Gone Away to Save the Universe

Summary: Rated G, angsty. 2nd person POV on Kathryn's life when she was a child. Reference to Mosaic by Jeri Taylor.

Disclaimer: Paramount's.

By Daffnie (trekdimension@yahoo.com)


Fly away, Goldenbird. Fly away from this place. Daddy has gone. Mama says he has work to do, but you don't understand why that means he has to be gone from home so often. You're not ignorant...just innocent. You want to have those days of contentment back. The days when Daddy loved you, when Daddy worked at his desk by the grandfather clock and you croutched by his feet, hidden.

You think you're too strong for tears, but they slip down your cheeks constantly. At night, when Mama is asleep and Phoebe is tucked away soundly in her crib, you sneak outside and stare at the sky. You hope to see Daddy's face somewhere in the stars. You hope to see him smiling like he used to when you were still his Goldenbird. It reminds you of happiness, but that is gone, and you don't want to accept it. So you let the tears fall from your eyes to help the lonliness.

Nothing is the same anymore with him gone. Mama takes care of the baby. You're the big sister now, you have responsibilities. Do your homework and smile and laugh at the jokes that aren't ever very funny and don't mention Daddy when Mama's around because sometimes it makes her sad. You're seven now. You're all grown up...so why can't they tell you where Daddy is? Why can't you make him happy anymore?

On those days when he does come home, he looks so tired and so beaten. His eyes are no longer what they used to be. They were once joyful, full of life. Now, his expression is dull from the time when he walks through the door to the time when he leaves again.

Remember when he used to praise you for your cleverness? Remember when he held you for hours just because you felt loved and wanted?

You try to imagine where he goes when he leaves for his job on those rare visits to your house in an Indiana cornfield. You think he's out saving the universe, or maybe he just doesn't love you anymore. That's why he's never around. He doesn't love you.

So you study and take piano lessons and play tennis all with the hopes that you'll be someone, accomplish something that will make Daddy proud. Be Daddy's little girl. You want to be recognized, but most of all you want to have those days back when you hid under his desk for hours to play your game he loved so much. Waiting.

So you can be Goldenbird again, and not want to fly away from here.