Moving On, Parts I-III

Moving On; Part I

Disclaimer: Viacom/Paramount owns Star Trek. There is no profit made from this story, and I am in no way trying to make any copyright infringements.

Note: This story is my first real Voyager fan fic, so bear with me, please. Also, if you like unexpected twists to the usual show, then by all means enjoy. :-)

Summary: There’s a problem with the gel packs, and Chakotay is angry that Kathryn Janeway has turned her back on him. Meanwhile, B’Elanna, Tom, and Harry make an interesting bet. PG

By Daffnie


After finishing her normal duty shift, Lieutenant B’Elanna Torres headed to her quarters from engineering. She had just walked out the doors when Chakotay suddenly came running up from behind her calling her name. B’Elanna stopped and spun around.

“ Yes, Commander?”

“ B’Elanna, I need you to help me with these gel packs right over here.” He gestured behind him with his left hand to an opened hatch in the wall.

* Duty shift is never over, B’Elanna,* she thought.

“ What’s the problem?”

“ That’s what I’d like to know. Almost all of the packs on decks 4, 7, and 8 are leaking and there are others leaking on various decks, but no one has been able to figure out what the problem is.” B’Elanna noted a hint of nervousness in Chakotay’s voice that she had never heard before. *This must be serious.*

The commander started walking in the direction he pointed to and motioned for B’Elanna to follow. They approached the open hatch, and B’Elanna leaned over to peer inside. She took out a tricorder from the case on the floor and began to scan the gel pack. Blue ooze was slowly dripping down the side.

“ It’s leaking alright, but this gel pack has no obvious damage on it or any kind of infection. There must be a puncture somewhere on it that’s too small for the tricorder to pick up.” She stood back up to face Chakotay. “ And you say that this is happening on other decks?”

“ That’s right,” Chakotay said matter-of-factly.

“ When did this start?”

“ At 0900 today. Seven detected it when she was doing a routine maintenance check in Sickbay.”

“ And why haven’t I been informed of this until now?” she demanded. Not being informed of these types of things was close to the top of her list of pet peeves.

“ She said you were too preoccupied with your work to be of any assistance. She wanted to see if we could fix it without disturbing you.”

* What?!*

“ All I was doing was going over the warp plasma fluctuations that had occurred over the past month. I wouldn’t consider that as being busy.” B’Elanna didn’t know whether to laugh or to find that Borg and dislocate her jaw.

“ Apparently Seven does.”

“ I’ll help you, but you’ll have to do a favor for me, too.”

“ Anything.”

“ Since you’re in charge of personnel around here, I want you to talk to her.”

B’Elanna paused a beat intentionally.

“ About what?”

“ About how I’m the one in charge of these things and that she needs to check with me first before she does anything.”

“ She’s just trying to help, and you know she values her independence. Isn’t that a bit harsh, B’Elanna?”

“ Harsh!? She should have learned these things by now!” she snapped, and she didn’t realize how much her words stung even if they weren’t really directed towards him. * Chakotay, she’s not a child! Quit babying her!* Of course, B’Elanna would never say anything like that to his face if she could help it. She had to be extra careful around him now ever since “his captain” had shown interest in someone else other than him. (No one was supposed to know she had a new secret obsession, but it was all too obvious. Now only if they could figure out who it was...) B’Elanna knew he didn’t often share his feelings, but she could tell he was agitated. Lately, she caught him clenching his fists or subconsciously cracking his knuckles She found it irritating but was polite enough not to admit it, and now wasn’t exactly the best time to get on his nerves even more.

“ B’Elanna, you have to remember that she’s still trying to adjust,” he said calmly.

Ensign Joanna Hedrik who had been standing around waiting for their conversation to end, gave up and went back into engineering.

“ She’s had more than enough time to adjust. I expect her to follow my expectations.”

“ So you want her to live up to your want her to be what you think she should be like? Is that what this is about?”

Suddenly, B’Elanna became defensive and folded her arms across her chest.

“ I guess so,” she growled. She was about to mutter some Klingon obscenity but stopped herself.

“ You’re flattering yourself, B’Elanna. You have to accept her the way she is. No one’s perfect.”

“ And yet she insists on being so. Her Godforsaken Borg perfection is all she cares about. Her *valued independence* is getting to her head. Can’t you see that? Of all people, Chakotay, I thought you might understand how I feel about this. She’s invading on my turf.”

The commander frowned at the comment and again clenched his fists.

* Careful, B’Elanna,* she warned herself.

“ I...I’m sorry, Chakotay,” she sighed as she put her hands on her hips and continued, “ I’ve just been having a bad day.”

He managed a smile. “ Apology accepted.”

She grunted a sound of disbelief. “ So, do you have a damage report from Seven or not?”

* * * *

Captain Kathryn Janeway sat on her couch in her ready room staring out the window and trying desperately to organize her thoughts. Too many things were running through her head. *Why had Chakotay ignored me all yesterday? Had I said something wrong, or has he found out? Oh, I hope not. I never knew this was going to happen, it just...did.* She let out a frustrated sigh at the thought that maybe it had been all too apparent that she no longer had eyes for him. * I was hoping to give it to him lightly. And now...what am I supposed to do? We can’t continue to be on such negative terms with each other. Sure, I had loved him for a while, but that faded after such a long time of not being involved.*

She was suddenly brought back to reality by the chirping of her door.

“ Come in,” she said flatly as she sat up straighter.

Lieutenant Paris stepped into her ready room cautiously, hands carefully clasped behind his back.

“ Are you alright, Captain? No one has seen you for more than two hours, and everyone is beginning to wonder why.”

