|Title: "Truth and
Author: Angela W.
Category: MSR (Mulder/Scully married)
Summary: A few months after their marriage,
contemplates whether it's really been "For
Better" for Scully
Disclaimer: The characters in this story do not
belong to me. They are the property of Chris Carter
and 1013 Productions
Timespan/Spoilers: In the "real"
X-Files world, this
would be sometime after Season Six. Spoilers for
"Paper Clip"; minor, non-spoiler mentions of
from other eps. In my fanfic world, which is more
linear than most writers', this comes after "Swing
Archive: Feel free to archive anywhere.
Part 1 of 2
Special Agent Dana
Scully flipped through the file her
husband had tossed in her lap as they entered the car.
"Check through that, will you Scully? See if you
recognize any of the names. The doctors might talk to
us more easily if you can find one you went through
medical school with," Mulder said as he pulled the
out of the parking garage and into the street.
"Okay, I'll check for a name that looks familiar,
exactly what are we going to talk to the doctors
"Something strange is going on at that clinic,
Whether it involves clones or aliens or mutants I'm
just not sure yet."
Scully flipped through the folder, paying attention to
the names of the various doctors. Suddenly, one leaped
out at her.
"Uh, here's one, Mulder."
"Great. Think she'll open up and talk to you for
"Er, it's a he. Guy I went to college and medical
school with, as a matter of fact."
An hour later, as Mulder and Scully pulled into the
clinic's parking lot, Scully wasn't sure that
"terrific" was exactly the word she would have
describe meeting up with Tom Bailey again after all
these years. However, they were soon ushered into his
office, after using their F.B.I. credentials and
Scully mentioning that she was medical doctor who was
an old friend of his.
Mulder blinked at the man who entered the office. He
was about Mulder's own height, but huskier - as if he
had played football in college or done a lot of weight
training in the years since. He was a blond who had
the golden, perfect even features of a matinee idol or
"Dana?" the man seemed both amazed and
heard you'd joined the F.B.I., but I never expected to
see you in my office in a professional capacity."
engulfed her in a bear hug and kissed her on the
Mulder was struggling to control his urge to shoot the
other man. Or, at the very least, yell "Get your
off my wife!" at the top of his lungs. This is an
friend of hers, he told himself sternly. And he
doesn't know she's married, because hardly anybody
knows we're married, because we wouldn't be working as
partners if it were widely known that we're married,
because married partners are against bureau policy. He
took a deep breath.
Scully disentangled herself and gestured towards him.
"Tom, this is my partner, Special Agent Fox Mulder.
Mulder, this is Dr. Tom Bailey. As I told you in the
car, we went through college and medical school
"Pleased to meet you," Dr. Bailey said,
holding about a
hand. Mulder reluctantly gave the other man the
briefest of handshakes, then turned to the business at
After 20 minutes, Scully and Mulder seemed to have
somewhat clearer idea of what was going on at the
clinic. Before they could make a clean getaway,
however, Bailey focused his attention solely on Scully
and turned the conversation to more personal matters.
"Jenny and I have three kids now, did you know
"No, I didn't. That's great. I'm sure they keep you
busy," she replied.
"That they do. You know, I'm surprised you're not
married with a child or two yourself," he said,
glance at her bare left hand.
"Well, my work keeps me busy. We really have to be
going now. Thanks so much for your help, Tom. Tell
Jenny I said hello."
Back in the car, Mulder turned to his wife and said
quietly, "Who is he, Scully?"
"I told you. A doctor. A guy I went to college and
medical school with. I knew him pretty well at one
point, but I hadn't talked to him in years. I know his
wife, too, but not as well."
"Dana," Mulder said, his tonie making it clear
wasn't buying her story.
"Um, we were sort of . . .involved at one
"How 'involved' were you?" he asked.
"I guess about as 'involved' as you were with
"Fox, it was YEARS ago! A long time before I ever
"Which one of you broke it off?"
"It was sort of mutual. Would you quit?"
