I look dangerous?
DOROTHY (giggling) Sorry, no.
SCARECROW (sigh) Just as I suspected. Here I am a scarecrow but I’m not scary to anyone, not crows, not raccoons, not people, not even little dogs. I’ve tried to figure it out but I can’t because I haven't got a brain.
DOROTHY Does it really bother you that much?
SCARECROW You cannot imagine.
IF I ONLY HAD A BRAIN
When a guy’s an empty noggin,
His ego takes a floggin’,
His soul is filled with pain;
For when every step’s a blunder,
It sure makes a man a wonder,
What it’s like to have a brain;
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And I’d not be Dumb and Dumber,
Once I’d written every number,
If I only had a brain;
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Because, because, because, because, because
Because of the wonderful things he does.
We're off to see the Wizard
The Wonderful Wizard of Oz!
SCARECROW Say that is a catchy little tune. Where did you learn it?
DOROTHY The Munchkins sang it.
SCARECROW Was it spontaneous?
DOROTHY I suppose it was. They also sang one about the Wicked Witch dying.
SCARECROW How morbid! And they already had it memorized?
DOROTHY That is curious. How could they burst into song about something they didn't know would happen?
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DOROTHY How wonderful for them! They can use the money to rebuild their downtown after my house fell on it.
SCARECROW What????
DOROTHY Oh, it's a long story.
SCARECROW Well give me the short version.
DOROTHY I squashed their witch.
SCARECROW Oh, that was you? A crow told me.
DOROTHY A crow?
SCARECROW I thought he was exaggerating. Crows do.
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FIRST TREE What do you mean - she doesn't want any of those apples? Are you hinting my apples aren't what they ought to be?
SCARECROW Oh, no! It's just that she doesn't like little green worms!
TREE... What???? I'll give you little green.... worms. (Throws apples) Take that! And that!
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SCARECROW Oil can what?
DOROTHY Oil can? Oh -- oh, here it is! Where do you want to be oiled first?
TIN MAN (with mouth rigid) My mouth -- my mouth!
SCARECROW He said his mouth.
DOROTHY (at his jaw) Here -- here --
SCARECROW The other side....
TIN MAN ...m...m...my, my, my, my goodness -- I can talk again! Oh -- oil my arms, please – oil my elbows.
(They oil the axe-carrying arm and it suddenly drops. Dorothy and Scarecrow jump back.)
DOROTHY Yipes! That stuff really works!
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SCARECROW Beautiful! What an echo!
TIN MAN It's empty. The tinsmith forgot to give me a heart.
DOROTHY AND SCARECROW No heart?
TIN MAN No heart.
DOROTHY Oh my. But how does that affect you?
TIN MAN Well, I’ll tell you:
IF I ONLY HAD A HEART
When a gentleman’s apparel,
Is just an empty barrel
And stove piping for pants
And where a heart should be beating,
There is naught but metal sheeting,
Tis a damper on romance
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I could beat my chest in sorrow,
Laughing at the dents tomorrow,
If I only had a heart;
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TIN MAN Well, suppose the Wizard wouldn't get me one when we got there?
DOROTHY Oh, but he will! He must! We've come such a long way already.
(WITCH ENTERS - laughs)
WITCH You call that long? Why, you've just begun!
Forgotten about me? Well, I haven't forgotten about you!
Helping the little lady along, are you, my fine gentlemen?
Well, stay away from her!
Or I'll stuff a mattress with you, Scarecrow! And set its sleep number myself.
And you, Tin Man! I'll use you to store toxic waste or my used Kleenex - same thing!
(laughs)
And you, Dorothy my girl, I have many surprises in store for you before you can reach the Emerald City!
(EXITS)
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We're off to see the Wizard
The Wonderful Wizard of Oz!
TIN MAN That's a catchy tune!
DOROTHY & SCARECROW Yeah!
TIN MAN I picked it up from the first notes.
SCARECROW It's a good road song.
DOROTHY (looking at audience) They certainly have unusual vegetation in Oz.
TIN MAN (gesturing to people) Oh, yes. This part of Oz is well known for its fruits and nuts.
DOROTHY Yes, I see you have many varieties. (looking at one person) Now this one: is it a fruit or a nut?
TIN MAN Maybe both? I can't figure it either.
SCARECROW Ummm, I don't want to scare you but soon we enter the Dark Forest. See, there it is up ahead.
DOROTHY It looks dark.
SCARECROW Like the name.
TIN MAN Maybe it's like Dark Forest cake. Really delicious?
SCARECROW (fake enthusiasm) Well, let's find out!
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SCARECROW It’s a lion!
(LION roars and lands in between Tin Man & Scarecrow. As he threatens each they fall backwards to the ground. )
LION Put 'em up! Put 'em up! Which one of you first? I'll fight you both together! I'll fight you with one paw tied behind my back. I'll fight you standing on one foot.
I'll fight you with my eyes closed.
I’ll fight you with one foot in my ear and my tail tied around my head like a blindfold, and my --
(To Tin Man) Oh --pulling an axe on me, eh?
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LION Well, you didn't have to go and hit me, did
you? Is my nose bleeding?