“ Oh, has it been that long already?” She faked a laugh. “ I’m sorry. I must have lost track of time. Is there something wrong?”

“ No, it’s just that everyone’s...”

“ Worried?” she finished for him. He half smiled.

* She must be worried about something herself. I’ve seen the Captain disturbed before but nothing like this.* He carefully studied the now neutral expression on her face, looking for clues as to what could be so wrong. Nothing. She wouldn’t crack, atleast not in front of someone, anyway. * Oh, well. Besides, it’s none of my business.* He stood there patiently waiting for some sort of response.

“ I’m fine, Tom, but thanks for the concern. I’ll be out in a second. Right after I go through this report from astrometrics.” She picked up the PADD off from her lap and held it up for him to see.

At that he nodded and left the captain to herself.

She set the PADD back down on the table near her and closed her eyes.

* Does Chakotay really know? He probably realizes I don’t care for him as much as I used to, but does he know who I do care for now? Maybe. Maybe not. But why does it matter Kathryn?* she asked herself * It’s none of his concern. We’re over. I shouldn’t have to defend myself if I want to move on.*

She didn’t have to tell him anything, but they still placed their trust in each other. What if she did tell him? She played the conversation over in her mind...

* * * *

“ Why him?” A question Chakotay would surely ask.

“ I needed a change.”

“ A change, Kathryn? What kind of change?”

“ You never show any of your feelings much less talk about them. He does. He’s outgoing, honest, and caring. I suppose that’s what I needed in a relationship, and I couldn’t find it in you.”

“ But, Kathryn, I thought what we had was...special.”

“ Oh, don’t get me wrong, Chakotay. It was special...for a while. But that ended when we had to leave New Earth. You know that our relationship would never work. Those four months we had together will always be a wonderful memory for me, but that’s all it is, Chakotay, a memory.”

His shoulders sank as he was reminded of a past that was now all too painful to think of. * Why did she have to bring that up?*

“ I’m moving on. You can, too. You don’t have to be stuck in the past.” She thought that that might release some of the tension in the air, but it didn’t.

A dark thought crossed his mind. * You seem to have a reputation for that, Kathryn. Before you even loved me, there was Regin, then Jevik, and after him; Mark. And now your new obsession. After you dump him, who will it be? Who will be your next victim? Who will you prey upon...who will put all their trust into you, all their heart, only to be discarded like a piece of garbage?* He sighed.

“ Is that all I am to you, Kathryn, a memory? Well, I’m sorry to hear that.”

At that, he got up from his chair quietly and left.

* * * *

Kathryn opened her eyes. * No,* she thought * He would never say that or even think that. Quit making this harder on yourself than it has to be.*

She got up, replicated herself a cup of coffee, and went back to the couch. After she was done reading the report, she finished up her coffee, and headed out to the bridge. She noted that there was an unusual silence here today. Tom Paris wasn’t even talking, which was even more rare. The captain just sat down in her command chair without commenting.

“ Anything new to report, Ensign Kim?”

“ No, ma’am,” Harry responded in his normal, over enthusiastic voice.

“ Mr. Paris, what is our current speed?”

“ Warp 5, Captain.”

“ Good. Maintain speed and course.”

She sat back in her chair and tried to relax. She heard the turbolift doors open from behind her but didn’t bother to look to see who was coming in. Chakotay stepped onto the bridge from the lift and headed over the his command chair next to the captain’s. He sat down with a moan he didn’t realize he made.

“ Something wrong, Commander?” she prodded.

“ What?” he said, not completely understanding what she meant and surprised that she was talking to him.

“ Is something wrong?”

“ Oh,” he said, somewhat understanding, “ I’d be lying if I said no, but it’s just a little Klingon temperament problem again.”

“ I see, but I thought B’Elanna told me she was trying to stop lashing out like that.” She laughed. * Good, he’s talking to me.*

“ That’s what I thought, but apparently it’s just part of her nature.”

“ She can’t help it if breaking people’s noses is part of her nature, Chakotay, now can she?” It was a rhetorical question, and it was his turn to laugh.

* * * *

After Alpha shift was over, Tom figured that it would be nice if he took some time to unwind at Sandrine’s. The holoprogram hadn’t been used as much as it used to, but it still had its loyal visitors. One of them was B’Elanna, and Tom knew that after what he heard had happened earlier today, she’d be there trying to forget her misery with some synthale.

Paris stepped into the Holodeck and searched the room for the Chief Engineer. He saw her, as he had expected, sitting at their usual table in the corner having a drink. Tom headed over to the table.

“ Mind if I take a seat?”

B’Elanna looked up. She hadn’t seen him come in. She pushed back a lock of hair that was hanging in her eyes, gave him a crooked smile, and nodded.

“ So...I heard what happened earlier with Chakotay,” he began, not really expecting any response. All she did was play with her now empty glass and refused to look at him.

“ You wanna talk about it?” he continued to try to get her to say something.

Now she looked at him with narrowed eyes. “ What’s there to talk about? It wasn’t a big deal,” she mumbled.

“ Why aren’t you working on the gel packs?”

“ I left that for Lieutenant Carey and Ensign Vorik to work on. I needed to take a break.”

“ So who do you think the captain fell for?” He purposely changed the subject to a less stressful one. This lightened her up.

B’Elanna laughed and said, “ You really want to know what I think?”

“ Sure.”

“ I think it’s Ensign Graham,” she responded with a slight twinkle in her eye and that same crooked smile of hers.

“ Jeremy Graham?! He’s gotta be atleast ten years younger than she is! Why do you think it’s him?”

“ I don’t know. Who do you think it is?” Torres prodded.

