Title: It’s a Wonderful Unlife
Author: Joyce Renee
E-mail: joycerenee@springmail.com
Disclaimer: I own nothing, not even the idea. Don’t sue!
Rating: Pg-13
Spoilers: major spoilers up to 'Fool for Love'
Summary: It’s a spoof of the Christmas movie, It’s a Wonderful Life with James Stewart and Donna Reed.
Feedback: The best kind of Christmas Present!
It’s a Wonderful Unlife
Chapter One~ The Prayers
A young man was kneeling next to a park bench on Christmas Eve.
“Uh, okay. I feel a little stupid doing this, but here goes.”
Xander took a deep breath and glanced around the yard, making sure that no one was around to hear him. He’d been sitting on the bench trying to come up with a solution to his problem when it suddenly occurred to him that it was just too much for him to handle. He needed help. They all did.
He’d only prayed once before in his life. He’d been five years old at the time. His father was drunk and was hitting his mom, again. Xander had covered his head with a pillow trying to tune out the sounds of angry shouting. After praying that they’d stop, they just got louder. He’d never prayed again. He figured if ‘God’ or whoever had actually heard him, they didn’t care, so why bother?
But this was important. It had to do with the Slayer, and the fate of the world. Surely the mighty Power’s that Be would pay attention this time. Well, it wasn’t as if he had a lot of options anyway.
“Okay. God? Or whoever can hear me up there? We need help. He needs help. Uh, I mean Spike. He’s upset, who wouldn’t be? But I think he’s gonna do something drastic you know? I know he hasn’t been the best guy, er vampire to have around, but we do need him. I have faith in Buffy, really I do. But I don’t think that she can do this without him. And if she can’t do it, we all die. And I... I can’t believe I’m on my knees praying for a vampire. Well, help him please? Uh, Amen.”
“Xander? What’s going on? Why are you talking to yourself?” Anya asked, curious as to why her boyfriend was on his knees.
“I’m not talking to myself, I’m praying.”
“Oh! Are you going to be all religious now? You’re not going to be a priest, are you? Cause you know, priests don’t have sex.” she told him, suddenly worried.
“No, I’m not going to be a Priest! Honey, some serious things are going on, and I don’t know if we’re gonna get through this alive.” Xander said taking her hands.
“You’re talking about the Hellmouth opening? Don’t worry about that! Buffy and Spike will stop it.” she said confidently.
“Spike’s disappeared.”
Anya pondered his words for a minute before dropping to her knees.
“Please help Spike. Make him come back so we won’t die.”
**********
“I know, Spike has tried to kill us before. And he betrays us every chance he gets. And he is an evil vampire, but he’s our evil vampire and we need him.” Willow pleaded as she knelt beside her bed.
“He’s not bad all of the time, I mean he made me feel better after Oz left, granted he was trying to kill me, but he’s not trying to kill me anymore and.. oh please! Just help him! Please?!”
Tara came and knelt beside Willow.
“He helped prove to my family I wasn’t a demon. I ask you to help him like he helped me. Only you don’t have to hurt his nose!”
Willow smiled at her.
“Amen.”
**********
“Spike sure did look bad when he left here. He’s been pretty decent to me I guess. And according to that Xander kid the fate of the world may depend on him. And being in the world...” Willy looked around the empty bar and sighed.
“Help him, God. He needs help only you can give.”
Shaking his head he went back to cleaning up.
**********
“Dear Lord, I pray every night that you bring my daughter home safe and sound. And every night she comes home. I’m so thankful for that. But tonight I pray for Spike. I can’t help but feel protective of him. And Buffy needs him. So, please. Bring him home safe and sound tonight. Amen.” Joyce Summers sighed, and headed up the stairs to check on Dawn before going to bed.
**********
“God, I heard mom praying for Spike tonight. I knew there was something going on that was more serious than Buffy was saying! She thinks it’s better if I don’t know all of the details, and maybe she’s right. I guess Spike must be important for whatever is going on, so I’m praying for him too. So, help him or whatever. Thanks.” Dawn turned off her lamp and climbed beneath the covers feeling confident that everything would be all right now.
**********
“This may be it. We need him back if we’re going to pull this off. Spike is so much more important than I had originally imagined. Please help him, Lord. Or I fear this will be the end of us all.” Giles got up to retrieve another book hoping, in vain, to find another way.
