of Dr. Frankenstreudel's Lemon Fresh Laboratory of Horrors
by Jeannette Jaquish
CAST: Optimum: 2 girls, 2 boys, 4 women or older girls, 2 men or older boys, 2 men or women.
(All parts except Eyegore may be played by females playing females. All parts except Petunia may be played by malesplaying males.)
The ages and sexes are the author’s preference. Multi-age cast works best, but certainly the play can be performed by a same age group in the range of 9 to 16.
Alexis (or Alex), appearing to be age 8 to 15, book smart and snobby, but naive. Has some important lines explaining medical concepts, and a tricky chase scene. Wears a preppy school outfit.
Dr. Frankenstreudel, female (or male). Seemingly a reasonable dedicated scientist, but her egotistical, obsessed, madness flares easily. Many characterizations will work: sophisticated and intense, wild haired brainiac, or high tech nerd. Wears a lab coat. Takes a tumble in chase scene.
Eyegore, burly male. Horribly scarred by his many surgeries, his current brain has the personality and fashion sense of Edith Bunker or Julia Wild, ditsy, scolding, and obsessed with cleanliness and proper behavior. Wears a frumpy house dress and lady’s make-up over Frankensteinian monster features and scars. He is not a drag queen. He is a fastidious housewife. Easy lines.
Misty, female or male. Her name is short for “mistake”, Misty is a mess of various animal and human parts all being attacked by her own immune system. Constantly gagging, coughing and convulsing on the floor, Misty’s aggressive whining hides her desperation for medicine which drives her to betrayal. But later, conscience stricken, she rises to heroism. She wears a dog nose, rabbit ears, ragged clothes over bulked up parts, leggings with animal hair poking out the holes, and bandages stained with blood and pus. Only one scene with major lines.
Petunia, female, age 9 to 17. Punkish, sarcastic and emotional. Protective of her little brother, Ned. After months in a cage, her clothes are in rags. Tricky lines and actions in the graveyard scene.
Ned (male) or Neddy (female), smaller and younger than other kids. A little fireball like his big sister, Ned is also perceptive, seeing the simple solution, that the big kids miss. Wears rags and is barefoot (because he kicks Alexis). His lines are simple, but his cues are hard to recognize. Is lifted by his belt or pants' waistband.
Winston (male) or Winifred (female), same age range as other kids. Winston’s practical point of view and low key bravery contrasts with Petunia’s emotional outbursts. He is a Boy Scoutish character, in fact, a ragged scout suit would be a good costume. Has tricky lines and actions, but fewer than Petunia. Falls on his behind when rug is pulled out from under him.
Old Man or Lady Wellard, old person if possible. Old Man Wellard is a zombie with his codger values intact. He has a creaky voice, wears a decomposed burial suit and decaying face makeup. He pulls a rope helping Petunia to climb a ladder up to the platform that he performs from. Startling cameo in last scene. Few lines but they’re all good.
Zombies: Mr. Dry Bones, Mrs. Death-Breath and Mrs. Rattlewalk, decaying, hungry zombies. No lines except groaning -- perfect for the actors’ parents and also puts them backstage during other scenes to do props and scenery set-up. Besides gnawing, drooling, grabbing and stumbling, each zombie has specific actions and cues which are very important to make the graveyard scene coherent and not a confusing, bumbling mess. In a pinch, Dr. VC, Eyegore, or Misty can throw on burial rags and a wig and double role as a zombie, as none of them are in the graveyard scene.
Note: Zombies in grave and Winston and Petunia either should all be barefoot or all wear shoes because they will be stepping on each other’s feet.
STORY SYNOPSIS
Straight-A student, Alexis, applies for a job in a science lab. Dr. Frankenstreudel's companions, a gender confused Frankenstein monster, Eyegore, and a sickly lab rat creature, Misty, should arouse her suspicions, but until she is invited onto the operating table, she is clueless. Barely squeaking (fibbing and clobbering) out an escape, she soon stumbles onto three prisoners in the basement, Ned, Petunia and Winston, who have got the cage grumpies bad.
