There really was only one problem with conspiracies.
Telepaths figured them out.
Tom Paris stood in the turbolift, his right hand holding a padd, in his left hand juggling two roses that he had claimed from the airponics bay, a small box holding some chocolates wrapped in a pink ribbon and a stuffed cat that wasn’t exactly big but wasn’t small either, with soft, thick, fluffy white fur and glittering blue discs for eyes. He was somewhat freshly showered, having enjoyed that and a real meal after being released from sickbay, and in actuality his heart was extremely glad that the whole mess with the Kazon was over, for the moment.
He hadn’t enjoyed what he had put everyone through, much as he had commented on Neelix’s briefing that it had been fun. Even the business with Chakotay – he hadn’t meant to shove him that hard, not hard enough that he went sprawling over the bridge, even in the interests of realism and covert operations.
The one person he had probably hurt beyond belief was mostly likely also the one person he’d sworn not to.
The past few months hadn’t been easy on Sara, he knew that. Michael Jonas had always worked the night shift, which Sara never did, consequently they were never on the same deck when he made the transmissions to the Kazon. And while Janeway had little doubt of the girl’s telepathic abilities, that alone wouldn’t prove that Jonas was the traitor they were looking for. Above all if Jonas even suspected that Sara was on to him, he wouldn’t have hesitated to do what he almost did to Neelix, and the thought made Tom shudder. It hadn’t escaped the Captain’s thoughts either.
He tried to console himself with the fact that he was simply protecting her, but he knew Sara too well. She didn’t want protection. Her telepathy guaranteed her honesty, and the truth in this case was simply something that had to be squelched. Well, maybe not squelched, but at least hidden.
The Captain had given both of them a standing order to stay away from each other. Chakotay at least, who had known nothing of their plan, could be counted on to pass information along to her without the slightest hesitation or dishonesty, as he hadn’t had any idea that there was anything to cover up. And so it had been done.
In the beginning, he had simply chosen to start staying away from her, in an order to minimize the hurt that was undoubtedly going to occur, sooner or later, none of them knew just when. It intersected with the times that he had made a complete jackass of himself; if she sought him out, he made an effort to leave or at least put people in between them. He didn’t have to be a telepath to feel her hurt, her bewilderment. In the very beginning, he could at least still be sociable with her, if somewhat reserved in his ways. The rift had simply been allowed to grow until by her own choice she didn’t seek him out, more out of misery than anything else.
Not being able to say goodbye had been the hardest. He’d already been briefed by both the Captain and Tuvok, that Sara had tried to make a run for the transporter room both in the corridors and through the Jeffries tubes, listening to the sounds of Neelix’s briefing show echoing on the walls. Tuvok had found her, fortunately before she’d gotten within enough distance to sense anything beyond the overwhelming regret and loss from everyone. It had taken physical persuasion to return her to her quarters. That part had been told to him by the doctor, and Tuvok had already apologized – he had forgotten how easily the girl bruised.
Tom only hoped it wasn’t too late. She was an understanding person, that much could have been guessed by even one that tried to talk to her; after a year, he thought that the crew were finally starting to figure it out. Just how great her tolerance for forgiveness was, he was about to find out.
The lift slowed and halted far before the deck that held her quarters, the doors opened and none other than Chakotay stepped on. Wonderful. Just who he needed to see. He wondered whether his apology had had any effect, or whether the old man was going on the ‘too little too late’ policy that he’d always held for Tom somewhere since the Maquis. Would it even make a difference?
“Hot date tonight?” Chakotay asked, eyeing the parcels.
“Uh…no,” Tom tried to look sheepish.
“Congratulatory presents?” If someone missed the bite in Chakotay’s voice they were either completely dumb or completely blind.
“No…they’re for Sara.”
“You must not know her very well, Paris, if you think you can buy her friendship back.”
“That’s assuming I lost it in the first place,” he countered.