DOROTHY Well, of course not. My goodness, what a fuss you're making. Well, naturally, when you go around picking on things weaker than you are -- Why, you're nothing but a great big coward!
LION You're right -- I am a coward.
I haven't any courage at all. I even scare myself.
Look at the circles under my eyes. I haven't slept in weeks.
TIN MAN Why don't you try counting sheep?
LION Sheep are scary.
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DOROTHY Why do you do it?
LION Because I’m afraid of EVERYTHING! Fortunately, the opposite is also true: Everyone is afraid of lions. If I roar and act scary they run away and no one finds out I’m a coward.
DOROTHY Oh! No one knows who you really are.
LION And that’s the truth! My whole life is a lie... (sings)
IF I ONLY HAD THE GUTS
Look at me a scaredy-cat
In my own habitat
Afraid of butterflies and mutts;
But I’d strut around and swagger,
Unafraid of sword or dagger,
If I only had the guts!
Oh, it’s tough to be a milksop,
When mouses make my heart stop.
I hide that I’m a klutz
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WITCH A-hah! (laughs) So another fool joins the death march! Hah! When I gain those ruby slippers, my power will be the greatest in Oz!
And now, my beauties! Something with poison in it, I think. With poison in it, but attractive to the eye --
and soothing to the smell! (laughs)
Poppies! Poppies! Poppies!
Take this poison bagel and scrape the seeds into the meadow outside the Emerald City!
(Gives the bagel to the Monkey.)
MONKEY #1 (monkey noise , EXITS)
WITCH (EXITING) It won’t be long now!
(SCENE 6: POPPY FIELD NEAR OZ
CURTAIN OPENS: Meadow, City of Oz in distance.)
LION At last we’re out of that forest! Aaack! It’s so big. The sky will fall on us!
SCARECROW No it won’t. It stays up there.
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DOROTHY There's Emerald City! Oh, we're almost there at last! At last!
SCARECROW It's beautiful, isn't it?
TIN MAN Just like I knew it would be.
DOROTHY He really must be a wonderful
Wizard to live in a City like that!
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DOROTHY I’m so sleepy. I can't run anymore.
LION Jus’ a catnap. Then I’ll be roaring for.....
SCARECROW This is no time for a nap! We’re almost there!
TIN MAN This is very strange. They shouldn’t be sleepy. We’re not.
SCARECROW We don’t have flesh and blood like they do. Something is affecting them! Hey, Dorothy!
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WITCH Good work. You and your flying fleabag friends sprinkled those seeds just in time. Now round them up and go pluck those ruby slippers off her feet. They should slide right off now!
MONKEY #1 monkey noise (EXITS)
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SCARECROW Look - It's snowing! No, it’s.. it’s...
TIN MAN Bubbling.
(THEY look about in amazement. At their feet, unseen, DOROTHY AND LION begin to stir.)
SCARECROW Unusual weather they have here.
TIN MAN Is it more of the witch’s spell? Will the bubbles put us to sleep too?
SCARECROW Other than lemony-fresh, I don’t feel any different.
DOROTHY Oh, where am I?
TIN MAN & SCARECROW Dorothy!
LION Hey are you giving me a bath?
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WITCH (ENTERING landing with Monkey #1)
Curse it! Curse it! Where were your monkeys? Didn’t you send them!
MONKEY #1 I did send them, Oh Great and Evil and Most Ugly and Smelly Witch! They must have stopped to play!
WITCH They could have snatched those slippers right off her feet. Fetch me my broom! I’ll take care of this myself and then you and your flying cockroaches will feel the pain of my wrath!
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(Monkey #1 enters center. Putting on helmet or weapons belt.)
MONKEY #3 (entering side) I overslept! What's going on???
MONKEY #2 The witch is mad! She sent Monkey Squad # 1
to the Poppy field, but instead they went to the Puppy Field!
MONKEY #3 Oh, the puppies! I love the puppies!
MONKEY # 2 You wouldn't say that if the Witch turned YOU into a chew toy.
MONKEY #3 Eeeek!! Is that what she did to Monkey Squad # 1???
MONKEY #2 Yes! And now she said to attack Emerald City. Come on.
MONKEY #3 Emerald City?
MONKEY #2 Well, maybe it was Mud Puddle City!
MONKEY #3 Oh! I love Mud Puddle City!
MONKEY #2 Me too! Let's go! (THEY EXIT)
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DOROTHY Oh, please! Please sir. I've got to see the Wizard! The Good Witch of the North sent me!
GATEKEEPER Prove it.
SCARECROW She's wearing the ruby slippers she gave her.
GATEKEEPER So she is! Well, bust my buttons! Why didn't you say that in the first place?
TIN MAN Dorothy killed the Wicked Witch of the East!
GATEKEEPER What??? That’s the little girl who killed the Wicked Witch of the East???
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GATEKEEPER I’m the door man, and no one enters without my OK! The Great Oz has decreed it!
E2 They we’ll go out!
(Emerald City Residents come out thru gate.)
E2 Are you Dorothy who killed the Wicked Witch of the East!
DOROTHY Yes.
E3 It’s all over the news! How did you do it?
DOROTHY It was an accident. My house fell on her.
E4 Oh, she is so humble! Listen to her!
DOROTHY Awww.. it really was an accident.