“ Oh, I think it’s obvious that it’s Lieutenant Webber she likes.”

“ No. Webber is not her type. Besides, they hardly ever see each other, and he’s too much of a brown noser for his own good. Have you ever seen the way he sucks up to her?”

“ Maybe that’s why she likes him,” he tried to make his point.

“ You wanna bet on it?” she challenged.

“ How much?”

“ A week’s replicator rations.”

“ You’re on, B’Elanna.” A smile curled on his lips as he thought of something else, “ Hey, do you wanna see who else will bet?”

He got up from his chair and made his way over to the bar where some crew members were sitting. Paris approached Harry who was sipping an orange juice. * Always the sober one,* Tom thought.

“ Hey, Harry. What’s up?” he greeted his friend.

He swallowed and set down his glass.

“ Not a whole lot. You?”

“ Not much here, either, but I would like to know if you wanna get in on a bet.”

“ Another one? What’s it about this time, and who’s in so far?”

“ Well, B’Elanna and I are wondering who you think the captain has a crush on.”

A confused look crossed Harry’s face. “ I thought she liked Chakotay.”

“ Not any more she doesn’t. Harry, are you always the last one to pick up on these things?”

He suddenly became flushed with embarrassment. “ But, she...”

“ It’s okay. I’m sure you’re not the only one.”

“ She has a crush on someone else? How come no one told me about this? Who is it?”

“ Well, I think that it’s Lieutenant Webber, but B’Elanna insists that it’s Ensign Graham. What’s your vote?”

“ What’s the amount?”

“ A week’s rations per person.”

Harry took another drink of juice as B’Elanna came over. He thought about it for a while then simply responded, “ Ensign Mott.”

B’Elanna instantly burst out in laughter, and Tom joined in.

“ What?” Harry demanded innocently.

“ Mott? That’s even more ridiculous than Graham!” Tom exclaimed.

B’Elanna gave Tom a glare at that last statement. “ Why would you think that it’s Mott, Starfleet?”

“ I don’t know. It’s just the way she looks at him, and how she always makes an excuse on the bridge so she can go down to engineering.”

“ But Webber and Graham are in engineering, too,” B’Elanna pointed out.

Tom raised his eyebrows as he realized something. “ Well, who ever it is, he’s gotta be there. I’ve noticed it, too. The captain’s been spending a whole lot of time down on Deck 11.”

“ Well, she has been there more than usual, but she’s always saying that it’s to lend a hand with something or to help Seven of Nine out. I’ve never thought about it before, but now that you said something, it is a bit suspicious.

“ I agree with you. The lucky guy’s in engineering,” B’Elanna stated.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Moving On; Part II

Disclaimer: Viacom/Paramount owns Star Trek and all its characters. I’m just here to make those characters do what I want them to. ( No copyright infringements are intended.)

Summary: The gel pack problem is solved, and Janeway’s problems are solved, too...or so it seems.

By Daffnie


The next afternoon...

Captain Janeway headed down to engineering from the bridge with the excuse of checking on how the gel pack situation was going. She walked quickly through the halls after she got out of the turbo lift.

She stopped short. She didn’t really want to go there for reasons she didn’t want to admit. *I said I’d be in engineering, so I can’t go off to make another rendezvous. Pull yourself together, Kathryn. You’re the captain. You can’t let a nonessential obsession get in the way of your schedule. You have a starship to command.*

She continued towards her original destination.

* * * *

“ How’s the problem with the gel packs? Did you find out what’s wrong?” Janeway asked Ensign Graham. She was glad someone around here was able to give her an answer. B’Elanna was no where to be found, and the rest of the crew there was too busy to talk.

“ Yes, ma’am,” he replied as he worked on a console. He stopped what he was doing to face her. “ It seems that on each of the malfunctioning packs the wires attached to them that lead to environmental control somehow partially fused with the ones that lead to the main computer processor. Those two systems aren’t compatible with each when they fused it caused a few sparks to fly causing holes on the surface of the packs that were so small that even a tricorder couldn’t detect them.”

She shifted her footing and put her hands on her hips.

“ The problem should be fixed by tomorrow,” he added.

She smiled. “ You read my mind.” Janeway thanked him and headed back to the bridge.

* * * *

Seven of Nine opened her eyes. Her off-schedule regeneration cycle was complete. She stepped away from the alcove and off the platform onto the floor. The dimly lit cargo bay echoed her footsteps as she went over to the Borg nodes on the wall. She touched a few illuminated circles and stepped back a bit.

“ Seven of Nine, personal log.”

She turned around and began to slowly pace the open area near the alcoves.

“ Yesterday’s complication with the malfunctioning neural gel packs has been neutralized. My remaining scheduled events for today will include having my recommended intake of nutritional supplements, and assisting Lieutenant B’Elanna Torres in engineering. I also plan to do my daily work in astrometrics, and Ensign Harry Kim and Lieutenant Tom Paris have invited me to the Holodeck at 1800 hours today. I do not know what for. They insist on it being a surprise, but I fail to see the relevance in that. At 0700 hours today I participated in a game of tennis with Commander Chakotay which fulfilled my daily requirement of cardiovascular activity.” She paused. “On another note, there is gossip going around the ship about Captain Janeway. I’m haven’t been informed of the entire story, but it seems as though she has pursued other romantic interests. I do not wish to be involved in the spreading of such things even if they are true, and I find it rather disrespectful to talk about the Captain in such a way. It is not any business of ours to be interested in Captain Janeway’s personal affairs. Gossip is irrelevant. End log.”

