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                          Away Messages

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CLICK HERE MY E-MAIL ME YOUR AWAY MESSAGES!!

BJ273@AOL.COM

PEOPLE I KNOW AWAY MESSAGE'S

This is an away message. It means I am away, for reasons my computer is not likely to reveal.

I am away right now, searching for myself. If I should return before I get back, tell me to wait for me.

Alright people, move along, no funny away message here...

You see, the problem here is that my little brother this morning, got his arm caught in the microwave and uh my grandmother dropped acid and she freaked out and hi-jacked a school bus full of penguins so you see it’s kind of a family crisis so…come back later?.


Once I thought my cell phone battery was low but it was just that I had no friends

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you will have lost some weight too...fatty.

You have just received the Amish Computer Virus. Since the Amish don't have computers, it is completely based on the honor system. Please delete all the files from your computer at this time. (Note: Please respect this honor system the same way you would the university honor code during an unsupervised midterm.)

This is not my away message. (I also think I’m extremely funny.)

I am lost. I have gone off to find myself. Should I return before I find me, please tell me to wait until I get back. (Note to self: Print out Map quest directions next time.)

I ran away from my computer right now.

I am not available because I am playing a computer game that takes up the whole screen. I am also reading a magazine that covers up the computer game that takes up the whole screen. And even if you somehow hacked into my computer and broke through the computer game, the screen and the magazine, I still wouldn’t talk to you. Although it would be pretty flattering.

I'm not here right now, so cry me a river, build me a bridge, and do us all a favor and jump off it.

I'm not ignoring you, I'm selectively bypassing you.

You are probably doing one of these two things: 1) Checking my profile to see what my away message is, so you don't have to IM me and look stupid. 2) Feeling stupid because I know you are doing #1.

Sometimes the best things in life are worth waiting for...I'll be right back.

This communication is ended.

Stop checking away messages.

I am not here...what kind of loser is online at %t.

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be misquoted and then later used against you. You have the right to consult another screen name from your buddy list before speaking to me. If your popularity does not afford you this opportunity, AIM's Smarter child or another robotic, online buddy will be provided to you in a third-party chat room IM window at no cost. If you decide to speak to me now without a robotic, online buddy present, you will still have the right to stop blabbering on or complaining at any time to consult another buddy. Knowing and understanding your rights as I have explained them to you, are you still even considering IMing me?

I feel like you’re the IRS because our online relationship is becoming taxed for all it’s worth. Please consider the implications of continuing to leave messages.

Hi , I'm [insert your name]. People like me get thousands of IM's a day, mostly from people just like you looking to model their lives after each and every update I make to my away message and profile. While I can't guarantee your vicarious satisfaction through my life, I can assure you that you will learn a lot from my every move. You see, through years of adolescent hard work surfing the Internet and honing my social skills through Instant Messenger, I have finally gotten a life. Now, I am making that life available for FREE for everyone on the Internet to benefit from. So be sure to check back with my screen name often and don't be surprised if I'm not here--remember, I actually have a life now. Good luck.

I know you looked in my profile to see what I’m doing you nosey son of a bitch. Whatta you think, I just run off and make a profile for everyone to see?

I see stupid people reading my away message...

How are you reading this, %n? I thought I blocked you!

I'm having sex with your girlfriend right now...I'll talk to you later!

The weather is here...wish you were beautiful.

I'm not here right now, so cry me a river, build me a bridge, and get over it.

If an away message is posted on the Internet, but no one ever reads it, did that person ever really go away?

Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my own dreams."

Beer makes people smarter.  Think about it...made Bud wiser.

Dance as if no one were watching, sing as if no one were listening, and leave every away message as if it were your last.

Hi, I'm sorry I’m not here right now. If you’d like to leave a message please press 2, then 4, then 345 then type 'Yes, I am this lame.'

I'm at work now. Something to think about while you wait for me to get back: A train station is where the train stops, right? And a bus station is where the bus stops, right? Well, on my desk, I have a work station...

If I am away, you should get a message saying:

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before

Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but %n abuses the privilege.
 
Eating a bland microwave meal - $3
Watching a boring TV show- $2
Getting an unsatisfying foot massage from an ambiguously-female escort - $75
Not having to talk to %n - PRICELESS

What if I actually wanted to calculate the percent of "n" in this away message. I would be SCREWED!
 
THE FOLLOWING SCREEN AMES SMELL: Mickey393, JohnasDude39, %n, FordyOuncer3. Please deodorize yourselves immediately.
 
I was just looking through my buddy list and I found the screen name "%n". How stupid is THAT?!

The scores are in and I just want to let everyone know that courtjester49 came in 1st place, bobrooni was 2nd, and Calisurf84 was 3rd. For the record, %n was last place. Thanks to the hundreds of thousands of you who played!

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