You know you're an Iowan when...

1. During a storm you check the cattle before you check the kids.
2. Youíre related to more than half the town.
3. You can tell the difference between a horse and a cow from a distance.
4. Your car breaks down outside of town and news of it reaches back to town before you do.
5. You donít put too much effort into hairstyles due to wind and weather.
6. Your quarterback is hurt and youíre hoping itís the first thing on the 6 oíclock news.
7. Thereís a tornado warning and the whole town is outside watching for it.
8. The local gas station sells live bait.
9. You donít buy all your vegetables at the grocery store.
10. You go to the state fair for your family vacation.
11. You get up at 5:30 a.m. and go to the coffee shop.
12. Youíre on first name basis with the county sherrif.
13. When little smokies are something you serve on a special occasion.
14. You go to the river because its almost like going to the ocean.
15. You try to find the cheapest room rates when you go out of town.
16. Using the elevator involved a corn truck.
17. Your mayer is also your garbage hauler, barber, and insurance salesman.
18. You know you should listen to the weather forcast before picking out an outfit.
19. You walk knee deep in snow.
20. You call the wrong number and talk to the person for an hour anyway.
21. Your excuse for getting out of school is that the cows got out.
22. You talk with a friend about some big event youíre going to attend, and by the end of the conversation youíve decided youíre both too broke to go.
23. You know cow pies arenít made of beef.
24. Your early morning prayer covers rain, cattle, and pigs.
25. You consider a romantic evening driving through Hardees and renting a hunting instructional video.
26. You listen to ďPaul HarveyĒ every day at noon.
27. You can tell itís a farmer working late in his field and not an UFO.
28. Your nearest neighbor is in the next area code.
29. You leave your snow tires on year round.
30. You know the difference between field corn and sweet corn when they are still on the stalk.
31. You know the code names for everyone on the C.B.
32. You pick up all the free stuff at the state fair.
33. Youíll skip your cousinís funeral for the first day of deer season.
34. You can eat an ear of corn with no utensils in under 20 seconds.
35. You donít clean up the dogs mess because its just fertilizer.
36. You know enough to get your driving done early on Sundays before the Sunday drivers come out.
37. It takes 20 seconds to reach your destination and its clear across town.
38. You can tell the smell of a skunk and the smell of a feed lot apart.
39. The meaning of true love is that youíll in the tractor with him.
40. You consider a building a mall if its bigger than the local walmart.
41. Your husband drives a friend home from the bar when he only lives 3 houses away.
AND MAY ALL THE IOWANS LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER IN THEIR FIELD OF DREAMS.