**********
“Spike! Spike? Spike, please, where are you?!” Buffy called as she jogged up and down the quiet streets of Sunnydale.
The silence seemed to mock her pleas and for a moment she felt a deep pang of despair. Spike looked ready to kill himself before he’d run off earlier. If that were the case, they were all doomed.
She stopped to catch her breath, and then looked up questioningly at the night sky.
“If anybody up there is listening, please let me find him! He’s our only hope.”
She gasped as a shooting star suddenly crossed the sky. Hoping that was an answer, she picked up her pace and tried to think of where else to look.
**********
Chapter Two~ When you wish upon a star or How a demon gets his wings
Whistler sighed as he lifted his hand to knock on The door. He hated having to go before the Powers themselves, but this had to be done.
The door was opened and he knelt before Them to show respect.
“Is there trouble?” They asked.
“Yeah, there have been a lot of people asking help for a vampire named Spike.”
“Spike?”
“Also known as William the Bloody.”
“Oh, yes! Tonight is his crucial night. We must send someone down immediately. Who’s turn is it?”
Whistler dared to lift his head as he said, “That bracken demon, Allen Francis Doyle.”
“He still hasn’t gotten his wings yet, hmm?”
“No, but it’s time that he did.”
“Very well. Send for him.”
**********
Doyle looked up in awe at Them.
“You sent for me?” he asked nervously.
“Yes, Allen Francis Doyle..”
“Uh, just Doyle please.”
“Very well, Doyle. Someone on Earth needs our help.”
“Why? Are they sick?” he should’ve known that he wouldn’t be getting to do any important jobs.
Despite dying a hero, Doyle didn’t get much respect from anyone in this place that he would spend eternity.
“No, he’s about to throw away the greatest gift he’s ever received.”
“Guy’s gonna kill himself, is he? Take his own life?”
“Well, unlife anyway.” It was Whistler who answered him this time.
Doyle turned to the demon standing beside him, noticing him for the first time.
“You want me to stop a vampire from killing himself? His name wouldn’t be Angel by any chance, would it?”
“No, it’s Spike.”
“Spike?!!!!”
“Yes, you know of him?”
“Only in the sense that he threatened to kill me! Ain’t no way I’m helping him, get someone else!”
“Doyle, you’ve been here how long?”
“Almost a year.”
“And you still haven’t earned your wings?”
“Well I uh,... no. And the others are starting to talk.” he looked down at his feet.
“If you want your wings, you’ll help him out.”
“Okay, okay. But can I ask you a question?”
“Go ahead.”
“Why Spike, of all people or vampires?”
“He is an integral part of The Plan, and that is all that you need to know.”
“Come with me kid.” Whistler said as he led the way out.
*********
“How could one vampire be so important?” Doyle asked Whistler as they sat on a star that over looked the Earth.
“His importance is beyond your understanding.” Whistler squirmed trying to get comfortable on the star.
“You think you were cheated out of your life? That you died too young? Your life on Earth would have been even shorter had Spike not been there.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I guess I’ll just have to show you, now close your eyes and concentrate.”
**********
Chapter Three~ What Childe is This?
Doyle did as he was told, and suddenly found himself on a crowded street. He could tell by the clothes of the people around him that he had gone back in time.
“London, 1870.” Whistler answered his unasked question, and motioned for Doyle to follow.
“Look.... out?” Doyle said as he watched a horse-drawn carriage go right through his companion.
“What? Oh, yeah, I forgot. We don’t really exist in this place or time. Think of it as being able to walk into a movie and nothing that you say or do will have any affect on what happens.” Whistler explained as he lead the way toward a group of young boys who were playing a game that looked similar to soccer.
The two demons got close enough to hear what was going on.
Doyle quietly watched the children play for a moment before asking, “I thought we were here to see Spike the vampire, remember? What is it, early afternoon? Vampires can’t come out ‘till sunset, you know?”
“What, do you think I’m some kinda idiot?! It’s 1870, Spike the vampire won’t exist for another ten years! Before he was a vampire Spike was human, a kid even.” Whistler was having trouble being patient with his charge.