Mulder took a deep breath and turned the conversation
to the X-File at hand and whether the information Dr.
Bailey had supplied would be of any use to them. But
he kept wondering if Dana had ever stopped to compare
Spooky Mulder with Doctor Sunshine back there.
Back in Washington, the agents went to a restaurant
near the Hoover building to eat lunch before returning
to their office. They had just sat down when a woman's
voice called out, "Agent Scully? Is that you?"
"Why, hello, Agent Sanders," Scully said as
at the tall blonde woman about her own age. "What
you doing back in Washington? Last I heard, you were
assigned to a field office in Texas."
"Just got a promotion and moved back here,"
"This is my partner, Special Agent Fox
said, introducing her husband to an old friend for the
second time in a few hours. "Mulder, this is Agent
Sanders. We went through the academy together."
"Oh. Yeah, I heard they'd teamed you up with Spooky
Mulder. But, gee, that was years ago! You mean you
haven't been assigned to another detail yet? You were
such a pistol, we all figured you'd be running a
department by now!"
"I enjoy my work with Agent Mulder," Scully
ignoring the reference to her husband as
"The X-Files allows me to use my science background
the field, which I prefer to being stuck at Quantico
"Well, look, I've gotta go. See you around
maybe," Sanders said, ducking out the door.
"Nice meatting you, too," Mulder muttered. The
hadn't said a word to him the whole time, not even
acknowledging the introduction Scully had made.
"Sanders was always a little gung-ho," Scully
She was spared having to say more by the arrival of
the waitress to take their order.
Later that afternoon, the agents met with their boss,
Assistant Director Walter Skinner.
"This is absurd!" Skinner said, gesturing to
preliminary report on his desk. "Agent Mulder, I've
grown to expect this sort of lunacy from you! But
quite frankly, Agent Scully, I'm surprised you agree
with any of this!"
"Well, sir, it's just a preliminary report,"
said. "We'll need to investigate the matter more
thoroughly, of course. However, at this time, I'd have
to say that Agent Mulder's theory is not completely
"Agent Scully, may I remind you that it is your
responsibility to subject your partner's theories to
rational scientific process? Not to be, to be. .
.seduced," Skinner finally choked out, "into
"Interesting choice of words," Mulder muttered
"What I want you to do, Agent Scully, is get out to
Quantico and perform a thorough autopsy and tox scan
on this latest victim. Mulder, you go back over the
field reports and see if you can't come up with a more
reasonable explanation as to what may have led to
these deaths. Report to me with your findings first
thing tomorrow morning!" Skinnner barked.
As they rode the elevator down to their basement
office, Scully said, "Mulder, I'm going to need to
take your car out to Quantico, since mine is still at
"Sure, fine, whatever," he replied.
"Do you want me to pick you up here when I'm
or. . ."
"No. I'll finish up here, then I'm going back to my
apartment. I'll be there if you want to come by after
you're done out at Quantico, although at this point I
can't imagine why you would!"
Scully sighed. She knew the day hadn't been easy for
Mulder. She was sure he enjoyed meeting up with one of
her old boyfriends about as much as she had enjoyed
meeting Phoebe Green and Diane Fowley; that is to say,
not at all. Being referred to as "Spooky"
helped either. Nor had the two suggestions that he was
somehow undermining her professionally. But all that
would have to wait until this evening. She had work to
do and they had agreed - when they made the decision
to continue their professional partnership after their
marriage - that except for actual life-and-death
situations, they would concentrate solely on business
during business hours. Discussions relating to their
personal relationship would have to wait.
It was well after the end of the working day when
Scully finally pulled into the parking lot of Mulder's
apartment building in Alexandria. He continued to pay
rent here every month, although for all practical
purposes he had lived at her place since their
marriage. The subterfuge was necessary for a couple of
reasons. The first was so their superiors in the
bureau wouldn't know of their marriage. The second was
the purely logistical matter of not having enough room
in her apartment for all his accumulated files and
books. Eventually, she supposed, they would have to
end this charade, stop being partners and move into a
bigger place. They usually swung by his old apartment
for just a few minutes a couple of times a week, to
feed the fish and check the mail and phone messages.
