~~WeLcoMe ~~ to: "HomeComing" - A Winter SkiT

Xena as The Warrior Princess
Gabrielle as her companion
Ares- The "mortal" God of War & Whiney Butt
Frosty-The talking SnowMan
Snoman voice-Goddess of Love Herself

Guest! Take your seats and watch out for the flying popcorn. Some kid in the front row has a bad habit of flinging popcorn at various intervals during the production of this SkiT. Whack him!

The lights on the stage go dim.
The curtains (red velvet) slowly pull back.

- - - ACT ONE - - - THE PUNCH !

Enter The God of War - stumbling about the snow covered terrain!

Ares: "Blah! Blah! Blah! - this mortal stuff is NOT for me. I gave up my immortality to save Xena's friend and daughter. That daughter best give me back what I rightly deserve. My godhood."

** Laughter is heard as Xena flips onto stage! Yi Yi Yi YiYi Ha! **

Ares: "And just what do you find so funny?"

Xena: "You Ares! You're funny. What? You aren't faring well as a mortal?"

Ares: "Don't be cute Xena. What am I to do with my time? I can't create armies, initiate wars or even travel very far very fast. This walk about stuff you mortals never notice takes forever?"

Xena: "Well Ares. I do thank you for saving my family but I don't see how I can be of any help to you now. I could suggest some things you might do to entertain your remaining days."

Ares: "Yeah like what?"

Xena: "Have you ever made a snowman Ares?"

Ares: "A what?"

** Laughter is heard as Gabrielle joins Xena & Ares **

Gabrielle: "LoL! Ares - you've been so involved making everyone's life so miserable you've never had any fun have you?"

Ares: "Oh it's fun you want bard?"

*SMACK...PUNCH!" (by Xena) down on the snow goes Ares!

Ares: "Ouch! you forget I can feel pain or something Warrior Princess?"

Xena: "No - I didn't forget. Did you forget that's MY friend you're rolling your bug eyes at buddy?"

Ares: "Well this is NOT the homecoming I had in mind Xena. I thought you and I (rising to his feet)."


Ares: "Ouchie again! Gods Xena!~ You have got to stop that. It hurts. No crimson & clover huh? Okay...Okay...I got your message (again rising to his feet)."

**Xena & Gabrielle lie flat in the snow briskly waving their arms**

Ares: "What in the name of Zeus are you two doing?"

Gabrielle: "Making snow angels Ares. You wouldn't know anything about angels I'm sure."

Ares: "No I don't and hey, god suffering over here!"

*** Xena & Gabrielle both continue with Laughter***

The curtain draws as Gabrielle steps from the side and announces the intermission is brief and ask the audience if anyone has a fresh carrot,The popcorn throwing kid in the front pulls out a large and pointed carrot saying, "sure! I never leave home without one *grin*." Gabrielle excepts the carrot and tells the young man before she exits stage left - he gets free popcorn for Act II.

***The red velvet curtain slowly pulls open**


**Xena & Gabrielle rise to their feet to look upon the lovely snow angels their bodies etched into the pure white powder. Smiling happily at one another .....

BLAP ! #!#! SMOOOSH ! ~ ~

Ares: " What the ! " - as Ares is clobbered right on the nose with a ~snowball~ "Have you two lost your spongy minds?"


Xena: "Oh and you'd know about spongy minds and a crazy warrior princess now wouldn't you rat!"

Ares - wiping snow from his face and dripping beard "Xena! you've got to stop this craziness. I just did you the greatest favor of all and you'd treat me like this?"

Xena: "You bet your little godly knickers I am Ares. You owe'd me that and then some. I do hate to see you so whiney tho'."

***Gabrielle has begun to make several large round balls of snow and stacks them one atop the other, 3 large round rolls high.**

Ares: "What's the goody two shoe'd sidekick doing over there?"


Xena decks ARes down on the snow again.....

Ares: "Xena, this is reaching cruel. Have you no sympathy?"

Xena: "Nope!"

***Gabrielle has completed a rather tall snowman that she ads two large rocks for it's eyes, snips a piece of the carrot with her sais for a nose and then sticks the remainder of the carrot in the area of the snowman's mouth.***

Xena: "Hey, Gabrielle, that's not a bad snowman ya got there. Think he can handle a use-to-be god?"

Gabrielle: "Giggle! yes Xena I think this one is just what the god of war might need. A little chill ~ in his bones but a big heart otherwise."

Xena: "Oh yeah. I recall Ares gave you and I about a 25 year chill. This is the least we can do in return."

***Ares again rises to his feet. Giving a smirk at Gabrielle, Ares walks toward the man of snow, giving a smirk to both Xena and Gabrielle ***

Snowman: "I wouldn't come too close yet, Mr. Ares of you're not a god anymore!"

***Ares looks shocked, twist his head left and right for wonder of who said that?***

Snowman: "What ARes? You didn't know a snowman had a voice?"

Ares: "Oh c'mon! This is a joke right? Xena, tell me this is a joke."

Xena: "No joke Ares. I'm doing you a favor because you saved my loved ones. You don't know how to be mortal Ares because you don't know how to have fun. There are some really nice feelings you need and with a little help from a goddess - meet your new friend Ares - Meet FROSTY!"

***Gabrielle changes her expressions between smirks and smiles toward Ares***

Gabrielle: "Couldn't happen to a nicer god." *Laughing*


***Gabrielle! Gabrielle! Gabrielle! - a loud chant form the front row is heard. It's that popcorn throwing brat again, begging for a return encore between acts by Gabrielle.***

***After the brat throws a few handfulls of his free popcorn about the first 4 rows and a couple of other audience members whack his noggin' - the red velvet curtain finally draws open to show Xena & Gabrielle lying along a warm and sunny beach.***


Gabrielle: "Xena do you know how strange it looked to see Ares laughing and romping about with a snowman?"

Xena: " Oh yeah! Aphrodite will will relay some love in Ares heart through Frosty til the spring thaw and perhaps he can go find a life after that. Meantime, you and I have some years to fill in, don't ya think?"

Gabrielle: "Yeah - I think we do warrior princess. Shall we begin by your showing me how to grab a fish from under water again?"

***Gabrielle stands up walking slowly forward on the stage sand, steps forward as the red velvet curtain draws slowly closed behind her.***

Gabrielle: "Xena and I are home now. Since we can't build an ocean in a day or some things of our journey are best to be private, I leave the future adventures of she and I to you....the viewing audience. As long as we're in your mind and your hearts, our adventure will NEVER end!"

***Gabrielle exits stage-left again. The audience all rise to their feet and the loud applause can be heard way to the north where a soft BLAP! #@!@ BLURP! "Mr. Snowman - you're too funny, lets play!" - voice of Ares is heard. ***

Popcorn throwing kid in front row shouts - "That's it? That's it? - what kind of skit was that?"

Voice of Goddess of Love - "Shut up kid! go home - play, laugh and live. Someday you'll be a better person too."

- - - THE END! - - -

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