“Yeah, but how can seeing Spike as a human help me? I thought that when you become a vampire, a demon takes over. The human Spike is replaced by a demon. The human that Spike is now, is dead and gone forever, right?”
“Actually, it’s the soul. The human’s soul is gone, and a demon’s soul takes it’s place.”
“Okay, so Spike has an evil demon soul. From what you said earlier, the good guys need him to help fight the good fight. Why? I get why Angel does it, he has a good human soul. But Spike doesn’t. Why would he even think about helping the good guys out if all he is evil?”
“When a demon’s soul takes over a body, it gains memories and experiences of the human’s life. And for Spike, his demon soul gained something else that’s more powerful than life and death.”
“And what was that?”
“Love. Now watch.”
**********
Doyle and Whistler were not the only ones watching the ‘soccer’ game. Off to the side stood a young boy with dirty blonde hair and bright blue eyes, who looked no more than ten. He was intently watching the game, and the look on his face, said that he longed to join in.
Suddenly, the ball was kicked toward him, and he caught it in his hands. One of the boys playing, ran to get it from him.
“Phillip? Can I play too?” the blonde boy asked as the other boy snatched the ball from his hands.
Phillip looked him over before laughing in his face.
“Hey Phil! What’s going on?” another boy asked as he ran to join them.
“Get this! William the nancy-boy wants to play ball with us!” Phillip laughed.
The other boy regarded William for a moment before saying, “Okay. He can be on my team.”
“What?! No way am I playing with the likes of him!” Phillip shouted, disgusted at the thought.
“Yeah, well it’s my ball and I say who can and can’t play.”
William watched wide eyed and speechless as the two boys stared each other down, before Phillip backed off.
“Fine! But when you lose because of wimpy here, don’t blame me!” And with that Phillip stomped away.
William was shocked and a little embarrassed. He’d never had anyone stand up for him before.
“Th-thank you, but I don’t think Phillip wants me to play. I don’t want to make him angry.” he stammered, looking down at his shoes.
“Oh, don’t pay any attention to that stupid sod! He’s terrible at playing this game anyway! My name is Henry.”
The two boys shook hands before returning to the ball game.
Doyle turned to Whistler, “Let me guess, Spike used to be Phillip, the red-headed bully, right?”
“Nope. William.”
“What? The big bad vampire Spike used to be a scrawny little nothing?”
“William’s greatest strength has always been his heart.”
Doyle watched as the scene in front of him faded, and he was back on the star.
“William made a friend that day. He and Henry were inseparable after that.”
“Okay, so what about this love that you were telling me about? Did he fall in love with Henry?”
“He loved Henry, not in the way you mean. William didn’t truly experience love for another five years. “
“Our next stop?”
“London, 1875.”
**********
William and Henry were walking down the street, unusually silent. Henry had told William that he needed to talk to him about something very important.
For the past five years, the young men had been best friends. William had never had a friend before. And, being an only child whose rich parents constantly neglected and sometimes even forgot about him altogether, he was always desperately afraid of scarring Henry away.
So lost in his troubled thoughts, William failed to notice the beautiful young woman who was hurriedly walking right toward him. The two ran right into each other, the woman falling to the ground and dropping a book.
“Oh, I’m so sorry Miss.” William said, helping the girl back to her feet.
“Yes, well you should watch where you’re going.” she huffed.
William, who’s face had turned a bright shade of red, picked up her book and looked at it.
“Poetry?” he asked before she snatched it from his hands.
“I happen to like poetry.” she said, before scurrying away.
William stared after her, clearly smitten.
“Who was that?”
“Her name is Cecily.” Henry grinned at his best friend.
“Be still my heart.” William whispered, every bone in his body demanding that he follow this dark haired goddess.
He had never felt this way before in his entire life. A warm feeling spread through his chest, and a large grin was plastered to his normally solemn face.
“Hello? William, are you even listening to me?” Henry asked, tapping his shoulder.
“What? Did you say something?”
“Let’s get a drink, I still need to talk to you. You can chase after girls later, okay?”
**********
The two men entered a Pub and sat down at their favorite table. After getting drinks and chatting for a few minutes about nothing, Henry took a deep breath and began his tale.
Henry told William how his father had sat him down last night and told him of his destiny. That he was to be a watcher.
“What is a watcher?” William asked.
