The Hypnotist / The Warlocks by Anne Spackman

In the light of truth...

Warning: This contains adult content.

Who knew how the mysterious web of destiny could play a hand in men's lives... How destiny threw people together and toyed with their fates. Only those privy to the truth could see how their fate had been ordained by chance, luck, and the powers that governed all. Not by the men in front, but by those who skulked in shadows, men of power and greatness, whose names no one would associate with anything other than public decency.

He kept it secret, what he was, and who he was involved with in the darker side of his life. All day long, he worked cleaning and extracting teeth, doing crowns, building people bridges, when in his after hour life, he had no time for people, and even less time to build bridges between himself and his scattering of friends. Mostly he called on friends to go out and play a game of golf together on the week-ends, when he was not overdoing it and scheduling appointments for Saturday morning. He had nothing but the ongoing hours and the ever-present noise of the incessant radio to keep him company; that is to say, he was not married.

He was 43, and not married, a tall man of medium build with chestnut hair and no gray yet. He was drowning in the monotony and tyranny of the clock without even knowing it. Most days, he mustered an ever fresh smile and managed to feel it through to his soul. It just depended on the weather. He was not a fine weather man. He liked it cold, cool, and not so warm. He actually dreaded the heat. The rain gave him something else to listen to than the radio that his dental hygenists always set to the light rock station. He was an expert at his job, and had perhaps once loved what he did. Whether or not he still loved it, he managed to keep some long hours, but not as long as his friends, who were doctors at the neighboring hospital. It was strange that his only nearby friends he had met through the local medical association fundraiser years ago, and his masonic guild.

Once a year, Crane attended the meetings, with his former college friends, who lived in New York City. It had to be kept secret. They were freemasons, and more. But they had to keep it secret. The only sign, a signet ring of the masonic guilds on one finger.

The emptiness of the world, and the richness that lay beneath the surface. The days that dragged by in a cage no larger than a network of offices in a tiny, flat-roofed brick building, his narrow world for most of his existence, and then the freedom--chaotic, wild, and fast-paced, that awaited in the city--he was almost afraid of it, but he was never afraid. It seemed there was never anything to do, and always the possibility. So much to get done. That was the strange irony of life. He never went anywhere, except when he got the phone call to come to a secret masonic meeting. The original point of that society was not lost on him. There were benefits to the association.

Through the society, he was a warlock. This meant that he could be and have anything he wanted, and yet what he wanted was more life in his life. And that the meaninglessness of one-night stands and occasional mini-relationships might be somehow, somehow more fulfilling. He wouldn't give them up, but they were empty. Not that he didn't care about his past girlfriends, but he couldn't really love, it was his compelling flaw. He had a great amiability for all people, sometimes. That is, he could be moved to care, and better still, to act on that care, for the welfare of others, but love and passion were not the main motivating forces of his existence. That is to say, there was little passion in his soul. He longed for it, but wasn't certain he wanted it after all, and there was never any time, really, never anyone special, really. He was confident in himself and had limited success with women, more than most, and less than some. He didn't really need a wife. He disliked rejection but with his success rate, didn't fear it overly much. The worst part was that he was not a complete man, yet. And he didn't want to be. So he had blinders up to most of the flaws that were impeding him from reaching a more contented, or at least, inspired existence. Yes, that was what was lacked. He was not often inspired.

The best moment of his day was the early morning rush of energy a nice cold shower forced upon him as water penetrated his every limb. He liked to get things started, and to get things done. Not much in between, but he paced himself and managed not to mind the repetitiveness of his life. A few bad romantic occasions had made him aware that he was a creature of habit, and that he actually liked it this way, and that he needed time to recuperate after meeting women that disturbed his way of things, to further entrench himself in his secure sense of self.

It had taken him many years to truly respect. He had come to appreciate the value of his friends, not merely in terms of companionship and hedonistic afternoons at golf and the local bar. But to really appreciate the value of the human mind, and to appreciate that heaven when there were no problems anywhere near him. He disliked watching others suffer; it made him uncomfortable. Possibly he liked everything to be comfortable.

Warlocks do exist, and he was one, but the only thing about being a warlock is, unless you know a lot of other warlocks, you can't tell anyone else you are one. How they came into being in America was that the secret society of freemasons created a group of men who can change the world. Beginning with their own lives, if they want to, through the fraternity and brotherhood of fellows. Yet no warlock is at liberty to divulge his magical secrets, any more than David Copperfield.

* * *

His wife knew all about it, but she was past caring. She regarded the whole society thing as "boys will be boys", and she meant every word. Boys. Her husband included, first and foremost perhaps. Not that he couldn't be hard as a steel nail at work. He was a rock of perfect capacity, the taskmaster. At work. At play, he knew how to. Golf was the sport of choice, and hiking in the mountains. They always went hiking in the Poconos. That way their son had a chance to learn from the old man the love of nature. When he wasn't at work, he was a great guy.

He had seen more than he wanted to of life, and less of the world than he craved, but there was time. He was never in a hurry. The demands of working full-time at the university kept him busy, but he had time for a limited social life. He met his friends at the freemason guild once a month, attended meetings at the college rarely on Saturdays. He was an excellent father, but his only son and only child was his product. His mark on the world. His chance to pass on everything he was to another.

They had enough money to do it right, and he deplored the world and the poor masses that could not. They did not believe in equality any more than in fairy tales. They had to ensure that their son had the best so that he could make it in a tough world. They adored him.

His wife was intelligent and took no shit from anyone. He loved her, but had long since fallen out of that romantic notion of love. He respected her, which was more. She was his companion, as much as his friends. He felt she was the match of mind that suited him, and didn't care what other men valued in their wives, he loved his wife for her brilliance and character. They spent hardly any time together.

He could still spend a quiet evening reading. He also enjoyed small get-togethers with men of intellect, who spent the evening debating matters political, social, local in a display of wit and flourish. He enjoyed the repartee as much as Voltaire, and was so sick of it, and sick of himself, only momentarily, when he allowed himself to be. He responded to such moments with a steel-core of self-worth that he never believed was arrogant. He simply knew himself. And he was better. He really was.

The lingering scent of hash, he remembered it from so long ago, every time his son put on the paisley shirt. He remembered faces dimly, that had once gathered in smoke clouds of free love, though he seldom listened to the music anymore. There was no more ache of disappointed society dreams that the world could be...

He made a lot of money.

* * *

His son spent every day enslaved to his computer. The old man never gave much thought to putting limits on his on-line time. The boy never got out, except to hang with his friends and to go to work. There was a race among them to have girlfriends by prom night, and the last man--well, there was nothing specific designated for him apart from the humiliation of being last. He was determined not to be last.

He loved the company of adults, because. There was nothing really to explain this, though his friends often likened him to Eddie Haskell for it. He knew less than he seemed to, but with more enthusiasm. Older people liked him.

What he had going for him was that he was well liked by older people, in part because he was a good-looking youth, and also because he was in truth a lot more talented when no one was around than when he had an audience. He was like the underdog who was going to have his chance, one day.

His sister was younger than him, but more experienced in some things. She had seen many of the cars of the neighborhood closer than he, though he was into cars and had loads of friends who had the best sportscars around. He was saving for one, and going to learn how to take care of it. He was in general a pretty decent guy, who was liked if not respected by his friends. They didn't have much faith that he could do many things, and were likely to say negative things about him for no reason, even though they called themselves his friends.

His mother ruled over him like a pillar of strength. She was in every way a domineering force in his life, for her small bird-like body, that would make you think she could be controlled by stronger people. No way.

His younger sister was also into sports, and always in the street playing them with friends, or going on dates, or hanging. He hadn't got a girlfriend but was really interested in a girl up the street. He was also in the sports team, and had friends at school in the same sports. That was how their parents had all met. Through the boys. The boys that hanged together, all in their senior year at high school.

He was a hero, or he strived to be. It wasn't easy, because he had been put through so much crap. Some days he felt like doing something amazing to show his mettle, but there were so few things in life that people valued in his school other than being the king of absolute cool, and he wasn't. To strangers, he was quite attractive, though somewhat short. Because they saw only his face and light blue eyes, and sandy blond hair, his energy, and his drive. Yeah, he had drive, underneath that self-effacing underdog personality. He knew he wasn't always going to be judged by the same people, so that was a great thing to look forward to, and in the meantime, he put up with a lot of flack that other guys would give him, because, no particular reason. Mostly because they could get away with it.