In the pantry, the quartet find the doc's gruesome jars of hands, lips and organs, and begin to piece together the truth. The doctor unexpectantly enters and the kids escape detection with a hilarious imitation of body parts. Misty makes a startling reappearance, and teases the children with their part of the puzzle, and offers to lead them to freedom.
Dr. Frankenstreudel and Eyegore have one last pounce, but Ned's quick wits allow Petunia and Winston to escape -- if falling into an empty grave in a cemetary full of zombies can be called an escape. Old Man Wellard, a zombie whose codger attitude, if not his body, is intact, offers them one of the grossest rescues imaginable.
Time is running out, as Winston and Petunia scout the lab and plan their attack, which fails, again by betrayal. Every possible escape brings hope, but fails: a zombie attack on the doctor; damaging the lab equipment; appealing to Eyegore's maternal instincts; even an apparent freak electrocution of the doc. As Eyegore lifts the lever re-starting the deadly experiment, the most unexpected, yet logical, twist of events brings the story to a poignant, happy ending, .....with a ridiculous twist to end with a chuckle.
And without realizing it, the audience will have learned about the immune system, transplant rejection and electrical circuits.
This script has great lines for everyone and lots of action, suspense and unexpected twists.
PROP AND SET PIECE LIST
Two operating tables, with fold up legs like those 4x8 ft.office tables. Paint silver or cover with aluminum foil, drip some red paint on for real effect. Both must lean against wall with legs folded up, and one must stand normally like a table.
Cuffs and straps on operating tables and somewhere stage right (wall, table, floor)
Tray of knives on small medical table
Dog’s water bowl
Dog chain and collar
Sewing basket with needle and thread
Feather duster (Eyegore can wear a carpenters belt full of cleaning and beauty stuff)
Mop
Broom
Shovel
Bent handle spoons
Large bucket dripping with red paint (blood) with bloody clothes inside
Table with scientific apparatus including microscope, loose slides
Packet or jar of “Hemoglobin Concentrate” Take a box of cherry Jello and using white-out, and red and black markers, change "JELLO" to "HEMO".
Creature: mannequin head and body in lightweight display table/bed, bench high
One or two plasma rays: spacey ray guns with flashlights inside with colored bulb or gel,
A good mount is the floor stand from a stand up fan.
Instrument panels on or against wall. Needs at least one large lever. Use junk appliance knobs, switches and dials and shampoo bottle lids.
Lightweight scenery for dungeon and graveyard: refrigerator boxes make good fold-up scenery lengths.
Three cages for kids, hinged front doors --If you are really on a budget and don't mind being a bit Monty Pythonesque give them laundry baskets with holes in the sides to put over their heads, or refrigerator metal wire shelves to hold in front of themselves, and they just pretend they are in cages.
Window curtain
Pantry shelves of body parts in jars, specifically eyeballs, ears, intestines, teeth, fingers and lungs. Get those long skinny balloon animal balloons, blow them up and deflate them, color with markers to make intestines. You can use carved potatoes or fruit or clay floating in jars of colored water for organs.
Phone on portable stand, with weather report page.
Phone ringer FX gadget
Open Grave: Platform about 4 feet high, at rear of grave
Ladder to platform, covered with brown blanket.
Create gravehole walls with 3 scenery panels with platform at rear, hang brown blankets to be dirt, with slits for zombies to crawl through.
Intestines: soft thick cotton rope inside a long, skinny sleeve of pinkish fabric, 8 to 12 feet long, dyed pinkish/brown and dripped with a little red paint. Too much paint makes it too stiff.
Two metal caps for Alexis and Ned : the bowl shaped reflectors on clamp lamps work well.
Four to six long electrical wires with alligator clips. Connections: Equipment to Alexis’ cap, Alexis cap to Ned’s cap, Ned’s feet back to machine, machine to creature’s head, creature’s feet to machine.
Lab coat
Keys with clip or rounded hook