She walked through the large sliding doors of cargo bay two and out into the corridor. Just as she turned a corner on her way to the turbolift, she ran into B’Elanna...literally. Torres fell to the floor instantly, dropping the three PADDs she was carrying as she went down. Seven had managed to keep her footing.

“ Hey! Watch where you’re going!” B’Elanna snapped as she sat up.

Seven held out her hand to help her up, but B’Elanna boldly refused with a low growl and an unfriendly glare.

“ I’m sorry, Lieutenant.”

“ Yeah, well, sorry doesn’t cut it. Look where you’re going next time.”

Torres got to her feet after picking up the PADDs and faced her.

“ Is something wrong, Lieutenant?” she asked with genuine concern.

B’Elanna was a bit surprised at Seven’s comment.

“ Why would you say that?”

“ You look agitated and you’re distracted. Is something troubling you?”

Torres placed her hands firmly on her hips and stared down at the floor.

“ It’s just...” she started but didn’t continue.

“ Just what?” Seven asked.

B’Elanna looked up at her and sighed.

“ I’m worried about Chakotay. I know that probably sounds absurd, but I am.”

“ Why are you worried?”

“ Well, I guess that I’m bothered by the fact that he doesn’t seem to be very happy lately now that the captain ditched him.”

Seven raised an eyebrow and said, “ How is that absurd? It is a natural reaction to feel guilt when a friend is in distress, is it not?”

“ Oh? And when did you suddenly become a psychologist?” Torres challenged.

“ I am hardly so, Lieutenant.”

Torres rolled her eyes. “ I have a name, Seven. You don’t have to be so formal.”

“ As you wish...B’Elanna.”

There was an uncomfortable silence between the two which was soon broken by the captain’s voice over the comm.

“ Janeway to Torres. May I see you in my ready room?”

“ Sure thing, Captain. I’ll be right there.”

B’Elanna turned around and walked back to the turbolift. She went in and the doors closed. Seven decided to head in the opposite direction to the second lift in order to avoid another possible jarring confrontation with the Chief Engineer.

“ Bridge,” Torres instructed the computer.

She soon arrived and walked the short distance to the doors of the captain’s ready room. B’Elanna tapped the small computer panel beside it.

“ Come,” the half-Klingon heard Janeway say from inside.

She stepped into the room not knowing what to expect. The captain was sitting on her couch and drinking coffee. She set the mug down and smiled.

“ Have a seat, B’Elanna.”

Torres hesitated at first but obeyed. She sat down in the corner of the couch and clasped her hands in her lap.

“ What did you want to see me for, Captain?” Kathryn thought awhile about how to say what she wanted to, then asked, “B’Elanna, are you happy with your relationship with Tom?”

Stunned that the captain asked such a personal question, B’Elanna was silent.

“ I’m sorry, B’Elanna. Perhaps I shouldn’t have been so straight forward with that.”

“ Oh, no. It’s fine...really,” she asserted.

“ Are you sure? Because if this isn’t something you want to discuss--”

“ No, it’s all right. That’s a perfectly legitimate question.” She paused. “ Our relationship has had it’s hard times, Captain, but I wouldn’t want to change that for the world. I’m very happy with how things are going. Tom’s a really sweet guy.” Another pause. “ May I ask why you wanted to know?”

Kathryn blinked.

“ Why?” Janeway repeated. “ Um...well, I just was wondering how things were going. That’s all.”

* Does she really expect me to believe that?* B’Elanna thought.

“ Permission to speak freely, Captain.”

Janeway nodded in approval.

“ Everybody knows about you and Chakotay. It’s no secret. You know that I’d never believe that you’d call me down here to ask how things are with me and Tom. You could do that anytime. There’s something more, isn’t there?”

“ I might as well be honest with you, B’Elanna. You’re right. I asked you to come here because I need some advice, and you seemed like the perfect person.”

“ What’s on your mind?”

“ You already know that Chakotay and I aren’t involved anymore, so I’ll get straight to the point. I don’t know what to do about this whole situation. I know he’s hurt by all this, but I feel like I have to defend myself because I want to move on.”

“ Do you still have feelings for him?”

“ No! Well, maybe... Okay, yes. Yes I still have feelings for him, but that doesn’t matter. Our relationship didn’t work out.”

“ Why?”

“ Because he wasn’t open with me. When I talk to him, it’s as if I’m talking to a wall.”

“ Is that because he doesn’t respond?”

“ Not quite. It just that Chakotay doesn’t express his affection, and I get irritated with that.”

“ Has he ever told you he loves you?” Torres questioned.

“ Well, yes. He has.”

“ Then what’s the problem? I know the commander isn’t exactly outgoing with his emotions, but it seems to me that you’re purposely trying to find flaws in him to justify your new desire for another man.”

It took a while for that to sink in.

“ I suppose you’re right,” Janeway sighed.

B’Elanna smiled.

“ You were just too preoccupied in finding reasons to be away from Chakotay that you eventually wound up in a false attraction to someone else. By any chance, before you two broke up, did you have a fight?”

“ Yes...and it was rather ridiculous, too.” She laughed at the memory. “ We were fighting about which restaurant we wanted to have dinner at on the Holodeck. It ultimately resulted in him walking out on me. That got me really angry. So after words, I got so caught up in making Chakotay feel guilty that I was confused about what was really important to me.”

“ And you felt that by making him jealous you could get your revenge,” B’Elanna added.

“ I guess so.”

Kathryn pushed back a stray lock of hair and took a sip of coffee.

“ Thank you, B’Elanna.”

“ I’m here when ever you need me, Captain.”

“ I appreciate that.”

There was a beat of silence.