He loved cars. Loved speed, loved the wind. He could easily have been "cool", but the rules weren't made by him.

* * *

Their house was the best on the street, and they had no time to do the garden. They hired someone for that. The walls were stone, the little wishing well was tidy for all that no one ever stopped to make a wish on it. The scene, perfect, and there was no time for him to really enjoy it. He was always working.

His daughter was a little darling angel, so young, and effervescent. His wife was good at gardening, and even better at decorating, but she spent most of her time teaching children in the nearby school on a volunteer basis. He loved her. His unmarried brother also worked as a doctor at the neighboring hospital, and they spent some time together. They were both members of the freemason guild as well, and that was where they had acquired friends.

They knew the other fathers through his son, his adopted son, who was now 17. He rarely stayed at home, and like to hang with his friends and drive his red jeep all over town and the neighboring town. They spent evenings at each others', involved in all kinds of stuff they shouldn't have been doing, but no one ever got hurt, so it was all right to do it. They were in a race to acquire girlfriends by the prom, and he already had one, so he wasn't worried. It was great to sit back and not worry about it. They played horseshoes every afternoon and listened to loud music, that was what life was for. Until college. The old man spent every day at work, beyond hours, so they often ate alone, if they ever bothered to have a formal dinner, which was almost never.

At home the father liked his castle, and it was. The largest house in the community, a real castle, veiled in slim pale grey trees that blotted out the sky. He liked it that way. He was extraordinarily brilliant, as was his brother. Both of them doctors, they were men of genius.

He didn't ever really wonder about the if only anymore. He had so little time to devote to anything outside of work and other committments. The hospital life pushed him to excel at his craft, at his life's passion, his work. He deplored the stupidity of the world, but not hedonism. His brother even more so, for he was a brain surgeon. The wonders of the human mind had long sinced ceased to fascinate him in the everyday man, and become even more invaluable in the rare encounter. Like Dorian Gray--that was one of his favorite characters--he was in search of rare. The world often disgusted him. His own environment at the hospital often disgusted him. He had little time to think about philosophy, but when he did, he found himself deploring that so much of life was a mindless theatrical and a waste of human potential. He felt pity for the poor. He disliked people in general for their lack of expertise in anything. He couldn't stand most of the mindless films that Hollywood spewed with regularity, and he liked to criticize the ones that were flawed.

* * *

His older son was a Hollywood scriptwriter, his youngest was an avid basketball fan with aspirations of becoming a sports announcer. They lived in a lovely green house with shutters freshly painted. Their mother was kind, and worked at a kindergarten. She was active and sporty, easy-going, and free-spirited in a good way. Her husband worked at the college as a university professor. They were good people, of the best quality of east coast well-off set. They had education and cared about it. They liked good company and good conversation, especially when their oldest boy was in town, and giving the latest review of blockbuster Hollywood, scifi and action. He was a character.

The father was also a member of the masonic guild, and knew the others through the boys. They had little gatherings and breakfasts together, where they talked about the boys and what they were doing. They helped each other out. Good friends are hard to come by. The academic community was always busy with cars and new crowds and faces. The fraternity house up the street always noisy at night.

The family liked to take walks together in the evening. They led a good life, and knew all the local business. They had been there forever, it seemed, longer than most of the people in town. There was always a flux of traffic this time of year, as the college prepared for graduation. Every one knew every one else's business, but not openly. And kept each others' secrets, discretely, against outsiders.

They led a busy life, and were used to the company of intelligent people. This brought with it certain expectations of how life would be, and what to expect behavior-wise, from others. It was a very civilized community. But only on the surface.

* * *

All the dreams of a lifetime come to a crashing halt, and no one gives a fuck. She didn't know it then. Every afternoon, she took a run by the water. Every evening, she took a walk about the subdivision. She did handstands, handsprings, and pirhouettes in the local park when she thought no one was looking. She was predictable, and vulnerable to every predator in town. And she wasn't the only one.

She thought it was one of the most beautiful towns in the world, and she had been to many in Europe, where most fair size towns were lovely. Flowers were in full bloom that spring, irises and creeping wysteria, and all kinds of lilac and blue little things she didn't know the names of. Bees circled the flowers. Little birds, sparrows and swallows, hopped among tree branches.

She was living a lie in New York City, hardly modeling at all and hardly voice acting, though that was supposedly what she was doing to earn money. She had to live with her sister to afford to live after 9/11.

She came to the little town to discard all her woes and spend time with some family, not her own parents, though. Her cousin usually let her borrow his grey running pants--he was so nice to her, and she was shyly grateful. Her hair was long and blonde, always in a ponytail, and she liked blue eyeshadow darker than her eyes.

She had never been able to get a decent job, even with an honors almost ivy league degree. A volunteer job coaching children's gymnastics had led to a permanent position. Since then, she had moved to New York, and then 9/11 blew away any realistic chances of finding anything real, beyond the limited income of part-time modeling and voice acting, which paid well by the hour, but work was here and there.

An abusive boyfriend who didn't think he was abusive was making it even more difficult for her to do anything about her horrible life situation. She was not afraid that he was going to kill her, as he had said out loud in anger, but she did not want to ever speak to him again. So when he had dropped her off at her family's house, she had privately resolved for the last time, that they were over. She had been telling him this for nine months, and he had never accepted it. Their relationship since the last August had been indefinite. He still considered her his, though she had told him she wanted out.

Hard times and a bleeding heart kept her allowing him to visit, with his assertations of "give me one more chance to show you I can be a good man". She was uncharacteristically weak with him, and somewhat afraid.

No more, she decided. She was stubborn and had always been a free spirit. She was getting out. Finally.

The cat sometimes tried following her as she ran, but he didn't make it far. Loads of cars passed her, honking sometimes, but she didn't know anyone in town really except her family.

Later that night her Scottish father called to make sure she was AOK. He was a Vice-President at a French Engineering Company in America. She reassured him all was fine. And it was. She was really loving spending time with her 17 year old cousin, her Aunt, and her Uncle, who was a college professor. They were a great family.

But it was dangerous to be a stranger in this town.

Actually, she wasn't a stranger; it was just that no one really knew her.

It was Spring of 2002. Her first real trip to the house on College Hill had been in 1999...

College Hill was the name of the town, and it was lovely, with lots of old 1800's houses situated on hills overlooking a small river. Tall sycamore and maple trees shaded the entire area. There was a reason Pennsylvania was famous for its woods. The houses, each unique and nothing like the house next door, were painted bright beautiful colors. There was even a local area house tour every summer to show off the insides as well as the well-manicured and landscaped lawns and the gardens that vyed for most breathtaking. Her Aunt and Uncle lived in a renovated old farm house built in the 1850's.

Her cousin Alan was enrolled at the College Hill University and living at home. He was tall, athletic, blond, and loved basketball. Her younger cousin John was only 15 in 1999. He was dark blond, athletic, and as much into football as the rest of the family. They were fun-loving. And especially fond of silver sports cars. The entire town swarmed with sports cars and young people. It was great.

The town seemed perfect. Her cousin Alan would invite friends over for barbecues. He also liked to go jogging, though they never went together. A gymnastics ankle injury had slowed her down, and though she was running longer, they would never match strides. Her favorite place was the children's playground on the way to the river.

Her Aunt had made the house as glorious as was expected in College Hill. John always had his young 15 year old friends come over, mostly to play video games upstairs. B.J. was one of his best friends, and his mom and her aunt were good friends. They were the Linnets, half-Italian and half-Hungarian. The older was a Hollywood screenwriter, and the younger had aspirations of being a sports announcer.

She had met everyone in town once in late 99 when her sister had come to town, and they had been invited to a Christmas party held by the Komanskayas, a family of Russian German origin. The Linnets, the Quimbys, the Kaache’s, and the Cranes. She liked everybody, especially Edward Quimby and John Komanskaya. The boy Andrew Komanskaya, one of her cousin John's best friends, was everywhere. People would say he was like Eddie Haskell. She ran into him once on the way to the kitchen for a drink. He was like a little man. Not a boy.

Her sister Corinne thought he was a cute kid. She was a New York business executive and didn't have but three or four days off for the holiday season. John sometimes said something about Komanskaya in a way that means he just screwed something up or might. But the women saw no evidence of it. Just hearsay.

Their Uncle was sitting on the couch, laughing and sniping good-naturedly at his friend, Edward Quimby, who they found out was in charge of something or other at the college. Quimby was a good speaker, and had good manners. He was handsome, and had a light sense of humor. They listened to the two talk. Both liked golf, but not much else in common.

