We eat our dinner in silence. I think of this man who is called my Padawan, and wonder what place I have in his life. If not a Master, then what? Am I just a teacher to him, or something more? As my thoughts drift I think back on my own apprenticeship, on my own Master. In some ways there is little difference from my life then and now. I still do not control my destiny, I submit to the wishes of the Council and the Force. That I teach now instead of being taught does not seem such a large thing to me. Merely a difference in perspective. A clink of dishes alerts me to Anakin's rising. I absently murmur my thanks.
It has been over 14 years since Qui-Gon died, and still I miss him. Sometimes, in the depths of my dreams I can feel him reaching for me, as though he longs to be with me yet. But always the day comes, always the dreams end, and my heart is shattered anew with each breaking of the dawn.
My thoughts are broken as Anakin comes back from clearing our dishes and sits beside me. I glance up at him, then continue in my thoughts.
"Obi-Wan." I have not heard my name whispered in that fashion for longer than I care to remember. And certainly not from this man beside me. I vaguely feel that something is not right here, yet nothing concrete occurs to me. He gently runs his hand along my cheek and to my neck, pulling my head toward his. That little buzz of warning is growing more insistent now. I turn my attention to discerning what it is. Before I know it his lips are on mine, his tongue flits out...
I pull back quickly, shaking my head slowly as if to clear it. "Anakin! What are you doing?"
"Kissing you." He speaks calmly, as though this were the most natural thing in the world. Doesn't he know what could happen to us? In confusion I attempt to stand, to distance myself, but his grasp holds me there.
"Anakin, listen... we can't... the Code..." No, not this again. Qui-Gon and I loved each other with purity beyond compare, yet there was always fear. The fear of being caught, the fear of punishment, and worst of all, the fear of being separated. It was worth it, but oh, how hard it was.
"Yes we can." I have started to tremble by now, feeling confused and vulnerable. I fear there is a missing piece, some clue I have yet to figure out, some force I am simply not recognizing. "I erected a Force shield," He stands up, still with my wrist in his hand, "No one will ever know." With one swift motion I am in his arms, being carried to his room. He whispers again in my ear, "No one."
Was that how my words sounded, when I spoke them to my beloved? Did I sound as though the Dark had swallowed me whole, leaving only seductive grace behind? A shudder runs though me. Surely not, Qui-Gon would never have allowed me in his bed if that had been so. But yet I wonder.
We have reached his room, and he lies me down on his bed. I look up at him, pleading with out words for I know not what. He smiles, sitting down gently on the edge of the bed. He reachs out and undoes my sash, then pushes aside my tunics. As his hand begins to caress skin I freeze, willing my self to run, hide, do anything but lie here helpless. He must have felt me tense, for now he removes his hand. He steps back and efficiently strips down to his leggings. Having done this he comes back to the bed and lies down on top of me. Settling himself he goes back to removing my clothes. Something in me breaks, I must speak. "Why Anakin?"
He regards me thoughtfully for a minute before replying simply, "Because I want to." This is not good. He finishes with my tunics and removes my leggings, shifting his weight and urging my hips up to get them off. Some part of my brain screams at me to run, but something is holding me back. I watch him look down my body, following his gaze with my own. When I see my arousal things begin to click into place, something is not right here, oh... "What did you give me?" I manage to ask.
"Nothing much," he informs me with assurance in his voice. His hands wander down my chest, following the path of his eyes. By now I am starting to recognize exactly what is going on now. He drugged me, brought me here, and now... oh Force... he's going to... "Let me go!" I pull away, hoping against hope that I am wrong.
"No," is the only reply he gives, and it scares me. There is something in his eyes, something that has always been there, but only now is dominating the darkening pupils. I struggle against him, knowing it is useless but I have to try. It has been many years since I could beat him in weaponless combat.
He manages to flip me onto my stomach, the worst possible position to be in. As I continue to struggle he grabs my wrists, forcing my arms above my head until they are touching the wall. At the same time his longer legs hook under mine, stilling them and forcing them apart in one clean movement. I can now feel his erection digging into me, there is no doubt in his intentions.
I stop my movement, accepting briefly the truth of how thoroughly I am trapped. "Please, Anakin, don't do this..." I am begging now, but I don't care. And neither, evidently, does he. He shifts slightly, then I feel cuffs snap around my wrists. With his hands now free his slips out of his leggings and settles back on me, kissing the back of my neck while sliding one hand down my back, searching...
With one finger resting on my opening he brings his other hand up and turns my head so he can devour me. As his tongue enters my mouth he shoves his thumb into me. Any sound I make is blocked by Anakin's mouth. When he releases my head I let it fall back on to the pillow with a soft moan. He fumbles for something on his bedside table, then I feel cool oil being poured into the small of my back.
I know I make another noise when he pulls out of me, coating his fingers with oil. No, this can't be happening... two fingers entering this time, leaving a slightly painful burning sensation. He twists them, searching until the pleasure begins to over ride the pain. I think I am making some noise now... but I can't really tell...
His erection is nudging me now... no... oh force... please... no one has been there since Qui...no!! I hear something like a scream, I think it's me, when he pushes inside me, I know I'm struggling again. /Master, Master! Help!/
But of course there was no reply. Anakin's shields keep all my cries from leaving our quarters. He is thrusting now, deep inside me. As he reaches around to stroke me, I go limp. I've lost. By the time I come there are tears running softly down my cheeks, barley discernible from the sweat already pooling there. He thrusts again, and again, then there is the unmistakable sensation of seed being spilt inside me.
He collapses, bringing me down with him. After a short rest he releases my wrist and spoons up behind me. My thoughts are in complete disorder, partly, I suspect, on account of whatever he used to drug me. He kisses my forehead, then mutters a single word, "Sleep."
Without any strength or even desire to counter the Suggestion, I slip thankfully into oblivion. And in my dreams, it is Qui-Gon that holds me, and I am safe.
End for now.
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