Scully didn't bother to knock, just unlocked the door
with her key. She found the living room dark except
for the flickering glow of the TV screen. Her husband
was sitting on the couch, drinking. Scotch, she
thought with a sniff. Uh-oh. Mulder didn't drink much
and usually only beer or wine.
This is not good, she thought. Supposedly, Catholics
are the ones with guilt complexes, but not in our
marriage. She recognized all the signs. She was in for
another, "Scully, I'm not good enough for you, I've
ruined your life," speech. Mulder made them
occasionally, when he was in one of his moods.
"Hey, Scully. How drunk would you have to be to let
do that to you?" Mulder gestured toward the screen.
Oh, hell, it was one of THOSE movies! Her husband must
be in an even deeper funk than she thought. The thing
to do, she thought, was not to give in to his obvious
attempt to pick a fight with her.
Peering at the screen, she kept her voice brisk.
"Mulder, as a medical doctor, I can tell you that
position is anatomically impossible for about 98
percent of the population, including us. Either they
used trick photography or those, er, performers are
gymnasts of near Olympic caliber." She turned on a
lamp, then grabbed the remote and switched off the TV.
"Have you eaten?"
"I'm not hungry."
"I suppose it's just as well. There was never any
around this place even when you were actually living
here. We could always order a pizza or something,
"I said, I'm not hungry. I want to ask you
"Ask away, Mulder."
"Don't you ever get tired of me? Of me screwing up
your personal life, screwing up your professional life
and just plain, literally screwing you? I mean, for
the life of me, I just can't figure out what you get
out of our marriage or our professional relationship.
You do all the giving and I do all the taking."
"That's not true, Fox. You have not screwed up my
personal life or my professional life."
"You left out just plain literally," he
"I can't say I'm wild about that way of phrasing
but the activity I happen to enjoy. Very much. Just
like I enjoy everything about being your partner and
"Yeah, sure, Scully. I'm sure back in the days when
you were doing the wild thing with Doctor Sunshine or
going through the academy with Agent Sanders, this was
*EXACTLY* the kind of life you dreamed of! Days spent
chasing aliens and monsters, nights filled with kinky
sex. Every woman's dream come true, right?"
"Our sex life is NOT kinky!" It was true that
intimate activities were intense. And innovative. And
incredibly frequent. But kinky implied a desire on the
part of one partner to inflict pain or degradation on
the other. And never - not during the five months of
their marriage or during any of the years that
preceded it - had Fox Mulder even once purposely tried
to hurt or humiliate her.
"Dana, our relationship is just so out of
said with a sigh. She noted with relief that he was at
least using her first name. "My life is so much
for having you in it and yours is so much worse for
having me in it."
"That's not true, Fox. I was so. . .unfocused,
of what I wanted to do with my life, what I was meant
to do with it, until I met you. You gave me a cause -
and a person - worth focusing on. Our search for the
truth, our relationship with each other; those are the
things that give meaning to my life."
"Did you ever stop to think what your life would be
like if you'd married Doctor Sunshine? You'd have a
good career as a doctor, a nice house, a husband you
didn't have to hide from your boss and a couple of
kids to boot! You wouldn't be haunted by nightmares of
being abducted or shot at. You wouldn't have to worry
that Cancer Man might be lurking around the
"Yes, and I'd be miserable! I'd be like those women
you sometimes read or hear about who reach their
mid-thirties and realize they've got it all, a
supposedly perfect life, but that it's not bringing
them any happiness or fulfillment. I'd probably be
writing prescriptions to hook myself on tranquilizers
or having an affair with the pool boy!"