“ By the way, who was it anyway?”

Janeway laughed and said, “ Do you really want to know?”

“ Of course.”

“ Well, sorry. I’m going to leave that up to your imagination.”

B’Elanna got up from the couch disappointed. Janeway stood up, too.

“ Well, I should be going now. I was supposed to be helping out Lieutenant Carey.”

Torres walked toward the doors, but just before she reached them she turned around.

“ Please?” she asked.

“ No, B’Elanna, and none of what we discussed is to leave this room, understand?” Janeway replied with mock-seriousness.

B’Elanna just grinned and left.

* * * *

Later that day, Seven showed up outside the Holodeck at 1800 hours as she was instructed to do. Harry came about a minute later. Tom hadn’t arrived for some time, and being rather impatient, she was tempted to leave. But just when she was about to go, Tom came striding down the corridor.

“ Hey, Seven!” Paris exclaimed. “ Glad you could make it.”

“ I made it here on time, Lieutenant Paris. Perhaps it is you who should be praised for coming...seeing that you are twenty two minutes and thirty four seconds late.”

Harry laughed.

“ Hey, isn’t that a record Tom?”

“ Ha ha. Very funny, Harry. Besides, I like to be fashionably late, thank you very much. Anyway, how about we just get started, huh?”

“ It’s about time,” Ensign Kim replied sarcastically.

“ Cram it, Harry.” He turned toward the computer console on the wall. “ Computer, begin holoprogram Paris 823.”

“ The program is now active,” the computer stated.

All three entered the room, and Seven looked perplexed at the sight that was before them.

It was San Francisco.

“ Why have you brought me here?” she asked.

“ Harry and I figured that since you’re human, you might as well know about your planet, and we thought that San Francisco was a good place to start .”

Kim smiled proudly.

“ This is unnecessary and an inefficient use of my time,” Seven argued.

His smile faded. “ How come?”

“ I have learned all I need to know about Earth from data I have assimilated. There is no need for this.”

“ I beg to differ, Seven. Sure, you know all the facts and statistics, but that hardly compares with experiencing the real thing,” Tom explained.

“ This is not the real thing, Lieutenant. This is a holographic projection.”

Tom sighed.

“ It’s close enough,” he offered.

Seven heightened an eyebrow.

“ I still don’t understand why it is necessary.”

Tom wasn’t about to give up.

“ Seven, this is your chance to learn seeing, not by memorizing information. Just look at it this way; you may never see this place in real life...*ever*. Now’s your chance to see it, even if it is just a holographic projection.”

“ I agree,” Harry said.

“ Your argument is weak, Tom. I cannot be persuaded merely by your inadequate explanation and a threat of guilt if I don’t comply.”

Then she turned around and walked out.

“ How am I supposed to get through to her?” Tom asked Harry after she’d left.

“ Beats me,” he responded along with a shrug.

* * * *

That night, Kathryn couldn’t sleep, so she replicated herself a cup of coffee and tried to relax. She kept playing the conversation she had with B’Elanna earlier over and over in her head, analyzing and scrutinizing each detail.

“ Has he ever told you he loves you?”

“ Well, yes. He has.”

“ Then what’s the problem? I know the commander isn’t exactly outgoing with his emotions, but it seems to me that you’re purposely trying to find flaws in him to justify your new desire for another man.”

“ I suppose you’re right.”

But that last statement she said wasn’t the truth. Kathryn in no way was trying to find flaws with Chakotay. She didn’t still care for him, infact she wanted nothing to do with him, and what she had said about him not opening up was also a lie just so that B’Elanna wouldn’t get too nosey. Heck, almost that whole conversation was just a bunch of lies. She couldn’t allow herself to tell B’Elanna what was really going on. Not to her, not to anybody.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Moving On; Part III

Disclaimer: Viacom/Paramount own Star Trek and every character. I’ve just decided that I don’t like the way things are going with the show, so I felt that I needed to write my own version of events...and am having fun doing it!! ( No copyright infringements are intended.)

Summary: Nothing seems to be going the way anybody planned.

Note: This story is rated PG-13 for violence and suicide.

By Daffnie


The doorbell chirped just as Chakotay was about to go to the mess hall for dinner.

“ Come in,” he said.

Kathryn stepped inside his quarters. He hadn’t expected her and was shocked that she had come to see him.

“ Why are you--"

“ Chakotay, we need to talk,” she said as she sat down on his couch uninvited. He sat next to her but well out of reach.

“ About what?” he demanded.

“ About us.”

“ Us, Kathryn?! I didn’t even know there was an *us* anymore.”

“ Chakotay, don’t make this any more difficult than it has to be. We have to stop acting so childish. There’s no reason to be avoiding each other.”

“ We were avoiding each other? Since when?”

“ Come on, don’t play dumb.”

“ No, Kathryn. You don’t seem to get it, do you? *You’re* the one that’s been avoiding *me*.”

“ What? I wasn’t ever avoiding you. I have been wanting to talk ever since we broke up, but I couldn’t because every time I tried to bring something up, you just walked away.”

“ What is there to talk about? We aren’t an item anymore. I don’t see what you find so hard in understanding that.”

“ I understand that perfectly well. I just...wanted to apologize to you.”

Chakotay fell silent. He tilted his head in question.

“ I’m sorry for hurting you. I never meant to, but I realized that I have. B’Elanna helped me to see that. She said--”

“ Oh, so now you’re discussing our personal life with others? That’s real nice, Kathryn. I’m glad I could trust you.” He started to walked out of his quarters.

“ Yeah, just walk away from your problems again! That’s so typical of you, Chakotay.”

