Mood:  amorous
Topic: boys....or girls..heheh
What the hell does amorous mean? John's been hanging out with me, Kirk, and Sandi today. He just kissed me in front of my house. Oh, and I almost got weed today.. *sighs* I'll probably get some tomorrow though. Well nothing's different with Tommy, he still doesn't like me. *cries* Sandi comes over every day after school though, and lately I've been making my dad take her home so I can go in for a minute and atleast hug Tommy. Anyways, my birthday's in 2 weeks exactly. Can't wait! It'll be sooo fun!

Mood:  mischievious
Topic: boys....or girls..heheh

"REV 22:20" from the Underworld soundtrack


Don?t be aroused
By my confession
Unless you don?t give a good goddamn about redemption
I know
Christ is coming
And so am I
You would too if the sexy devil caught your eye
She?ll suck you dry
Soon you?ll cry
To be back in her bosom
To do it again
She?ll make you weep
And moan and cry
To be back in her bosom
To do it again
Pray ? shall I go blind?
Pray ? cos nobody ever survives
Praying to stay in your arms
Just until I can die a little longer
Saviors and saints
Devils and demons alike
She?ll eat you alive
Jesus is risen
It's no surprise
Even he would
Martyr his momma
To ride to hell between those thighs
The pressure is building
At the base of my spine
If I gotta sin to see her again
Then I'm gonna lie and lie and lie
She'll make you cry
I'll sell my soul
To be back in your bosom
And gladly help
Please suck me dry
And still you'll cry
To be back in her bosom
Do it again
Pray ? shall I go blind?
Pray ? cos nobody ever survives
Praying to stay in your arms
Just until I can die a little longer
Saviors and saints
Devils and demons alike
She?ll eat you alive
My pulse has been rising
My temples are burning
The pressure is so overwhelming and building
So steady and heavy
I'm ready to blow
She waits, what is she waiting for?
Pray ? shall I go blind?
Pray ? cos nobody ever survives
Praying to stay in your arms
Just until I can die a little longer
Saviors and saints
Devils and demons alike
She?ll eat you alive

*sighs*
Mood:  chillin'
Now Playing: "All The Things She Said"/T.A.T.U.
Topic: boys....or girls..heheh
^Me and Sandi sing that song together. LOL. I do the red head's parts and she's the dark-haired one. Heh. Quite a few changes going on. I got my hair cut all short and punky-looking. I'll probably dye it red too. So I look different. And I dumped Jeremy yesterday. I wrote him this harsh note that said something to the effect of, "I have to break up with you cause I don't really like you like that anymore". I was going to lie so maybe it wouldn't hurt his feelings as much, but I decided to just be honest. He came up to me today right after school when I was leaving and said he wasn't mad or anything, he just wished I would've done it in person. I'm glad he didn't take it too badly. Now this guy that got expelled and is back now, John, wants to go out with me. I told him I don't really know what I want to do right now or something like that, and I'm kinda "talking" to him and another guy. Of course that other guy is Tommy. I'm still kinda waiting and wishing he'd like me again. Speaking of Tommy, I was soo excited cause Monday night Sandi gave me his Korn t-shirt that he'd been saying I could have but couldn't find, and that same night I went to see him at Citgo and he gave me his Mystery purple heart wristband that I've been asking for forever. Awww..so sweet. Oh, and he told Sandi he likes my haircut. *blushes* Yay! Sandi said she thinks he might be starting to like me again. *happy* So yeah because of that I don't know for sure if I should just go ahead and try to move on and go out with John or what. *wearing Tommy's wristband*

I [heart] Tommy!!!
Mood:  crushed out
Now Playing: Life Is Peachy-KoRn
Topic: boys....or girls..heheh
Remember Wesley? He came back to visit. Just for a few hours, it was kinda like the good old days or whatever. He just showed up totally out of the blue at the front door. I looked like shit, I didn't have any makeup on or anything. I always thought that when I finally saw him again I'd be crying hysterically, but, although I was really happy, it wasn't really that big of a deal until we really started to hang out again. We went driving to the mall and stuff. It was so nice to listen to his CDs and everything again with him. When we were listening to Interpol I almost started to cry. But yeah anyways it was all really nice to see him again. He did really piss me off, though, cause he told us he wanted to spend the night and he never showed up or called or anything, and by now I think he's back in Gulf Shores. Anyways, I also have a new crush. I'm like in love with Sandi's younger brother Tommy. He used to like me as much as I like him now, but I was a total bitch to him and didn't give him a chance when he liked me a few months ago. Now that I know him better I'm like totally in love, but he doesn't like me anymore. It just sucks.