"Okay, so you should have gone ahead and joined the
F.B.I. God knows, you're better bureau material than I
ever was! Hell, maybe you should have even put in that
first year of working on the X-Files with me; got
yourself a little field experience and a lifetime
supply of Spooky Mulder stories. But when they closed
us down that first time, you should have NEVER come
back. You could have married somebody like Willis or
Pendrell, some guy who actually had a future with the
bureau. You probably would be heading up your own
department by now and you and your husband would be
referred to as one of the capital's up-and-coming
power couples. Maybe you'd even have a baby."
"I'd be even more miserable that way than I would
we'd never met! Because then I'd know what I was
missing. . .*WHO* I was missing. Everytime my husband
touched me, I'd close my eyes and pretend it was your
fingers dancing down my skin, the way they did on our
very first case together. If we were at some fancy
party or having dinner at an upscale restaurant, I'd
find my mind drifting back to the best year of my life
- the one I'd spent with you, on stakeouts watching
mutants in the rain or eating cheap takeout food in
cheaper motels in podunk towns across America. And if
I had a baby, do you know what its name would be?"
"Samantha, if it was a girl. William, if it was a
I could get away with Samantha, because I doubt anyone
would connect it with my ex-partner's long missing
sister. William would be even easier to get away with,
because I could pretend I chose the name in honor of
my father. To a certain extent, that would be true.
But it would also be because Fox and Mulder are too
damn obvious and William is your middle name!"
"You'd really be miserable without me?" he
"Yes, Mulder. You're my. . .my Lancelot. My knight
a white horse who ALWAYS comes charging into rescue me
whenever I need to be saved. The other half of my own
soul. Unlike a lot of women, I don't have to worry
that I come somewhere below your career and your
fantasy football league on your list of priorities. I
KNOW I'm the most important thing in your life."
"It's worth it to you? Everything you've lost
of your relationship with me? I'm not just talking
about career advancement. How about the loss of your
fertility? The loss of your sister?"
"Fox, those things weren't your fault! We don't
that my fertility is a hopeless case; you said so
yourself. The doctor who told me I could never have
children is the same one who told me I was dying of
cancer and had only a few months to live - but he told
me that several years ago. Not only am I still alive,
I'm perfectly healthy! Which means maybe he was wrong
about my ability to conceive, as well. As for Melissa.
. .all I can say is it wasn't your fault. Do you ever
stop to think about the fact that you didn't request
my assistance in the first place? I was ASSIGNED to
work with you. In fact, if I remember correctly,
during the first few weeks of our relationship you
were pretty hostile to the whole idea of having a
partner! Blame whoever assigned me to work with you
for Melissa's death, if you have to have a
"That would be Cancer Man. He told me out in Las
that it was his idea to put us together. So that you
could debunk my work. Rein me in."
"Fine, then, blame him! I have no doubt he was
the deaths of both Melissa and your father, no matter
who actually pulled the trigger!"
Mulder was quiet for a moment, staring at his wife.
Then he touched her face gently. "We've both lost
much," he said softly.
"I know. But we found each other."
Dana leaned over and kissed him softly on the lips.
She didn't really like it when he drank hard liquor,
but she had to admit the mixed taste of good Scotch
and salty sunflower seeds was somewhat intriguing.
"And about our sex life. . ."
"Hell, Scully, I know I'm a maniac! What do we
average, somewhere around 30 times a month? I lay off
for the few days of the month when I absolutely have
to, but then there are the days when I jump you twice
in less than 24 hours! And I know some of the things I
suggest embarrass you. You're a doctor; you have to
know it's not normal for a man to be as sexually
demanding of his wife as I am of you!"
"Well, okay, maybe it's not, but the way we were
before our marriage wasn't exactly normal either!"
"Scully, we weren't doing anything before our
"That's my point exactly, Mulder! It's not usually
considered normal for two healthy adults in their
thirties to be celibate for years at a time. But we
were, from almost the time we first met each other
until our marriage a few months ago. The frequency of
our, er, relations is probably just a reaction to all
those years of frustration!"
"So. . .what? You think eventually we'll settle
in to a routine of
"Well, I honestly don't think we can keep up this
for the next fifty years! But even if we become a tad
less frequent, I can't see us lapsing into a routine.