“I can’t tell you too much William, I could get us both in a lot of trouble.”
He proceeded to tell William about vampires and demons.
“Vampires?” William laughed.
“I know, I laughed too. Until my father killed one, right in front of me.”
“You’re serious, aren’t you?” William asked, when he noticed that Henry was not laughing.
“So, as a watcher, you kill vampires?”
“Among other things, yes.”
“How?”
“Well, a wooden stake through the heart, sun light, beheading, and a few others.”
“Well, tell me! I want to be a watcher too!” he pleaded.
“You can’t! It’s a bloodline kind of thing. I have to go and be trained in the ways of a watcher, and you can’t come with me.”
As Henry watched the tears start to slip down his friends face, he felt his own begin to sting his eyes.
“What will I do without you?”
“You’ll make new friends! And don’t forget Cecily...” he trailed off, unable to talk around the lump that had formed in his throat.
“She likes poetry.” William whispered as he smiled through his tears.
William wiped his eyes and cleared his throat.
“When do you leave?”
“Two weeks.”
**********
Two weeks later William was walking Henry to meet his boat at the docks. Henry would spend the next year in Tibet being trained in a new style of fighting.
William blinked back tears as he shook Henry’s hand. Both somehow knew that they would never again see each other, although neither said it aloud.
“Goodbye my friend, I shall never forget you.” Henry said before quickly turning on his heal and walking toward the waiting boat.
He didn’t trust himself to look back at William. He’d have plenty of time for tears in the five weeks that it would take to reach his destination.
The dark streets around him where deserted and Henry wondered again why the captain had insisted on leaving at mid-night.
He heard a noise and quickly glanced over his shoulder, eyes darting frantically in all directions. Suddenly he wished that William had walked all the way with him.
He didn’t have time to dwell on this thought, however, because he was suddenly on his back with a hideous looking beast looming above him.
A vampire!
Some watcher he was! He didn’t even have a stake on him. He felt the pain of the vampires fangs piercing his neck, but all he could think about was William. He hoped that his friend would get home safely.
Suddenly, the vampire vanished and it was William that was now standing over Henry. A stake fell from William’s hand, and he looked at the pile of ashes in awe.
“Bloody hell! You were right all along.” William said as he helped Henry to his feet.
The two friends were silent for a moment. They just stood there, studying the pile of dust and contemplating what had just happened.
“You saved my life, William.”
“You’d do the same for me.”
The men embraced then, and let the tears fall, unashamed.
“Good luck, Henry. I wouldn’t wish your job on anybody.”
There was nothing left to say.
William watched as the ship pulled away from the harbor.
“Goodbye, Henry Giles.” he whispered before hurrying home.
*********
“Did he every see Henry again?” Doyle asked.
“No, but I hear he still sees Henry’s great-great-grandson.” Whistler replied, hiding a smile.
“So what happened next? Did he ever get together with Cecily? Did he kill anymore vampires?” Doyle questioned.
He was now captivated by Spike’s story, and eager to see the rest.
“See for yourself.”
**********
Doyle suddenly found himself standing in a huge den filled with richly dressed people.
“London, 1880.” Whistler answered his unasked question.
Suddenly the room was filled with laughter.
“Haven’t you heard?” a woman called out, “They call him ‘William the Bloody’ because he writes bloody awful poetry!”
Doyle finally spotted his charge in an empty corner of the room. He was sitting on a couch talking quietly with a woman, Cecily. Doyle walked closer so he could hear what was being said.
“I love you, Cecily.”
“Please stop!” she turned to face away from him.
“I..I know I’m a bad poet, but I’m a good man.”
He took her hands in his own.
“All I ask is that you see me ....”
“I do see you! That’s the problem.” she interrupted, “You’re nothing to me William.”
She rose to her feet, and sending him one last glance, said “You’re beneath me.”
She hurried away.
William’s crushed look penetrated Doyle’s very soul, and caused him to gasp aloud at the pain that radiated from this young man.
“Hurry! There’s more to see.” Whistler said as the pair followed a distraught William who had darted out the door.
Doyle felt a sense of dread wash over him as he saw the familiar face around the corner.
Angel. No, not Angel. Angelus. He was walking with two beautiful women, and seemed unfazed as William barreled right into him.