E5 What were you wearing?
DOROTHY Uh,.... this?
E5 Oh, dear. What a shame. Why don’t you visit my shop...
E1 (to E5) Oh be quiet! She’s a hero! (To Dorothy) The Great Oz will certainly want to meet you!
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E 12345 (pointing) Up in the sky!!!
DOROTHY Oh, my! She’s terrifying!
SCARECROW Her broom is on fire! Hurray!
TIN MAN No! She’s writing something in smoke.
LION Oh, what’s it say? What’s it say? I can’t look! If it’s something about me, don’t tell me!
ALL READ: (sounding out) S-u-r-r-e-n-d-e-r- Dorothy or die! signed W. W. W.
E4 Surrender Dorothy? We’ll never surrender Dorothy!
E5 (to Gatekeeper) Get them inside quickly!
The Great and Powerful Oz will want to protect them!
GATEKEEPER Now wait a minute! The Great and Powerful Oz is a busy wizard. He doesn’t just drop everything for a noisy crowd in the street!
VOICE OF THE WITCH Surrender Dorothy or your pretty little Emerald City will be a pile of green dust!
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E4 About time!
E5 You just wait until the next election, Gatekeeper!
GATEKEEPER I’m appointed!
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GATEKEEPER (ENTERING) Attention! The Wizard of Oz refuses to see you. Goodbye!
(EXITS but will peek back in from side.)
DOROTHY Oh!
(They stand dumbfounded for 3 seconds.)
Refuses to see us!
TIN MAN Oh, Dorothy I’m sorry. I guess we came a long way for nothing.
SCARECROW This is – is – is a travesty! An injustice! A – a –
LION Real bummer! (sobs)
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DOROTHY And I lost the envelopes and stamps I had so I can’t even write! (sobs)
TIN MAN Do they deliver mail inside the dog pound???
DOROTHY Waaaah ! (crying more)
LION (to Tin Man) Can't you be more sensitive???
TIN MAN How was I to know her family was so... dis-functional?
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GATEKEEPER (wiping tears) Stop! Stop! I had an Auntie Em, myself. I’ll get you in. I’ll get you in to see the Wizard, somehow. Now go on into town. See a show or something.
The ( Your Theater Name Here ) is putting on a self-referencing adaptation of an old classic. Go see it. Here – here are some free tickets. The Great Oz will send for you. Go on. (EXITS)
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( The Emerald Citizens can either sing the "Merry Old Land of Oz" song or do the Lousy Play where they do an absolutely awful performance of the Munchkin scene while Dorothy and her friends watch from the actual audience. Done right, this scene is hilarious and almost an out of body experience.)
OPTIONAL LOUSY PLAY scene- Instead of Emerald City Song:
LION Roar! Let's paint the town!
SCARECROW: Yeah! Let's use these free tickets!
(Ad lib as they go to the entrance to the audience: excited talk of Balcony, Snackbar, Tuxedo, High Society, Last cue: Chandeliers as they enter the back of the audience)
(Emerald City Lousy Players troop onto stage apron in front of closed curtain.)
LOUSY DOROTHY: Oh, dear, Toto. I don't think we're in Arkansas anymore.
LOUSY TOTO: Woof. (Uncomfortable dead air.)
DOROTHY: (first entering seats area) Shhh... It 's already started......Oh, dear.....
SCARECROW: Did you see the crud at the snack bar?
TIN MAN: Ugh. Well at least there's plenty of food on the FLOOR.
LION: Oh! It's sticky. (look for seats, spread out)
BACKSTAGE: Pssst! I wonder where we are!
LOUSY DOROTHY : I wonder where we are?....
...... I said I WONDER WHERE WE ARE?
LOUSY GLINDA: Uh, Munchkinland. Ta daa!
MUNCHKIN: (out of tune) Ding Dong the Witch is dead lalala
LOUSY GLINDA & DOROTHY: NOT YET! (Dead air.)
DOROTHY: Is this a musical?????
SCARECROW: More like a massacre.
TIN MAN: Is that a man in a dress?
LION: This is disturbing.
BACKSTAGE: pssst! Are you a good witch
LOUSY GLINDA: OH! Uh... Are you a good witch--
LOUSY DOROTHY: I'm not a witch.
LOUSY GLINDA: --or a bad witch?
LOUSY DOROTHY: I SAID I'M NOT A WITCH!
LOUSY GLINDA: You interrupted my line!
LOUSY DOROTHY: Because you stopped.
(Whispered argument.)
TOTO: Woof.
DOROTHY: Scarecrow! Check the tickets. Is this the right address?
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DOROTHY I am Dorothy and this is my dog Toto. We came here by accident in a tornado and I beg your great Wonderful Wizardness to to to ---
OZ SILENCE! The Great and Omniscient Oz knows why you are here. Dorothy! You want to go home to Kansas!
DOROTHY Yes I do!
OZ Ridiculous! Killing some insignificant witch in a clumsy accident, and becoming a local pop star doesn’t impress the Great Oz! Tin Man!
(Dorothy retreats, Tin Man forward.)
TIN MAN Yes?
OZ You want a heart.
TIN MAN Yes...?
