. . . o l d e r s t u f f . . . OLDER STUFF

this is all of my older writings or random writings... enjoy

My Writings some of these really suck lol. but i dunno, i just write what i feel sometimes and if you don't ike them that's fine... but if you feel the need to yell at me for them, then you can fuck off ^_^

Osk Has A Knife

When will the voices go away

Why won't Osk leave me alone

He whispers words into my mind

And puts the knife into the bone

I hear the break i feel the flood

As Oskar laughs and laps the blood

He Says He Says

I see your veins i smell your pain

For i'm the man inside your brain

A serious face i then pretend

The joke is upon you my friend

You're not alone inside my head

Osk wandered bout' to chance to meet

Another one on my mind's street

He soon met Xandria, the voice of happiness

Osk's fists flew, her pants she pissed

He pulled a knife and cut her dead

That's one less voice inside my head.

Sometimes Oskar speaks through me

And tells people of their tragedies

And then he told me to go and shut the door

And turn the ignition of the car

Maybe if i take these 200 pills

It would be enough to kill

These voices left inside my head

I will not stop till' ALL are dead.

Perfect

Perfect daughter

Perfect son

Perfect fuckin' everyone

~do your homework~

~brush your teeth~

~say your prayers~

~and go to sleep~

Well maybe PERFECT is to blame

for my pain and bloody shame

but if it's all the same to you

don't try to make me perfect too

perfect in-law

My perfect mate

Well i have chosen and you're too late

Now look at me

your IMPERFECT teen

i feel the pain you couldn't see

i'm NOT perfect as you see

as i sit and writhe and bleed

someday i'll be far away from this

My imperfect kid

my perfect mess

i won't try to make them perfect too

cause perfect scars, and you never knew.

Never Knew

You never knew how much it hurt

How much i bled

Words they said

influence of voices in my head.

You never knew how mad i was

hidden pain

bloody shame

life and death are all the same.

You never knew how much i wanted to die

pull the chord

pop the pills

drag the knife

kill the soul

I tried to die

i wanted to die

you never knew

you never knew

i didn't tell you...

i never told you i wasn't okay

and now it's too late to save the day.

Control

What is a soul

may never know

He screams so loud inside my head

i've allways wished that i were dead

Don't let me lose the main control

he breaks the bones and drinks the blood

He rips my soul in claims of love

He kills you...

He kills you...

He starts to take away your life

stabs you with a rusty knife

he hacks and chopps but all the while

He pins your mouth into a smile

as the blood runs down your jaw

flesh bruised, sore, bloody, and raw

and when his poison is in your veins

can't help but scream and writhe in pain

He's taken control throughout my brain

so what if it's really HIM who's insane?

Fairy Tales SUCK

I am destruction. I cannot touch anything with out it wilting and turning to decay. I am a walking breathing ghost, I am the shadow of past pain and decomposed love. Emotion is surreal, and I only find comfort in my own hollowed soul. People are a strange sort and I find their infatuation with love depressing. Because all everyone wants, all everyone searches for is love. Love hah I pity those who think they’re in love. Because how happy they are now, isn’t even half of how much it will hurt later on. Love is being in misery, because no matter what, it doesn’t work out. Not really. Even if you try for a storybook ending… it never is. I blame the story makers, they never show you three years after prince charming rides off with the girl into a sunset. They never tell you about how even though they are still married, prince charming has been secretly seeing one of the 7 dwarfs for a year, because snow white’s ‘never in the mood’ and falls asleep with a headache every night. And Cinderella can’t exactly go ballroom dancing since the extra 400 lbs forces her to become a shut in and he leaves her for one of the wicked stepsisters because she’s the dominant female he’s always wanted. And even the stories that do show you later on don’t show what it’s like. They made another little mermaid where Eric and Ariel are happily married with a daughter Melodie. Yeah right, Melodie is probably suicidal, and Eric is having an affair with the cook who’s trying to kill Sebastian. Ariel on the other hand probably suffers from crippling depression due to the fact that she’s half FISH and her father has a better figure than Eric EVER had. Movies and stories create a stupid fantasy of happily ever after because it’s too depressing to say to children “well the princess thought ‘what the hell if it doesn’t work out I can divorce him and get half his kingdom and custody of the kid and force the bastard to pay child support with which I can buy myself a brand new Asian rug while I neglect the child’ and they rode off into the sunset towards night after night of the cold shoulder and arguing… The End” right before bedtime. I’m sorry I guess I’m just skeptical of the whole love thing when I am so bitter and alone myself.