They talked to lots of people—mostly the older people, like Edward Quimby, Mr. Kohmissar, their uncle, and some of the other people at the party. The food was excellent, and the house was so beautiful it hurt. They talked to John and Alan sometimes, and to John’s talkative friend who acted older than he was—Andrew Komanskaya, whose Dad held the party.

They were leaving really late after all the others left, and Alan, John, Corinne and her sister were talking in the cold night air with Andy Komanskaya and his Dad. When found out they were part Russian, Corinne pushed her to say something in Russian. She was embarassed, but quickly recited something, a short love poem.

Everyone was shocked. Alan looked at her like a total stranger.

She didn't like this and kept quiet a long time. She had never told anyone how she had studie languages, French, German, Russian, and Japanese in hopes of joining the CIA.

Even Corinne didn't know that.

They said good-bye and listened to stories about John’s and Alan’s friends, and the people of College Hill.

They went home late after the party. She loved to spend time with Alan watching game shows on t.v. Alan also watched a lot of football. She was getting lessons on it. John fell asleep on the couch with his feet on her lap. He was prone to stealing the covers a lot. The Hornbach family had a big trunk full of blankets behind the couch. When Corinne came in, the girls'd sit on either side of John and say that they were making a John sandwich. When he was a kid, he used to latch on to their feet and they called him “the little boil”, even if he wasn't one. He loved being the court jester then.

In the afternoons, they'd play Risk, and go out to the movies and to the Mall. John loved Orange Julius and Cinnabon and the Scottish candy bars they would always bring him called Lion Bars. Alan would drive everyone places, to Bethlehem and the Moravian bookstore.

The guys would also play basketball at the grade school which was right next-door. She loved watching them play through the upstairs window. They were really good. That was the same place where, sometimes when she thought no one was looking, she'd go over to practice walking handstands on the field.

Across the street was a Protestant Church made of stone where they would have a rummage sale in September Corinne came over for. It was amazing how much stuff they would have there. Her adorable Aunt would get so excited.

John had his own mission to do things the way he wanted to. He was smart and not unmotivated, but he knew even at a young age how to enjoy his life.

Alan sometimes tutored the young Andrew Komanskaya in Math. Alan was a math major and really smart. Alan had a Guinness collectible and a map of Dublin on his wall from an overseas exchange program. They would talk late at night a few nights about how our families don’t always realize how much we change on the inside.

She understood. She had lived for two years in England, and a time in boarding school when her father had to move the family suddenly overseas.

Alan was macho and sensitive, heroic and sweet around some people, even though he was macho and had started smoking cigars. He was a gentleman.

Their Uncle was so much fun. He'd get this big grin on his face when he was in a good mood, and his Irish eyes crinkled up. He loved Baileys and milk and their Aunt would tell him not to indulge too much. He was good about it, but also a little like a big kid sometimes—when he wasn’t serious and at work. Their Aunt would also sometimes gets madcap ideas to up and go somewhere fun. She had great spirit. She would even go to theme parks and ride the coller coasters.

Alan started to go out a lot with his friends late at night.

The Hornbachs always went to church on Sundays—it was a pretty far away drive. When Corinne came over, everyone knew her. She was beautiful, and she talked to their Uncle. They would laugh at her in good spirits because she always had a strong opinion. Sometimes it seemed like their Uncle agreed. Other times that he was just entertained!

One evening Corinne got a notion to give her sister a make-over. Her aunt gave her a bag of lipstick that night. Usually, she wore sports shorts and t-shirts.

Corinne stayed for Christmas. Their aunt made Christmas special. She carefully wrapped all of the presents, and really got a fantastic tree up. She worked a lot over at a card store in town. Then Corinne had to leave to go back to work in the city. She couldn’t come again until the New Year. Then when the night came, she was too sick to come from the city.

At New Year’s they got invited to a rotating dinner with the families from the Hill. Her Aunt had to do the hors d’oeuvres, so she volunteered to do them for her. They went to the store for stuff to make homemade crab barquettes with cheddar cheese pastry crust and quiche-type filling. She made several kinds in these French molds and spent the whole day cooking up a storm. Her Aunt got lots of wine, and they were ready to ring in the new millennium, 2000.

The younger teenagers were going to spend the evening at Quimby’s, watching tv and playing video games. Everyone else got to go to each person’s house after each course, and spend time walking from one to another on the hill and enjoying talking with everyone at each place.

The evening started wonderfully. The quiches and barquettes were delicious, and she was glad to be able to help her Aunt. Everyone had wine and really got to introduce themselves. Her Uncle started watching the countdown in all the countries for the Y2K New Year festivities. She loved talking to him and watching the celebrations that night. All of his friends were there. They were older than her, and intriguing. She had so little experience with men of his set.

After that they all went over to the Linnets’ where they had Tuscan bean soup, and then Jane Linnet gave her a bag to make later. Jane Linnet was being so sweet to her it was hard not to like her. The house was lovely, with a big foyer and done in excellent taste. Her table was gorgeously set, and she had all of the glasses arranged for everyone in golden hues. There was laughter all around, and wonderful conversation. Later she met Jane's son Kris, who talked about how he didn’t like the new “Star Wars” movie, and they talked endlessly about films they liked. He was a Hollywood scriptwriter.

Alan was so much fun that night. They laughed into the night air, and walked to the other houses in big, festive groups. One house had chili, and the host spoke German fluently. He had a book on the table on German architecture. Each house was so beautiful. She instantly loved the Hill, and everyone she had met there. They went to the Miller's for dessert. She had excellent desserts. Cally Mills had a sanguine complexion and was so cheerful. She and her husband also did a lot of walking on the hill. They were so much fun.

Last they went to the Quimby’s. That was where the younger set was in the basement eating pizza, and they were all going to ring in the New Year together. she and Alan hung out in the living room, talking to the older people, who were all so interesting. No one else there was really their age. They had wonderful prawn cocktails and delights. The kitchen was so white, and had a descending spiral staircase into the basement. Such beautiful houses!

She was looking for the bathroom when she ran into one of John’s friends. She liked his friends. They were all so active and fun, and cute. They talked really fast, though. One of them pointed her to the bathroom, and soon afterwards everyone came downstairs with champagne to ring in the New Year. What a wonderful party it was, the best she'd ever been to because there were so many different people there. She knew she would never forget that night.

In May 2000, she returned for Alan’s graduation early, staying in the Rabbit Room upstairs. Alan’s room had a big bed that got broken one time when Alan and John were roughhousing and broke the frame. John's room had the Sega and all the board games in the closet. She and John played all kinds of games all the time. She spent two weeks there. They went shopping at the mall for sports stuff. They stayed up late watching tv every night. It was like camp with friends—with her there, it was not like having a guest you have to step around or worry about. Alan worked at the cigar store sometimes for a little money.

She and John went to Gladiator, her favorite film of all time. John liked it, too. He told Alan how great it was later to get Alan to wish he’d seen it. Then they all went to Mission: Impossible II. Great.

Alan's graduation was a very big event. Everyone came, including his other brothers. Alan was so nervous at the graduation. It rained that day, and their Uncle was a big part of the ceremony as a professor. The speech and everything were indoors. They all got maudlin. She sat next to John. Later at the house, Alan tried on his Calvin Klein black tee at everyone’s egging on. They all teased him and asked him why he hadn’t got a girlfriend—he should be beating them off!

She returned to New York City to go to a writer’s conference on June 6. All the time, she wished she hadn’t left.

Kris Linnet came through town, and they went out in the city. He talked to her again, and they had a great evening. But then he invited them to the Jersey shore with his mother, father, brother B.J., her Aunt, and John. She didn’t want to encourage him, because she wasn't sure how she felt about him, and he was pushing her fast.

She left town for another year.

In April 2001 she returned as she was hired to teach fiction writing in New York City. Even though she was only in her twenties, she would be teaching with established writers and editors!

That was the same month she had acquired an abusive boyfriend, a one-time friend who pushed her into a romance without asking her to be his girlfriend, and good at manipulating her kindness.

She was relieved even at that early stage to have returned to her cousin and aunt. They were working on a problem with the Dell computer when she and her boyfriend arrived. Her cousin John was up in Alan’s room trying to fix the computer. Her boyfriend Hans offered to help fix it—he was a computer genius—before they left. John was sitting in the chair, trying to get Nero Burning Rom to work in the new CD drive. Her boyfriend fixed it, and then he left.