OZ You mournful metal mutant! Only a magnet could be attracted to you! How dare you ask my superior abilities for such insipid idiocy! Scarecrow!
(Tin Man retreats, Scarecrow forward.)
SCARECROW Yes?
OZ You need a baling machine, not a brain. Why don’t you go feed a cow and do something useful for a change?
Lion! (Scarecrow retreats, Lion forward.)
LION Uh – uh – uh
OZ You frumpy, flopping, frightened feline! Get up here and show me why you deserve some courage.
LION Uh –uh –uh (faints)
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SCARECROW Bring her broomstick??? But we’d have to kill her to get it.
OZ So be it! I have spoken!
TIN MAN But how? We’ve been trying to escape her this whole trip!
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OZ Be off! The Great Oz has spoken!!!!
(Terror! The LION runs down the steps, across the audience and EXITS with OTHERS following.)
OZ It is intermission! The Great Oz has spoken!
(CURTAIN CLOSES -- INTERMISSION!)
(During Intermission Set up: WITCH’S CASTLE onstage & HAUNTED FOREST audience floor.)
ACT 2
(Remove Yellow Brick Road from audience. Set up Haunted Forest in Audience - including sign "Evil Lurks Ahead".
Set up Witch's castle room onstage. Contains fireplace with fake fire and container of cookies on fireplace or table, chair.
Conceal Wizard's camera setup behind portable scenery.)
SCENE 9A: MONKEY BRATS
(CURTAIN OPENS)
WITCH (pacing) Where are they? What is taking so long?
(FLYING MONKEYS ENTER excited and happy.)
WITCH There you are! Did you get the ruby slippers?
MONKEYS (scared): Slippers? Slippers? Slippers?
MONKEY LEADER: We got you something even better. Go on! Show her! We got you a...
(Two other monkeys present:) Ruby swiffer!
(They present a ruby colored Swiffer floor mop.
WITCH takes it. Stares over audience.)
WITCH A ruby swiffer.
(Song: “Monkey Brats” to tune of “Little Girls” - Annie.)
Monkey Brats, monkey brats
Everywhere I look I can see them
Monkey brats, monkey brats
Night and day I eat sleep and breathe them
I’m an ordinary witch with feelings,
I’d like to spread terror everywhere
but who will flee? When all they see
Are these screeching morons flapping ‘round the air?
How I hate monkey wings, monkey tails
and all that monkey whining,
-- Monkey 1: Can I go potty?
I’d have cracked years ago (Monkey 1 EXITS)
If it weren’t for my days off flying.
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LINES SKIPPED ----------
Someday I’ll be the village idiot
Gibbering with the other dingbats
There I’ll sit, Watching it,
Total world destruction by Monkey Braaaats!
MONKEY # 1(entering) Wicked Witch! Wicked Witch! I have news!
WITCH What is it ?
MONKEY # 1 (sassy) Three guesses!
WITCH Three guesses how I’ll cook your carcass if you don’t tell me!
MONKEY #1 Dorothy and her friends are climbing the mountain!
WITCH What!? They are coming here!
MONKEY #1 Yes! Yes! Yes! Do I get a cookie?
WITCH (with insane calm exhilaration) Yes. You do get a cookie. (Gives cookie)
MONKEY # 1 Eee eee eee ee ! (gobbles it)
OTHER MONKEYS I wanna cookie!
WITCH SHUT UP!!!!
(instant insane calm)
If you want a cookie, instead of BEING TURNED INTO MONKEY-SHAPED cookies, you will listen to these instructions:
(Monkeys gather attentively)
Spread your moth-eaten wings and fly into the Haunted Forest and snatch up that girl and her dog.
Do what you like with the others, but I want her alive and unharmed!
Take special care of those ruby slippers. I want those most of all. Now, fly! Fly! Bring me that girl and her slippers! Fly! Fly! Fly!
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LINES SKIPPED ----------
DOROTHY Do you have the funny feeling we’re being watched?
LION Yes, I do.... Oh! Oh!
DOROTHY What?
LION (turning all directions) There are eyes all around us! Look!
DOROTHY I see them. And they ARE following us!
(THEY scream & run down to floor in front of closed curtain.)
TIN MAN Should we find a place to hide, and sleep until morning?
SCARECROW In the morning the Witch will be able to see us coming. We have to sneak up on her at night.
TIN MAN Wouldn’t a witch sleep during the day?
SCARECROW She would, but maybe not her guards and minions.
TIN MAN Guards and what?
SCARECROW Minions. You know, creatures that do her bidding.
TIN MAN Like what?
(FLYING MONKEYS lift up curtain and swoop in screaming!)
SCARECROW Like Flying Monkeys!
(FLYING MONKEYS will:
One leaps on Lion’s back, he spins, two pull his tail, he falls, pile on and tie his hands behind his back with his own tail.
Two knock Scarecrow down and pull out some stuffing so he can’t get back up. .
One squirts Tin Man with squirt guns so he rusts.
One puts on Scarecrow’s hat and leaves with it.
Then:
Five pull Dorothy away screaming.
One grabs Toto’s leash and pulls him away.
---They EXIT down hall.)
(The LION struggles to get free.)