You're too imaginative! The point is, for right now,
let's just enjoy it."
"Do I what?"
"Fox, if you even have to ask that question I
obviously am in dire need of strengthening my
interpersonal communication skills! Of course I enjoy
making love with you! Haven't I made that clear?"
whispered, her voice on the verge of tears.
"Shh! I didn't mean to upset you, sweetheart. You
it very clear how much you enjoy my body and how much
you like what we do together. I just wondered if,
sometimes, you don't get an urge to spend an evening
together doing something else. Go out to eat, just
talk. . .whatever."
"Mulder, we eat three meals a day together, at
half of them out! And we talk all day long at work. By
the time we get home, I'm ready for action!"
He chuckled lightly at that. "Dana, some of
things I want us to do together. . .you can always say
no. You know that, don't you? It's not like I'm going
to stop loving you just because you don't want to
fulfill every sex fantasy I've ever had about you."
"I know, but I like. . .pleasing you. Some of
things you suggest. . .I've never wanted to do them
with any other man. But with you, it's different."
"Why?" he asked softly.
"Partially, I think, because we're married. I guess
that's the Catholic in me. You're my husband. I've got
a right to be with you, to make love with you. However
we want. Whenever we want. Wherever we want.
Partially, though, just because you're you. My Mulder.
My partner. My best friend. The man who trusts me even
when he doesn't trust anyone else."
"Dana, I love you so much. You realize I'd either
dead or certifiably insane by now if it wasn't for
you, don't you?"
"Yeah, lover, I know. You ready to go to home
"No, I want to stay here tonight," he said.
the look of hurt bewilderment on her face, he
amplified his statement. "I want us to stay here
tonight. We'll get up early enough to swing by you
place so you can change before we go into work
tomorrow. And yes, we can order a pizza - I'm not
trying to starve you!"
"Okay, but why?"
"Scully, do you know how many nights I lay on this
couch dreaming of you? Of doing the things with you
that we do now? Tonight, I just want. . ."
"Tell me what you want, Mulder. Let me make your
dreams come true. Anything."
"You shouldn't say things like that, Scully,"
"Why not? I trust you. I love you. You make all MY
dreams come true."
"Do I really?"
"Yes, Fox. You make me feel so loved, so
In both my previous relationships, the men eventually
began to complain about my. . .inhibitions."
"Dana, you don't HAVE any inhibitions! At least
that I've discovered."
"That's what I mean. With you it's different. I'm
different. I used to worry that there was something
wrong with me. Melissa, my friends. . .they all
enjoyed. . .you know. . ."
"And you didn't?"
"Well, I sort of did. But obviously not to the
that everybody else did. I used to wonder why I never
got completely turned on. Up until I met you. Then I
quit worrying. I realized there wasn't anything wrong
with me; it was just that my mother was right."
"Your Mom was right about what?"
"That it's better to wait until you're married to
love. She gave Melissa and me both that speech; you
know, it's kind of the typical Catholic mother speech.
Melissa blew it off completely. I accepted it as a
nice ideal, but later there was so much pressure to
have sex. . ."
"You mean from Doctor Sunshine and Jack
"From them, sure, but it was more than just that.
There was pressure from my friends, from the media. .
.even my doctor seemed amazed when I reached my early
twenties without becoming sexually active. I finally
gave in to Tom not so much because I wanted HIM as
because I wanted to be normal, to do what everyone
else was doing."
"That was just. . .I don't know. More of the same,
guess. A way of proving to myself that I was really
over Tom. Another stab at proving I wasn't an Ice
Queen. You know what's funny?"
"Well, Tom and Jack were normal as all get-out.
old All-American boys. But the feelings they aroused
in me weren't normal. A few months of being "Mrs.
Spooky", though, and I knew there was nothing wrong
with me. All I had to do was look at you to get turned
on. Having you touch me - even when it wasn't meant to
be sexually stimulating, when all you were doing was
trying to comfort me or reassure me that things were
okay - was more erotic than anything those other two
had ever done."