He ignored her, walked out of the room, and left a baffled captain sitting on the couch.

* * * *

Paris was in Sandrine’s shooting pool alone when B’Elanna came in with Harry. Both were laughing. Tom straightened up and gave them a strange look.

“ Care to tell me what’s so funny?”

“ You wouldn’t get it, Tom. It’s one of those ‘you had to be there’ kinda things,” B’Elanna said, still laughing.

“ And you really should’ve been there! Tuvok made such a fool of himself in the mess hall today,” Harry added.

“ Sorry I missed it,” Tom mumbled sarcastically and went back to his game.

B’Elanna’s eyebrows raised.

“ What’s the matter with *you*?” she asked. Tom glanced up at her just as he was shooting. The cue ball completely missed its target and went into the corner pocket. He cursed.

“ Wake up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, Paris?” Torres wondered.

“ Not exactly,” he responded cryptically. He was beginning to get annoyed with her.

“ Then what’s up?” she said as she pulled out a chair from a table, turned it around to face the pool table and sat down. Harry did the same.

Tom didn’t say anything.

“ Come on. Spill it,” B’Elanna said.

“ Would you just shut up and leave me alone?!” he snapped.

She stood up and looked him in the eye.

“ Cocky, aren’t we?” she replied coldly.

Tom instantly lost his nerve and delivered a blow to her face. She almost lost her balance. She put her hand to her bloody mouth involuntarily and hit him back in his stomach with her other hand. He instantly doubled over, and seeing he was vulnerable, she took the chance to strike a second time. But Harry stepped between them and grabbed her wrist before she could hit Tom again. B’Elanna yanked her arm away and stepped back.

“ What’s wrong with you two?” he shouted. “ You’re friends, remember?”

B’Elanna narrowed her eyes and let out a low growl. “ Not since yesterday.”

“ B’El, you should get to sickbay and have the doc look at your jaw. You’re going to have to make up a good excuse for this one,” Harry commented, then turned to Paris. “ You’re lucky, Tom. Don’t ever pick a fight with a Klingon.”

* * * *

* Harry better keep his mouth shut about that fight,* Tom thought as he headed to his quarters, clutching his gut where B’Elanna had hit him. * I don’t want to have to deal with it. Especially now that I’ve got other things to handle.* His thoughts went back to that afternoon...

Kathryn stepped up to the door anxiously. She had just apologized to Chakotay...but didn’t get the acceptance she had expected in return. She knew that she had to confront the source of her most recent dilemma soon, but she wasn’t quite sure if it would turn out the way she hoped for. Kathryn sighed and warily touched the panel to sound the door chime.

“ Door’s open,” a voice called from inside.

She stepped in.

“ What can I do for you, Captain?” Tom asked.

“ Well...” she hesitated.

“ Sit down,” he said as he gestured towards his couch.

She accepted his invitation, and he sat down, too.

“ Do you want anything? Coffee or something?”

“ No thanks.”

She folded her hands in her lap.

“ Tom, I have to tell you something but I don’t know how,” she said, trying to cover the nervousness in her voice.

“ What is it?”

She took in a deep breath and slowly let it out.

“ You know that Chakotay and I broke up, right?”

“ Yeah...”

“ There was a reason I left him.”

“ Oh?”

“ Tom,” she started as she covered his hand with hers. She looked deep into his blue eyes and let it out, “ I love you.”

“ Kathryn?”

“ I love you, Tom,” she said and then suddenly realized something, “ You do feel the same, don’t you?”

“ I...I don’t know. I never expected...”

That was a stab in the heart. She blinked in disbelief.

“ I better go,” the captain said disappointed.

She started to get up, but he took a hold of her hand and gently led her back down onto the couch.

“ Don’t go. I’m sorry, Kathryn, but this is a little unexpected. I didn’t know you felt this way.”

“ No, I’m the one that should be sorry. I never should have told you.”

“ No! I didn’t mean it like that,” he responded.

“ Then how did you mean it?” she asked with just a little too much irritation in her voice. He winced.

“ I just had a break up, too. B’Elanna told me yesterday that she was dumping me. I don’t understand why...I thought our relationship was going fine. I need some time to get over that first before I will be able to get into another relationship again...if ever.”

Kathryn’s heart sank. She swallowed hard and quickly fled from the room.

Tom reached his quarters only to see Harry sitting in a chair next to the desk.

“ How’d you get in here?” Paris asked.

“ You left your door unlocked. Can I talk to you for a sec’?”

Paris really wasn’t in the mood to talk at the moment. Unwilling to let anger get the best of him again, he calmed himself down.

“ Fine. Why are you here?”

Ensign Kim stood up.

“ Tom...I have some bad news,” Harry said just above a whisper. “ It’s Kathryn.”

“ What happened?!”

Harry couldn’t speak.

“ What happened?!” he repeated, even louder this time.

“ She-- she’s dead.”

“ What? No! How?!”

“ I found her lying in her quarters. She killed herself, Tom. I thought I should be the one to tell you. Not many people know about it yet, but the news will spread quickly,” he said quietly.

Tom felt like ripping his hair out. A scream threatened push its way out of his mouth, but he forced it back down. * This can’t be happening!* He sank to the floor. His eyes filled with tears, and he allowed them to continue down his face.

“ Plea...please...le..leave,” he managed to say.

“ Here. I found this letter next to her. It’s addressed to you.”

Harry held out the PADD, and Tom took it with a shaky hand. Harry left without saying another word. Paris stared at the PADD for a moment. He summoned the strength to read it. All it said was:

Tom, Don’t let B’Elanna slip through your fingers. I know she still loves you. Goodbye everyone. Love, Kathryn Janeway.