She was supposed to teach several classes that summer, but she had lots of time around the week-ends that summer to visit the Hornbachs, and she and Corinne ended up going a lot. Sometimes, she went by herself, because her boyfriend would drive from Pittsburgh and meet her there, or else drive her there to visit when she'd been to see him and his sister Sue in Philadelphia.

Her Aunt loved her visits because she liked to have company, now that all but one of her children had left home. They were very close. Her aunt worked a lot at the card store. Her aunt had dreams of opening up her own antiques business, though. She hoped it worked out for her. She loved to visit them because she had no other family for two thousand miles. It was great being a part of their lives.

She and John were always hanging out. But he was definitely getting older. Has it really been a year since Alan’s graduation? Alan was now away in school in Penn State, getting another degree in accounting so he could work as an accountant.

She and John liked to rent movies like James Bond, and she would always go with her Aunt to pick him up from school—the Blockbuster was next door. When she visited, they spent a lot of fun times together. Her Aunt liked her to visit him at the College Hill Inn where he started working down the street cleaning beds and moving the lawn for some money.

Sometimes when she visited, they’d all go shopping together and run into his friends from school—Andrew or John Bosh or B.J. or Quimby. They come over to play video games like Spider-man, and she liked to watch, or else play sometimes with John.

In August, they had a blast at Dorney Park with their Aunt, John, and his friend Andrew Komanskaya. They were so funny.

John was really cool that year. He and Andrew spent the whole day impressing everyone that they could ride the cliff hanging ride whatever it’s called twice. They started at the new Batman ride where you stand up—their aunt waited while they went. It was so much fun! They all went on the creaky roller coasters. Komanskaya would talk non-stop sometimes. He was telling her some kind of story when their Aunt went to get funnel cake.

John was so tall, Corinne kept saying. He certainly wasn’t like he was last year. Their Aunt, Corinne, and she went on the big raft water ride at the end and got soaked, and then it started raining so they made a mad dash for the car. She sat between Komanskaya and Corinne. The best day they had all had in years.

By April 2002, she was doing voice acting, modeling, and still supposed to be teaching writing fiction, but it didn't work out as well as she had expected. She kept telling her boyfriend that she wanted only to be friends again, since October 2001. She was even thinking of trying Broadway at one point, since she could sing Eponine and Fantine from Les Mis. But the fact was that she had no idea how to get in to this sort of thing, and she wasn't sure about whether or not she could make it. She didn't want to further compromise her integrity or values, and already she had discovered that she hated being taken advantage of. A woman NY Times writer she had met had just told her that her work was 1st rate excellent and marketable. She was so excited!

She soon had an agent interested in her book.

One week-end in April she and Corinne went to College Hill. It was so much fun, as usual. Corinne and John had a very brother-sister relationship that was different from hers. Corinne liked to arm wrestle him.

The flowers in Easton in the spring on College Hill were hard to beat. Especially the lilac colored ones in the middle of Wayne Ave. The houses were all gorgeous and different than each other and had porches. You could only imagine how these people must live. It was like picture-perfect land.

John had really grown up since the last time, at Christmas. For the first time they really realized it. He was halfway between 17 and 18, and had gotten so much taller, and really filled out with muscles. They had some idea that John wasn’t the same from the last August when they went to Dorney Park with his friend Andrew.

Alan wasn’t there that week-end that they came in April. He was still finishing up a year of college in Penn State.

John had a party to go to that night. He was in the popular crowd—and gave off the impression of being a man. He was excited about his party, and everyone was aware of it. It was somewhere over in Forks. Their Aunt told him to be careful, and she gave him a cell phone to take just in case.

It was a good thing because they got a telephone call from his cell not much later that he had been in an accident. He was all right, but he needed someone to come and pick him up and to talk to the police who were there. He was a good driver, so everyone was in shock. As it turned out, he was all right, not even a scratch. But it may have shaken him up, and he ended up without a car that summer.

The thought that something had happened to him made her stomach twist up with butterflies. At the end of April, the Hornbachs asked if she would stay with them for a while. So it was at the end of April that I agreed she would come to stay.

Her boyfriend offered to take her from New York, but he got frustrated in driving in Manhattan, whereupon he told her he was going to kill her. She decided privately at that instant that this was the last time they would ever be together. But she didn't tell him. He ended up sending her a bouquet of flowers later when she was at the Hornbachs.

She moved her stuff in a few suitcases. A lap-top computer and clothes.

She was so glad to see Alan. He was there for the week-end. He made her feel better whenever he was there. That afternoon, they went to Morici’s to pick up some calzones.

Her cousins grilled her about her boyfriend and what was happening. But she didn't say anything. Alan was only there a short time. She missed the days when he was there more.

It had been a year since she had seen him. Last year, Alan, John, she, and Corinne had rented the Matrix and Snatch. They had run into one of John friends at the Blockbuster—Tim Quimby, who was there with his parents. The previous year, Tim Quimby had come along while they were loading a van and offered to help them. They really liked him.

There were a lot of late nights in the good old days watching tv at all hours with Alan and John. Usually John fell asleep next to her, after stealing the blanket. And she and Alan would talk about stuff they hoped to do, and what they liked. It was a great time.

Alan left after the week-end.

She and her aunt took walks in the morning to places her Aunt Sally liked to shop. They ended up buying a few things and talking. They also walked and talked with her friend Jane Linnet--Jane had a really talkative, easygoing personality. She was Italian, and had a neat Massachusetts accent. She would make biscotti and things and always brings some over.

Her aunt gave a morning breakfast party for the Quimbys and the Linnets. Betty Quimby said she thought Tim needed a tutor, and Aunt Sally said Alan had tutored him, or Andrew Komanskaya, she wasn’t sure which. She said she might be able to, but no one ever really mentioned it after that.

One night they ran into the Linnets with Corinne. And they were all dressed up from church, so they went out for Chinese food. It was a great evening.

The Linnets lost their little dog Zachary. John used to walk the dog when they were on vacation, like last year when they went to Paris for Christmas, and she went over with him to hang out and watch Zachary and take him for his walk. He was a darling big black dog with a sweet disposition.

In the mornings, she would along the water and looked forward to John getting home every afternoon. They didn’t talk much about the car accident. They hung around a while, playing card games. But it wasn’t as much like the old days...

He spent a lot of time with his friends. The only problem was that a lot of the time he had to stay at home, because he didn’t have a car any more, and Aunt Sally said he’d just have to spend more time around the house until they got a new one. She made it sound like punishment.

It wasn’t so bad, though, because most of his friends had cars, including Andrew Komanskaya, who worked as a life guard, and B.J. Linnet who called his red volvo the “lovemobile”. And Crane—who took them down the road once in his red Jeep. They played lots of games around the house, like on the computer.

That was when things started to change.

They tried a game that you have to make as many words as you can from a scrambled list. They ended up laughing the faster it got. Then John started to get raunchy. He was selecting words like "vagina". She immediately colored red. He laughed low. But he was 17, and a red-blooded American male, after all. She tried to laugh, too.

John had a rockin’ playlist with Aerosmith that they liked listening to. He was cool at school, smart but not interested in flaunting it. And he liked a lot of stuff, but around her he could still sometimes be silly. He wasn’t so much this time. She loved being with him. It made her feel like a child again. They always had such innocent, light-hearted fun. People called her a peter pan, and she was. She was such a little girl, with little girl dreams and little girl smiles.

In years gone by, he used to make her dessert, or they'd made it together for fun during a commercial break. They'd whip up pudding with lots of meringue, and make White Russians with her uncle, adding Wawa egg nog. Of course John never got to try that. She and Corinne used to make him gigantic coffee floats with cream when he was about 15. Then they'd sit together on the couch watching Horatio Hornblower. They made fun of the character called “snotty” with their Uncle Bob. Uncle Bob was so great.

She found out John was now a pole-vaulter in the track team. He had the shoulders for it. Once she borrowed the track jacket to go out walking late at night, and later felt strange. John had started running like Alan, and so he offered to take her over to the gym a few times when he went. It turned out she couldn’t get in without an ID, so they decided to run in town. They ran to the store to get some rootbeer. He was telling her where he wanted to live, and about the people in Easton, and showing her some pretty great houses. She loved spending time with him like that. They got along so well, and she trusted him. One day, when the weather was great, they went running along the water together and saw some people doing the same thing. He ended up banging into her hips just for fun, and trying to knock her to the left. She retaliated, banging into him, and they laughed as they exhausted themselves doing this up the hill the whole way.