"So you needed a paranoid, alien-obsessed,
porn-watching partner to make you feel a normal level
of sexual desire, huh?" he said with a smile.
you we were kinky!"
"Fox!" she protested.
"I'm just teasing sweetheart. You know it's the
way for me, don't you? With other women, I got a
certain amount of. . .release. With you, I get
During their conversation, Scully had climbed into his
lap and he had wrapped his arms around her. But now he
slid his arms off her body and gently pushed her off
his lap, then stood up and stretched.
"Where are you going?"
"I'm going to order us a pizza, like I promised.
we're going to work on some of those files, try to
come up with something a little more coherent for
"But I want to make love!" she said with a
"We will, Dana. But not 'til later on. We're gonna
flirt and teach and touch the whole time we're eating
and working, but I'm going to try to use a little
"Oooh, now THAT sounds kinky!"
It took Mulder a moment to catch her drift, then he
blushed. Dana noted with delight that her husband was
actually turning red.
"Dana, that is NOT what I meant!"
She giggled. "I know. But you said I could tease
He rolled his eyes and punched in the number to
pizza parlor, while she walked over and snuggled
Scully sighed as she leaned back against the couch.
She was frustrated. Partially by the case, which
didn't really seem to have any coherent leads. But
mostly by Mulder, who was driving her out of her mind!
He'd been teasing her all evening. The way he would
look up and smile at her; the sound of his voice. But
mostly the touching.
While waiting for the pizza, she'd gone to the
bathroom and removed her pantyhose and bra, so all she
was wearing was a white silk T-shirt, her skirt and
panties. He was obviously well aware of that fact,
because he kept using every excuse to shift his weight
and brush his fingers or shoulder against her breasts.
He also kept gliding his hands down her neck or
wrapping his fingers around her ankle. And if he blew
in her ear one more time. . .
Mulder sat on the floor, trying to concentrate on the
papers on the coffee table in front of him instead of
the woman on the couch above him. It was a battle he
was on the brink of losing. Scully had been subtly -
and not so subtly - trying to drive him crazy all
evening. She'd started rubbing on his neck, then
reached around to unbutton the top three buttons of
his shirt and run her fingers down his chest. She'd
leaned down to kiss his ear. Now she was running her
small, bare foot all up and down his thigh.
Mulder turned his head and latched his mouth onto her
leg, just above her knee. He was rewarded by hearing
her whimper. He smiled. It was the sound she made when
she was about to surrender. He began to work his way
up her thigh with a kiss, nibble, suck sequence.
"God, Scully, I love your thighs. They're so
Just right. Not too firm and not too soft."
She just whimpered again and ran her fingers through
Mulder kissed her thigh and began to suck it harder.
He could smell her arousal and it was driving him
crazy. Finally, he lifted his head.
"Lover, if you suggest going back to the paperwork
this point, I'm going to shoot you. Again."
"Mmm. I think we've passed the point of no return
here, honey." Shifting his attention to the other
he slowly ran his tongue along her inner thigh from
just above her knee to the very top of her leg.
This time, Dana moaned and whispered, "Don't
"I'm not, sweetheart." He nuzzled her through
panties and smiled when she gasped. He shoved her
skirt up and pulled her panties off. Then he began to
very gently use his tongue on her.
Scully moaned and thrust her hips eagerly against her
husband's face. Oooh! That felt soooo good! He slid
his hands under her bottom to give himself better
access. He kept going with his talented tongue until
Mulder smiled down at his wife. Okay, maybe there was
something to her assertions that the giving wasn't all
on her side in their marriage. Obviously, this was
something she certainly enjoyed!
"Mmm! Your turn," she smiled and held open her
Mulder quickly stripped out of his clothes, then
reached down and pulled her shirt off. He settled
himself between the cradle of her legs, positioning
himself at her entrance.
"What about my skirt?"
"Let's leave it on. I like the way it looks, shoved
around your waist like that. Kind of...decadent."
"That's how you make me feel."