this is all of my older writings or random writings... enjoy
My Writings some of these really suck lol. but i dunno, i just write what i feel sometimes and if you don't ike them that's fine... but if you feel the need to yell at me for them, then you can fuck off ^_^
When will the voices go awayWhy won't Osk leave me alone
He whispers words into my mind
And puts the knife into the bone
I hear the break i feel the flood
As Oskar laughs and laps the blood
He Says He Says
I see your veins i smell your pain
For i'm the man inside your brain
A serious face i then pretend
The joke is upon you my friend
You're not alone inside my head
Osk wandered bout' to chance to meet
Another one on my mind's street
He soon met Xandria, the voice of happiness
Osk's fists flew, her pants she pissed
He pulled a knife and cut her dead
That's one less voice inside my head.
Sometimes Oskar speaks through me
And tells people of their tragedies
And then he told me to go and shut the door
And turn the ignition of the car
Maybe if i take these 200 pills
It would be enough to kill
These voices left inside my head
I will not stop till' ALL are dead.
Perfect daughterPerfect son
Perfect fuckin' everyone
~do your homework~
~brush your teeth~
~say your prayers~
~and go to sleep~
Well maybe PERFECT is to blame
for my pain and bloody shame
but if it's all the same to you
don't try to make me perfect too
perfect in-law
My perfect mate
Well i have chosen and you're too late
Now look at me
your IMPERFECT teen
i feel the pain you couldn't see
i'm NOT perfect as you see
as i sit and writhe and bleed
someday i'll be far away from this
My imperfect kid
my perfect mess
i won't try to make them perfect too
cause perfect scars, and you never knew.
You never knew how much it hurt
How much i bled
Words they said
influence of voices in my head.
You never knew how mad i was
hidden pain
bloody shame
life and death are all the same.
You never knew how much i wanted to die
pull the chord
pop the pills
drag the knife
kill the soul
I tried to die
i wanted to die
you never knew
you never knew
i didn't tell you...
i never told you i wasn't okay
and now it's too late to save the day.
Control
What is a soulmay never know
He screams so loud inside my head
i've allways wished that i were dead
Don't let me lose the main control
he breaks the bones and drinks the blood
He rips my soul in claims of love
He kills you...
He kills you...
He starts to take away your life
stabs you with a rusty knife
he hacks and chopps but all the while
He pins your mouth into a smile
as the blood runs down your jaw
flesh bruised, sore, bloody, and raw
and when his poison is in your veins
can't help but scream and writhe in pain
He's taken control throughout my brain
so what if it's really HIM who's insane?
Fairy Tales SUCK I am destruction. I cannot touch anything with out it wilting and turning to decay. I am a walking breathing ghost, I am the shadow of past pain and decomposed love. Emotion is surreal, and I only find comfort in my own hollowed soul. People are a strange sort and I find their infatuation with love depressing. Because all everyone wants, all everyone searches for is love. Love hah I pity those who think they’re in love. Because how happy they are now, isn’t even half of how much it will hurt later on. Love is being in misery, because no matter what, it doesn’t work out. Not really. Even if you try for a storybook ending… it never is. I blame the story makers, they never show you three years after prince charming rides off with the girl into a sunset. They never tell you about how even though they are still married, prince charming has been secretly seeing one of the 7 dwarfs for a year, because snow white’s ‘never in the mood’ and falls asleep with a headache every night. And Cinderella can’t exactly go ballroom dancing since the extra 400 lbs forces her to become a shut in and he leaves her for one of the wicked stepsisters because she’s the dominant female he’s always wanted. And even the stories that do show you later on don’t show what it’s like. They made another little mermaid where Eric and Ariel are happily married with a daughter Melodie. Yeah right, Melodie is probably suicidal, and Eric is having an affair with the cook who’s trying to kill Sebastian. Ariel on the other hand probably suffers from crippling depression due to the fact that she’s half FISH and her father has a better figure than Eric EVER had. Movies and stories create a stupid fantasy of happily ever after because it’s too depressing to say to children “well the princess thought ‘what the hell if it doesn’t work out I can divorce him and get half his kingdom and custody of the kid and force the bastard to pay child support with which I can buy myself a brand new Asian rug while I neglect the child’ and they rode off into the sunset towards night after night of the cold shoulder and arguing… The End” right before bedtime. I’m sorry I guess I’m just skeptical of the whole love thing when I am so bitter and alone myself.
