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The Amazing Purple Emu That Speaks Ebonics III: The Search for Spork
by The Blanks

Part LI

Spork. The final utensil. These are the voyages of the Starship Dude. Its continuing mission: To seek out new sporks, and new utensils... To boldly go where no llama has gone before.

* * *

The Starship Dude ceased to exist.

Mark said, "Dude."

The aLi-llama declared that now they must make a pilgrimage on foot, to seek the Spork.

They all started to pilgrimagize on foot.

They all followed they all.

They all came across a vial.

There was a spork on it.

"Are you on crack?" asked the Risa.

"I was," replied the spork, "but he is empty now. He is a crack vial."

"That's Captain Crack to you!" shouted the crack vial. It then broke.

A Red-Shirt-Ensign and a doctor walked in at this point. They were both vials.

The Red-Shirt-Ensign said, "Doctor, the captain is broken!"

The doctor said, "Damn it, ensign, I'm a vial, not a doctor!"

The Red-Shirt-Ensign died.

The aLi-llama picked up the spork and proclaimed that they had found the Spork, and that their pilgrimage had been successful.

They all left. As he was leaving, he stepped on the doctor, breaking him.

They all followed they all.

* * *

The Risa asked, "Now that we found the Spork, what do we do with it?"

The Electric Electric Blue Emu did the electric slide on the Risa's shoulder.

The Electric Electric Blue Emu said, "Sqrauckel."

The spork said, "Wait a minute! I am not the Spork which you seek. You are to find a much greater Spork that is to come after me. I have been sent to you to announce the presence of the greater Spork. I am not fit to stoop and untie his sandal straps--"

"Sporks don't wear sandals!"

The spork poked the interruptor.

Mark said, "Dude."

The spork continued, "I Baptize thee in the name of the Fork, the Spoon, and the Holy Utensil." As it incanted this, it hit they all on the head.

They all said, "Amen."

The spork said to everyone except they all, "No. No. You shouldn't say 'Amen.' until I have baptized you individually." It then hit each of them on the head with the same incantation, and each in turn responded, "Amen."

When it had baptized each of them, the spork proclaimed, "You have no been baptized with the spirit of the Holy Utensil, and thus charged with the sacred task of finding the Spork. This is thy holy mission, and the holy mission is thine. Now go, and complete thy mission, the Search for Spork."

Mark said, "Dude."

* * *


Will our heroes be able to complete their holy search and find the Spork? What horrible dangers and devilish challenges await them in the process? And what is in store for the world if they should fail? Stay tuned for the answers to these and other important questions, or thou wilt die a thousand deaths at the hands of the unholy Knife.
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