Then he tore off up the Hill just to show off—again! He was waiting for her at the top, with an expression that let her know how much he loved to do that—and to wait for her to catch up.

He invited her to go swimming the next day, but still there was the problem of no I.D. for the gym.

John worked nights and week-ends at the College Hill Inn. One visit, she had helped him post flyers everywhere in front of it. She was surprised that he was working there so much, and at the front desk now, not just cutting the grass. He was so responsible, when he wanted to be. Aunt Sally encouraged her to go there every night at 9 to bring him some dinner. So she did. College Hill was gorgeous in the evenings, and sometimes there were even fireflies. She and Aunt Sally always used to go out together, but Aunt Sally stopped in May so much.

One fine day, Aunt Sally took her to the new Star Wars.

Then one night Andy Komanskaya showed up. He and John were in the other room, and she was in the kitchen washing dishes, when John brought him in to the kitchen. It had been a year since she had seen him. For a second, he stopped and stared at her, in that way that men stare at women, and she felt herself color to her toes. Not only that, but she was shocked--he was only 17 and she was in her twenties!! She found herself telling herself that he was not looking at her that way. As it turned out, he was interested in sports cars, and a girl named Amber. He played on the lacrosse team and was on the swim team, and taught as a life guard.

Afterwards, Komanskaya would come by the house sometimes. They talked about guy stuff that interested her more than she would admit. They'd talk about those cars. About little statistics of this and that and ask each other questions like they actually read all those car magazines. Then it became clear that they were plotting something. They'd stop talking when she walked by and give her looks like they’d gotta keep it down or she'd hear.

Once Andy gave her a ride home from the College Hill Inn. He talked so fast. Andy could’t wait to get another car. He liked to be in on the action, whatever it was, but somehow got left out or ended up hearing about it later. Or when it was almost too late, so he wouldn't get much of a chance to really enjoy it whatever it was that was happening. Sometimes he would get shot down for nothing by John. And she couldn’t understand why John would do that.

Some afternoons he came over, they were set to play the mysterious game of quoits.

As she understood it, John Bosh was the best. He had three sets of boards. They had these tournaments—official and unofficial. Andy Komanskaya came over one afternoon to practice and play against John, though John had to borrow a quoits board from Bosh, or Kaache. In any case, the game was sort of like horseshoes with little rubber rings you throw around a quoits board. John and Andrew played all afternoon while she watched. Andy was better at practice than he at playing the games, and seemed to be playing self-consciously; there were females present to impress, and John was acting the same way. She had a fun time just watching. The Hornbachs had such a great porch, and the weather was perfect. Then John won, and insisted on playing either his mom or her. He ended up teaching her how to play, and Aunt Sally, who eyed them diaspprovingly from the laundry room about the close physical contact of his putting his arms around her, even came out for a lesson a few minutes later.

They walked to Wawa’s for a cool beverage. The best music was the topic of the day, oldies like “Beast of Burden” or Led Zeppellin. On the way home, she turned around and Andy was checking out her legs, or at least, he had his gaze downwards. She turned around again so he wouldn't notice. She was nervous suddenly, but determined not to show it. After all, she was in her twenties, not a teenager.

Those darn quoits. She tried practicing later, and they went flying all over the yard. She kept trying. She was telling herself to just stick to gymnastics.

The quoits boards disappeared once, when someone came to pick them up, but the mystery was how they kept reappearing. She was sure Bosh came by once--tall guy, good looking, really curly brown hair--days later, to pick up his boards. She was on my way out for a run, so she didn’t stop to ask. One afternoon, John was reading a newspaper article about a teacher who had an affair with a student. He smiled knowingly and said, "I think that's just awful, don't you?"

The Linnets had taken in a new dog—an abused Vichla with amazing tan coloring. They were calling her Ella. Ella came to the Hornbach house one afternoon when Jane walked over to visit. And she started burying a doggie bone. It was so cute. How they laughed and laughed!

She didn't want to return to New York, even when voice acting directors left messages for auditions. She was glad they had invited her to stay, and Uncle Bob had mentioned trying to get her a job at the college as an Alumni Relations Director.

John played piano for them every Tuesday before he had to go to his lessons. He would stick mostly to modern, or jazz. His favorite was the stuff by Billy Joel. He had a recital coming up, the night that Aunt Sally and Uncle Bob were going over to Pittsburgh to clean Alan’s apartment. She was asked to babysit, but didn’t think John needed watching.

As she came home one afternoon, John was sitting outside in the back yard with his friends, including the young Kaache, who asked, "is that your cousin?" As she had approached, she had overheard John telling Kaache that they were going to be alone for several days in a funny way, as though he was planning on spying on her in the shower.

Later, The night before the recital, she had a strange dream. It was as though someone was in her bedroom in the Rabbit room, and it wasn't just the cat. But as soon as she woke up and looked around, no one was there. Yet she had the strangest urge when she fell asleep again to take off her clothes, and it wasn't even that warm.

The day of the recital, John was working in the morning. Her ex-boyfriend called her that morning, when she was asleep, but she didn’t want to talk to him after what had happened in the car the last time she was with him. After that, she went to sleep again, and in a dream felt some strange sharp poking near her vagina, as though someone had a twig and were prodding her there. Again, she woke up, and no one. No one was there.

John returned from work that morning wearing this old green College Hill T-shirt, and they had just a few minutes to get ready. Things got weird again. They stopped, and looked at each other, in a strange way. Then got embarassed and avoided each other for a few minutes. Later, he was dressed well in khakis, and played really well. She got dressed up in black spandex pants and a tight little black blazer with an ice blue sheer top underneath. Uncle Bob and Aunt Sally also dressed up nicely. She'd seen them look really good on the night of Uncle Bob’s award Ceremony for his years of being the head of engineering and excellent teaching.

So they all looked their best, even though it turned out that the concert recital was in an outdoor theme park. John was great. As he got off stage, he gave her an impish little grin that made her blush. He was like a schoolboy suddenly, looking at her like she was 17 and not his cousin.

Before they left, Aunt Sally made John promise to be good and made her promise to keep John out of trouble, if she could, but she never expected there would be any, and Aunt Sally told him to spend the Memorial Day holiday with his cousin, not just blow her off to be with his friends. He said he would. But he really loved spending most of his time with his friends that summer. Which was the way it should be.

That night, she ran into Jane and Kris Linnet. She decided she liked Kris and Angelen Linnet, Jane’s children—she ran into them walking once before, and they were both so nice. Angelen was training as a medical assistant. But she wasn’t there that night. She went to their house to watch a movie. B.J. came home and told everyone his plans to be a sports announcer.

When she went home, John had a few friends over, and she found out Tim Quimby had hurt his foot on some glass walking to Wawa—later he had to go to the emergency room and have stitches. She felt awful for him. There was no one to bandage his foot.

Andy was in a strange mood. Later, they were alone in the kitchen talking, when he suddenly leaned over and put his head on her chest. She was shocked and didn't know what to do.

Later, she got a bandage for Quimby. Komanskaya came by to watch, and Quimby laughed, saying, “I can’t believe it, you’re hitting on John’s cousin.” He said it several times. She colored red, not even noticing how Komanskaya took it.

There was the most uncomfortable pause. John was really pissing her off that night. In part. He was also working a number on her. She would have strangled him if she weren’t so fascinated by all of the strange things going on.

Komanskaya had to come by the next day while they were at a film to get a shirt he had left there on accident. That night was the last she heard or saw of him for a long time, and she wondered for a long time where he had gone.

The next day was Memorial Day.

She and John walked around town looking for a breakfast place, but the one at the college was shut, so they ended up at home, cooking pancakes together. They just ate in the kitchen, instead of going out.

She was putting dishes away in the living room when John came up behind her slowly, and paused. There was a strange tension in the air. She was half-afraid he was going to touch her. Her mind was sending strange messages to her body. But she was forgetting herself. She was not 17, not a little girl, and John was her cousin!

Later they watched tv and played some games and borrowed B.J.’s red Volvo to go to Spider-man. They met one of John's friends at the Regal cinema. They were laughing about stuff--he seemed nice, blond hair, nice smile. Then she got a call from her ex-boyfriend on Memorial Day and couldn’t get him to stop talking until about 11 PM. John was watching t.v. on the couch, and though it meant they couldn't go out together as they had planned, he didn't seem upset. He acted really strange, though. She was drinking a shot of her raspberry vodka, and felt woozy from one glass..