Anthem Of A Massochist
Hurt meBeat Me
Smack Me
-
Burn Me
Thrill Me
Kill Me
-
Cut Me Open
Take My Insides
Salt My Wounds
Make More Room
Split My Skin
Take Your Time
Make It Slow
Take a Blow
-
Hurt Me
Beat Me
Smack Me
Thrill Me
Kill Me
-
Crack My Scull
Tear My Soul
Beat My Skin
Rip My Flesh
Hurt me
Bleed me
Rape me
...Kill Me.
-the sheep-
-the pawns-
Nobody has a point
We just keep going on in-
-this life-
-no point-
so few reasons left to stay
i just wish it...all...would...go...away.
-the hate-
-the fakes-
can't take this anymore
is it them or is...it...all...my...fault
-the good-
-the bad-
it doesn't matter now
it always looks the...same...to...me
-well you-
-you suck-
yeah hi remember me
did you forget i...was..alive
-i fly-
-and die-
then if i jumped would i- would i- would i-
fly-----
-the bones-
-they crack-
lie bleeding and you die
arogant people wonder why<>
The only time i HAD anything I was too young to remember, Maybe i was miserable then too...i don't know. The Little i had keeps depleting, everyday i slip a little farther. I've felt it my whole life, or at least the part that i could feel anything in. My misery came with coherent thought...actually i'm not really coherent... there are few who can understand even my thought pattern. fewer still who understand my brain...i keep hearing the voices again. they keep calling me from a distance and i hear them from the corner of my mind...it hurts and i need something, but i don't know what i need and i know that my best friends are there and they are trying to help me but they cant if they don't know what to do, and i can't tell them if i don't know myself...whatever it is i need it soon... everyday i slip farther and farther away from something... i don't even know what that something is...i just keep loosing it ...i loose more and more of it. it hurts. i wonder if it's true that you can will yourself to die...i love sleep. it's my favorite thing in the world. it's like you're dead and none of the shit is there and all there is is nothingness...no thoughts, no pain, no nothing. waking up is depressing, it's like a let down every morning. i have to wake up tomorrow. i think i'll set my clock... i overslept yesterday and my dad was really mad at me, more reasons not to wake up. i want it to stop! i think i'm gonna go to sleep, but i'm gonna wake up so what's the point? oh well, i need to sleep, i need it to go away, even for a few hours. and now the shaking begins, the twitching...oh well maybe i'll twitch myself to sleep. (I'm better right now)
I forgot iti forgot it all
it was all ok...it was all ok...
i forgot i was just lying
i forgot that i was lying
then remembered i was dying
i Forgot how muh it hurts
i forgot the pain, it hurts
please kill me
please kill me
i remembered why i was crying
all too slowly dying
it was all ok...it was all ok...
it had to come back
it had to come back
as i sit here crying
now that i am dying
-too slowly-
-it never ends-
it was all ok...it was all ok...
FUCK GOD
FUCK THAT
the bastards dead to me
someday you all will see
you'll remember the pain
and slowly go insane
i can't forget it now
i can't forget it
to slow...to slow...
kill me faster
and maybe i'll forget
she makes the blood run down her arms-
-well can you see it?-
She licks her gashes when she's down-
-and no one cares-
As they start to crystalize-
-well can you taste it?-
She sits and thinks about her life-
-and what went wrong-
The little reject
She is a defect
Decayed and covered with -candy cuts-
-cianide bottle-
-a rotten apple-
She's scared and covered in -candy cuts-
Nobody loves her-
all are above her-
they laugh and stare at her -candy cuts-
she isn't wanted,
but broken hearted
that's why she's covered in -andy cuts-
ooh oooh nobody wants to be alone
ooh oooh saw it right down to the bone
just one week later
she's in a stretcher
it was more than just -candy cuts-
-an asprin bottle-
-tequila bottle-
found allong with her -candy cuts-
they didn't try to-
even revive her-
nobody pitties her -candy cuts-
ooh oooh that's what happens when you're alone
ooh oooh even her story is unknown