“Bloody watch where you’re going.” William spat out as he hurried into a small barn to be alone.
Doyle’s heart sank as he watched the brunette at Angelus’ side follow the man into the barn.
**********
“And I wonder, what possible catastrophe came crashing down from heaven, and brought this dashing stranger to tears?” Dru gazed longingly at her prey.
William looked up startled, trying to wipe the tears from his eyes.
“Nothing. I wish to be left alone.” he said, hoping she’d take a hint and leave.
“Oh, I see you! A man surrounded by fools who cannot see his strength. His vision. His glory.”
William looked up at her in awe. No one had ever spoken to him so wonderfully.
“That and burning baby fish swimming all around your head!” she said waving her arms and shaking her hips.
Ah! She was crazy. Well, that explained it then.
He jumped to his feet as she moved closer.
“Uh, that’s close enough. I’ve heard tales of London Pick-pockets. You’ll not be getting my purse, I tell you!”
“Don’t need a purse.” she responded, moving even closer as he backed away toward a wall.
“Your wealth lies here. And here.” she said, pointing to his head and heart respectively.
“In the spirit and imagination. You walk in worlds the others can’t begin to imagine.”
William could feel himself getting caught up in her words.
“Oh, yes!” he whispered, then shook his head trying to come to his senses.
“Uh, I mean no. I mean.. uh, mother’s expecting me.”
He was now completely backed up against the wall, and still she moved closer.
“I see what you want. Something glowing and glittery. Something,... effulgent.”
“E-effulgent?” he whispered.
“Do you want it?” she asked, very softly.
“Oh, yes! God, yes!” he said longingly.
Suddenly her beautiful face transformed into a demonic visage and she sank her fangs into his neck as he gave himself to her.
Doyle’s heart ached as he watched the man, whom who he had grown to like, have his life drained away.
**********
Chapter Four~ There’s More To This Life
“Why are you upset? You knew that William was going to become a vampire.” Whistler asked Doyle as they watched the now undead William reek havoc on the night streets of London.
“I guess I liked William. Now he’s the soulless demon that everyone hates.”
Whistler nodded in understanding.
“Spike was ruthless, did a lot of damage. But all the evil he did couldn’t even begin to rival Angelus’.”
Whistler and Doyle were now standing in an abandon mine shaft watching the four vampires who were hiding from an angry mob.
Angel had Spike pinned to the wall by his throat, while Darla and Dru watched from over his shoulders.
“Perhaps it’s my advancing years that makes me so forgetful, William. Remind me, why don’t we kill you?” Angelus asked with a snarl.
“..ike..” he chokes out under Angels’ bruising grip.
Sighing in frustration, Angel released him.
“Spike! It’s Spike now. You’ll do well to remember it, mate.” he said casually, walking away to find a bottle of whiskey he had stashed away down there.
“I’m not your mate! And when did you start talking like that?” Angel demanded.
“We barley got out of London alive because of you! Everywhere we go, it’s the same story, and now....” Darla was furious with Spike’s ridiculous behavior.
“You’ve got me and my women hiding in the luxury of a mine shaft! All because ‘William the Bloody’ wanted the attention. This is not a reputation we need.” Angel said, finishing Darla’s sentence.
Spike took a gulp of liquor and laughed at the two glaring at him.
“Oh, I’m sorry. Did I sully our good name? We’re vampires!”
“All the reason to use a certain amount of finesse!” Angel retorted.
“Bullocks! That stuff’s for all the cuffs and collars crowd. I’ll take a good brawl any day.”
Angel walked over to him, shoulders tensed.
“And every time you do, we become the hunted.” he growled.
“I think our boys are going to fight!” Darla sang out to Dru.
“The king of cups expects a picnic!” the brunette giggled and clapped her hands, “but this is not his birthday!” Dru looked at Darla expectantly.
“Good point.” Darla said before returning her attention to Spike and Angel.
“Yeah. Do you know what I prefer to being hunted? Getting caught!” Spike was saying.
“That’s brilliant strategy, really.” Angel straightened the lapels of Spike’s corduroy coat.
“Pure cunning.”
“Sod off!” Spike pushed Angel’s hands away from him, then laughed.