Tom curled up on the floor and started sobbing. * Why, Kathryn? Was it because of me? I’m sorry... I am so sorry...* A puddle began to form beside his head. * I didn’t mean to hurt you, Kathryn. If only I had told you that I loved you, too. Things wouldn’t be this way. I was the reason you killed yourself, and for that, I don’t deserve to live.*

Tom sat up, and his blood shot eyes tried to focus on something across the room. He wiped away the teardrops to finally reveal what he knew he was looking at. That phaser on the table was incredibly tempting. * No. I can’t! Killing myself won’t help anything.. But still... No! Snap out of it Tom!* He pushed those thoughts away, but he couldn’t help but feel guilty.

* * * *

It was five days after Kathryn’s death, and morale on the ship was at an all time low. B’Elanna asked Harry to the mess hall after the funeral services.

“ I can’t believe she’s actually gone. It was so unexpected. It’s not going to be the same around here without her,” he said quietly.

“ I know what you mean. It’s going to take a long time to get used to. And Chakotay seems to be having a hard time being Captain.”

He nodded. B’Elanna stared down at her food, unable to eat.

“ So I guess we were all wrong, huh?” B’Elanna said as she took a sip of her water. Her voice was lifeless and scratchy.

“ About what?” Harry asked.

“ The captain was in love with Tom, and no one suspected it,” she replied. She started fiddling with her fork, tapping it absently on her tray.

There was a silence between the two as both their minds drifted off.

* Poor Tom,* Harry thought. * This must be the hardest on him than anyone else. I hope he’ll be able to pull through.*

* I ought to hook back up with Tom. I think that break up was ultimately a bad idea. Especially now...he needs someone to be there for him. I ought to talk with him.*

* I wonder if he ever told her he loved her, too. That would devastate B’Elanna if he did, though. I know she still cares for him, and I think he loves her. But then again, I could be wrong. Won’t someone please make sense of all this for me?*

* But what will I say? “ Tom, please take me back. I want you for myself.” Yeah, right. He’ll think I’m a horrible, insensitive jerk. And what’s worse is that that’s always been his job.* She laughed a little, and they were both suddenly pulled back to reality. She instantly wished she hadn’t done that.

“ How can you possibly laugh at a time like this?” Harry demanded.

“ It’s nothing. I didn’t mean to,” she tried to reason. She knew Harry wouldn’t believe her, but he let it pass. Now wasn’t exactly the best time to start getting on each other’s nerves again. That was secretly reserved for those rare bar fights when either they were all drunk, or there was no other way for anyone to get their aggression out...and that you can blame on testosterone and reputable Klingon tempers.

They both just sat there, refusing to look at each other or their food. B’Elanna silently watched as Neelix was preparing food in a deep pot in his kitchen. Harry stared out at the stars streaking space as they flew by them at warp speed.

“ Have you seen Tom around lately?” B’Elanna finally broke the silence.

“ No. He’s been in his quarters for the past five days. I only seen him at the funeral, but otherwise he refuses to come out...even for duty. I can’t blame him, though.”

“ But he doesn’t even keep his combadge on. I keep trying to contact him, but he never answers. And yesterday, I went to his quarters, but he wouldn’t open the door. It’s locked, and for some reason I can’t get it open. It’s like he’s purposely trying to do whatever he can to isolate himself,” she noted.

“ He’s going to run out of replicator rations sooner or later, so he’ll have to come out to eat.”

“ I’m not so sure about that, Harry. I think he’d rather starve.”

There was another uneasy silence, so Harry decided to keep the conversation going.

“ So...what kind of lock is it that he used?”

“ On his door?” He nodded. “ I don’t know. It’s like he made it so you have to have a certain code or something in order to get in. I’ve even had the Captain try his command code, but that didn’t work. Some people in Engineering have been working on it, but no one has figured out how to get in.”

“ But how did he do it? I mean, Tom’s not exactly the greatest engineer.”

“ I guess that he’s really determined to have his privacy.”

“ Is it possible to just pry open the door or to cut it open with something?”

“ We’ve tried to pry it open, but that’s failed because he’s not only put that clearance code on but also an actual physical lock. And we can’t cut open the doors because they’re all plated with -----. We’ve even asked if we could cut through the walls, but the Captain won’t allow it,” she replied.

“ Well, what about the Jeffries tubes?”

“ Locked,” B’Elanna said flatly.

“ Air vents?”

“ Too small.”

“ Waste systems?”

“ Gross!” she exclaimed. “ *And* they’d be too small to get through.”

“ Have you tried site to site transport?”

“ Yeah, but he’s erected a field around his quarters so we can’t get in without having our patterns scrambled.”

“ He’s thought of everything...” Harry mused. “ Ya know, maybe you should stop trying to get in.”

“ Huh? Why?”

“ Maybe that’s exactly what he wants you to do. It’s a game meant to give him the attention he thinks he needs. If you stop trying, he’ll eventually give up.”

“ You just might be right, Starfleet. I’ll spread the word,” B’Elanna said as she got up and left the mess hall.