“Halt lift.” Chakotay turned and faced him head on. “It’s easy for you to say that. You weren’t the one that’s had to deal with her these past two months. You were the one that hurt her, wouldn’t talk to her. What was it you told me once? Oh yes, something about sticks and stones breaking bones, but words breaking a heart?”
“Look…you know as well as I did that I never meant to hurt her.”
“If you didn’t want to do that, you should have been honest with her in the first place instead of all the secrecy, all the sneaking around.”
“Are we talking about Sara’s feelings here, or yours?”
Chakotay’s eyes hardened to steel. “I saw her after you left, after you refused to even say goodbye. She told me that if I’d been nicer to you, you wouldn’t have left. Do you know what it did to me? Hell, she won’t trust anyone now, despite the fact she doesn’t have to speak to us to know what she’s saying. Believe me, it’s going to take more than what’s in your hands to get through to her.”
“I’m hoping she’ll understand,” Tom finally leveled with him, surprised to see his eyes soften.
“For your sake, and hers, I hope you’re right.” The lift stopped and they both walked down the corridor. Tom pressed the buzzer to the door and waited.
No answer.
He pressed it again, fully aware of the fact that she most likely wouldn’t answer.
“Computer, locate Acting Ensign Thompson.” Chakotay was puzzled.
Bleep. “Acting Ensign Thompson is in her quarters.”
“Well, that solves that mystery,” Tom put his things down on the floor and knelt at the door panel.
“What’re you doing?”
“Surprising what you learn in prison,” he repeated the words he’d said to Harry Kim at one time.
“Hold it.” Chakotay stopped his hand, then entered his override. At Tom’s eyebrow he shrugged. “Surprising what holding rank’ll do.”
“I hope you have good reason to override a security lock,” Sara told both of them quietly, sitting on the edge of her bed, not looking at either one but at the gray bulkhead, encased in shadows of dim light.
“We wanted to make sure you were all right,” Chakotay tried, knowing that excuse wouldn’t work.
“The doctor would have alerted you, had I not been.” Such quiet in her voice. Maturity. Harmony. It flowed over them like musical notes. She gazed at Tom. “Are you planning on staying for dinner?” she asked.
“I’ll stay as long as they’ll have me,” he cast a doubtful eye on Chakotay, who was watching Sara. “I just came to say…”
“I know what you came to say. What’s that old Vulcan proverb? The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few? Or the one?”
“Sounds about right,” Tom approached her and handed over the roses, the box of candy and the stuffed animal.
She turned the cat over and over in her arms, feeling the fluffy-soft fur, running a finger over the eyes, and regarding the roses and candy. “You shouldn’t have spent your rations,” she finally muttered, a blush creeping into her cheeks. “Thank you…they’re very nice…but you didn’t have to.”
“I wanted to,” now that he had her attention, he wasn’t about to stop. “I am so…so truly sorry for everything that happened these past few months.”
She gazed up at the ceiling, then back down at what she held. “I understand why you did it,” she told him, not looking at him. “It doesn’t make it any easier…it makes it harder, somehow, to know that it was a lie, but it was a lie for a better good.”
Both Chakotay, silent up to this point, and Tom exhaled sharply. “That doesn’t mean I forgive you,” her voice was turning hard again. “You could have just been honest with me, and saved everyone a lot of trouble.”
“They didn’t want you involved, Sara,” Chakotay stepped forward, willing for once to defend the man he almost hated with every ounce of his being. “They left me in the dark too…if it helps any.”
Long moments passed, until Tom took Sara’s face in his hands and forced her to look at his eyes. “I’ve apologized…that’s all I can do. I can’t stand here and beg you to trust me again. The rest – it’s up to you.”
What she said next was barely audible. “You’re assuming…” her voice caught. “You’re assuming I stopped in the first place.”
He brushed the tear away, and gently reached out to gather her into an embrace, one that she allowed. They stayed that way for endless minutes, Chakotay finally sitting beside her, rubbing her back, Tom holding her close, until all three of them knew that everything, sooner or later, would be all right again.