LION Help help! I'm tied up! Tied up with my own tail. How humiliating! (gets loose)
SCARECROW adlibbing Help! Help! I'm an empty bag!
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LION (looking at handful of straw) Is this you or a bird's nest?
SCARECROW I'll take anything at this point.
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DOROTHY Oh, please give me back my dog!
WITCH Certainly -- certainly -- when you give me those slippers.
DOROTHY But the Good Witch of the North told me not to.
WITCH (To Monkey) Very well! Tie that leash to a big rock and drop it in the moat and drown him!
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WITCH No! Fool, that I am! I remember Tristilda’s spell now....
(remembering, becomes child-like singing)
“Hair that is plucked from a Leprechaun’s head
Fine pixie dust swept from under the bed,
Magical slippers dipped in Fairy blood red,
Stay on my feet until I am dead.
Yes.... Those slippers will never come off, as long as..... you're alive.
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WITCH (Sees the Monkeys) Get out of those cookies! And clean this up! And don’t leave the bucket out!
(MONKEYS scream and both waving cookies EXIT the door pulling Toto on the leash after them.)
WITCH Stop! You let the dog escape!
DOROTHY Run Toto Run!
(MONKEYS #5, 6 & 7 ENTER dancing & singing:)
MONKEY # 5, 6 & 7
Who let the dog out? Woof Woof –Woof Woof!
Who let the dog out? Woof Woof-Woof Woof!
WITCH Zippity-zap!
(Monkeys are knocked off their feet.)
WITCH Go catch that dog!!!
(MONKEYS EXIT screeching.)
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DOROTHY Oh, I can’t get loose. And the moon is almost above the trees!
MONKEY #1 Eeee eee eee eee! Use your feet to untie it!
DOROTHY I can’t use my feet. I can’t even take off my shoes. Would you help me, please, Little Monkey!
MONKEY #1 Oh, no! I would like help you to but I can’t! I’m under a spell. If I disobey the Witch, or hurt her in any way, I’ll turn to mud!
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SCARECROW The end of the line is coming! Oh if only we could get in the door behind them.
LION Oh! I got an idea.
(They whisper, then go hide near the front row.
TIN MAN strides out and yells at THREE WINKIE GUARDS (Winkies onstage should make sure there are at least 3 outside):)
TIN MAN Hey! Where’d you get those costumes? Big sale after Halloween? Or April Fool’s ½ price sale???
Ha ha ha ha! Nyaah, nyahh, nyahh, nyahh, nyahh, nyahh!
(Sticks out his tongue, waggles his rear end.)
WINKIE 1st to speak: Isn’t that one of Dorothy’s friends?
WINKIE 2nd to speak: Aren’t they supposed to be hiding? Do you think it’s an ambush?
WINKIE 3rd to speak: Naw. We’d have to be idiots to fall for that. Get him!
(MUSIC: Kung Fu Fighting - -cue music to start after soft intro)
(WINKIES chase him over to where the Others are hidden. They pull down guards and there is a noisy fight with helmets and things tossed into air.
In a moment, Our Guys stand and put on cloaks and helmets and, pulling Toto, march EXIT to castle entrance.)
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SCARECROW We've looked all over. Where can she be?
TIN MAN Did you look in the dungeon?
LION I looked in the dungeon. Even though it was terrifying... and musty! It made me sneeze! Did you look in the cafeteria?
SCARECROW I looked in the cafeteria. It was disgusting! Banana Casserole Surprise. Bleah! Did you look in the Monkey Hair Salon?
TIN MAN I looked in the Monkey Hair Salon. Tick dips are on special this week.
LION Oh, really? I could use one.
SCARECROW Hello? We're trying to find Dorothy! Hey did anyone try this door?
TIN MAN No!
LION Not me!
SCARECROW (loud whisper) Dorothy? Dorothy?
DOROTHY Scarecrow? Scarecrow! I’m in here!
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LINES SKIPPED ----------
TIN MAN You’re untied! Run Dorothy!
(DOROTHY grabs Toto and tries to exit but Winkies block her.)
WITCH Stickety-stick-Zap!
(TIN MAN is drawn like a magnet to a wall.)
TIN MAN I’m magnetized! I can’t move!
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WITCH I think I’ll have a little fun. Lion we need more kindling. Grab the Scarecrow and push him into the fireplace. And then we’ll turn the little dog into a big marshmallow and toast him. Who says I don’t know how to put on a party?
(LION tries not to, but has to shove SCARECROW toward the fire.)
DOROTHY (coming toward Scarecrow) No No No!
(A Winkie Guard grabs her and flings her behind them to where the bucket is, down stage side.)
LION Stop me! Stop me! I don't want to do it!
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DOROTHY The ruby slippers fell off my feet!
WITCH (comes toward her between Dorothy & Scarecrow) What?? Let me see!
SCARECROW I’m burning!
(The Guards part and DOROTHY runs through and splashes the fire and the Witch with the bucket of water.)
WINKIES Oh, no!
(WINKIES & MONKEYS clutch heads and arms in a panic.
The spell on the Lion and Tin Man is broken.)
WITCH Aaah! You bratty little goody-two-shoes!
You splashed me with water! My one weakness! I’m melting....
Oh, Tristilda! Our childish curses have destroyed us both!
