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The Unlikely Hero

By Jedi Mark

Starring Jar Jar Binks

Jar Jar Binks was a pathetic excuse for a life form. He had survived the Jedi Purge and all his friends and family had long since been dead. The Emperor was known for believing humans were the elite life form in the galaxy. For this reason, The Empire had enslaved thousands of sentient alien species, including the Gungans, the species of Jar Jar. Mr. Binks was now aboard The Empire’s ultimate weapon, the Death Star. He was chained with another slave named Ackdool, a Mon Calamari. They were slaving away in the main engine room, working on an inertial dampener conduit with a pair of hydrospanners.

Under normal circumstances the slaves were watched under the careful, but blind eyes of a regimen of Stormtroppers. But these were not normal circumstances. The Death Star was under attack by the Rebel Alliance and all forces aboard the Death Star were working diligently and their last concern was the slaves’ actions.

Jar Jar was old and sad. He hoped desperately that the Rebels would destroy the Death Star; even though his life would be terminated. He overheard two Imperial officers conversing.

“The Rebels don’t stand a chance,” the first officer said in a stuffy voice, “The Death Star will be clear to fire in

less than five minutes.”

Jar Jar’s hopes were diminished. If only there was something that he could do. He didn’t care if a Jedi was fighting for the Alliance; there was just no way that the Empire could lose this battle.

Suddenly it came to him. The officer who was instructing him in the repair of the inertial dampener had said that without that conduit running correctly it would be impossible for the Death Star’s engines to work, and that would start a chain reaction that would destroy the station. Jar Jar knew what he had to do. He would destroy the Death Star by sabotaging the inertial dampener. If he didn’t destroy it, the freedom of the galaxy would be lost.

In an attempt to reverse the negative power flux cupling, Jar Jar dropped his hydrospanner into the energy binder, which reversed the proton charge of the mass coupler. Immediately the conduit overloaded and set off a small explosion.

* * *

Ackdool rarely talked to Jar Jar; conversation with the Gungan was nearly impossible. He was quite surprised when the conduit overloaded. He looked up expecting Jar Jar to be going nuts over the supposed accident. Earlier, an officer had lied to Jar Jar, telling him the ship would explode if he didn’t fix the conduit. Obviously this was not true, it was just a scare tactic used on some of the less intelligent slaves to get them to work harder. Even though Jar Jar believed the lie, he looked calm and at peace.

“Ackdool, me friend, tis been okie day workin’ with yousa,” Jar Jar said to his partner. “Mesa sorry to tell yousa dat wesa be blown up now.” Confused, Ackdool stared at the Gungan, “I broked da conduit, so da ship blow up. Mesa thinkin’ dat our lives are a small price to pay for da freedom of da galaxy.”

Finally Ackdool understood and he felt great respect for what Jar Jar intended to do. He felt sad to have to tell him that the conduit was actually irrelevant. As he was preparing to tell him, he overheard an officer say that a Rebel ship had succeeded in delivering a pair of proton torpedoes into a small thermal exhaust port and that soon they would all be dead. Ackdool thought that it was good that with the Gungan’s old age he had also acquired poor hearing.

The Empire’s ultimate weapon began to explode around them. Ackdool thought, “What a brave act this being has undertaken. He will die believing he saved the millions of lives by sacrificing his own.” He looked deep into Jar Jar’s eyes.

“Well done my friend, well done,” were the last words Jar Jar heard. He felt proud and immeasurably sad but he knew that he had done the right thing.