by Jeannette Jaquish
Weird, Funny Free Scripts by Jeannette Jaquish
Christmas Scripts and Songs
Oh, Christmas Tree
lyrics by Jeannette Jaquish
Oh, Christmas tree,
Oh, Christmas tree,
In April we will plant thee;
Thy trimmings gone, you stand forlorn,
Now to the earth, you are reborn,
With sunlight, birds and bees adorned,
To join our yule tree family;
Oh Come All Ye Faithful
lyrics by Jeannette Jaquish
Oh, come all ye faithful,
Or fleeing leftist countries,
Oh, come ye, Oh come ye to bureaucracy;
Come and be sorted, reborn wards of the state,
Oh come and be ignored,
Oh come and be deplored,
Oh, come right to our shore,
To be forcibly returned.
Oh Liberal America
lyrics by Jeannette Jaquish
(tune of Oh, Little Town of Bethlehem)
Oh, Liberal America,
How sweet the Commie lullaby,
Above thy sweet and heedless sleep,
The spy satellites go by,
Yet in some dark minds hatcheth,
A peace shield in the sky;
The funds and fear for peace this year,
Are spent on SDI;
Comrade Gorbachev
lyrics by Jeannette Jaquish
(to the tune of Good King Wenceslas)
Comrade Gorbachev looked out,
On the dissolution,
People standing cold in line,
Same old Soviet Union,
Brightly shone the world that day,
That Communism splintered,
Democracy show us the way,
To make it through the winter;
Do You Hear What I Hear?
lyrics by Jeannette Jaquish
Said the old man to the little boy,
Do you hear what I hear?
Gunfire in the night, little boy?
Do you hear what I hear?
A shot, a scream stinging through the night,
Are they from the left or the right?
Are they from the Left or the Right?
Rudolph the Red Nosed Mutant
by James Sanchez, Ph.D
Rudolph the Red Nosed Mutant,
Crawling out of Chernobyl;
And if you ever saw him,
You would say he really glows,
All of the other comrades,
Used to laugh and call him names (like "Get Lostki!")
They never let poor Rudolph,
Join in any Russky games (like drinking!)
Then one normal Russian night,
Zhivago came to say,
Rudolph with your nose so bright,
Won't you take X-rays tonite?
Then the Politburo loved him,
Shouting, "Horrorshow!" with glee,
Rudolph, the Red Nosed Mutant,
Our bright spot in history! (Like Stalin!)
Oh, Come All Ye Faithful
by James Sanchez, Ph.D (may differ from his original)
Oh come all ye faithful,
Joyful and triumphant,
Oh, come ye, oh, come ye,
To our shopping malls,
Come and behold them,
Gleaming, bright resplendent,
Oh, come and let's go shopping,
Oh, come and let's go shopping,
Consumption never stopping,
Credit cards in hand.
And this one I wrote as a teenager around 1974:
The Taxpayers' Prayer
lyrics by Jeannette Allen
Oh, Nixon who art in trouble,
Mud be thy name,
Thy kingdom is bugged,
Thy speeches aren't dugged,
Monopolizing all tv channels;
Give us this day our daily gas allotments,
And forgive us our Christmas lights
as we forgive thy tax frauds,
And lead us not into raising our thermostats,
But deliver us from fuel,
For thine is the most corrupt administration this nation has ever seen,
And ever will, forever and ever, Amen.
All songs except those by James Sanchez are copyrighted by Jeannette Jaquish. Feel free to reprint these songs listing the correct author.
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