Off On A Tangent
By Stefanie Roszkowski
Bedroom; Bed, Front View, Camera Center I have this problem. Well the psychiatrists call it a problem but that's not how I think of it. What's normal for me isn't normal for them. My problem is around every day, every hour, every moment. I can't put a stop to it, but I've accepted that. Bedroom, Front View, Camera Center Down To put it bluntly, I hear voices. Now don't go thinking I'm crazy and I can't function in society because that's really not the case. It may sound bizarre for you since you're probably not plagued with psychological abnormalities, but please Bedroom, Front View, Camera Center please try not to be judgmental and don't use this against me. Bedroom, Side View, Camera Move Center then Right Maybe if you got to know what my life is like, you might understand better. Or maybe you won't. You could be narrow-minded and laugh, but I guess that's your problem. I won't make it my own. Bedroom; Bed, Front View, Camera Left Anyways, I'll stop being my pessimistic self and explain to you what it is like to live with people in my head. Bedroom; Bed, Front View, Camera Center Well first of all, there are five of them. They all have names, personalities, and unique characteristics. You probably want to know what they tell me, and I would say if it were that easy. It would be like asking you what your friends have told you for the past three years. It's simply impossible to remember. Bedroom; Bed, Front View (Reflection), Camera Right But maybe I can try. [hug knees] The one that talks to me the most is named Zari. He can get annoying at times, but generally he's quite the comedian. He likes to comment on things, and I often want to laugh at what he says, but I keep it to myself. Bedroom; Bed, Side View, Camera Left People would ask me what I'm laughing about, and I wouldn't have an answer. Bedroom; Bed, Front View, Camera Move to Left I don't want others to know about me because they would treat me differently. So I am forced to suppress friendships with five of my closest companions. And now, since I'm on medication, it's like they're dead. Bedroom; Bed, Front View, Camera Center I can't hear them, I can't feel them, but somehow I know they're around, hiding in the dark crevaces of my mind. Zari's the only one I can hear now, and I guess I should be happy he's still there, but I have been robbed of friends simply because society doesn't accept anything different. Funny, I always thought they encouraged individuality, but when someone's reality is out of the norm, it is quickly and affectively taken away from them. Bedroom; Bed, Front View, Camera Right Sometimes the absence of the voices is more than I can handle, and I get incredibly lonely. The deafening silence increases dramatically, exponentially, until I break down. And this is the result. [show arms, camera pull back] Does it scare you that I do this to myself? Are you disgusted, afraid, amused? Will you act strangely around me until they heal? Or maybe you'll stop talking to me if I continue mutilating myself. You'll be so repulsed that whenever you see my face, all you'll be able to think about are these cuts. Is that how it's going to be? Well, keep it to yourself then. No one wants to hear about your voluntary ignorance.