Anthem Of A Massochist

Hurt me

Beat Me

Smack Me

-

Burn Me

Thrill Me

Kill Me

-

Cut Me Open

Take My Insides

Salt My Wounds

Make More Room

Split My Skin

Take Your Time

Make It Slow

Take a Blow

-

Hurt Me

Beat Me

Smack Me

Thrill Me

Kill Me

-

Crack My Scull

Tear My Soul

Beat My Skin

Rip My Flesh

Hurt me

Bleed me

Rape me

...Kill Me.

Fly

-the sheep-

-the pawns-

Nobody has a point

We just keep going on in-

-this life-

-no point-

so few reasons left to stay

i just wish it...all...would...go...away.

-the hate-

-the fakes-

can't take this anymore

is it them or is...it...all...my...fault

-the good-

-the bad-

it doesn't matter now

it always looks the...same...to...me

-well you-

-you suck-

yeah hi remember me

did you forget i...was..alive

-i fly-

-and die-

then if i jumped would i- would i- would i-

fly-----

-the bones-

-they crack-

lie bleeding and you die

arogant people wonder why<>

A note i wrote at like 3 am in a fit of insomnia/depression

The only time i HAD anything I was too young to remember, Maybe i was miserable then too...i don't know. The Little i had keeps depleting, everyday i slip a little farther. I've felt it my whole life, or at least the part that i could feel anything in. My misery came with coherent thought...actually i'm not really coherent... there are few who can understand even my thought pattern. fewer still who understand my brain...i keep hearing the voices again. they keep calling me from a distance and i hear them from the corner of my mind...it hurts and i need something, but i don't know what i need and i know that my best friends are there and they are trying to help me but they cant if they don't know what to do, and i can't tell them if i don't know myself...whatever it is i need it soon... everyday i slip farther and farther away from something... i don't even know what that something is...i just keep loosing it ...i loose more and more of it. it hurts. i wonder if it's true that you can will yourself to die...i love sleep. it's my favorite thing in the world. it's like you're dead and none of the shit is there and all there is is nothingness...no thoughts, no pain, no nothing. waking up is depressing, it's like a let down every morning. i have to wake up tomorrow. i think i'll set my clock... i overslept yesterday and my dad was really mad at me, more reasons not to wake up. i want it to stop! i think i'm gonna go to sleep, but i'm gonna wake up so what's the point? oh well, i need to sleep, i need it to go away, even for a few hours. and now the shaking begins, the twitching...oh well maybe i'll twitch myself to sleep. (I'm better right now)

<> Alzehimers

I forgot it

i forgot it all

it was all ok...it was all ok...

i forgot i was just lying

i forgot that i was lying

then remembered i was dying

i Forgot how muh it hurts

i forgot the pain, it hurts

please kill me

please kill me

i remembered why i was crying

all too slowly dying

it was all ok...it was all ok...

it had to come back

it had to come back

as i sit here crying

now that i am dying

-too slowly-

-it never ends-

it was all ok...it was all ok...

FUCK GOD

FUCK THAT

the bastards dead to me

someday you all will see

you'll remember the pain

and slowly go insane

i can't forget it now

i can't forget it

to slow...to slow...

kill me faster

and maybe i'll forget

Candy Cuts

she makes the blood run down her arms-

-well can you see it?-

She licks her gashes when she's down-

-and no one cares-

As they start to crystalize-

-well can you taste it?-

She sits and thinks about her life-

-and what went wrong-

The little reject

She is a defect

Decayed and covered with -candy cuts-

-cianide bottle-

-a rotten apple-

She's scared and covered in -candy cuts-

Nobody loves her-

all are above her-

they laugh and stare at her -candy cuts-

she isn't wanted,

but broken hearted

that's why she's covered in -andy cuts-

ooh oooh nobody wants to be alone

ooh oooh saw it right down to the bone

just one week later

she's in a stretcher

it was more than just -candy cuts-

-an asprin bottle-

-tequila bottle-

found allong with her -candy cuts-

they didn't try to-

even revive her-

nobody pitties her -candy cuts-

ooh oooh that's what happens when you're alone

ooh oooh even her story is unknown