* * * *

“ They keep trying to get in, but they won’t be able to. I’ve hacked into the data bases in Engineering and learned how to lock my doors so no one can get’s amazing what determination, persistence, and too much down time can get you. What’s also amazing is what you can learn when you have your mind set on something. That data is full of things I can use for my advantage. I’ve put up a force field around my cabin so they can’t transport someone in, and if they try to shut the field down, I’ve rigged the transporters to go off-line (it’s not much, but hey...I do what I can). They’ve tried transporting someone in here already, and I guess that it took ten minutes to unscramble his molecules back to their original form. Then (like I figured they would) they tried to turn off the force field, and you know what happened. I’ve even padlocked the Jeffries tube leading to my room. ( Manual locks are better than computerized ones ‘cause they can’t override them!) Anyway, I know that it probably isn’t a good idea that I’m putting all this into my personal log...especially about hacking into confidential systems, but I’ll be getting in trouble anyway because I haven’t been showing up for duty lately. Plus, the people in Engineering will find out that the data base was broken into, so I guess it doesn’t matter if anyone reads this or not. But you know what? I don’t really care. I miss Kathryn, and that’s all that matters to me.

I’ve used up all of this month’s replicator rations already, but they’re not going to waste. I’ve replicated supplies (including food, lights, etc.) in case they decide to shut down all power and functions to my quarters to lure me out. Well guess what guys? I’m not coming out! It’s too hard for me to face the people I used to be friends with. Everyone on the ship has found out about why Kathryn killed herself, so when I’m around anyone, they make me feel guilty for her death. Although, I think they do it unintentionally. But I couldn’t take it anymore, so I locked myself up. End log.”

Tom got up from his desk and went to his bedroom. He flopped onto the bed.

“ Computer, what time is it?”

“ 2200 hours.”

He covered himself up with his Starfleet issue blanket, closed his eyes and tried to sleep.

* * * *

“ Lieutenant Paris has not left his quarters. I do not understand why. Lieutenant Torres has asked me to cease my efforts at attempting to get him out. I find that illogical. The well being of Tom will be at risk if we do not succeed in removing him from his quarters. I am afraid that he will do harm to himself...physically or mentally. I fear he will become insane if he doesn’t get medical attention soon. End log.”

Seven stepped into her alcove to regenerate.

* * * *

“ He’s still in there, and he won’t come out. I just want to talk to him, tell him that I want to be there for him. But what if he doesn’t want me to be around him? I would understand, but I don’t think that’s in his best interest. I want him to know that I still care for him. Tom needs to get out of this slump that’s got a hold of him. I see that he misses the Kathryn, but he really needs to get on with his life.

On another note, Chakotay suggested that I try to contact him through his computer. Why hadn’t I thought of that before? Why hadn’t anyone? I’ll be able to send him a message because there’s no way to block *that* out...atleast I don’t think so, but Tom’s resourceful. And once he has his mind set on something, he won’t give up until he has finished. Anyway, I’m still deciding on what I’m going to put in the letter. I don’t want to pressure him to come out, though, even if it is what everyone wants...that’s probably not what he wants. I hope Tom will listen to me. End personal log.”

* * * *

Chakotay kept pacing in his ready room. It was well past his normal duty shift, but he didn’t want to leave. There was something about the room that made him feel comfortable...wanted. The room still had the wonderful scent of Kathryn Janeway; the woman he loved and lost.

* It is *not* better to love and lost than to never have loved at all. I lost my love, and it feels like someone tore my heart out. I need you, Kathryn, more than ever. But you’re gone, and you’re never going to come back.*

His thoughts were interrupted by the comm.

“ Torres to the Captain.”

“ Chakotay here. What is it?”

“ I need you to go to your computer. It’s urgent.”

He rushed over to his computer on the desk. Suddenly, a window popped up, but it was blank.

“ What’s going on, Lieutenant?”

“ Hold on a sec’.”


“ Here.” Writing appeared in the window. “ I sent a letter to Tom. He just responded, and I think you should take a look at it.”

Dear B’Elanna,

I appreciate the love you have for me, but I can’t return it. I need Kathryn. I would do anything to see her again. I can’t take this anymore, B’Elanna. I can’t take it anymore! Give my regards to the crew.

Love Tom

Chakotay’s jaw dropped. * He can’t be serious!*

“ B’Elanna, do whatever it takes to get to Tom. Tear out the whole wall if you have to, just don’t let him die!!”

“ I’m on it!”

* * * *

Torres rushed out of her quarters, grabbing her phaser along the way. She shoved it into its holster on her belt, and ran through the corridors to Tom’s cabin. She arrived, and took out the phaser. She aimed it at the wall and cut a large hole. She dropped the weapon, and stepped through the hole into his living room. She frantically looked around, nervous sweat dripping down her face, but he wasn’t in there. B’Elanna sprinted over to his bedroom. That was where she seen him.

On his bed.

Phaser lying in his hand.

His body was motionless on his bed. But then...his chest rose. He was breathing. He was alive.

B’Elanna sighed heavily, and wiped the tears from her eyes. She rushed over to Tom, and took the phaser out of his hand.

“ Tom! I thought you killed yourself! You’re alright!” She sat down on the edge of his bed and put her hand on his arm. She took it away when he sat up. He simply stared at her for a while.

“ Are you going to be okay, Tom?”

He said nothing.

“ Tom?”

He laid back down quietly.

“ Tom?!” she shouted as she shook him. “ What’s wrong?”

Again he was silent. B’Elanna could feel tears coming to her eyes. She fought them back. * Did he poison himself?! Why isn’t he talking?!*

“ Just say something!” she screamed with irritation.

He waited a few moments, then said in just above a whisper, “ I couldn’t do it, B’Elanna. I just couldn’t.”

She sighed with relief.

“ I miss her, B’El.”

“ I know, Tom. We all do,” she whispered. “ It’ll be alright.”

He sat up and she took him in her arms.

“ It’s alright. I know it’s hard, Tom. I’ll help you pull through this. So will everyone else. We’re all here for you.”

“ Thank you,” he murmured quietly, and cried on her shoulder.

* * * *