Aaaah! I’m melting. I’m melting!
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LINES SKIPPED ----------
WINKIES & MONKEYS
Hail to Dorothy! The Wicked Witch is dead!
DOROTHY You’re not angry?
(MONKEYS act out what Winkies describe)
WINKIE #2 No. You’ve freed us from a miserable life. Just think! No more marching around the castle.
WINKIE #3 No more attacking and pillaging!
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LINES SKIPPED ----------
(MONKEYS flop down.)
WINKIE #1 Thank you Dorothy! How can we repay you!
DOROTHY Oh! Oh! Her broom! May we have it?
WINKIE #2 Of course! Take it! (hands it to her)
WINKIE #3 Is that what you came for? Her broom?
DOROTHY (embarrassed) Well, yes.
WINKIE #3 There’s two more out in the dumpster. Help yourself.
DOROTHY Oh, thanks....
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LINES SKIPPED ----------
DOROTHY You were great Lion! So brave. You got right in that witch’s face and roared at her.
LION Ahhhh, ya noticed.
DOROTHY And all of you came for me! I knew you would.
TIN MAN Well, Toto led the way.
DOROTHY Oh, but now, yawn, I’m so tired. And we have to walk all the way back to the Emerald City.
MONKEY #4 No you don’t! You can sleep here! And I’ll make breakfast! Banana pancakes!
MONKEY # 5 We’ll make you comfy beds! And jump on them to make them soft!
MONKEY # 1 And fly you to Emerald City in the morning! We’ll do loop-de-loops!
MONKEY #2 And then we can play in the Munchkin Forest all day!
MONKEY #3 From now on forever and ever!
MONKEYS Yay!!!!!!
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LINES SKIPPED ----------
DOROTHY Thank you. Scarecrow, what do you suppose the witch meant about her and her sister’s childish curses?
SCARECROW I haven’t a brain, but it does seem that anyone as mean as the witch must have had some bad childhood experiences.
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br>TRISTILDA (practicing spell) Hair that is torn.... No.. Hair that is plucked from a Leprechaun’s head...
REPESTRA (ENTERING with wand) Tristilda! Did you turn my black kitten into an ugly black warthog?
TRISTILDA Your stupid kitten wouldn’t attack for me, so I changed him into something that would.
REPESTRA I don’t want a warthog sleeping on my bed!
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LINES SKIPPED ----------
REPESTRA Ooooh! I hate you!
TRISTILDA I hate you more! And I’ll prove it!
Joy of Otter, Turning Hotter.
Make this Girl Allergic to Water!
Zap! Now leave me alone or I will dump this cauldron of water on you!
REPESTRA You didn’t make me allergic to water!
(TRISTILDA dips a finger into her cauldron and flicks a drop of water onto REPESTRA.)
REPESTRA Ow! It burns! You made me allergic to water!
Now I can’t take baths! Or drink anything but vinegar. I’ll be smelly and sour! Remove the spell!
TRISTILDA No!
REPESTRA I’ll get you back!
TRISTILDA You don’t know any spells.
REPESTRA Use the power of her bad mood,
Make this girl allergic to wood!
TRISTILDA (falls to her hands and knees) Ow! The house! The house! It’s pressing on me. Take it back!
REPESTRA Take yours back first!
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LINES SKIPPED ----------
(EMERALD CITIZENS lead the Triumphant parade from side hall across floor toward Gate. Monkeys follow, then Dorothy and Pals with Scarecrow holding broom aloft at rear.
They pause at center to finish song.)
ALL sing
Ding Dong! The Witch has died.
Which old Witch?
Both of Them!!
Ding Dong! The Wicked Witch has died!
ALL sing
Dorothy gave her a splash
She melted into the trash
Ding dong the Wicked Witch has died!
Never more will we
Live in anxiety
MONKEYS Or Monkeys in Captivity
ALL Time for Festivity
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LINES SKIPPED ----------
TIN MAN We’ve got the broom so The Wizard will grant our wishes!
SCARECROW Look I can spin it!
TIN MAN Hey! Don't point that thing at me! You'll turn me into a soda can!
LION Yeah! Be careful! You'll put someone's eye out.
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LINES SKIPPED ----------
OZ'S VOICE Oh you liquidated her, eh? Very resourceful!
DOROTHY Yes, sir. So we'd like you to keep your
promise to us, if you please, sir.
OZ'S VOICE Not so fast! Not so fast! I'll have to give the matter a little thought. Go away and come back tomorrow!
DOROTHY Tomorrow? Oh, but I want to go home now.
(Stomps her foot. She drops Toto’s leash.)
(Hopefully, Toto will have discovered the trail of jerky leading to the hidden Wizard. When he goes behind the curtain, The Wizard will try to close it and will stumble in his speech.)
TIN MAN You've had plenty of time already!
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LINES SKIPPED ----------
DOROTHY Who are you?
OZ'S VOICE Oh - I - Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain. Go! Before I lose my temper!
The Great and Powerful Oz -- has spoken!
DOROTHY Who are you?
OZ'S VOICE (still hollering into microphone) Well, I -- I -- I am the Great and Powerful
(gives up and faces her) Wizard of Oz.
DOROTHY You are?
