The Amazing Purple Emu That Speaks Ebonics III: The Search for Spork
by the Blanks
Part LV
Thus spake the Spork, "And the Spork spoke thusly, saying, 'And thus spake the Spork:
"Thus says the Lord of all sporks, in the first Epistle of the Spork to the Utensils. And in that time there will come upon the land a great deluge of ephemeral marine life. And the moon shall be as corn and the sky shall be as cow, and all shall eat sand, and there shall be much wailing and grinding of teeth. And then shall come among you utensils a Spork. And He shall lead ye from that land of wailing and grinding of teeth and corn and cows and sand into a place flowing with forks and spoons."'"
* * *
We last left our heroes in the land flowing with forks and spoons. Sara had just sat down. Sara stood up. Sara rubbed her bottom and said, "Ow, my bottom." Sara had sat on a fork.
Mark said, "Dude."
Someone fell from the sky. He got up. He pulled a fork from his bottom, and said, "Hello, my name is Wayne. Some hoser gave me a talking spoon and I ended up here. This place sucks. Who wants to come back to Canadia with me, eh?"
Mark said, "Dude!"
Wayne went to Canadia.
They all followed Wayne.
They all followed they all, except for the aLi-llama, who was still worshipping the Spork that had brought them into the land flowing with forks and spoons and working on a charter for a new cult.
* * *
The trip to Canadia was rather uneventful. By the time they all got there, the aLi-llama's cult had already been formed, built a compound, and committed a mass suicide.
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The aLi-llama was bored.
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The aLi-llama sat there.
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The aLi-llama sat there.
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The aLi-llama was bored.
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Something happened.
The aLi-llama was still bored.
* * *
Meanwhile, in Canadia, something was wrong.
Wayne said, "Something's wrong, eh."
Mark said, "Dude?"
Sara sat down.
They all pointed out a sea monkey.
They all looked at the sea monkey, which was brandishing a cheese wheel menacingly.
"It has cheese!!!" the Risa exclaimed exuberantly. She hugged it.
They all pointed out another similarly equipped sea monkey.
"Another one! And it has cheese too!" the Risa exclaimed. She hugged it.
They all pointed out further sea monkeys. There was a very large number of sea monkeys in Canadia.
The Risa let out a girlish squeal of joy. Then she became serious, and spake thusly, "With the spork as my witness, I swear that it shall be my personal quest to hug every cheese-bearing sea monkey in Canadia."
The Risa began her quest.
The electric electric-blue emu that did the electric slide left. It is a well known fact that emi and sea monkeys, while not natural enemies, do not prefer each other's company. It all started at teatime one day in Manitoba, when the high chancellor of Emuville, who happened to be the great grandfather of the The Amazing Purple Emu That Speaks Ebonics, was invited to tea with the king of the sea monkeys, who at that time were governed by a constitutional monarchy. Tea was going quite splendidly, until the high chancellor pointed out that sea monkeys are incapable of walking on land. The king of the sea monkeys took offense at this, and promptly had the high chancellor escorted out without his customary gift of cheese logs. Then, realizing that he could not, in fact, walk on land, he went back to the sea. Since both emi and sea monkeys are, for the most part, civilized folk, no further conflict resulted from this incident at the time, but ever since that day, sea monkeys and emi have never again taken tea together, and generally have not preferred each other's company.
Wayne said, "I knew something was wrong! The sea monkeys have invaded Canadia with their cheese wheels and cheese logs. I had a feeling this would happen when their constitutional monarchy crumbled and was replaced by a military dictatorship. How are we going to get these hosers out of here, eh?"
Mark said, "Duuuuude."
* * *
Something happened.
The aLi-llama was no longer bored.
* * *
What will become of Canadia and its citizens? Will they be able to repel the invasion of the cheese-wielding sea monkeys? And what is a hoser anyway?
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