He watched carefully. She wondered what was going on, and trudged up to bed.

That night she would have sworn someone was watching her in the middle of the night.

She had another strange dream that she heard Komanskaya in the house towards the end of school. One afternoon when the guys were taking finals. It was early morning, and she could have sworn she heard him in her bedroom, touching her in the wee hours of morning. Her cousin came upstairs, soon after. There were strange noises coming from the attic door.

The next night she had another strange dream, and this was the strangest of all her dreams. There was a circle of men, speaking in German. Then the enigmatic "Fat boy ran away." She dreamed someone gave her a jolt of epinephrine, and then a jolt of electricity as though she were being brainwashed. They wanted to know what she was thinking. How she felt about everyone.

Then she felt very sedate.

That day she was all right, but at night that week that John had his finals, she had awful dreams. During the day he played games with her, monopoly, while they listened to his Aerosmith and ACDC rock mix. Then, once when she was in the bathroom getting dressed, she overheard a voice downstairs. It seemed like B.J. Linnet was over, and maybe Komanskaya. She heard her cousin say "No, man, she'd never want to sleep with you." And felt embarrased to have overheard such a conversation.

At night, John would go to sleep early on the couch, and she would tiptoe upstairs while he slept. Again, there were strange noises coming from the attic. She almost went up to investigate, in case there were rats.

That night, she dreamed Tim Quimby and Komanskaya were there, and she heard their voices in her dream. She felt a shock in her sleep, as though she had a jolt of epinephrine, and then felt as though she had been given a sedative, she was that deep under. And she felt as though someone was touching her.

She didn't wake up the next afternoon until 2. She was absolutely naked and on the floor of the sitting room when she woke up. She screamed, and got a blanket. If John came in with her standing like this!1 She didn't know what to do, and quickly ran upstairs to get dressed. John was gone. She felt like a zombie as she went outside to look for him, and then she saw him. He came over and ushered her to the house, saying she had better get some rest, because she seemed not at all well.

They played another game of monopoly and listened to more music, and she livened up a little. That night he ordered a pizza, and coke. She fell asleep soon after.

His friend Joel liked baseball and they went off to play basketball in Forkes one day. With her boyfriend situation, it was nice to be around a lot of males who were great, not abusive or mean.

The next afternoon or sometime around then, John was practicing Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata. She didn’t let him know how much she loved that serenade. She kept out of sight as he played. He was so talented. His long fingers so light and deft. HEr legs were about to give way beneath her. Her breathing came, light, rasping. Later when he was gone, she tried the only song she could play well, “Romeo and Juliet” by Nina Rota. She knew she sucked at the piano.

The next night, she got mysteriously sick, and John guessed it was a short cold. John was sweet and made her some chicken noodle soup, and she had to bundle on the couch and watch movies. It was a nice evening, and she went out to the porch for a while to sit out like people did in College Hill. But the chicken noodle soup made her feel woozy, so she went up to bed.

They spent the next few days alone doing some work around the house, and John spent some time over at Komanskaya’s. In the afternoon, they played monopoly, watching Simpsons in the evening. Her cousin was acting a little different, but then, so was she. He would laugh in a flirtatious way, and she was so nervous sometimes the way he looked, so handsome and older than 17, that she shocked herself she was beginning to forget he was her cousin. She couldn't believe how she was feeling!! She knew she loved him, but... The way he looked at her, and treated her, and laughed so flirtatiously. No one in the world would understand. No one, but someone who was there.

John played b-ball a lot. One afternoon she almost heard him downstairs one second, and upstairs the next. She thought, for a brief second, it was like she heard him, like she could read his mind. Ridiculous! She laughed it off. Just one of those weird paranormal moments.

He was allowed to spend the night at Komanskaya's, and at the Kaache’s’. Kaache was a blonde, who looked like he lifted weights, and had a cool personality. She ended up watching Gladiator by herself on the couch. The weather was fine, and she opened up the glass doors. The wind was warm, and you could hear the crickets.

That night, they ran into each other as he was leaving, and it was strange. He kept giving her strange looks, like he was afriad to spend a moment alone with her anymore.

Kaache had come by bringing a movie with him that he and John had to return to Blockbuster, and it was the last evening they were to spend alone. Then the two of them left.

When Aunt Sally returned, everything had to return to normal. The whole community had a strawberry festival across the street at the church. B.J. came over. She followed them to the festival, just to give them space. Quimby was working in the inside at one of the fun stalls, his foot propped up, looking blankly ahead. She felt sorry for him because of his foot. There was so much going on. His Dad Edward Quimby sold her a big pint of strawberries that her aunt made into dessert. She really liked Edward Quimby. He was handsome, funny, and well-spoken. He asked if he could join in the strange things going on over at the Hornbachs. She was surprized. What did he mean? But in a sense, she was relieved at least he was being open about the weird noises going on over at the Hornbach's in the last few days. And she wondered, what was the mystery that even Edward Quimby knew about? Everyone seemed to know something she didn't.

What she wished was that someone would just tell her. She might not have minded what he was suggesting. She had seen "The Ice Storm" after all.

Meanwhile, John and his friends were all sitting outside on the benches talking. She didn’t bother him much. There was something different about him. For the first time, they didn’t talk about much. But he shot her a wicked almost amorous glance at a distance. He was also being extremely secretive, and she didn't understand.

They did house work sometimes. John came in one afternoon singing Twisted Sister's "Cum on Feel the Noise" and “American Pie” after visiting his friend Miranda Alvanase, and Aunt Sally had him blowing leaves in the afternoon. They talked a little that afternoon about some fun things he was doing. Later, she did some housework and helped clean things up inside. John was having fun when Aunt Sally told him he should concentrate on more appropriate activities. She felt awful for him, even though she loved her Aunt. It was summer, after all, and he worked hard at the Inn.

One day, she talked to Komanskaya, and they took a walk. She wanted to know if he knew about something that was happening, that Edward Quimby wanted to be in on over at the Hornbachs. She decided not to push him. She could tell it was bothering him to be asked so many questions, and he was being as secretive as John, so she decided not to ask him any more. Then he looked at her chest, quite obviously.

He looked down and said “John doesn’t have a girlfriend now and he wants one. And, and I don’t have a girlfriend.” Then he fell into a silence. Both he and John were good-looking, but that didn't mean anything, except that the comment came as a surprise. She had a brief wish looking at him that she were a lot younger, surprising herself in the process and almost coloring red in the face.

"Well, don't worry," she said. "You should have no problem in the future once you're not in high school any more."

Later alone, she remembered back to the night before Memorial Day. And how she had shocked herself, wishing she was five or more years younger. To be just as she looked, but to belong there. To be someone they all knew. The person she was there.

She felt something strange for him that night. But it was the walk. She found herself thinking more about cars. She wanted to go on trips to the beach and get a blanket. She would hear about them all going to Morici’s together. And about their past together, and she had never been jealous in her life, but now she was jealous of time and other girls, that they could be there and belonged there, in a way that made her wish she knew them all, to just hang out no worries and no ties.

As more time passed, and everyone else seemed to know something nocturnal was going on that only she didn't know what was happening.

Every time John went to Komanskaya's house to spend the night, she was so irritated, and she just didn't get irritated.

To be honest, she found herself wishing he’d have had people over. But that would have been a bad thing. Or maybe it would have been better? She might have felt differently. God, what was wrong with her? Why did John sigh at her and come up behind her like that? Was he just trying to torture her for fun?

Another afternoon, she went over with her Aunt to the Linnets’ and there they met Kris, Jane, and B.J. and had a chat on the porch. Mostly she talked to Kris about music, like “the son of a preacher man”. He then drew her aside and made a strange comment. "Be careful of the preacher's son. They get up to a whole lot more." After a moment, he indicated that he was talking about Aunt Sally and her children.

The next night they all watched “cat on a hot tin roof”, and John went out to Komanskaya's. She watched most of the movie with Uncle Bob and Aunt Sally. A few days later, Uncle Bob gave them a little lecture on the porch about not having people over again while they were out of town. They had only approved of John having over a few friends, not as many as had been over. John cast her strange glances throughout, showing that he wasn't concerned at all, but more interested in looking at her legs as she sat next to him.