I haven't posted in awhile..haven't been to the library much lately
Mood:  cool
Now Playing: Antics/Interpol...I got their new CD!!!! :)
Topic: boys....or girls..heheh
Wow, I've had so much to write about but I haven't been to the library like at all lately. First of all, Jonathan's totally out. He fucking dumped me, which really pissed me off, but I don't care anymore. I have a new boyfriend, Jeremy. He's really sweet and he buys me stuff and everything. Although it sucks that he doesn't have his own car. He gets his brother and/or his brother's girlfriend to drive us around. Over Thanksgiving break we went to Atlanta. My mom kinda forced me to go, but it was pretty cool. We went to this huge ass mall and I snuck off to Hot Topic and Spencer's. I got Sandi a Christmas present already, and bought Kyle a pentegram necklace with a skull and stuff on it for his 16th birthday, which is next Monday. I sent it to him Wednesday so hopefully it'll get to him on time. Oh, and I also have something going on with this other guy, Jay. A little bit, anyways.. Well I mean last Tuesday I sucked his dick in an alley. LOL. I can't believe I did that shit, either. How slutty of me.. That was before I was going out with Jeremy, though.. I'd feel kinda bad if I did anything with him now..I think. But I'll probably still do it anyways. LOL. Oh, I finally saw The Ring a few weekends ago. I'd been wanting to see it forever. I also saw Anchorman last weekend at the hotel, we ordered it on PPV and somehow my parents never saw it on the bill, luckily. It was really funny, I literally rolled out of my chair laughing on the floor it was so fucking hilarious at some parts. Yeah anyways, I guess I need to go home, my mom's probably wondering where the hell I am, I haven't come home from school yet.

drunk
Mood:  mischievious
Now Playing: stuff
Topic: boys....or girls..heheh
wow tonight was a wild & crazy night..heheh. my mom like "kicked me out of the house" sorta. well i mean she said not to bother coming home or whatever so i was like "ok mom" so i'm at heather's house. it's like 9:30 in the fucking morning, i've been up all night with sandi. i probably shouldn't really write about this, cause if my mom reads this shit i'm totaly fucked but oh well. i'm still a little drunk i guess, but i think i'm pretty sober by now, it's been an hour or so so i think i'm ok. atleast i don't feel so sick anymore. but yeah like i left the house at like 6 when my mom kicked me out and waited around for sandi for awhile, and then she drove by and i got in the car and we went past winner's and i saw jonathan. and then we went to heather's house and danny, heather's mom's boyfriend, said it was ok if i stayed for the night since my mom kicked me out. her mom's in fort payne or whatever shit like for the weekend. so it was me, heather, sandi, and coal, this guy that hangs out here, for awhile. me, heather, and sandi went to wendy's and ate dinner, and we bought heather some hair dye at wal-mart and dyed her hair. my mom has no fucking clue where the hell i am. oh well, this is the one night of freedom i'll like ever get so fuck her. i don't know what the hell is going to happen when i get home. dammit. anyways, we hung out at the house and played video games and watched tv and looked at porn..well..i did, anyways..hahaha. jonathan said to call him at 2 so i did, but he said he was fucked up and fuckin hung up on me. i called him back at like 4 and he said he was coming down or whatever and was all fucked up, and me and sandi pretended to be making out and shit on the couch cause we had him on speakerphone, and we met him at wal-mart. i was really freaked out cause i didn't really want to do that much with him, but we drove out to the fucking woods and i ended up sucking his dick over and over again..aahhhhh! dammit..what the hell..i can't believe i fucking did that.. and then me and sandi dropped him off at back at wal-mart cause we had all been in sandi's car. (me and him had been in the back seat and sandi was in the front seat like trying to ignore us) and he left and he was all stoned and shit still and i'm surprised he didn't wreck, and me and sandi went back to heather's house. everyone was asleep. we raided the liquer cabinet. she mixed some drink with like coke and bicardi or whatever and i drank it and then i got some pucker's sour apple and jack daniel's and coke and drank that too and was like drunk off my fucking ass, and we drove by my house to see if anyone was awake and no one was. anyways, now sandi's asleep on the couch in the living room and i don't plan on going to sleep, i guess i'm going to have to go home today. i don't know what the fuck is going to happen now, but i'm fucking scared. damn, i don't know what the hell i'm gonna say to my mom, she hasn't heard anything from me since yesterday afternoon. eeek.

New boyfriend
Mood:  amorous
Now Playing: Smashing Pumpkins
Topic: boys....or girls..heheh
It's all kinda complicated and fucked up and I really don't know what the hell I've gotten myself into, once again, but Courtney, my ex-girlfriend, was dumped by Jonathan and now I'm going out with him. Jonathan is also Cody's older brother. Cody's the guy that used to tease me all the time in 7th & 8th grade. Jonathan is also a horny bastard. He's 19 and was pretty much as mean to me as Cody was before, but now he's talking to me cause he thinks I'll suck his dick. I mean..I probably would..but that's irrelevant..heh. We're supposed to be "hanging out" Monday. I guess he's going to pick me up or we're going to meet somewhere or something. I really don't want to be alone with him, I don't trust him at all..but oh well, I guess if I get that freaked out about it I can make up some excuse. Today I got out of school early cause of the homecoming game or whatever, we got out at 1. Next Thursday and Friday are 9 week exams and I think I'm exempt from all the exams on Thursday so I probably won't even have to go that day. Oh, and I'm starting driver's ed after the exams, if I can get in without a permit.. My mom still doesn't trust me enough to let me get one, and I haven't been going to seminary at all lately, and that's the main thing. Last night me and Kirk went to Winner's and they called the cops on us and made us leave. At least they didn't escort us home this time. I also saw Tommy there, the guy that was with me that night with Dustin. I hadn't seen him since then, and he made it pretty obvious that he doesn't like me, I'm surprised he didn't jump me or something. Well, I guess I'll go home and go watch TV or call Jonathan..