WIZARD Uhhhh -- yes...
DOROTHY I don't believe you!
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WIZARD As for you, my fine friend -- You are under the unfortunate delusion that simply because you run away from danger, you have no courage. You're confusing courage with wisdom.
Back where I come from, we have men who are called “Heroes”. Once a year, they take their courage out of mothballs and parade it down the main street of the city. And they have no more courage than you have.
But! They have one thing that you haven't got!
A Wrestling Belt!
Ahem! For Extreme Courage and Pompous Display against Wicked Witches, I award you the 1st Place Pro- Wrestling Warrior of the Universe Medallion!
-- Good for free donuts and grilled cheese sandwiches across the civilized world.
LION Oh – Oh! Help me put it on! Oh, shucks, folks, I'm speechless!
TIN MAN Ooooh! It's shiny. Like me!
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LINES SKIPPED ----------
WIZARD (giving up looking) Well, you force me into a cataclysmic decision. The only way to get Dorothy back to Kansas is for me to take her there myself!
DOROTHY Oh, will you? Could you? Oh -- but are you a clever enough Wizard to manage it?
WIZARD Child -- you cut me to the quick!
I'm an old Kansas man myself...born and bred in the heart of the western wilderness !
Premier balloonist par excellence to the Miracle Wonderland Carnival Company -- until one day, while performing spectacular feats of stratospheric skill never before attempted by civilized man, an unfortunate phenomena occurred. The balloon failed to return to the fair.
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LINES SKIPPED ----------
E1 Oh! The Wizard’s balloon is so beautiful and amazing!
E2 Does it really fly?
E3 Of course it flies! The Wizard said so!
E4 Look the Wizard is helping Dorothy into the balloon!
MONKEYS Goodbye Toto Good bye Toto! (wave jerky to attract dog)
(DOROTHY releases Toto who, hopefully, goes to jerky)
LION Oh no! Toto jumped out of the balloon!
(TOTO goes to MONKEYS pet him with treats.)
TIN MAN And Dorothy jumped out after him!
SCARECROW Dorothy go back! Go back!
DOROTHY (returning) Oh, come back here! Toto!
(Hidden Wizard releases balloon. It is either helium, on a fishing line or is pulled up thru loop in ceiling.)
EMERALD CITIZENS The Wizard’s balloon! It’s flying away!
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E1 Haven’t you little monsters caused enough damage?
(MONKEYS hang their heads in shame.)
E2 Look what you did! Dorothy can’t go home!
E3 Bad Monkeys! Bad Monkeys!
DOROTHY No! Don’t scold them! They didn’t mean to.
TIN MAN Monkeys will be monkeys. And dogs will be dogs.
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LINES SKIPPED ----------
GLINDA Hello Dorothy. I’ve heard of your wonderful adventures and recent disappointment.
DOROTHY (running up onto stage apron)
Oh, will you help me? Can you help me?
(Only DOROTHY & GLINDA are on apron)
GLINDA You don't need to be helped any longer.
You've now have your own power to go back to Kansas.
DOROTHY My own power? How did I get it?
GLINDA By using your own wits, bravery and love when it seemed you had nothing else. They have a magic all their own. Now, those ruby slippers will take you home in two seconds!
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LINES SKIPPED ----------
DOROTHY (eyes closed, swaying, dreamlike)
There's no place like home. There's no place like home. There's no place like home. There's no place like home... (continue)
(CURTAIN OPENS:
SCENE 13 : BACK IN KANSAS –
Interior Kansas parlor still in disarray after the Tornado with furniture turned over
and DOROTHY gently, dreamily, eyes closed, walks backwards to collapse softly into it (with her ruby shoes hidden under or behind her) where she collapsed before.)
AUNTIE EM’S VOICE She’s not in the kitchen.
UNCLE HENRY’S VOICE She’s not in the front yard!
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LINES SKIPPED ----------
UNCLE HENRY Didja shake her?
DOROTHY (waking) Oh, Auntie Em -- it's you!
Uncle Henry! And Toto! You made it back with me! Oh! And the house came back too!
AUNT EM (patting her head) Yes, yes, dear. We’re all here.. and the house too. Oh my, Henry. She has a bump the size of a chicken egg on her head.
DOROTHY Auntie Em! You escaped from the dog pound!
AUNT EM What??? I what??? Child, you have had a strange dream.
PROFESSOR (ENTERING) Hello? Hello? Pardon me, the door was open, in fact it’s ripped off its hinges and floating in the duck pond. I was just checking on the little girl. I saw her running home just before the tornado hit.
UNCLE HENRY She got a big bump on her head. Couldn’t wake her up. Thought we were gonna lose her.
PROFESSOR Well, she’s bright eyed now.
DOROTHY Oh, you did lose me! The house flew up in the tornado and it crashed on top of a witch in a strange land and there were little people and flying monkeys!
PROFESSOR What a setting! I should write that down, turn it into screenplay or something.
Oh, speaking of good settings... I passed by a rescue crew and the local newspaper photographer. It seems your neighbor, a Miss Gully, got swooped up by the tornado and deposited high in a tree. She’ll be front page tomorrow.