In the next two weeks, John spent a lot of time over at his friends, the Kaache’s’, and with other people. She hardly saw him after his parents came home, though she stayed another two weeks after Memorial Day. She overheard her aunt say "Bob, treat her make-up" once and didn't know what it meant.

She went a few times to the Inn to bring him dinner, but it wasn’t the same. They checked out a few movies like “Billy Elliot” and “the Graduate” and met Kris Linnet, who invited her on a walk once to the college, where we talked about his favorite movie “the Godfather”. She and John were watching “the Hunt for Red October” and “Monty Python and the Holy Grail.” One afternoon, they all went to the mall, and John got a police car toy for his new girlfriend, and he got a Spider-man web thrower, and they looked at the video store like they used to for something good. All seemed normal.

This was the beginning of one of the best summers of her life, but it was never the same afterwards.

The Hornbachs ended up going to Texas in mid-June. She was invited to go, but she didn’t want to leave New York in case she got more voice-acting. So she stayed behind.

She decided to gradually return to New York later since she was supposed to be teaching and voice acting, and left a few days before they left for Texas. Uncle Bob said she could come back later that summer when they got back to get the rest of her stuff.

July crept by. She found out her summer teaching classes had been cancelled. So she had nothing much to do, and Uncle Bob said she could return to College Hill for a while. When she got there, they watched some golf together on tv, the British open. Uncle Bob explained the game to her--it was a special moment. What a lovely afternoon. She really appreciated golf for the first time, the way her Uncle explained it, and he let her read a book by Updike, on golf.

One night, John and Uncle Bob went over to the Kaache’s for dinner and brought back some excellent chili. Uncle Bob went golfing with Edward Quimby the next day.

John was busy most of the time at Komanskaya’s watching movies like “Halloween” and avoiding her. When he returned, he was mostly working at the Inn. They sat and watched “Law and Order”. She was beginning to wonder if she should just return to the city.

The lamp was on. She walked innnocently into John's room while he was changing. He looked up. He seemed in no hurry to get his shirt on. And he looked at her, and didn’t turn away in embarrassment or anything. She did. Coloring bright red. But not until she got a good look at his exposed upper body. He was getting something out of his drawers.

She realized she was beginning to forget who she was. And now she didn't want to remember.

One morning not much afterwards, she wasn’t feeling well. The same strange wooziness as she had had in June. John came and was really sweet, and he let her rest her head on his shoulder. But he was strangely distant, elusive. He said she shouldn’t go if she was sick, and suggested something to make her feel better. She didn’t see much else of him. He was out most of the summer with his friends. She never saw much of them anymore.

One night, John’s cousins came to town. She and John were alone together that evening, when he gave her another strange look, for the first time in a month, just as the doorbell rang, dispelling a strange tension between them. Then she met his aunt, uncle, and cousins that were about his age, and they seemed really nice. They all sat around talking, while she went up to bed early. She didn’t think she really fit in with the older adults apart from Uncle Bob, or the younger people. She felt confused and out of place.

Sometimes she wished the gulf between the older and younger generations didn't exist, and you could be friends with anyone and spend time with anyone. Not possible. Ridiculous to even think it.

Corinne came over one week-end, and they saw B.J. walking Ellie. She got to pet the lovely Vishla. Now B.J. had grown so tall, you might think he'd play basketball!! She and Corinne remembered how he had played video games with John years ago, like Spider-man.

She never told Corinne about any of the strange things that had happened, nor any of the strange dreams. She had strange dreams about spiders, pyramids, skeletons and skulls, and wondered if she should stop drinking coffee before bed. Corinne, who always called her sister "Tweet Bird" after the canary, was afraid of spiders.

That summer Aunt Sally started her business, calling it “Once upon a Memory”. She helped her move all of her furniture with Uncle Bob to the new shop. It took a long time. Aunt Sally didn't talk much the way she used to, but she was so busy. Uncle Bob got in a good mood every now and again, and she could see that old merry glimmer in his eyes, but there was something different about them all, like they knew something they could never speak about. She returned to New York in early August.

In February of 2003, after six months, she returned to College Hill to see if Uncle Bob could help her fill out forms to go to grad school. He was great about it.

John had taken over Alan’s room. She had John help her try to work the playlist on his computer, but he had to leave to go visit some friends soon after.

They made popcorn and sat around the house.

Uncle Bob and Aunt Sally were great, but there was a lot that just didn’t make sense. The old rapport they had all shared in 1999 was gone.

She returned again in May to take some placement exams for the graduate school she was going to. John was working at a grocery store that just opened up. Aunt Sally had him try on his best khaki pants to work in. John was about to graduate. He and his friends. They weren't ever around like before. She hadn't seen them in a year. Things weren’t the same. No one spent any time together.

She got invited to B.J. Linnets’ 18th birthday party. She had a headache and took an advil, but she ended up needing to lie down because she wasn’t feeling well. Supposedly. Although by then she had the strangest notion that maybe warlocks did exist, as she had heard from a guy who called himself "enlightened", because the salad dressing she always ate had a funny taste, and she literally was paralyzed within half an hour after eating at their house. Everyone was superficially kind, but it was obvious they knew there had been foul play and were covering for someone. What she couldn't understand was why. When she got better a few minutes later, John suggested, “you should modify your eating habits”. She was allergic to milk and wheat, but he didn't know that. Instead, she was crushed by his comment. He would never know.

Her aunt called that day "an episode" and called her mother about it. She was mortified that her aunt could be so catty and do such an awful thing. She had thought it impossible. Didn't Aunt Sally love her?

Another afternoon she went to visit him like the old days at the College Hill Inn. He was busy, and evasive as he answered her as though someone else was listening. She told him if he ever wanted to tell her anything private, her word was her bond, and he could tell her anything and she would keep it secret forever, but he told her there was nothing to say.

He went to the gym in the afternoon, and she sat around watching tv in Alan’s old room. She drank a 50/50 grapefruit drink that made her entire body quiver with sexual anticipation, and she knew that John had tampered with it, even if only as a joke. But he was gone, and no one else was there, and there was no way she would ever accuse him of anything, not least in front of her aunt and uncle. She left soon after, with nothing about the strange things going on at the Hornbach's ever resolved.

Without the voice acting and teaching, she had applied and was accepted to business school in the fall. In August, she and Corinne were visiting the Hornbachs again. It seemed like old times again. John was going off to college. They got to see the group pictures from the graduation reception at Forkes. John had news about where everyone was going to college, or what they were going to do that year. He couldn't wait to get to school.

After a year, Aunt Sally closed “Once Upon a Memory”. She was sorry that it had not been what Aunt Sally wanted.

She had bright hopes for business school and really enjoyed the prospect of going. But the spiders in her basement were becoming such a nuisance that after a while, she felt she couldn't bear it much longer.

Alan was getting married that November. Uncle Bob offered to drive her and Corinne to the wedding, but Corinne decided to fly. She met Uncle Bob and their great Uncle Doug in College Hill. Uncle Doug was about 80 and was a former pastor. He kept active and lean by playing tennis. Her Uncle Bob still had the Indy hat on the bookshelf. She called it that because he looked a little like Harrison Ford. They drove to John’s college to pick him up. Aunt Sally had already gone on her own to Pittsburgh to help out with the wedding.

On the way to Pittsburgh, they stopped for dinner by the road and had pizza. John didn’t talk much, and Uncle Bob wasn’t in a great mood, either. Luckily, Uncle Doug was a good talker.

The next morning was a surprise breakfast anniversary for Uncle Bob and Aunt Sally—who was sensationally dressed the whole week-end. Bob was a sweetheart that day. Alan was sort of the guest of honor, since he was getting married, and he sat next to her, which made her so happy. She missed their old chats together, and she was so happy for him! He seemed incredibly happy himself. She also sat next to Uncle Doug, who gave a fine speech.

In the bathroom, the strangest thing happened. It was as though someone had put ugly itching powder in her make-up, and she felt suddenly like crying, as her skin started to literally itch. She suddenly did not feel beautiful. And she didn't like the way she felt. How was it possible to explain? She hoped there weren’t any people who wished her anything ill and had tampered with her make-up. If there are, are they the kind who have everything? she wondered. She couldn't say what she knew about this. She resented that she never had done anything to deserve the demonic treatment and she was still being treated as though she did. Why would no one stand up for her? Why not Alan or John? What they knew and didn't do anything about was tearing at her heart.