“C’mon! When’s the last time you unleashed it? All out fighting in a mob... back against the wall... nothing but fists and fangs? Don’t you ever get tired of fighting fights you know you’re going to win?” Spike asked, turning serious.
“No. A real kill, a good kill. It takes pure artistry. Without that, we’re just animals.”
“Poofter!”
The two of them started struggling. Angel pushed Spike across the room and broke off a piece of a wooden support beam to make a stake. He pinned Spike to the wall, and tried to shove it into his heart.
Spike grabbed the stake, struggling to keep it from going in, and began to laugh.
“Now you’re getting it!” he shouted with a cocky grin.
Angel sighed a heavy sigh as he backed away.
“You can’t keep this up forever. If I can’t teach you, maybe someday an angry crowd will.” He looks down at his irreverent grandchilde and grins evilly, “ That or maybe the Slayer!”
“What’s a slayer?”
**********
“After that, he was obsessed. To most vampires, the Slayer was this object
of cold sweat and frightened whispers. But he never hid. He sought her out. And to quote him, ‘If you're looking for fun, there's Death, there's Glory, and sod all else, right?’ Fighting or ‘Dancing’, as he likes to say, with the slayer was his whole reason for living.” Whistler explained as he munched on a hot dog that had appeared out of nowhere.
“So, he fought a slayer?” Doyle asked.
“Spike was only able to catch up with two of them, not for lack of trying though. He killed both of them. Buffy was to be his third.”
“And she was too strong for him?”
“Not really. He almost had her a couple of times. But I think that deep down, he could never bring himself to kill her. He enjoyed ‘dancing’ with her too much. He ended up making a pact with her to stop Angel from destroying the world.”
“This was when Angel had lost his soul, right?”
“Spike had never though of Buffy as anything more than a worthy opponent, until Angel told him something that shook his very being.”
Suddenly Whistler and Doyle where in an abandon warehouse.
“Sunnydale, January 1998.”Whistler said.
Spike sat pouting in a wheelchair as Dru talked to her blindfolded doll. The door crashed open, and all attention turned toward Angel who came prancing into the room.
“You should have seen the look on her face, it was priceless! I know I’ll never forget it!” he grinned wickedly.
“So you didn’t kill her then?” Spike asked, trying to look like he really didn’t care.
“Of course not.”
While Angel and Dru where completely oblivious, Doyle noted the look of relief that crossed the blonde vampire’s features. The look had been so fleeting, Doyle wondered if he’d actually seen it at all.
“I know you haven’t been in the game for awhile, mate. But we do still kill people. Sort of our, raison det’re, you know?” Spike looked annoyed.
“You don’t want to kill her, do you?” Dru looked up from her doll. “You want to hurt her, just like you hurt me.” she smiled.
“Nobody knows me like you do Dru.” Angel was proud of his insightful childe.
“She better not get in our way.” Spike said, trying to break into their moment.
“Don’t worry about.” Angel said, still smiling at Dru.
“I do!” Spike growled, clearly jealous of the attention that Dru was giving Angel.
“Spike, my boy! You really don’t get it, do you?” Angel said knocking a heavy box off a conveyor belt and onto the floor.
“You tried to kill her, but you couldn’t. Look at you! You’re a wreck! She’s stronger than any slayer you’ve ever faced. Force won’t get it done. You’ve gotta work from the inside. To kill this girl, you gotta love her.”
*********
“That was the first time Spike had every thought about loving the Slayer. The thought disgusted and excited him at the same time. Eventually, it led him to ask her for help in bringing Angel down.”
“This is when Angel was trying suck the world into hell, right?”
“Right. He’d been in a wheelchair for months, and was upset by the fact that Angel and Dru had practically ignored him the entire time. When Dru had gotten sick a couple of years before that, Spike had taken wonderful care of her, always making sure that she felt loved. He was betrayed by the fact that she didn’t return the favor, but blamed Angel for her infidelity. So basically, he told Buffy that he’d help her stop Angel, if she’d let him take Dru and leave the country. Poor kid had no one else to turn to, and so she accepted. He held up his end of the bargain, all though he didn’t stick around long enough to make sure Angel was stopped.”
“But Buffy was successful. That was when she sent Angel to hell.”
“Yeah, and all was well with Spike and Dru, or so he thought. Our next stop is Brazil, 1998.”