(AUNTIE EM tries to hide a giggle)
I told the newspaper photographer the tragedy of your little dog and Miss Gully’s laundry and he said he’d be over this afternoon to get the details. He seemed very sympathetic to your cause.
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UNCLE HENRY Of course we believe you, Dorothy.
DOROTHY (lovingly) No you don't. Oh, but anyway, Toto, we're home! Home! Home-wonderful home! And I'm not going to leave ever, ever again, because I love you all!
And -- Oh, Auntie Em -- there's no place like home!
(CLOSE CURTAIN)
WIZARD OF OZ SCENE LIST
p. 1 -Scene 1: TROUBLE IN KANSAS
Dorothy & Toto
Uncle Henry
Auntie Em
Miss Gully
Professor Woodruff
Weather Techies
p. 5 – Scene 2: MUNCHKIN LAND
Dorothy & Toto
Bubbler (backstage)
Glinda
Munchkins
Witch
p. 9 – Scene 3: SCARECROW IN CORNFIELD
Dorothy & Toto
Scarecrow
p. 11 – Scene 4: APPLE TREE & Hidden TIN MAN
Dorothy & Toto
Apple Tree
Tin Man
Scarecrow
Witch p. 15
p. 12 – Scene 5: LION IN DARK FOREST
Dorothy & Toto
Scarecrow
Tin Man
Land Shark
Boar
Lion
Witch
Monkey #5
p. 14 – Scene 6: POPPY FIELD NEAR OZ
Dorothy & Toto
Scarecrow
Tin Man
Lion
Witch
Monkey #1
Bubbler (backstage)
Monkeys
p. 15 – Scene 7 continued: EMERALD CITY GATE
Dorothy & Toto
Scarecrow
Tin Man
Lion
Gatekeeper/Gatekeeper
Emerald Citizen # 1
Emerald Citizen # 2
Emerald Citizen # 3
Emerald Citizen # 4
Emerald Citizen # 5
Witch (Voice)
p. 18 – Scene 8: OZ’S THRONE ROOM
Dorothy & Toto
Scarecrow
Tin Man
Lion
Wizard
----------INTERMISSION-----
p. 19 – Scene 9: WITCH’S CASTLE / HAUNTED FOREST
Witch & Monkeys
p. 19 Scene 9B: FOREST – ATTACK OF FLYING MONKEYS
Dorothy & Toto
Scarecrow
Tin Man
Lion
Monkeys
p. 20 - Scene 9c: CASTLE - DOROTHY CAPTIVE
Dorothy & Toto
Witch
Monkey #3
Monkey #4
Monkey #5
Monkey #6
p. 21 Scene 9d: FOREST - TOTO ARRIVES
Lion
Scarecrow
Tin Man
Toto
p. 21 - Scene 9e: MONKEY TALK
Dorothy
Monkey #1
Witch
p. 21 Scene 9f: FRONT OF CASTLE – WINKIE GUARDS
Scarecrow
Tin Man
Lion
Winkie Guards
p. 22 Scene 9g: MELT THE WITCH
Dorothy & Toto
Scarecrow
Tin Man
Lion
Witch
Winkie Guards
Monkeys
p. 24 - Scene 10: LITTLE WITCHES’ FEUD
Tristilda
Repestra
p. 25, Scene 11: BACK TO OZ
Emerald Citizens #1-4 & Monkeys
Dorothy & Toto
Tin Man
Lion
Scarecrow
Gatekeeper / Wizard
p. 27 – Scene 12: BALLOON RIDE
Emerald Citizens #1-4 & Monkeys
Tin Man
Lion
Scarecrow
Dorothy & Toto
Wizard
Glinda
p. 28 – Scene 13: BACK IN KANSAS
Auntie Em & Uncle Henry
Dorothy & Toto
Professor Woodruff
(PRODUCTION NOTES:
WIZARD’S DISPLAY - TRICKY: This script isn’t too difficult technically, except that it does seem to require a video projector and camcorder and karaoke machine for the Wizard’s display. We set up the video camera behind the onstage curtained area where the Professor is discovered “operating” the equipment. The camera was aimed at the Professor who looks right at the camera while acting, the camera cable ran far upstage to the video projector which was aimed toward the audience onto a hanging white sheet (rear projecting onto it). We created a frame around this to look majestic.
The Professor also was speaking into a microphone – its cable ran across stage to a karaoke machine (with echo effect) hidden behind the frame of the projection sheet, so the voice seemed to come from the image. All this is very tricky and expensive. You should be sure you can deal with this effect before deciding to perform this show.
CLOSED CURTAIN SCENES
Also, note the scenes that take place in front of a closed curtain. These are there so you have time to change the set behind the curtain.
When Dorothy and her gang sing “We’re off to see the Wizard” in the audience – that is to use up time so the set can be changed. They should not rush through it and creating some action or choreography on these excursions would be good.
HOT AIR BALLOON
We created a miniature hot air balloon with a balloon, string and a strawberry pint basket. We put a loop in the ceiling and ran fish line through it up and down so the Professor could pull on one end and lift the balloon. The audience really loves this. It of course has to be concealed until its entrance If you cannot do the fishline and loop in the ceiling you could do a helium balloon that has a fish line tether so you can pull it down after the show.)