The rehearsal dinner was at the same place as their elder brother Billy’s wedding. So opulent she couldn’t believe it, but Alan deserved the best. She missed seeing everyone at breakfast. Even the Linnets were there. She hugged Jane Linnet. As always, Jane was kind. She didn’t really see much of John or Alan after that, at the wedding, nor at the reception. He talked a lot to Corinne, and Alan was greeting all kinds of people, with his new wife.

She was not invited to go out with the guys when they left the reception, nor was Corinne, which seemed strange. John avoided talking to her the whole time.

Five months passed until she and Corinne went to the Hornbachs again. She had gone home to Texas for Christmas and to Italy for spring break to see the forum and Colosseum. And Now it was her cousin's spring break just a week afterwards.

All the good memories started to return.

She sat down in the living room with Carolyne and John and they decided to play a card game. Aunt Sally joined them. But the game ended, and the day kind of fizzled out. Aunt Sally said something mean to her when they looked at photos. “You're just like your elder sister,” she said, noticing how her son John was casting lascivious glances her way. And that was a ridiculous untruth. She was devastated. For years other people had told her she was like Billy's wife Katherine. And, Aunt Sally hated her elder half- sister Guinevere, who was genetically half Bulgarian. She could only guess that Aunt Sally didn't mean it, but had said it because of what John was doing. She was personally and truthfully nothing like her elder sister, and not even like her twin sister Corinne for that matter!!! In shock she realized that even after all these years Aunt Sally didn't care anymore, she realized. She had never bragged that she had gotten into Harvard but couldn't afford to go; only she and Corinne knew that, and their parents, while Guinevere had dropped out of high school. She loved Guinevere, but the comparison was downright rude to both parties. Guinevere was tougher than anyone. They were loving sisters, with their own distinct personalities. Guinevere was street smart and could do anything she set out to. They were no more alike than the Hornbachs were to them.

Moreover, Corinne and she were ethnically and psychologically half-Scottish, their father being Scottish and raised in Stirlingshire. Sometimes they felt more European than American. It had been so nice learning about American guys through their visits to the Hornbachs.

She walked around that Saturday night on her own. There were as usual so many people going places all over town that Saturday night. She saw some pretty great cars, mustangs and a blue cat car. Uncle Bob was busy with work. Corinne and Aunt Sally watched “Frequency”.

John was as usual out with his friends. He played a game of cards with everyone at the Hornbachs on Saturday afternoon—hearts. She borrowed John's College Inn shirt and grey sweatpants as her laundry was drying. She wanted to tell him that she missed him, but she couldn't do that. One thing she loved was that she loved to forget the rest of everything when they were together. She went on a long walk, and stopped in the local restaurant for a drink.

She and Corinne ended up sleeping in John’s old room on the twin beds since the Rabbit room was full of things to be sold and organized. She could have sworn there was more itching powder on the sheets, but it must be her allergic reaction kicking in, (she had bad allergies) and it itched so bad she ended up crying, something which her aunt later overheard and told her mother about. She knew the conspiracy of women who got together talking. She disliked it.

The next morning, Corinne wanted to leave before church, so they left early. They hugged everyone good-bye. She hugged him once as he was doing his hair in the bathroom. Her aunt cast them a warning look from across the hallway, where she was in the other bathroom. She didn't care, and hugged her cousin tightly in good-bye.

It was a final good-bye of sorts.

Two days later she was hauled away in an ambulance and never returned to College Hill.

She never knew how he felt about her at all.

* * * The truth was that the spicy coffee that opened her mind, but there was never any proof who did it. Have you ever fallen in love in only a minute? She was in love with John, but the coffee made an effect upon her mind that nothing and no one ever had. And the truth was, someone kept putting it in her coffee beans in for several weeks. She had always been aloof, until now.

She had loved them all in no time, and wished there were no rules, no rules about age and association. She wished she could have spent time with them. She wished the Kaarches would come over for chili. She wished her Aunt Sally would introduce her properly to more people, or her uncle, especially older people. She thought all the women in town were fun and pretty great and would love to be their friends. Wasn't it possible for them to accept an outsider as a friend? As time went on, she realized that there was a cruel circle closing in on her and keeping her away from people, and away from any chance that they would let her be a part of them. There was low foul play, something she had not expected from people of this caliber.

Does anyone care about a stranger? she wondered, the more she saw of people. Does no one care what happens to the weak, the defenseless, or innocent outsiders? What if there were not enough knights in the world to oppose the evil of the ruthless or bored who toy with the lives of the defenseless? She never got over what had happened to her because she never had any resolution.

She had no idea who it was who put the aphrodisiac in her drink, against her volition. All she knew, was that someone had, and that right away her vagina was gushing sweat. She couldn't taste that there was anything in it, but she couldn't sleep for three days after that. Whoever did it, was an asshole.

That happened on the Friday night, and she had gone out to the pub at the local Easton sea food restaurant. She knew she should not finish the drink and didn't. She managed to get away and to return home to where Aunt Sally and Corinne were ,watching “Frequency” together.

By Sunday, she was crying inexplainably, not from depression, not from anything. She couldn't really sleep. The next day, she was working on a project for her marketing professor at the Sullivan libarary when she went to the bathroom and washed her hands, she started to cry again. Suspecting that the drug that someone had stuck in her drink was washing out of her system, she gathered her bags and went out of the library to escape and not show anyone her tears.

She felt EXTRAORDINATELY TIRED and went to the coffee stand in an attempt to stimulate herself, thinking that the drug that someone had put in her drink on Friday night was working its way out of her system and that she was crying because it was wearing off. So maybe coffee would help. She didn't know what to do. She got chocolate almond mixed with hazelnut and put extra cinnamon in.

Instead of being ok, the coffee made her crying worse. She felt like a fleeing deer and left the school campus, running instinctively to the forest so no one would see her cry.

“Do you like pears?” someone was asking someone else as she fled the cafeteria.

A lady on a park bench started to flag her down and ask if she was ok. She said she was, but she couldn't stop crying and went on. She was in the forest, started to pick up rocks and a stick and play a game of stick ball. This was to distract herself because her limbs felt strangely like burning and aching. She was trying not to come down, but there was nothing to do. She had never taken any drug in her life except legal ones. She had live a sheltered life and taught children until 10 PM for 4 years, missing the night scene altogether.

She passed a tall man in a trench coat wearing dark sunglasses. He had a cell phone. There were no marks on her face or clothes, but by this time her hands were dirty from the tree twigs and rocks. She wasn't harming the trees, just playing a game of stick ball to move her muscles and keep away the burning aching feeling and fatigue.

She was still crying but stopped when she passed the man.

She did a few gymnastics pirouettes in the middle of the forest trail, trying to get herself more energetic because the sudden depression was intense.

She came out of the forest and an ambulance was waiting. She never even found out who had made the call. In the distance, she could hear a train passing by. She was like, there's nothing wrong with me, but the ambulance people said it was procedure, someone had called and she had no rights. They told her they suspected she was on a drug.

The enormity of the shame, humiliation, and unfairness hit her. She had done nothing wrong.

She was sent to a psych ward for 5 days, and let go as soon as the cat scan revealed nothing wrong in her mind and no illegal drugs in her blood work. That was the minimum time they had to keep her without letting her go earlier.

Despite this, her faith was shaken, and she was horrified in a way that lasts forever. The man had asked if she was doing anything to herself, all kinds of strange questions she knew she had been framed, or else, kindly screwed over. She demanded the doctor take pictures of her head and face to examine for damage, because, as she put it, her make-up wasn't even smudged, nor was a single hair out of place in her neat braid. He refused in a manner of I have already decided your fate and the truth isn't that important to me.

She said, there aren't even any leaves in my hair! No marks, scrapes, scratches... He treated her like a dumb blonde with a problem, rather than as a person who had been unjustly brought in. She was devastated. When she tried to ask a question, calmly, he acted like she was hysterical and ignored her. She was disgusted by the stupidity. The other people in there were SCARY.

Only God and the truth knew that she had been framed. She got out after 5 peaceful days without being put on any medication. The nice female doctor who talked to her knew that she was ok and helped her garner the earliest release, while Mr. Shithead who thinks all women are hysterical, let's talk down to them, said she needed a mild sedative to take along in case for a few days still. He, at least, had to agree that the cat scan evidence revealed that she had a normal brain.

Was this destiny what she deserved??? She couldn't get anyone to see the light.

© 2006

FINIS

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